The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond XXX

Shawn Eddy
Linda Roach, Teacher
St. John Paul II Catholic Academy
I think courage is having the strength to tell people how you feel, and letting
people help you.
When I was seven years old I started to set higher expectations for myself
because I was getting older and I thought that I wasn’t doing enough. I
started to push myself, raising the bar higher and higher until the goal was
unachievable. I felt so angry and so frustrated. Soon these high goals were
becoming my standards, and I was too angry and too destructive to see how
bad it was really getting. But the worst part was that I kept all of this to myself.
I thought that I couldn’t trust anybody, and they would just criticize me and
tell me to stop. I felt that they would just try to get in my way.
So I started shutting out my friends, my family, and even my own mom. I
thought I was all alone. It was like I was my own demon. And then my grades
started to drop and I thought it was because I wasn’t trying hard enough.
So I raised my standards even higher, and when I would get a bad grade I’d
stop eating until I got my grades back up. It went back and forth for months
from eating to not eating until I was so tired I could barely walk. I kept telling
myself you’re weak, you can do better than that. Over and over and over I kept
hearing myself say those words. It was like it was playing on a loop. It felt like
the floor shattered beneath me and I fell into this bottomless pit of negativity
and self-hatred. I didn’t even attempt to climb back up.
My mom noticed my grades were dropping and that I’d come home with full
lunch boxes, so she asked what was wrong. All the pent-up anger, frustration
and toxicity just came out. Instead of being angry like I thought she would
be, she cried and said she was sorry and that she only wished I had told her
sooner. She got me a therapist, which was a little weird at first, but then
things got better. She helped me with my homework. At first I didn’t think I
could do it. But she asked me, “How could you know unless you try?” It was
like a light broke through that hole! All the hands of the people who helped
me lifted me up. Courage helped me to face my problem.
Courage helped me to get help. Courage helps me to see me for who I am.
A person who is growing, each and every day. Courage helps me to accept
me where I am. It always will.
The Courage of Children: Boston and Beyond
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