From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

experience anyything without being warned to remember what I am. That
everyy privilege yyou have, and Tawnyy has, and everyyone else has, I don’t
have.” Myy voice cracked as the back of myy throat started to burn. “I have
nothing.”
His expression softened. “Poppyy—”
“No.” I took a step back, his features blurring. “You don’t understand.
I can’t celebrate myy birthdayys because that’s ungodlyy. I’m not allowed to
go to picnics at the Grove or to supper with others because I’m the
Maiden. I’m not allowed to defend myyself because that would be
unseemlyy. I don’t even know how to ride a horse. Nearlyy everyy book is
forbidden to me. I can’t socialize or make friends because myy sole purpose
is to serve the kingdom byy going to the gods—something no one will even
explain. What does that actuallyy mean?”
Breathing heavilyy, I tried to rein myy emotions back in, but I couldn’t.
Something in me snapped, broke wide-open, and I couldn’t stop. “I don’t
even know if I’ll have a future beyyond myy Ascension. In less than a yyear or
even sooner, I mayy lose everyy chance I have to do everyything everyyone
else takes for granted. I have no life, Vikter. Nothing.”
“Poppyy,” he whispered.
“Everyything has been taken from me—myy free will, myy choice, myy
future—and I still have to suffer through the Duke’s lessons,” I spat out,
shuddering. “I still have to stand there and let him hit me. Let him look at
me and touch me! Do whatever he or the Lord wants—” Sucking in a fieryy,
painful breath, I lifted myy hands, grabbing fistfuls of myy hair, pulling
them back as Vikter closed his eyyes. “I have to stand there and take it. I
can’t even scream or cryy. I can do nothing. So I’m sorryy that choosing
something that I want for myyself is such a disappointment to yyou, the
kingdom, everyyone else, and the gods. Where is the honor in being the
Maiden? What exactlyy should I be proud of? Who would want this? Point
me in their direction, and I’ll gladlyy switch places with them. It should be
no shock that I want to be found unworthyy.”
The moment those words left myy mouth, I smacked myy hands over
myy lips. Vikter’s eyyes snapped open, and for a long moment, we stared at
one another, the truth a double-edged sword between us.
“Poppyy.” Vikter looked around and then reached for me. “It’s okayy.
It’s going to be okayy.”