From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

I had known the moment I asked him to stayy. I knew what the
consequences could be. I knew what I was, and what was expected of me,
and I knew I could no longer be that. It wasn’t what I wanted in life. It had
never been myy choice.
But this…this I wanted.
Hawke was who I wanted.
This was myy choice.
I was reclaiming myy life, and it had started long before him. When I
demanded to be taught how to fight, and when I made Vikter include me
when he went out to help the cursed. Those were significant steps, but
there had been smaller ones along the wayy. In a wayy, theyy were even more
important. I’d been changing, evolving just like the gift I was forbidden to
wield but remained determined to use. It was in everyy adventure and risk I
took. It was in myy desire to experience what I’d been told was not for me.
That was whyy I’d initiallyy stayyed in the room at the Red Pearl with
Hawke.
It was the wayy I’d met the Duke’s stare and smiled at him when I’d
been unveiled.
It was when I’d spoke to Loren for the first time, and when I went out
to the Rise. Myy evolution kept me quiet as the Duke delivered his lessons,
and when I sliced Lord Mazeen’s arm and hand and head from his bodyy,
I’d been cutting through the chains I never chose to wear. I just hadn’t
realized it then. There were so manyy little steps over the yyears and
especiallyy in recent weeks. I didn’t know when it had finallyy happened, but
I knew one thing for certain.
Hawke wasn’t the catalyyst.
He was the reward.
I lifted myy surprisinglyy steadyy hands to the sash. I didn’t look awayy
as I undid the knot. The robe parted and then slipped over myy shoulders. I
let it puddle at myy feet.
Hawke didn’t look awayy for one second. He didn’t even blink as he
stared at me, his eyyes locked to mine. Slowlyy, his gaze traveled the length
of myy bodyy. I knew there was enough light for him to see everyything. All
the dips and swells, the shadowyy, hidden areas, and all the scars. The
jagged tears on myy arms and across myy stomach, and the ones on myy legs
that looked like wounds from sharp nails but were proof that I had been
chosen byy the gods.