The Under Review - Issue 4 | Summer 2021

22
A Real Humdinger
KEITH BUZZARD
“Well, folks, if you’re just joining us, we’re at the bottom of the third inning here at Parasol
Stadium and you could not ask for a better day for baseball, wouldn’t you say, Alan?”
“That’s right, Paul. Just a real ‘beaut’ of a day. Though I am worried about this weather delay.”
“Is that what you’d call it, Alan? A weather delay?”
“I’m not sure what else to call it to be perfectly honest, Paul. It’s still just...hanging there. The
only way I could wrap my head around it is to call it a weather delay of some kind.”
“Well, what kind of weather would you call this, Alan?”
“I don’t know, Paul. I’m just trying to avoid filling my underpants from sheer existential terror,
not to put too fine a point on it, Paul.”
“For all you folks out there in radioland, what my co-announcer is referring to as a ‘weather
delay’ is what I’d be more like to call some sort of slap in the face to physics. Not more than twenty
minutes ago, Adrian Potemkin, whose been having a real Cinderella story revival on the back end of this
season-”
“Oh, to be sure, Paul. If we compare his batting average for the first three months of the season
to his batting average of the past three weeks, he’s like a totally new player. I’m sure the manager,
Deshawn Kiske, was like, ‘Where’s this guy been?’”
“Without a doubt, Alan. I’m sure no one was as surprised as Deshawn Kiske, and I’m confident
he’d be the first one to admit it. But to be honest, I’m not sure, and I’m speaking personally now, if I’ll ever
be confident in anything ever again. My very notion of reality has been called into question. Not twenty
minutes ago, Adrian Potemkin, who’s been batting at an impressive .415 over the past 30 at-bats,
connected with low-inside slider from Ryan Carmichael-”
“Which is equally impressive. That slider has just been devastating the Cobra’s lineup this game.”
“Undeniable, Alan. Undeniable. Potemkin connected with a low-inside slider, sending it just over
shortstop Jimmy Adamson’s head, where it suddenly… Well, folks, it just suddenly stopped in mid air,
calling into question everything this announcer’s ever known about the concept of physics.”
THE UNDER REVIEW