From Blood and Ash by Jennifer L. Armentrout

I pulled myy hand awayy. I wasn’t going to think about that. I curled myy
fingers into a fist as I cut off those thoughts. There was no reason to go
down that road. Nothing good would come from doing so. It didn’t matter
if he recognized me or not if I was just one of manyy girls he’d kissed in
dimlyy lit rooms. It also didn’t matter if he had gone back to the Red Pearl
like he’d promised—
I shook myy head as if I could scatter myy thoughts, but it didn’t work.
One thing I’d discovered over the last two dayys of near isolation was that I
could continue telling myyself it didn’t matter, over and over, but it did.
Hawke had been myy first kiss, even if he didn’t know that.
Silveryy moonlight seeped through the chamber as I crept silentlyy
toward the west windows. Placing myy fingers on the cool glass, I counted
the torches. Twelve on the Rise. Twentyy-four below. All aflame.
Good.
That was good.
I pressed myy forehead to the thin glass that did veryy little to keep the
chill from finding its wayy into the castle. In the west, where Carsodonia
was nestled between the Stroud Sea and the Willow Plains, there was no
need for glass windows. Summer and spring were eternal there, where
autumn and winter forever reigned here. It was one of the things I looked
forward to when I returned to the capital. The warmth. The sunshine. The
scent of salt and sea, and all the glittering bayys and coves.
Tawnyy, who had never seen the beaches, would absolutelyy love them.
A tired grin tugged at myy lips. When she’d been summoned byy one of the
Mistresses, Tawnyy had sent me a look that said she might’ve been happier
scrubbing the bathing chambers than spending the evening attempting to
please the unappeasable.
I often felt the same when it was time to meet with the Priestess. I’d
rather spend the evening plucking myy own bodyy hair from veryy sensitive
areas than spend hours with that dragon of a woman.
Perhaps I needed to be better at hiding how I felt when it came to her
and the other Priestesses.
I still couldn’t believe she’d gone to the Duke, all because I didn’t
spend half of myy dayy listening to her and the others complain about
everyyone else.
Wrapping myy arms around myyself, I wished for what felt like the
hundredth time that myy brother was still in Masadonia. Ian had nightmares