Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo (z-lib.org).mobi

had to fight their way out and that was where Mal had acquired the scar on his
jaw, but he refused to say more.
As we were walking through a band of dessicated willows, the frost crunching
beneath our boots, Mal pointed out a sparrowhawk nest, and I found myself
wishing that we could just keep walking forever. As much as I longed for a hot
meal and a warm bed, I was afraid of what the end of our journey might bring.
What if we found the stag, and I claimed the antlers? How might an amplifier
that powerful change me? Would it be enough to free us from the Darkling? If
only we could stay this way, walking side by side, sleeping huddled beneath the
stars. Maybe these empty plains and quiet groves could shelter us as they had
sheltered Morozova’s herd and keep us safe from the men who sought us.
They were foolish thoughts. Tsibeya was an inhospitable place, a wild and
empty world of bitter winters and gruelling summers. And we weren’t strange
and ancient creatures who roamed the earth at twilight. We were just Mal and
Alina, and we could not stay ahead of our pursuers forever. A dark thought that
had flitted through my head for days now finally settled. I sighed, knowing that I
had put off talking to Mal about this problem for too long. It was irresponsible,
and given how much we’d both risked, I couldn’t let it continue.
That night, Mal was almost asleep, his breathing deep and even, before I
worked up the courage to speak.
“Mal,” I began. Instantly, he was awake, tension flooding through his body, as
he sat up and reached for his knife. “No,” I said, laying a hand on his arm.
“Everything’s all right. But I need to talk to you.”
“Now?” he grumbled, flopping down and throwing his arm back around me.
I sighed. I wanted to just lie there in the dark, listening to the rustle of the
wind in the grass, warm in this feeling of safety, however illusory. But I knew I
couldn’t. “I need you to do something for me.”
He snorted. “You mean other than deserting the army, scaling mountains and
freezing my ass off on the cold ground every night?”
“Yes.”
“Hmmph,” he grumbled noncommittally, his breath already returning to the
deep, even rhythm of sleep.
“Mal,” I said clearly, “if we don’t make it … if they catch up to us before we
find the stag, you can’t let him take me.”
He went perfectly still. I could actually feel his heart beating. He was quiet for
so long that I began to think he’d fallen back to sleep.
Then he said, “You can’t ask that of me.”
“I have to.”
He sat up, pushing away from me, rubbing a hand over his face. I sat up too,