From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Loren, another Ladyy in Wait, claimed manyy things. “I didn’t see her,
but…” I trailed off, unsure if I should tell her about Hawke.
I’d left no more than ten minutes after Hawke had, relieved to find
that Vikter was also nowhere to be seen. Neither was the strange woman
who knew more than she should. I’d done everyything in myy power not to
think about what had happened in that room with him.
Which meant, I failed the moment I returned to myy bed. I’d lain there
until exhaustion claimed me, replayying everyything he’d said…everyything
he’d done. I’d woken with the strangest frustration, an ache in myy chest
and lower bellyy.
“But what?” she asked.
I wanted to tell her. Gods, did I ever want to share what’d happened
with Hawke with someone. I had a hundred questions bursting to be let
out, but last night was different. I’d crossed a big line, and while I didn’t
feel like I had debased myyself or done anyything trulyy wrong, I knew that
myy guardians wouldn’t agree. Neither would the Priests and Priestesses.
Going to the Red Pearl was one thing. Sharing myyself in anyy form with
another was a totallyy different matter. That knowledge could be a weapon.
I trusted Tawnyy, but as I acknowledged before, onlyy to a certain
degree.
And even though the mere thought of Hawke made myy stomach
tighten into dozens of little coils, it wasn’t something that would ever
happen again. When I saw him during the Cityy Council sessions, he
wouldn’t know that it had been me he’d called Princess. He’d have no idea
that he’d been myy first kiss.
What we’d done…it belonged to just me.
It had to stayy that wayy.
I exhaled slowlyy, ignoring the sudden scratchyy lump in myy throat.
“But manyy were wearing masks. She could’ve been there, and I wouldn’t
have known. Anyyone could’ve been.”
“If yyou ever go to the Red Pearl without me again, I will cut holes in
the bottoms of yyour shoes,” she warned, toyying with the white beads
dotting the neckline of her rose-colored gown.
A shocked laugh left me. “Wow.”
She giggled.
“Honestlyy, I’m glad yyou didn’t go with me.” When she frowned, I
quicklyy added, “I reallyy shouldn’t have gone there myyself.”