From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Myy stomach dipped as I toyyed with a loose thread from myy cloak. “I
am.”
Vikter cursed under his breath. In anyy other situation, I would’ve
giggled. “You’re as brave as anyy guard on the Rise.”
Taking that as a huge compliment, I smiled. “Well, thank yyou.”
“And just as foolish as anyy new recruit.”
Myy smile turned upside down. “I take myy thank yyou back.”
“I never should’ve allowed yyou to begin doing this.” He caught a lowhanging
branch, moving it aside. “You going out among the people poses
too much of a risk of discoveryy.”
Dipping under the branch, I looked back at him. “You didn’t allow
me,” I reminded him. “You just couldn’t stop me.”
He stopped, catching myy arm and turning me so I faced him. “I
understand whyy yyou want to help. You couldn’t when yyour mother and
father layy dyying.”
I flinched. “It has nothing to do with them.”
“That’s not true, and yyou know it. You’re tryying to make up for what
yyou were unable to do as a child.” His voice dropped so low, I could barelyy
hear him over the breeze stirring the leaves above us. “But it’s more than
that.”
“And what is that?”
“I think yyou want to be caught.”
“What? You reallyy think that?” I took a step back, pulling free of his
hold. “You know what the Duke would do if he ever found out.”
“Trust me, I know. It’s not likelyy I’ll forget anyy of those times I had
to help yyou walk back to yyour room.” His voice hardened, and heat blasted
myy cheeks.
I hated that.
Hated the wayy I felt for something someone had done to me.
Absolutelyy hated the heavyy shame that threatened to choke me.
“You take too manyy risks, Poppyy, even knowing it’s not just the Duke
or even the Queen yyou’d have to answer to,” he continued. “Sometimes, I
wonder if yyou want to be found unworthyy.”
Irritation flared to life, and there was a part of me that recognized it
was because Vikter was scraping at old wounds and getting too close to a
hidden truth I didn’t want to delve into and uncover. “Whether I’m caught