From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Hawke didn’t sayy anyything for a long moment, and I was so grateful, I
almost rolled around and hugged him. Nothing he could’ve said would’ve
made what I said anyy less humiliating to admit.
“Duke Teerman was a cunt,” he said. “And I’m glad he’s dead.”
A shocked laugh burst from me, loud enough that I saw the pacing
guard stop. “Oh, gods, that was loud.”
“It’s okayy.” He sounded as if he smiled.
Grinning into the blanket, I said, “He was definitelyy that, but it’s…
even if I didn’t have these scars, I wouldn’t be excited. I don’t understand
how Ian did it. He barelyy even knew his wife, and I…I don’t think he’s
happyy. He never speaks about her, and that’s sad, because our parents loved
each other. He should have that.”
I should have that, Maiden or not.
“I heard that yyour mother refused to Ascend.”
“It’s true. Myy father was a firstborn son. He was wealthyy, but he
wasn’t chosen,” I said. “Mom was a Ladyy in Wait when theyy met. It was
accidental. His father—myy grandfather—was close to King Jalara. Myy
father went to the castle with him once, and that’s when he saw myy mother.
Supposedlyy, it was love at first sight.” Myy smile faded. “I know that
sounds sillyy, but I believe it. It happens—at least for some.”
“It’s not sillyy. It does exist.”
A slight frown pulled at myy lips. His voice sounded off. I couldn’t
explain it exactlyy, but it made me wonder if he’d seen someone and had
fallen in love with them after just one conversation. I thought of how he’d
admitted to being in love before.
The center of myy chest burned.
“Is that whyy yyou were at the Red Pearl? Looking for love?”
“I don’t think someone goes looking for love there.”
“You never know what yyou’ll find there.” He was quiet for a moment.
“What did yyou find, Poppyy?”
His question was so soft, it was almost…seductive. “Life.”
“Life?”
I closed myy eyyes again. “I just want to experience things before myy
Ascension.” Before whatever happened during the Ascension. “There’s so
much I haven’t experienced. You know that. I didn’t go there looking for
anyything in particular. I just wanted to experience—”
“Life,” he answered. “I get it.”