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that I really thought about it, I had to admit that neither Simona nor Daniele
shared any resemblance with their father. My heart hurt thinking of the
possibility.
I swallowed. “Why?”
“Because I love them and I’m fucking scared the test results might change
that. Especially Daniele… I can’t bear the thought that I might resent him for
looking like Andrea.” His voice shook.
“You really think you’d love Daniele less if he wasn’t yours?”
“I don’t know,” Cassio admitted in a raw voice. “I don’t fucking know,
which is why I won’t risk it. I’d rather not know the truth, rather live a lie than
hurt Daniele or Simona in any way.”
I cupped his cheeks. “They are your children, Cassio.”
“You can’t know—”
“They are. Because you love them, because you raise them, and because they
love you as their father. That’s what matters.”
“Yeah,” he said after a moment. “How can you be this goddamn wise and
kind, Giulia? I should be the one giving you advice. I’m almost twice your age
for God’s sake.”
I shrugged. “I had to grow up quickly.”
Cassio stroked my bangs away from my forehead, wistfulness clouding his
face. “Because of me. I thought you were another child to take care of after our
first encounter, too young to deal with the responsibilities being my wife
entailed, but you proved me wrong. You take care of my children, of that dog,
even of me.”
“Loulou. That’s her name.”
“Andrea gave her to Gaia a few weeks before I found out.”
“Oh.” That explained why he could hardly look at Loulou. She reminded him
of too many hurtful things. “It’s not her fault.”
“She licked up Gaia’s blood!”
I cringed, not wanting to ponder that disturbing image. “She’s a dog. She
doesn’t mean any harm.”
Cassio tilted his head to the side with a tired smile. “You can keep her, but
don’t expect me to bond with that thing.”
I stifled a comeback. Some things took time. I rubbed my fingertips over
Cassio’s stubbled cheek and chin. “Do you know why Daniele avoids you? Did
he see anything?”
“He wasn’t present when I killed Andrea or during my fight with Gaia.” He
reached for his glass, took a long gulp. “Right after Andrea’s death, he was still
okay. But in the weeks that followed, he pulled back, and then after Gaia’s
suicide, I couldn’t get through to him. Daniele resents me. I can see it in his eyes.
We used to be close, but everything changed… He won’t talk so I don’t know if
it’s something Gaia said to him or something he saw.”
I pressed my forehead to his. “We’ll find out together. For us. For our kids.”