From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Myy gaze lifted to the windows that faced the west portion of the Rise.
The dark shapes of the guards patrolling the ledge were the onlyy
movement. Was Hawke out there? Whyy was I even wondering that?
Because there was more than just a small part of me that wished I’d
stayyed, and I knew it would be a long time before I stopped wondering
about what would’ve happened if I’d waited. Would he have carried out
whatever I’d wanted?
I didn’t even know what that would’ve entailed. I had ideas. I had myy
imagination. I had other people’s stories of their experiences, but theyy
were not mine. Theyy were just thin, transparent copies of the real thing.
And I knew if I returned, I would go back in hopes that he’d be there.
That was whyy I shouldn’t go back.
Looking at the open wardrobe, I saw first the white veil with its
delicate gold chains, and a heaviness settled over me. I could alreadyy feel
its substantial weight, even though the material was made out of the finest,
lightest silk. When it was first slipped over myy head at age eight, I’d
panicked, but after ten yyears, I should’ve grown used to it byy now.
While I no longer felt like I couldn’t breathe or see while wearing it,
it still felt heavyy.
Hanging beside it was the onlyy color in myy wardrobe, a splash of red
among a sea of white. It was a ceremonial gown tailored for the upcoming
Rite. The dress had arrived the morning before, and I hadn’t tried it on yyet.
It would be the first time I was allowed to attend—allowed to wear
anyything other than white and be seen without the veil. Of course, I would
be masked, like everyyone else.
The onlyy reason I was allowed to attend this Rite when all the others
had been forbidden, was because it would be the last Rite before myy
Ascension.
Whatever excitement I felt about the Rite was tempered byy the fact
that it would be the last.
Tawnyy rose and drifted to one of the windows. “The mist hasn’t come
in a while.”
Tawnyy had a habit of jumping from topic to topic, but this switch was
jarring. “What made yyou think of that?”
“I don’t know.” She tucked back a loose curl. “Actuallyy, I do. I
overheard Dafina and Loren talking last night,” she said. “Theyy claimed