Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo (z-lib.org).mobi

“You tell me, girl. What’s so bad about your life here? New clothes, a soft
bed, hot food at every meal, the chance to be the Darkling’s pet.”
“I’m not his pet.”
“But you want to be,” she jeered. “Don’t bother lying to me. You’re the same
as all the rest. I saw the way you looked at him.”
My cheeks burned, and I thought about hitting Bahgra over the head with her
own stick.
“A thousand girls would sell their own mothers to be in your shoes, and yet
here you are, miserable and sulking like a child. So tell me, girl. What is your
sad little heart pining for?”
She was right, of course. I knew very well that I was homesick for my best
friend. But I wasn’t about to tell her that.
I stood up, knocking my chair back with a clatter. “This is a waste of time.”
“Is it? What else do you have to do with your days? Make maps? Fetch inks
for some old cartographer?”
“There’s nothing wrong with being a mapmaker.”
“Of course not. And there’s nothing wrong with being a lizard either. Unless
you were born to be a hawk.”
“I’ve had enough of this,” I snarled, and turned my back on her. I was close to
tears and I refused to cry in front of this spiteful old woman.
“Where are you going?” she called after me, her voice mocking. “What’s
waiting for you out there?”
“Nothing!” I shouted at her. “No one!”
As soon as I said it, the truth of the words hit me so hard that it left me
breathless. I gripped the door handle, feeling suddenly dizzy.
In that moment, the memory of the Grisha Examiners came rushing back to
me.
I am in the sitting room at Keramzin. A fire is burning in the grate. The
heavyset man in blue is pulling me away from Mal.
I feel Mal’s fingers slip as his hand is torn from mine.
The young man in purple picks Mal up and drags him into the library,
slamming the door behind him. I kick and thrash. I can hear Mal shouting my
name.
The other man holds me. The woman in red slides her hand around my wrist. I
feel a sudden rush of pure certainty wash over me.
I stop struggling. A call rings through me. Something within me rises up to
answer.
I can’t breathe. It’s as if I’m kicking up from the bottom of a lake, about to
break the surface, my lungs aching for air.