The Un-Instagramable Self

For the ones who are finding themselves and
looking for connection. You are not alone.

THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Project website.
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CONTENTS
CONTENTS
9
13
14
20
24
98
102
INTRODUCTION
INSPIRATION
THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
KEY WORDS
UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES
CONCLUSION
REFERENCES
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
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INTRODUCTION
Introduction
BY: SHAUNA CURRAN
The Un-Instagramable Self explores the
hidden parts of identity and life as individuals
self-narrate and contribute to visual culture
in the digital age of Instagram. The concept
was inspired by Tara Westover’s 2019
Northeastern Commencement Address,
about the alienating experience of overidentifying
with the idealized self and the
importance of embracing the un-edited self.
Using narrative interviewing in combination
with Carl Jung’s Theory of Archetypes and
Erving Goffman’s Dramaturgical Theory in
the age of Instagram, this book looks at how
narrating elements of the un-Instagramable
self can effect acceptance of self and others,
and impact visual culture. This book aims
to expand on these concepts of identity
in the digital age, while appreciating all
human experiences including the mundane,
repressed, and underrepresented.
In the summer of 2020, I finished reading a book
called Educated by Tara Westover. On a sunny
and hot day after reading the last word, I sat on my
25 th floor concrete balcony in Toronto to research
more about Westover. I came across her page and
a commencement address she had given titled 'The
Un-Instagramable Self'. The speech described the
existence of different versions of self: who we are
alone, who we are with others, and the virtual self
we share with the world. And most importantly, the
speech advocated for the value of the un-Instagramable
self that experiences the messy and complicated
side of life, which often leads to our various achievements,
but is hidden behind masks of idealized and
unrealistic perfection.
Reading this speech struck a chord with me, one that
related to my personal struggles with my sense of
self and my struggle to participate on Instagram. In
reading her speech I realized two things: firstly, I was
not alone in my struggle to identify with my online
self, and secondly, I have never acknowledged and
appreciated my un-Instagramable self. I jotted the
concept down in a journal which later developed in
the form of my Capstone project for Ryerson’s Fashion
Communication program. Through this project I was
able to work through my own understanding of self
and identity and see what the seemingly unsightly
concept of the un-Instagramable self could look like
from an art and design perspective. It also gave me the
opportunity to learn and share stories that are often
purposefully hidden by the individuals’ themselves.
As an aspiring storyteller and designer, this project
became the perfect challenge and greatest lesson.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
I grounded Westover’s concept of the un-Instagramable
self in two academic theories, Carl Jung’s Theory
of Archetypes and Erving Goffman’s Dramaturgical
Theory. Intertwining the concept of the Instagramable
self with Jung’s psychological concept of the persona,
which is the social mask through which individuals
present themselves; while the un-Instagramable self
relates to Jung’s shadow archetype, which is the side
of an individual's personality that contains the parts
they hide or believe to be unacceptable. The shadow
is often an unconscious side of self and includes weaknesses,
instincts, desires, embarrassment, fear, and
repressed ideas. According to Jung, these versions of
self, the persona and shadow, must co-exist and only
in embracing and finding the balance between the
two, will an individual feel whole. The same can be said
of balancing the Instagramable and un-Instagramable
selves. The un-Instagramable self and shadow self,
may seem negative but they are not. The shadow is
what an individual perceives as weak or dark about
themselves, often hiding or denying that side of
themselves, but this perception is based on the individual’s
own life and self-esteem. An individual may
hide sadness, laziness, and jealousy, but they may
also hide independence, emotional sensitivity, and
personal power. Acknowledging their shadow side
is how individuals become balanced and whole. For
example, accepting frustration may lead to setting
better boundaries, acknowledging sadness may help
an individual determine a life situation that they do not
want to stay in. Jung also related the shadow side to
creativity because the more we allow ourselves to feel
emotions, the freer we are to think and create.
Similarly, the Instagramable and un-Instagramable
selves discussed in this book are also related to
Goffman’s sociological concepts of the front stage
and back stage selves. Goffman argues that individuals
project a specifically chosen and socially acceptable
persona in public as their front stage self, and
have a different personality when back stage or in
private, known as their true self. In this relation, the
front stage self would be the Instagramable self and
the back stage would be the un-Instagramable. Both
Jung’s and Goffman’s theories emphasize the need to
balance the facets of self to achieve a cohesive and
whole self, just as this book looks at the balance of the
selves that make up the individuals within the project.
Using these theories, I set out to discover how narrating
elements of the un-Instagramable self could
effect acceptance of self and others, and visual
culture. I conducted 23 narrative style interviews
between February and March 2021 to learn how
people describe and feel about their different identities.
Participants ranged between the ages 19-56
and included students, artists, influencers, and working
professionals. Their Instagramable selves had
anywhere between 20 to 76,000 followers, offering a
range of perspectives and experiences. The following
pages detail their stories, reflections, and experiences,
with the intention to appreciate what makes them
human. The book offers space to acknowledge and
even appreciate the hidden parts of ourselves, to learn
the beauty and lessons that come from our un-Instagramable
identity and find an appreciation for self and
others in our shared challenges and imperfections.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
“When we deny what is worst
about ourselves, we also deny
what is best”
-Tara Westover
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INSPIRATION
Inspiration
BY: SHAUNA CURRAN
Tara Westover is an American author and writer of the bestselling
book, Educated, but it was a commencement speech on her
website that sparked the idea for this book and my research into
the un-Instagramable self.
While the direction of this project has taken a
dynamic life of its own, its inspiration is firmly rooted
in a speech of the same name by Tara Westover. As
mentioned, I read Westover’s book in the summer of
2020, during the COVID-19 lockdown. Upon finishing,
I was desperate to read more by Westover so I
Googled her, found her website, and came across a
page titled, 'The Un-Instagramable Self Northeastern
Commencement Address 2019'. Despite the fact that
I was not at this commencement, graduating from
Northeastern, or even American, I was compelled to
read it. As Westover talked about over-identifying with
idealized digital self and offering space for the parts of
self that were not online, I felt a relief that I wasn’t alone
in the confusion of my identities and the fact that my
life was so much messier and unattractive than what I
thought it was supposed to be. Here I offer space for
an excerpt of this speech and the message it holds. A
message that led to the creation of this book.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
The
Un-Instagramable
1
Self
BY: TARA WESTOVER
Looking out at you all in your black caps and gowns, I’m
reminded of my own graduation, which wasn’t that long ago. I
was twenty-one years old. I remember that back then I was an
avid Facebook user, and that like everyone, when the ceremony
ended, I uploaded photos to my page. Specifically, I uploaded
three photos. One of me, standing alone, in my cap and gown.
Another of me with my mother, and a third of me with both my
mother and father.
There was nothing unusual about the photos. In them we were
smiling, or near enough to it. In them I was just another happy
graduate full of promise, embracing my happy parents. But this
was a fiction, and I knew it. In fact, it was because the photos
were untrue, and not in spite of it, that I wanted them online.
Because they showed my life as I wanted it to be, rather than
as it was.
Here are four things that I remember about that day. Four things
you can’t see in the photos, but that tell the real story.
Number one. That it was my first graduation ceremony. That
unlike my classmates, I had neither a high-school diploma, nor
a GED. I’d been raised in the mountains of Idaho by parents
whose radical beliefs meant that I had never been allowed to
go to school. (I was sort of the equivalent of a kindergarten
dropout.) It was a miracle that I’d made it to that university at all,
let alone that I was leaving with a degree.
Number two. That although I was graduating from a Mormon
university, I no longer believed in Mormonism. All of the previous
year, I had struggled to hold on to the beliefs of my childhood—
2
to the faith I shared with my parents as well as with every other
person I cared about, every brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin. I
was, at the moment I walked across the stage to get my diploma,
still wondering what the loss of my faith would mean. Could I
be a good person, even without my faith? It sounds strange
now, but I really did think that without Mormonism, I might turn
out to be an ass.
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3
Number three. That I was alone. Although my parents
are standing next to me in the picture, they had not
been at the graduation ceremony. At least, I don’t
think they were there. I had quarreled with my father
some weeks before on some point of ideology, and
he had declared that he wasn’t coming. That morning
he had changed his mind, and he and my mother had
raced down from Idaho, but they were too late. They
missed the ceremony, and were, in fact, only present
4for the photo.
Number four. That my apartment was empty. I’d been
up all of the previous night packing every item I owned
either into boxes for storage or suitcases, which now
sat packed by the door. I was leaving that night for the
University of Cambridge in England, a country about
which I knew very little.
Adding these four things together, I don’t believe there
was any part of my life that I felt secure in, or proud
of. The prospect of Cambridge terrified me. I’d grown
up in a junkyard; I felt deeply that I didn’t belong in
that place.
INSPIRATION
Faith was the rock I’d built my life on, and now that rock
was turning to sand before my eyes.
My family was a tangle of love and radicalism and what
I now suspect was mental illness. The love was real,
but so were the other things, and I didn’t yet know how
I was going to navigate them.
That was who I was, but that is not who I uploaded to
Facebook. I uploaded a happy woman, a woman who
was all joy and smiles. Who was “fun.” Even though
I was terrified. Even though I spent most of that day
just trying to get through it, and wishing it was over.
Something strange happened in the weeks and years
that followed my graduation. Something bizarre. Which
is that I came to think of my graduation photos as my
graduation. I came to identify more with the woman in
those pictures than I did with my actual self.
We humans have always struggled with two identities.
There has always been a difference between who
we are when we are with ourselves and who we are
when we are with others. But now we have a third self:
The virtual avatar we create and share with the world.
For most people, “sharing themselves” online means
carefully curating an identity that exaggerates some
qualities while repressing others that they consider
to be undesirable. Online, no one has acne or dark
circles or a temper; no one washes dishes, does laundry
or scrubs toilets. Mostly, we brunch. And we take
exotic, rarified vacations. We pet sea turtles. We throw
ourselves from airplanes.
Full 2019 Northeastern
Commencement Speech.
They are beautiful, unblemished lives. But sometimes
I think that when we deny what is worst about
ourselves, we also deny what is best. We repress our
ignorance, and thus we deny our capacity to learn.
We repress our faults, and thus we deny our capacity
to change. We forget that it is our flawed human self,
and not our avatar, who creates things and reconsiders
and forgives and shows mercy.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
“I would like to pause for a
moment to appreciate the parts
of you that you don’t put online”
But ultimately the real problem, as the writer Zadie
Smith has pointed out, is that sharing a self is not the
same thing as having a self. Your avatar isn’t real. It’s a
projection. It’s not terribly far from a lie. And like all of
the lies that we tell, the real danger isn’t that others will
believe it but that we will come to believe it ourselves.
That we will come to identify with our virtual self (who
looks so beguiling in photographs, whose life is bright
and free and literally filtered).
In this way we become alien to ourselves. Who is this
person who spends so much time studying? Washing
dishes? Taking care of grandma? This is not how I see
myself.
I learned at my own graduation that over identifying
with your idealized self is a deeply alienating experience.
It is a form of self-rejection. Because what you
are saying to yourself is: I’m not good enough the
way I am.
So today, I would like to pause for a moment to appreciate
the parts of you that you don’t put online. I would
like to mount a defense of them. Of your boring, internal,
book-reading, dishwashing, thought-having life.
Of the parts of you that can’t be captured by any technological
medium. It’s a concept that I’m going to call
“the un-instagramable self.”
Here’s something I truly believe: everything of any
significance that you will do in your life will be done
by your un-instagramable self. It is, for example, your
un-instagramable self who is graduating today. I
say this with confidence because I’ve yet to see a
Facebook or Instagram account which is dedicated
to photos of someone studying or attending lectures
or writing essays.
in love at your dingy entry-level job will not be the
glamorous and airbrushed you who will appear in
your wedding photos. And parenting will be nothing
like you will represent it to be online. For one thing,
there will be a lot more actual shit than you will ever
post on Instagram. There will be sleep deprivation
and petty standoffs and moments of self-doubt. But
the moments of love and tenderness and belonging
will touch you more deeply than anything you will find
in the virtual world.
You will look wonderful in the photos you will post of
you and your children. You will look wonderful because
you will make sure that you look wonderful, and you
will delete the ones in which you look harassed and
depleted because your five-year-old woke screaming
from a nightmare at 3am. You will not look wonderful as
you crouch on your hall floor in stretched-out pajamas
and rock your child back to sleep. You will look like
hell. But you will remember the weight of your son on
your chest long after the perfectly staged portraits
have faded from all relevance.
And in twenty-five or thirty years, when your daughter
graduates from a university, and she is sitting
where you are now, and some random commencement
speaker tells her to thank her Mom and Dad,
she will not be thinking of your avatar—of the carefully
chosen cover photo that obscures the lines in your
face and the grey in your hair. She will be thinking of
you. Creased and sweaty, with thinning hair and warts
and liver spots and whatever other signs of decay that
you’ve got going on by then.
So. Class of 2019. March up here, and claim your
degree, and give the camera your best smile. But
tonight, as you upload that photograph, take a moment
to check in with your un-instagramable self—and thank
them for getting you this far, and for taking you the
rest of the way.
All of the most substantive experiences that you will
have in your life will be had by the boorish slob you
are trying to edit out of existence. The you who falls
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INSPIRATION
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Key
Words
PERSONA
[per·so·na]
Who an individual wants to be and how the individual wishes
to be seen by the world.
The Latin origin of the word ‘persona’ literally translates to
“mask”. It relates to the different social masks that individuals
wear based on different situations and groups of people.
FRONT STAGE SELF
[fruhnt-steyj-self]
When individuals intentionally choose to
project a specific identity.
MUNDANE
[muhn·deyn]
Something that is common, not exciting or
interesting. Relating to dull every-day life.
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KEY WORDS
SHADOW SELF
[shad·ow-self]
The side of one’s personality that contains the parts
that we don’t admit to having or feel are unacceptable.
It is often an unconscious side of self and includes
weaknesses, instincts, desires, embarrassment, fear,
and repressed ideas.
BACK STAGE SELF
[bak-steyj-self]
When an individual is no longer
performing their front stage role
and can instead be their true self.
UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
[un·in·stuh·gram·uh·buh-self]
The un-Instagramable Self is a term coined by Tara Westover
in 2019 and epitomizes the parts of one’s identity that they
don’t put online. The “boring, internal, book-reading, dishwashing,
thought-having life…the parts of you that can’t be
captured by any technological medium” (Westover). It can
also be thought of as the private self, “the part of the self that
is known mainly to oneself, such as one’s inner feelings and
self-concept. It may be similar or different from the public self
one reveals to others” (American Psychological Association).
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Un-Instagramable
Selves
BY: SHAUNA CURRAN
The following pages share the untold stories of the project
participants. I want to thank all participants for their contributions
and commend their courage to be open and vulnerable. As
readers, it is important to note that all interviews lasted between
30-90 minutes and have been edited for the book and online
chapter of The Un-Instagramable Self. Some participant names
have been changed to maintain anonymity.
The interviews serve as a catalyst of light and connection in
our shared experiences and humanness. They are a reminder
that no matter how it may appear, you are not alone. While this
project looks at the hidden and darker sides of life, it is with
the intention of finding understanding, acceptance, and even
appreciation of ourselves.
Some of the accompanying images are visuals that are rarely
shared or seen in online culture. They were provided by participants,
artists, sourced externally, or created specifically for the
book. To maintain a level of anonymity for interview participants,
image credits are compiled in the reference list and those
submitted by participants are listed under first names or pseudonyms
only. Photos by artists that are included in this project
are referenced under first and last names, so you can follow
more of their work. Some of the photos in this book provide a
glimpse of what it means to visually display the realities of the
un-Instagramable self. They challenge standards, show everyday
life, and pull the curtain back from flawless smiling faces to
the emotions and reality behind the scenes.
As you read and see these real and beautiful experiences, I
encourage you to reflect on how this concept can be applied
to your story and visual references.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: AMELIA
Amelia
A creative who loves photography and supporting her friends talks about
her love-hate relationship with the Instagramable life and the comparison
culture of feeling like you’re not doing enough.
How would you describe your
Instagramable self and your
un-Instagramable self?
The person who I put on Instagram is the person who’s 10 out of 10, my happiest
self, the best person I can be. The person that’s dressed and ready, feeling good
about themselves, is reaching for the stars, and is so excited about the world. I like
to think I don’t take myself that seriously. I like to be a little bit more expressive. I did
this thing [on Instagram] where I was like #MakeInstagramNormalAgain, because
I just miss seeing my friend’s day-to-day. I love taking photos of the stupid things
I do and posting them on there. But at the same time, it’s still curated. The funny
moments are still moments that I selectively choose, and as much as that was an
accidental picture, it’s an aesthetically pleasing accidental photo.
My un-Instagramable self is for sure
the mundane. The person who
does the same thing every day,
who really hasn’t done anything
fun for months. I go back and forth
with this as I deal with mental
health problems. I have really bad
anxiety and depression but it’s
something in my life where I’ve just
been like, ‘people have diabetes
and I have anxiety’, it’s truly one of
those things. I’ve thankfully been
able to feel so comfortable with it
and it doesn’t control my life. But
when it did, when I was younger
and almost when Instagram started
to become this key piece in 2016, it
was bad. I valued social media and
media in general. I was consuming
culture and media intensively and
feeling like I wasn’t good enough,
feeling like I could never post. So,
my insight on my un-Instagramable
self was just me probably shitting
my pants because I didn’t get 50
likes on a photo in five minutes and
also not having an aesthetically
pleasing normal life.
Actually, one thing that I find annoying
[at present] is my room isn’t cute
right now because I moved home. I
used to love taking pictures of the
stuff around my room and I don’t
want anyone to see my room right
now. My room is my childhood
bedroom, it has the same sheets
and dresser since I was like 12…
so, my un-Instagramable self, right
now, is who I was 10 years ago.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Are you narrating a story
of your identity online?
I want to show the height of what it means to be a 24-year-old in 2020
and what it means to be a millennial online. For example, doing the weird
aesthetically pleasing nails where it’s the yin and yang symbols, or in
2016 when everyone was obsessed with Yeezys and loved Off White.
For me, I want to be a part of that so my children and people in history can
look back and say, ‘Amelia was this part of society’, and that’s, I guess,
my excuse or maybe my logic behind wanting to maintain the trend and
maintain the culture. Because it doesn’t really matter, I am a 24-year old
in 2020 regardless of what I look like.
I think my Instagramable self and the curated image I’m trying to give is
historically relevant.
What elements of yourself
do you celebrate
and what elements do
you protect or mask?
I celebrate my ability to truly be accepting. I’m very proud of my ability to
hear someone and see someone and try to just let them in. I really enjoy
when I make a mistake, I completely own it. A less serious thing is I’m
really funny and I really like being funny, I think it totally breaks the ice in
any metaphorical or literal situation.
I mask my inability to chill. I really have a hard time letting go or when
people don’t meet my expectations because I put them there. And then
when they don’t meet them, I make it my fault, and I get really upset.
Another aspect I think of my personality that I truly try to hide is my fear
to be creative and truly sit with a project and see a project through. I
have so many things that I want to do, I have so many things that I want
to create. My excuse has always been: ‘Well once I’m out of school I’ll do
this. Once I stop working, I’ll do it. Once I have enough money, I’ll do it.
Once I have a grant, I’ll do it. Once I have model friends, I’ll do it’. But no,
no one’s perfect. I definitely suppress my creativity because of that, and
not in the way where I’m struggling, just in the way where I truly think I
would be having more fun if I was more creative.
How do you view your
private life?
What is missing from
Instagram that exists in
the un-Instagramable
side of life?
I’m kind of hard on myself. I view my private life as really boring and really
terrible. Which it’s not. I get embarrassed that I live my life the way I do, I’m
looking around my desk and I have a wrapper from when I had a bagel
three days ago, like I need to throw that out. I’m really hard on myself, I go
through these phases. But they’re truly phases, like blips. I’m so grateful
for the life I have, I’m so happy to be who I am. I’m someone who’s super
well off: I have a family that truly cares about me; I have friends that are
my ride or dies; I have at least three people in my life where I could call
them and be like, ‘I need your help’; I’m getting an education that I really
enjoy; I am physically active.
The struggle. I think it’s shown on Instagram a little bit, but [I want to see
more of] the process it takes to get to where someone is. I definitely
think more people should be talking about the process it took for them
to be where they are in terms of like celebrities or in terms of producers
or even in terms of scientists and researchers.
[Also] how people edit photos. Instagram does this thing where if you use
a filter of their own making... It'll say at the bottom ‘this photo was made
with an effect’ and I think that needs to become more common. I truly do
think people don’t know how much of Instagram is photoshopped. I’m a
nobody and I Photoshop my photos, that’s crazy.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
28

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: CEDRIC
Cedric
Cedric’s Instagramable identity started as a
joke but adapted during the pandemic into
a place where he could follow friends and
most importantly look at dog pictures. He
reminds us to not take the app so seriously
while appreciating the small moments that
often go un-noticed.
“It’s changed” said Cedric on his relationship with
an app where so many have come to self-identify.
“Originally, it was a joke. If you see my Instagram,
you’ll see the first many pictures are of the exact same
plant and that was my commentary on Instagram. I
just thought it was stupid, like why are people posting
pictures with meaningless comments? I didn’t understand
it until I got into quarantine, when the whole
lockdown started back in March. I was isolated and
bored… and you can see that in the profile, there’s
now a variety of pictures. It was some way in which
I could communicate with people without actually
communicating with people.”
Communication aside, Cedric maintains that his
Instagram keeps a safe distance from his sense of self
or identity. He says “for the most part, it’s a time waster.
It’s sort of like picking your nose. It’s just something
that you do whenever you need to scratch… there’s no
strong feelings, other than that I should have thought
of it and made that money.” He described his participation
as a lurker, stating “since I left lockdown, it’s just
something to look at dog pictures.”
His Instagramable self reflects his visual interest in
mundane moments, but Cedric’s identity lives solely
in his un-Instagramable self, which he describes as
“introspective, introverted, and hungry.” He is content,
quiet, and happy with this side of his life and values
the truth and empathy of his offline world.
When asked about what’s missing from Instagram that
exists in the un-Instagramable life Cedric replied “I
think Instagram is what it is, as far as I’m interested in
interacting with it, which is a platform to share pictures
and for people to comment on it. I don’t think it necessarily
needs to be anything more than that. It’s like a
public photo reel.” He provides the reality check that
at the end of the day, we are our offline selves and not
our masks or photo reels.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Claudia
Claudia is an American photographer who’s not
afraid to capture the vulnerability of life. She opens
up about capturing emotional moments and finding
beauty in the everyday.
Beside a self-portrait of Claudia crying on
Unsplash reads the following caption: “I
received a call from the school nurse, who
put my son on the line. My son told me he
was very sad and was feeling depressed.
I immediately went to my son’s school to
pick him up. Before we left, we met with
one of the administrators, who helped my
son feel a little better. The whole afternoon
I couldn’t stop thinking about how sad my
son was when I arrived at the school. A few
hours later, when I went upstairs for some
quiet time, it hit me that my son may be
depressed…just like me. What I love about
this image is the raw emotion that shows
just how hard parenting can be sometimes.”
This photo of Claudia had been an early
inspiration for The Un-Instagramable Self.
It lifts the curtain to the shadow side that is
often buried deep inside and kept hidden
from other people and especially our virtual
avatars. From her home in South Carolina,
that she shares with her husband, two kids,
and dog, Claudia details taking this picture
and capturing life through photography.
In 2018, Claudia wanted to take a self-portrait.
This was at a time not long after the passing
of her mother-in-law who she loved dearly.
As the above quote describes, on the day
of the portrait, she had to pick her son up.
Reflecting on the photo, Claudia said “they
told me he was having depressed thoughts
and I was really concerned because I have
bipolar disorder, so I know a thing or two
about depression, and it made me really
sad. So, I don’t know, for some reason that
day I was just like, ‘I want to capture this
sadness’. I felt just really despaired. So, I set
up my camera on my windowsill and then I
just started thinking about everything that
was going on, like that day with my son, my
mother-in-law, like I said she had passed…
I just started thinking about all that and
I had the camera there. I wasn’t sure if I’d
capture anything, but I was like, ‘try to get
this moment.’ And as you see, I actually did.
I was actually crying, it’s not fake. Even in the
back you can tell the beds not made, I didn’t
have any makeup on, my hair wasn’t done or
anything, and it was just a real raw moment.
I didn’t think I’d actually capture such a raw
moment like that. But thinking about all that
really fueled the self-portrait, I guess I can
say, it really gave it life.”
Claudia said the process of taking the photo
was emotional, but also that , “I learned a
lot about myself taking that picture, I learned
that I’m not afraid.”
32

“I learned a lot about myself
taking that picture, I learned
that I’m not afraid”
-Claudia
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Claudia shared the photo to challenge the
stigma surrounding mental health and the
perfection of the images we often see on
social media. She chose Unsplash knowing
it would be able to resonate more than platforms
like Instagram and Facebook. Claudia
explained that sharing the photo was a way
to communicate vulnerability, a glimpse into
real life that a lot of people do not see. She
said, “I just wanted to make it not behind
closed doors, like this is real, this happens
to people.” Since being posted in 2018, the
photo has resonated with many people. It
has more than 7.4 million views and over 60
thousand downloads. Claudia said, “I still
get messages to this day [about the photo]!”
When she first uploaded the photograph,
Claudia had no expectations but as she said
“it’s just gotten so much feedback and love
and it just makes me really happy that I did
that, and it still resonates… years later. Like,
people are still downloading it, and it’s just
cool seeing it everywhere.”
Besides her self-portrait, Claudia also photographs
things around her house like a coffee
spoon and light fixture. When asked about
them, Claudia stated “I want to show the
beauty behind everyday objects.’’ Claudia
prefers to capture real moments over staged
photographs, stating, “I like authenticity. So, I
feel my photography reflects more authentic
moments.”
When asked about her un-Instagramable
self, Claudia said, “I’m kind of anti-social. I
seem really perky, but I actually have social
anxiety. So, a lot of people don’t see that
because I hide it by being super perky. Even
with our Zoom interview, I was so nervous.
That’s why I put it off because… it gives me
anxiety. So that’s who I am outside of public
life. I’m still a fun and nice person but like I
said, I’m very anxious, I don’t socialize a lot.”
Claudia explained that this is quite different
from her Instagramable or public facing
self, where in addition to her photography
business, she works in retail and has to be
really personable and outgoing despite
being an introvert. She said, “before I go
to work, I make sure I take my anti-anxiety
medicine, so I don’t get too anxious and it’s
the complete opposite of who I am at home.
I’m super perky and I talk to people with ease
and that’s not really me.” But when it comes
to photography, Claudia captures who she
truly is. She said, “with my photography it’s
the opposite, I want to capture who I am at
home, instead of public Claudia.”
Claudia’s artistic approach and photography
shows that there is a way to visually
represent our more internal selves, our
shadow and back stage selves, and that
there is beauty and joy in embracing the
raw moments that give us important lessons,
resilience, and strength.
Claudia's Photography.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: CLAUDIA
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
38

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: DEEDRA
Deedra
After re-evaluating her relationship with Instagram last
April, Deedra deleted the app and the version of herself
associated with it. Almost a year later, she re-downloaded
the app but with a vow to use it differently and separately
from her identity.
Following a long-term break from her Instagramable
self, Deedra got the app back but under her own
terms. “It’s a super private version of Instagram where
I have like 20 followers, and my name isn’t really there”
she said. Deedra had become skeptical with Instagram
and the time she spent on it. “It made me feel really
disconnected from the world around me” said Deedra,
“I felt like I wasn’t getting the real thing and I wasn’t
giving the real thing. It was a bi-directional disconnection.”
This disconnection extended beyond strangers
and acquaintances to also include people that she
knew personally, because of the social pressure to
display a really shiny version of self.
Deedra describes her un-Instagramable self as “the
un-edited, actual version of who I am” and said that
her shiny Instagramable self created “a weird chasm
in my sense of self.” She questioned the different
versions of herself and why she viewed one as better
than the other.
Deedra’s Instagramable self edited out her insecurities,
acne, greasy hair, and feelings of anxiety and
uncertainty. Instead, her masked self displayed a
confidence and sense of togetherness that she didn’t
always feel. Deedra explained that the distinction
between her identities negatively impacted her selfesteem
and self-worth because of the implication
that there was an entire version of herself that was
not worthy of being seen.
In her private life, Deedra feels grounded
and secure. “I like spending a lot of time
alone reading and doing puzzles and playing
instruments”, said Deedra. She explains
that the public facing version of self can feel
out of her control; whereas her private life
is anxiety-free. Deedra said, “I feel positive
feelings of comfort and safety and a desire
to engage with it. I feel proud of the private
life that I have. I feel proud of the friends that
I’ve chosen. Proud of the decisions I make.
Proud of the path I’m on. So, I feel it’s a really
grounded and healthy version of life.”
Her newly activated Instagramable-self will
not threaten this comfort and safety. She uses
it solely to follow her friends’ journeys and
has no plan to post another photo beyond
the first one on her feed that announced her
return to the public-facing digital world in a
new and private way.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
40

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: EMMA
Emma
Emma finds value in the Instagramable self. It’s a place
where a piece of her lives and is celebrated, accepted,
and connected.
Emma is a Social Work student who embraces the persona that Instagram
offers and is grateful for the sense of connection to friends and the rest of the
world during the COVID-19 pandemic. She described Instagram as “a way
to feel a part of something” and the thought of deleting her Instagramable
self makes her feel lost. “I wouldn’t have part of me if I was without social
media” said Emma as she reflected on her attachment to the app and her
sense of self therein.
When Emma was in high school, she was nominated for an award titled ‘Most
Likely to Still Take Selfies When I’m 55’. Her Instagram displays a collection
of selfies as well as photos with friends. She said that from an outside
perspective, her Instagramable self might
appear vain and self-absorbed, but behind
the photos there’s a deeper motivation for
her social content. “My Instagram identity,
I guess, would be looking for a sense of
acceptance of who I am, because… a lot of
my life has been… looking for that kind of
acceptance because I don’t have it myself.”
Her Instagramable self offers an opportunity
and medium for others to acknowledge her.
Emma said “I try to post things where the
outfits look good, my makeup and hair are
done, I’m doing something interesting, I’m
going out with my friends. I want that to be
seen because I have friends, I go out, I’m a
fun person.”
At the same time, Emma is candid about her experiences with
ADHD, depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. She has
occasionally shared these topics online with her followers to
foster conversation and acceptance on mental health issues,
but she experiences these challenges offline in real life. When
asked about her un-Instagramable self, Emma responded “my
un-Instagramable self is very lonely. It sounds sad to say out
loud, but it’s the reality. I spend a lot of time worrying… I was
diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder, so I’m kind of meek
and shy until I meet someone. But that’s not what it looks like
on my Instagram page.”
Offline, Emma reads, enjoys following politics, and spends time
with her family. She explains that she uses her Instagramable
identity because it’s right at her fingertips, “I can sit here in
my room, on my bed alone, and read through messages with
people being like ‘wow, you’re so pretty’ and I feel this sense
of ‘awh’. But also, I took an intentional Instagram picture so I
could get people to be nice to me because I don’t feel that
happy sense right now.”
Emma’s vulnerability and willingness to open the door to her
back stage self, reminds us that there is far more to someone’s
life and experiences than their Instagram page implies. She also
points out that while there’s sometimes darkness in the shadow
side of self, there’s also light in the public-facing persona.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Greis
Greis is a model, personality, and lover of
the arts who recently launched a YouTube
channel. She highlights that both versions
of the self are part of identity and can exist
in their respective roles, but can also cross
over when the intention feels right.
How does Instagram make you feel?
Sometimes it makes me feel motivated and inspired
and like, “Oh, I can do that too”… But it also can make
me feel super overwhelmed, incapable, ugly, fat, all
the things. And it got to a point where it got a little
detrimental. I ended up creating a relationship with
Instagram, when really, I need to use it as a tool… I
got to a point where at the end of last year, for two
months… I just took a huge break.
How would you describe your Instagramable self
and your un-Instagramable self?
My Instagramable self is definitely not when I wake up
in the morning and I’m just like puffy. Usually, I have a
little bit of makeup on or have a little filter on. It’s the
good moments in my life. Even if it’s a rough moment,
even if I’m talking about my skin breaking out, it’s still
portrayed in an aesthetic way.
And then the un-Instagramable self would be the times
where I’m just bawling my eyes out over a guy or over
a problem. Or super deep things that are more private
and personal and it’s not really anyone else’s business
to know. Because when you share too much, then the
judgment begins.
How would you describe your private self?
I would say my private self can be in my head at times.
My private self is very passionate. I like to have things
clean around me, that’s huge for me... I need a clean
environment in order to have a clear mind. I indulge in
a few junk foods here and there; I love that. I will extract
my face; I love that, like when the good ones pop out!
That’s my guilty pleasure. I like my alone space and
time with myself, just to reflect on things. And I like to
schedule things; my Google calendar is my best friend.
What effects would exploring and making visual the
hidden parts of your identity have on you?
At first, I would feel super vulnerable, and I might have
a bit of a breakdown. I would never want to just show
those hidden parts of myself. I think that would be
more detrimental for me than to hide certain things.
Because certain things you do need to keep personal
and close to you because when you’re so open, and
it’s great to be open, but when you’re so open, you’re
allowing so many things to come into you.
Still, certain [hidden] parts I’d love to express and make
visual for sure... But doing it in a way where there’s a
purpose, where I’m being intentional with it, and… it
genuinely makes me feel good.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: GREIS
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
44

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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Hannah
Hannah’s Instagramable self is well put together, on
a path to success, and quite serious... But behind
closed doors she is silly and figuring out life like
many 25 year olds.
On how the Instagramable self makes her feel:
“Personally, I’ve had instances where I wanted to post something
that’s more my style but I’m like oh there’s so many people that I
now have on my friends, it’s not really who they know me to be.
I think that it makes me feel not completely myself.”
On the elements of her identity that she masks:
“I’m very emotional. You definitely
don’t see that on my account. I feel
like I’m not as put together, that I’m
more like figuring things out”
“I don’t really know who my identity is, so I don’t even know if
I think about that when I post... But I kind of wish that I posted
more mundane. I actually had a draft of a very mundane and
silly post that I was going to post but I never did. It was basically
a collage of all the times that I went out wearing a safety vest at
night for a walk for protection from getting run over by cars. And
I was like “Wow this is hilarious. Who else has 10 odd pictures in
their camera roll of them wearing a safety vest? This is hilarious”.
But then I was like, “no people won’t get it”... so I guess I change
my identity to what the more general public knows about me. I
don’t really post the more personal side of things.”
On the value of her private life:
“I recharge by spending time alone. I get really exhausted
spending time with people and being busy. I really value my
alone time and doing very little, maybe spending the day just
at home doing a couple things that make me happy or make
me feel relaxed and recharged.”
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
48

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: JOANNA
Joanna
Joanna is a vocalist, composer, and bandleader whose debut EP is releasing
this year with a message on self-empowerment in the face of insecurities and
challenges. Her Instagramable self is important, as she shares part of herself and
her music with the world. At the same time, her un-Instagramable self is where
she gets the work done. It’s a vibrant side of her life that she can choose to share
or not, and there’s an undeniable beauty and power in that choice.
How would you describe your
Instagramable self and your
un-Instagramable self?
My Instagramable self is polished, reserved, and giving but with
boundaries on what I share. I would describe her as professional,
poised, engaging, friendly, and positive.
My un-Instagramable self is all of those things added with the
insecurities, vulnerability, the disheveled sort of like working
all day in my PJs.
What elements of your identity do
you celebrate and what elements
do you protect or mask?
The elements of myself that I celebrate are positivity, inclusiveness,
the desire to work with the collective rather than as a
singular individual, my talents, and support.
Elements of myself that I don’t share are anything under the
context of insecurity, of professional or physical insecurity, not
feeling good enough insecurity.
What stories about yourself
remain untold through day-to-day
self-editing?
I haven’t shared the actual step one to where I’m at in my career.
From starting as a lover of music at what would be considered
an old age for a musician. I studied music at age 22, I didn’t know
a thing about music. And just the real struggle. Because I think
a lot of people assume that I was just born with talent, and this
sort of drive... But that really isn’t the case. People don’t know,
they just see the smile and the positive outcomes. And that’s
largely because I don’t share all of those steps.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
How would you describe your
private self?
How do you view your private life?
How do you feel your music relates
to either your un-Instagramable self
or Instagramable self?
How can we sustain embracing the
un-Instagramable self?
I would describe my private self as hilarious.
Off, in a quirky way, and I love it. Because a
lot of people, like friends I’ve met through
seeing me perform initially, always say:
‘Joanna when I actually get to know you,
you are nothing like I assumed from watching
you on stage as this poised jazz singer’. And
they mean that in the most positive way. I’m
a very funny person. I really just like humor
to make you laugh. And I’m really sensitive.
I don’t share that. I’m a cancer so I’m in my
crab shell, I’m like, ‘put walls up, show your
strength only, you know, powerful!’, but really
inside I’m super soft and sensitive.
It’s beautiful, it’s vibrant, and has a lot of love,
and a lot of beautiful lessons that I’ve been
fortunate to learn along the way.
I think it’s a strong reflection of both. My
music represents self-empowerment, first
and foremost. But it also highlights the insecurities
that we experience, the fears that we
have. It promotes doing your absolute best
to overcome those fears and make them
your magic.
With a strong emphasis on self-love.
Joanna's Debut EP.
50

“My un-Instagramable self is all
of those things added with the
insecurities, vulnerability, the
disheveled sort of like working
all day in my PJs”
-Joanna
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
52

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: KARLEE
Karlee
The distinction between Karlee’s Instagramable and
un-Instagramable self is a matter of self-preservation in
a world where your Instagram profile is a form of resume.
Behind a mask of confidence, Karlee is a thinker and a
dreamer. She is both sensitive and resilient, and she is
hopeful for the opportunity of the new day.
How does Instagram make you feel?
Instagram has actually provided a big source of anxiety
for me… it’s more an internal struggle and I think it
can make people feel really "less than". I second guess
myself because you’re obviously comparing yourself
to doctored photos, but a big thing for me too is it
creates a lot of anxiety around being a single woman.
Because now more than ever people are using dating
apps to meet each other, especially in the last year
because you can’t meet someone organically. So,
Instagram has become your resume for dating and
people will decide in 30 seconds whether they like
you or not based on your profile, which doesn’t add up
because I consider myself to share less than 10% of my
actual life. So, you’re being judged on such a minimal
part of your life. I think that anxiety stems from what
people think about you or how you stack up against
competition which makes you start thinking: am I fun
enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I fit enough? Do I
have enough friends or followers?
A year ago, I deleted 1000 of my own followers and
that was a decision made when I was kind of in a
depressed state and I couldn’t shake the feeling that
I didn’t want people to look at me. It was protecting
myself from that judgment. But now I feel judged
because I think people have this idea in their head that
less followers means you have less friends, which isn’t
the case obviously. I thought that making my Instagram
more private and more contained would allow me to
open up more and post more candid photos of my
life and that more un-Instagramable self… but it still
doesn’t really work, I stare at photos I want to upload
and go ‘I hate them’ and decide against it.
Poem titled, 'The War Against Myself',
and illustration created by Karlee.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
What do you share on Instagram?
I like to post stories more than photos so then it’s not
a permanent part of you. I think it’s way more fun to
just post something and know that it’s going to be
gone by the end of the day and I think that can be a
lot more candid.
How would you describe your Instagramable self
and your un-Instagramable self?
My Instagramable self would be a better reflection of
my actual self if I had more confidence. I do think that
my Instagramable self does touch on my main interests
like yoga, nature, or fashion. So, in that way it’s accurate.
But of course, there’s a lot more to me than that.
I guess I’m trying to share those best parts of me in that
kind of resume style, but I think I could push it further
and there’s something holding me back. Maybe the
fear of judgment when I separate those two selves.
It’s interesting for me specifically because when I
post about yoga, wellness, and anything with meditation,
that is my life, that is genuinely a big part of
my life. Yoga and meditation are a genuine side of
me but what people don’t know is that it’s because
I’m making up for my anxiety and my depression, it’s
actually a coping mechanism, and I don’t necessarily
share that part. Instead it’s like “hey, look at me do a
headstand”, I’m not sharing the part of me that said, “I
had an anxiety attack today, so I needed to meditate
and lay in the dark for an hour”. There’s that real part
of it and then the Instagram part.
Are you narrating a specific story of yourself online
and how does that correlate to your offline self?
I try to portray my Instagram self as someone that
people can aspire to. Like, ‘look I’m a yoga girl, nature, I
like hiking, or do art’. When really, I’m comparing myself
to other people that are doing different things than me.
What elements of your identity do you celebrate and
what elements do you mask and why?
Parts of me that I celebrate would be more my
creative side and you know things that would make
me unique against my immediate group. I take a lot of
joy in providing a sense of calm for people or uplifting
people. It’s hard to think of my celebrations because
I’m not like that type of person at all. I think because I
have these internal struggles, I have a kind of empathetic
approach to people and a lot of insight that I
can provide to people, which should be celebrated
more on my Instagram if I want to help other people.
I portray myself as more confident. What sucks is
because I portray myself in this way and just being
a female or being blonde or being put in that kind of
group, people assume that you’re confident or assume
that you’re a certain type of person. I’ve had countless
people say that they got a different impression of me
when they first met me, compared to who I actually
am, and that probably says a lot about my Instagram
or how much I actually show to people initially.
Truthfully, I don’t really care to be this blonde woman. If
I didn’t have to put on this mask or have to be a certain
person to be cool, I would probably be a lot different.
I think I would be a lot more candid, and I would care
less. It’s crazy how many solo dance parties I have
in my room and I listen to musicals and practice my
Oscar speech and stuff, no one would ever think that
because I seem so reserved. But it’s because I don’t
think I’m good enough to be that.
What elements of yourself do you protect and why?
I think I noticed this in relationships that I use selfpreservation
and portray that I don’t care about things.
I’d rather act like I don’t care and have this kind of
easy laid-back attitude than display that I really do
care about things. I am a lot more sensitive than I let
on because that opens me up to people hurting me.
What stories remain untold through self-editing?
I’ve been through a lot of hardship that I would never
let on to other people and that’s all about self-preservation
and preserving an image of what you want
people to portray you as, on Instagram and not on
Instagram. I’ve been through a lot with my family, my
dad had a stroke, things are still not good on that front;
I don’t have the career I’m wanting; I’m not financially
set up. There are all those struggles that everyone
has, and… I don’t portray that because that’s not an
attractive or admirable part of someone’s life, I guess.
How would you describe your private self?
I would describe my private self as a dreamer, planner,
someone who thinks a lot, and is very hopeful.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: KARLEE
“I consider myself to share less
than 10% of my actual life. So,
you're being judged on such a
minimal part of your life.”
How do you view your private life?
I view my private life as lonely… I like to spend a lot of
my time with other people because I’m an over thinker
and the thought of being alone means more thinking
and I try to avoid that.
What values come from your private life?
Strength, resilience, and that hopefulness that no
matter what I’m sitting in I always have the idea in
my head that it’s going to be better the next day. I’ve
kind of conditioned myself to think that way because
of what I’ve been through.
What do you feel is missing from Instagram that
exists in the un-Instagramable life?
Confidence. I think just a truth and a confidence is
missing from Instagram whether it’s mine or other
people’s, and I think if there needs to be more kindness.
We’re all thinking the same things and we’re
all scared but if there was just more support or even
more communication behind it. It’s really nice when
people actually reach out through Instagram, even
if you post a quote or something, and they say, ‘that
really helped me through my day’, that kind of connection
is so powerful and that’s lacking because we’re
just bombarded with all of these fake pictures. But then
there’s those small little nice moments on Instagram
that really should exist more and that kind of is more
synonymous with real life because that’s a genuine
connection.
What effect would exploring or making visual the
hidden parts of your identity have on you?
I would feel a lot closer to people and I think it would
be really liberating to just be yourself. It’s almost a
fear that people won’t like you, but I think people are
attracted to people who are just themselves, whether
they’re perfect or not. That’s the reality of it but we just
have this wall up so that we don’t do that.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Kayla
Kayla talks about the evolving role of her
Instagramable self and the values of her
un-Instagramable self, both of which are
closely intertwined. Nevertheless, Kayla
acknowledges that the source of her
contentment lies in the efforts she makes
offline and may not show online.
Kayla has an ever-evolving relationship with her
Instagramable self. It first started as a place to share
pieces of her life with friends and family and a place to
learn about career or hobby interests in return. It also
became an outlet for Kayla to express some of her life
challenges. Kayla said, “as someone who’s suffered
with anxiety and OCD since I was a kid, it was a place
to share that with other people to make them feel less
alone. So, for years, and I still do often share posts
that are a bit more real because on Instagram… a lot
of people only share the good stuff and it’s easy to
compare and easy to feel like I have nothing together
and I’m the only one suffering with this. And what I
noticed each time I posted, so many people reached
out through direct messages and said, ‘thank you for
sharing this experience, I would have never done that
myself but I’m glad you did because I feel less alone,’ ...
So, then it almost felt like a duty for years to share. And
it kind of sounds a little bit like maybe a hero complex,
but it felt good to take my really dark moments and
share it in hopes that it would get me out of it, which it
always did, and to connect with people who are also
going through the same thing.”
Today, Kayla’s relationship with the app and her online
identity is more focused on her being a Textile artist.
She said, “Today, I think I curate it a little bit more… I
want to be seen more. Because as an artist,
it is such a great tool to share your work with
people all over the world, who never would
have normally seen it. It kind of gives you a
little bit more credibility and connects you
with people you never would have originally.”
Kayla explained that as a textile artist, the
app serves as inspiration and connection to
a larger community. She also uses the app’s
access to quotes and inspiration accounts to
lift her up on bad days. Presently Kayla posts
less of the real moments that she used to,
but explained “it’s not out of fear of judgement
because I’m very open about what I go
through and I think it’s important... But, and
maybe it’s this past year, where everything is
so negative, maybe we need to focus more
on the positive. Or I’m finding myself focusing
more locally, on friends and family, instead
of outwardly to the world… I’m just trying to
better myself, somehow, without being in
front of the world.”
The parts of Kayla’s identity that she celebrates
are the quiet moments in her mind,
what she called “these really awesome
moments of meditation”, and explained, “I
almost amplify that because they are few and
far between and it’s something that I want
more of, but you need to be so aware of yourself.”
Conversely, she hides feelings of anger,
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: KAYLA
sadness, and jealousy as well as “moments of
not doing anything”, because as she explained
“I do a lot of procrastination and I’ll sit or lay in
bed for hours and think about things or scroll or
whatever, and that’s not something that I would
share, or want to share, but it’s so human and I
know that all my friends and family go through
that as well, it’s just interesting.”
Kayla would like to ramp up the productivity in
her private life. She explained, “I would like to
spend less time on social media and more time
doing things for me, like more embroidery, or
sewing, or making, and cooking, and learning to
cook. I would like to focus on things that actually
fulfill me. While I do love the short-term feeling
of scrolling through people’s awesome textile
stuff, or friends and family, it’s not a lasting thing
for me. I would like to do something that takes
longer but makes you feel better.”
Nevertheless, Kayla describes her un-Instagramable
self as: “content, content with being
alone, content doing what I love, textiles. And
easily distracted, easily hooked into social
media and Instagram. When I don’t want to do
things I can scroll for hours. But I think content
makes sense for me.”
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Kayley
Kayley runs an Influencer agency, is an Influencer herself, and has
performed many public roles online over the years. Instagram
is integral to her career, but it doesn’t encompass all of her life.
Kayley shows us that even those whose work is to be seen, have
an un-Instagramable identity too.
Can you explain the role and impact of Instagram in your life?
I downloaded Instagram in my first year of university (2012), when the platform and
the way we use it looked completely different to what it is now. Instagram was a
book of snapshots for me and my close friends; it was a reel of memories, taken
and posted in the moment, not highly curated. A year or two later I was signed as a
model to an agency, and began using Instagram as part of my modelling portfolio.
I remember the first brand that reached out to me in 2014 was a local business
that wanted to gift me free product in exchange for posting. Soon after that, I realized
how impactful the platform could be for business and my personal brand.
I launched my first start-up that year, and Instagram was at the core of growing
the business. I grew the account to
around 30,000 followers and my
personal profile grew alongside that
by being an “influencer” in my own
communities - specifically as a public
speaker on mental health, for events
like We Day. In 2017 I left that startup,
and had around 5,000 followers on
my personal page. At that point, I felt
like my entire identity was wrapped
up in my online business persona,
but the pros of building a personal
brand on Instagram outweighed the
cons. I was consistently gifted free
products by brands, and had my first
paid Instagram collaboration in 2017 -
$200 from L’Oreal Colorista. I took the
leap into freelancing in social media
full-time, and my Instagram account
acted like a portfolio and case study to
clients. Since then, my account has grown
to over 10,000 followers and I launched
my influencer agency, Hermana, to
continue working in this space. At this
point, Instagram is integral to the work
I do - and my full-time income. We get
client referrals from Instagram, I manage
influencer campaigns on the platform,
and I get paid by brands to promote
their products and services on my page.
I definitely view Instagram as “work” and
not as a book of candid snapshots like it
used to be. I don’t mind Instagram having
that role in my life now, but I’ve had to set
personal and professional boundaries
with the app. As “real” as I try to keep my
account, even authenticity on Instagram
is curated.
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
60

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: KAYLEY
What about yourself do you share on Instagram?
I mostly share aspects of my work life, and some self-care.
I used to be a big mental health advocate and grew a lot
of my following through advocacy in that community, sharing
the most vulnerable parts of my own journey through
feed post captions. But after some time, I found it very
emotionally draining and it took a toll on my mental health
(ironically) to constantly be sharing those moments in
recovery. I do still share parts of my mental health journey,
and parts of my business, but I don’t let either define my
identity on the app. I view what I share on instagram as
mostly “documenting” vs “creating”. I document my day
to day, I snap cute outfit photos, and share my lifestyle
but I’m not typically going out and doing full photoshoots
and “creating content” unless it’s for a brand deal. In that
sense, I feel like what I share is more “authentic” than
some typical “influencers”, but it still is curated in that I
edit/filter photos, I don’t typically post “in the moment”,
and I don’t share too much personal/private info about
things like my relationships.
How would you describe your Instagramable Self and
your un-Instagramable Self?
My Instagramable Self is a curated version of my
Un-Instagramable Self. I am selective of what I post
on Instagram - not just the “highlight reel”, but curated
authenticity as well. I think it’s unhealthy to post every
thought, feeling, and action on Instagram - though that’s
become somewhat normal in the influencer space. I try to
maintain my own identity off of Instagram, and share the
bits and pieces I’m comfortable with the world knowing.
My Instagramable Self talks about mental health but from
a positive place - never in the moments of hardship that
might trigger me further, but from a position of reflection.
My Instagramable Self talks about the highs and lows of
entrepreneurship, but never so vulnerable that it would
affect my client relationships. My Instagramable Self
documents my day-to-day, but never revealing intimate
details like who I’m dating, my exact location, or gossip
amongst friends.
How do you view your private life?
I honestly don’t think my identity on Instagram is too different
than that in real life - it’s just not the whole picture.
To be successful on social media or as an influencer,
it’s encouraged to “niche down” or establish content
pillars that you constantly post about so that your audience
associates you with those things. Mine are: influencer
marketing, being an entrepreneur, self-care, and
Gilmore Girls. My audience can expect posts from me
on those topics, and that’s what I tend to post about.
But my private self is so much more than what can be
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
defined into “content pillars”. I have interests outside
of those things, I have relationships outside of work,
and hobbies that don’t get showcased on Instagram
in the same way. I think a lot of people feel like they
know someone through a screen, especially influencers,
because they see their life being posted on the
platform. But a lot fail to realize that influencers only
show what they want people to see. There is so much
more complexity, interests, and emotions behind our
curated online personas. I battle with sharing things
I know will “perform well”, versus sharing things that
are truly reflective of me.
What is a reason you wouldn’t post on Instagram?
If it doesn’t go with my feed, I probably won’t post
it. If it’s incredibly personal, like a family photo on
Christmas morning, I probably won’t post it. If I don’t
think it will perform well (or if I don’t think my audience
will like it), I probably won’t post it.
What elements of your identity do you celebrate and
what elements do you protect or mask?
I celebrate my entrepreneurial wins, and my knowledge
of the industry I’m in. I love talking about and
educating people on influencer marketing, and sharing
my journey as an entrepreneur. Since feeling
emotional burnout in my own mental health journey,
I’ve learned to protect my energy when it comes to
posting about mental health, activism, or politics. I
need to be in a healthy mind space to post about
those things, knowing that people will respond with
their own stories, or questions, or rebuttals. I also
protect my intimate relationships from Instagram. I
don’t share my dating life, and I don’t feel comfortable
sharing family or friends unless they are content
creators themselves.
What stories about yourself and/or your identity remain
untold through day-to-day self-editing?
A lot of the internal imposter syndrome, and stress, I try
to leave off of Instagram - unless for a curated post about
those topics, which will usually take me an hour or two to
craft/copywrite/edit. In general, my day-to-day posts tend
to touch the surface of what’s happening in my life, and a
spark notes version of what’s going on in my head. I selfedit
captions to be informative, inspirational, or relatable.
I self-edit videos to be concise and to the point, when
in reality I might be more long-winded. When speaking
about important political issues or activism, I definitely
self-edit prior to posting to ensure I’m super confident and
knowledgeable in what I’m saying - whereas, in “real life”
I wouldn’t be afraid to voice my opinions and thoughts in
a dialogue, it’s a lot more intimidating online. Tone, intention
and context can be lost in a caption or video, and it’s
easier to pick apart behind a keyboard vs conversing in
an open dialogue “irl”.
How would you describe your private self?
Introverted, opinionated, thoughtful, independent, weird.
How do you view your private life?
As separate from Instagram; something I get to experience,
rather than post about.
What do you feel is missing from Instagram that exists
in the un-Instagramable life?
The ability to have deeper and more meaningful conversations
in a way that is judgement-free. There’s not much
for two-way interaction in Instagram: it’s mostly consuming
content that others put out. You can comment, or DM,
but it’s not truly a two-way dialogue in content. An app
I think fills this gap is Clubhouse, which is literally liveconversations,
audio-only, no filters, no curating. I don’t
know if Instagram should or could ever be that - I don’t
think one app needs to be everything. It has its place
in my life, which is for work, and I’m not concerned with
needing to change my relationship with it if I set those
boundaries with myself upfront.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: KAYLEY
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Kylie
We all have our dirty little secrets and for some of us it’s that
we’re a lot messier than we admit. For Kylie, that was the first
word that came to mind when reflecting on her un-Instagramable
self. The following is a collection of quotes from our conversation
on identity. Afterwards Kylie created the featured drawing as a
reflection of what the un-Instagramable self means to her.
“I’m always trying new things... I think that’s very similar,
and trying to connect with people and be relatable,
motivating, positive and uplifting. I want to uplift
people in my life and on Instagram and I think that’s
very similar. The differences are obviously there’s a
lot more negativity when you really know someone.
The messier side of things. I’m a lot more unorganized
and I’m not always positive because I’m not always
feeling well.”
-On the differences and
similarities of her identities.
-On her edited narratives
“Everyone would always be like, “Oh, you’re
so energetic and positive and it looks like
you’re not even struggling in school” but I
was masking that I was actually struggling a
lot and I do struggle a lot with a lot of things.
I just try to edit that out of my everyday life
because I want to show up and be present
for everyone else.”
-On sustaining the concept of the
un-Instagramable self in society
“I think kindness is a huge thing… empathizing
towards other people, having no judgment,
understanding that everyone has a
story and everyone is able to tell their story
however they want the story to be told, or
their identity to be shown… we shouldn’t
have that fear of judgement when we want
to show our true selves on social media or
in the public, or to our friends.”
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: KYLIE
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Liza
Liza is an Instagram influencer with over seventy-five thousand followers.
She recently used her platform to challenge beauty standards by featuring
her acne un-edited in her projection of self. In this interview she talks
about the values that both sides of her identity give her and the power
of keeping pieces of yourself private.
Can you explain the role
of Instagram in your life?
How does Instagram
make you feel?
Instagram is how I make my living, so it is the platform in which I showcase
my work and is how I reach new audiences. It is how I interact with
clients and it is how I network with my peers and meet new individuals
across the world.
It makes me feel pretty empowered because it’s this tool that I have
developed over time to work to my advantage, and I love when people
respond positively to the work that I create.
How would you describe your
Instagramable self and your
un-Instagramable self?
How is the identity you share on
Instagram similar or different than
your private self?
I’d say since I showcase my acne, they’re pretty similar.
But I maintain a certain aspect of my private life for
myself, and I kind of like that because it’s for me only
and not for the rest of the world. So, I’ll never showcase
my relationships or a lot about my family dynamics. I
never showcased my professional work when I was
doing a nine-to-five. I never showcased my school
when I was in school. It was really just this aesthetic
portion of my life that I was showcasing and everything
else I liked to have it private for me.
I mean I dress the exact same way that I do on camera
versus off camera, style is very integrated into all
aspects of my life. I guess I’m pretty positive and open
all the time on Instagram, whereas I have my emotional
moments off camera, but generally I’ve always been
a very positive and energetic person, so I don’t find
that there’s too much of a disparity there. Yeah, I guess
any of the internal struggles that I have [is different]. I
don’t really talk about going to therapy. I don’t really
talk about my relationships with food. I try and put a
positive spin on it because I know other people are
going through these problems and they need something
to look up to.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: LIZA
What is a reason you wouldn’t
post on Instagram?
How would you describe your
private self?
How do you view your private life?
I think it’s nice to have a little bit for yourself, that no one can
take away from you, so I’m not really sure how other people see
me, based on what I post on Instagram, I know that I’m proud of
my work but I know other people can take that and reinterpret
it for their own purposes and form their own opinion. So those
private parts of my life are what I hold on to for my judgment only.
She’s a lot more introverted. Maybe, partly because we’re in
isolation and I spend a lot more time with myself and I live alone.
But my private self is never bored. I’m so fascinated by all the
things that can spark my creativity and hold my attention. And
there’s always things going on, good and bad, in my private life
that keeps me busy.
I know I said I’m never bored, but I think, in comparison to what
people might think I do in my private life, it’s really just not that
exciting; like I spend a lot of time reading, researching, exercising,
walking, being meditative and mindful with myself.
I view it as very healthy, but I think other people might think that
it’s a bit dull for someone who’s 23.
What values come from your
private life?
What elements of your identity do
you celebrate and what elements
do you protect or mask and why?
I think being able to be at peace with myself is something that
comes from my private life. Just because I do so much that
focuses on self-care and wellness, when I’m not on screen I’m
pretty mentally healthy and happy.
I celebrate my loyalty and giving-ness. I’ll do anything for my
friends and family, I will give up anything, I will go to the craziest
length to just be there and be present for people who are
important to me.
And the things that I masked are the times when I, and they’re
honestly quite rare, I’m generally a very happy person, but I
will mask the times where I feel down. I don’t want to showcase
that to the world because I know there’s enough of it and I think
there’s other people who do that job. There are other people
who fill that role and that’s not my role and that’s okay. I love
seeing positivity and I love bringing that to people, so that’s what
I showcase. But any personal health struggles, I keep to myself.
How do you feel when you see
others sharing their private experiences
or flaws on social media?
I mean I do it, I showcase my acne. So, I don’t mind. I think it helps
a lot of people. I know that the people who do share it, you don’t
really get much out of it except for a community which is really
strong and really wonderful. Like it doesn’t help my personal life,
it doesn’t help my dating, it doesn’t help anything when I share
my acne on camera. But I know that if I can help someone have
the confidence to leave their house, then that is worth it, that
sacrifice is worth it. So I don’t mind when other people share
their personal life because I know someone needs it.
I chose to do that as a coping mechanism. I felt so alone, I was
going through the worst with my skin, and I was trying to put
myself out there and I wasn’t feeling confident. And I was like,
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
One thing that really drew me to your
profile was your honesty about skin
struggles, why did you choose to
share that?
What effect did sharing your experience
with acne have on you?
How can we sustain embracing this
concept of the un-Instagramable self
and the value that it brings?
well, why am I not feeling confident? That’s because
I don’t see anyone with skin struggles, everyone has
perfect skin online. And that’s fair, that’s just what
we’ve accepted in beauty. And I was like, okay, but
I am very confident in my looks otherwise, so why
don’t I showcase how acne can be normalized and
you can still be pretty, beautiful… And also, I think
it’s very interesting when people validate your acne.
Because we base a lot of social media off of, you know,
you’re getting likes for validation; but what if people
are, you know, you’re getting likes for acne. That really
puts a twist on things because that’s changing what
we’re perceiving is beautiful, powerful and strong. So
that’s why I did that, I wanted to reframe our beauty
standards.
I mean it really helped me feel less alone because at
the end of the day, social media is social. You do form a
community from it. And I think it really emphasized that
aspect of it. And no one sent me anything negative,
so really it just created a better and more open space
for me. Like no one was like, oh my god you’re so ugly.
I think that’s pretty powerful, and it really shows what
type of audience you have and the community that
you build based off your personality, because I would
never say that to anyone else. So honestly, it made me
feel pretty good about social media.
Oh goodness. I just think that keeping that un-Instagramable
self, because for me it’s such a positive
thing, I feel like the minute that I put that online then
it becomes the Instagramable self and then I don’t
maintain it.
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“Those private parts of my life
are what I hold on to for my
judgment only”
-Liza
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
70

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: MIA
Mia
ARTIST STATEMENT
BY: MIA YAGUCHI-CHOW
For my contribution to The Un-Instagramable Self, I chose to represent
my interpretation in two ways; mostly because I felt that two different
messages could be communicated with the same imagery, just through
different layouts and designs.
The first one consists of digital photography with polaroids imposed
on top. The images as represented through digital photography in the
background are intended to represent the “un-Instagramable” aspects
of my life, curated and styled in a way that could be palatable to an online
audience; whereas the polaroids in the forefront represent what truly lies
behind the carefully curated scene.
The second part consists solely of the polaroids, representing both
the “Instagramable” and “un-Instagramable” through the same format.
Although the images meant to be “Instagramable” are more curated and
refined, they’re shown in the same format as the images that show the
“un-Instagramable” to show that they’re both cut from the same cloth no
matter how they’re curated (or not curated).
However in the end, although some photos look “cleaner” or “better
quality” than others, they all represent a bit of messiness and disorganization
within themselves, contributing to the fact that nothing about
my life is particularly held together to a standard that people on social
media may expect. I personally like showing the unrefined aspects of
myself online - not only because that is inherently me, but to also add to
the representation of imperfection online.
Although those were my intentions for these works, I believe they can
also be open for interpretation based on the viewer’s experiences with
Instagram. I personally believe that most people, with myself included,
do not share the details behind the scenes of the lives we post online,
however at the same time, how much is too much to show when wanting
to represent yourself?
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
72

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: MIA
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Rola
Rola’s Instagramable self shares the good moments
in time but behind closed doors she is contemplating
what changes she wants to make to her life. Her
dream, that she has yet to realize in both her
un-Instagramable and Instagramable life, is to
practice and pursue her creative passions.
Rola's Instagramable self is a vehicle to share her good side to the
world and keep in touch with loved ones in Lebanon. She avoids
sharing the sad times and during quarantine she’s found it easiest
to post nothing at all because, she says, “nothing is going on in
my life.” The biggest contradiction between her un-Instagramable
and Instagramable selves is that she does not share moments of
worship, private spiritual practices, or meditating moments.
When Rola reflected on her identity she realized that she doesn’t
celebrate herself enough. She hopes to practice and celebrate
her creativity more often. She said, “I would like to post a lot more
art… anything to do with creativity. I haven’t been doing that. I don’t
think I ever did… The stuff that I’m passionate about, I haven’t been
posting…. I love to write and I haven’t been doing that enough.”
When asked about her private life Rola explained that a big part
of her private identity is that she lives at home with her family. She
explained that in her private space she hates noise and avoids talking
as much as possible. She’s selective in who she spends time
with because she absorbs the energy around her easily. The word
boring came to mind as she was describing her life behind closed
doors, she also said “I’m very prone to having bad days, if I’m not
actively trying to make it a good day or reminding myself like ‘don’t
worry about it’, whatever I’m thinking about can drag on for days.”
She views her private life as a place in need of improvement. Rola
said, “it needs a lot of work. I don’t think I’m happy where I am, right
now. Things are going great for me in that I have my job and I’m
graduated, but I think there’s more to that, like more life to that. This
is not what life should be about, honestly.” Instead Rola explained,
“I think I should start doing more things that I like, like my creativity.
I know I am a creative person; I just haven’t been doing anything
related to that.”
Through the self-reflection of the interview process, it became
clear that there are creative dreams floating around in Rola’s
un-Instagramable self, waiting to come into reality and to possibly
be shared with the world.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: ROLA
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THE UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELF
Sean
Sean wears a funny and outgoing mask for any onlooker
but his back stage self is more reserved, serious, and even
neurotic at times. He discusses how humour and music
bridge the gap between his versions of self.
It’s a tough question, but when asked to describe himself, Sean was
quick-witted and ready: “I’m 27 years old. I love music, animals, and my
niece. Not my whole family, just my niece. I’m funny, clearly. I recently
completed a graduate program in Music Business and am working in
music”. Over the course of our interview he kept up the jokes but slid in
his shadow side along the way.
What is the role and impact of
Instagram in your life?
Since entering the music business, Instagram has
played a bigger role in my life. Social media is such a
great tool to market musicians, share content, keep
fans up to date etc... With that in mind the impact of
instagram is pretty huge for me. It really determines
the content I create for artists, when we share it,
and is almost a measurement of my success. If an
artist’s followers and fan engagement is growing on
Instagram, it means a job well done.
Personally, I use it to follow my friends, musicians,
bands, comedians and to post just absolutely stunning
photos with captions that are usually unrelated and
drop dead hilarious. My favourite pastime is going to
concerts so instagram is perfect for following artists
and learning about tours. And as my friends know,
some of my favourite memories are at those concerts,
so that’s a pretty positive impact.
What about yourself do you share
on Instagram?
Describe your Instagramable and
your un-Instagramable self.
I try to share my comedy through the captions. I share
family photos and my music. I’m definitely one of those
people that shares artists’ albums in their stories. I
think that’s a way for me to share what I relate to and
is an insight to my mood and the type of person I am.
For example, I wouldn’t ever share like “I’m feeling sad”
but I’d share a “sad boy” song if that’s how I’m feeling.
My Instagramable self is definitely more polished, I
put thought into what I post. My Instagramable self
could also be perceived as more outgoing than I am
in person. My un-Instagramable self is more reserved,
definitely more neurotic. My Instagramable self
would post a picture of my coffee equipment and my
un-Instagramable self spends hours, cleaning, calibrating,
analyzing and even just looking at it.
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78
Song excerpt by Sean.

UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: SEAN
How is the identity you share
online similar or different from
your private self?
A lot of aspects are similar. I love to laugh, mess around, and tease. So,
although my pictures are not funny, I make up for it in the captions and
those captions are very similar to my private self.
It’s different in the sense that my private self can be serious. I never show
my serious side on instagram, I don’t share my beliefs or the fact that I
do breathing exercises most mornings. I have recently shared pictures
of the books I read on Instagram, which is new for me.
What is a reason you wouldn’t
post on Instagram?
From the fear of being misunderstood or judged. My biggest dream is
to be a singer songwriter, I’ve taken vocal lessons and spent countless
hours practicing singing and I still won’t post videos of me singing, just
out of fear that people will say “eek don’t quit your day job” or “hey, who
sings that? Ya, let them sing it”. It’s crazy too because I have the most
supportive people around me who encourage me to share that type of
content and I still wouldn’t post it for fear of judgement.
Also for fear of being misunderstood. Sometimes I don’t post on instagram
because I worry a lot of my followers don’t know I’m joking. I also
have family on instagram and not that I post x-rated stuff but I'm just like
“ugh...I don’t want Karon (my mom) to text me saying ‘Seany what was
that all about’”.
What elements of your identity do
you celebrate and what elements do
you protect or mask and why?
I celebrate my humour, calm personality, my height, and definitely my
positivity. I work pretty hard to see the bright side of situations and am
very proud of that part of my identity.
Because I celebrate my humour and ability to get along with almost everyone,
I mask my serious side and protect my sensitive side. I usually use
comedy as a tool for that. For example, if someone said something that
upset me I’ll just clap back with a joke instead of being like “hey, you hurt
me.” I don’t love being vulnerable and opening up. I do it with a select few
people in my life that I trust and that’s it. I enjoy being mysterious to the
majority of people... I don’t feel like everyone deserves to know all of me,
so I protect and mask the sides of my identity that make me vulnerable.
I also mask my insecure side. I’m super skinny, most dudes my age are
shredded or at least filled out. I’d never post a picture of me topless to
have my protruding bones on display. I think I can come across very sure
of myself and confident. If I didn’t mask or protect that I can be insecure,
it would conflict with the image I want to portray: that I’m a beautiful
unicorn with no issues.
What stories about yourself and/or
your identity remain untold through
day-to-day self-editing?
I edit out my opinions. I think a lot of people would just either think I’m out
of touch with current events or have zero opinions. That’s a downside to
being perceived as chill. People think you’re always chill. I cannot tell you
how many times I’ve sat with friends, family, strangers or colleagues and
thought to myself “yes I have a comment about that” and I never spoke up
because I edited out the opinions I believe in out of fear of causing conflict.
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I also edit out my family conflict. Like all families, mine has their issues. My family is
a big part of my story but I edit out a lot about them. Despite issues like my brother
and sister not talking, I’ll always just say “yup no, no problems here, families good”,
which kind of sucks because I’d love to connect with someone who’s maybe had
similar issues and learn how they cope with it.
How would you describe
your private self.
How do you view your
private life?
What is missing from
Instagram that exists in
the un-Instagramable
side of life?
My private self thrives. My private self can be serious, analytical, neurotic, but when
it’s in private, I don’t mind those traits... I don’t worry about ruining the perception of
being chill because no one’s around to judge. My private self takes cold showers
while singing at the top of my lungs holding a shampoo bottle. But I think having
two opposite personalities, it contributes to the balanced person the public sees.
I like it. I view it as healthy, true, and real. My private life is whole and filled with
everything I want and need. I love sitting on the couch with my partner, binge
watching shows just as much as I love when we go for walks and travel the world.
In short, I view my private life as my most authentic self.
Uniqueness. People are so unique, it’s so cool. Like it’s so cool that my Dad plays
harmonica, but because he doesn’t see people posting videos of people playing
harmonica, he posts pictures of his dog. Which is fine! But, when I scroll through
my feed every fourth picture is an animal, why? Because that’s what people do,
they post pics of their animals. But it’s not unique. When something goes viral, like
buddy drinking cran juice and skateboarding, it’s usually unique. But then everyone
copies it and the platform is flooded with cran juice drinking skaters... My point is,
everyone is unique and has unique ideas but those qualities and traits exist in the
un-Instagramable life, not online.
Do you have songs or
playlist that speaks to
your un-Instagramable
self?
I have a few. One is called “Melodic Mondays.” Most songs are
inspired by what people call the “Monday Blues.” Downbeat
songs that suit a rainy day. It features artists like Leif Vollebekk
and Donovan Woods. Some songs are just because I like the
rhythm. I’d never put this playlist on with a group of friends…
unless we just watched Marley & Me and all wanted to have a
good cry.
Melodic Mondays Playlist.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: SINI
Sini
Sini is a photographer based in Belgium. Her work displays an un-edited rawness
that is rarely seen or shared online. She doesn’t shy away from featuring the
mundane, flaws, or challenges of life, believing instead that every emotion is
equally important and deserving of being shown. Sini opens up about her identity
and her photography in the following email interview.
How would you describe yourself?
I’d start by saying that I’m a young woman from a small town in Belgium who grew
up in a worker’s family, where dad went to work, sometimes two jobs at a time,
and mom stayed home.
I once had this talent research done because I was looking for a job and we came
to the following conclusion: I’m someone with a very broad spectrum of interests,
not many interests run very deep though.
Why did you pursue photography?
I have no real “why” actually. I kinda rolled in it. Maybe
because I wanted to show a side of the world not
many people see, as in my hometown. But also my
idea of what can be beautiful. As I grew older, I learnt
that having the camera in my hands, makes me stop
thinking about stuff and notice the world around me
more. It brought a kind of peace to my mind. And at
the same time, it also doesn’t. For example, because
of the fact that photography became such a big part of
my life, I sometimes can’t stop thinking in frames and
photos. Which can be annoying. To counteract that, I
also draw and write a lot. To keep me from indulging
in one thing too much, I guess.
You’ve created photographs around topics
such as loneliness, sadness, and boredom.
Why do you choose to capture these topics
and experiences?
It was a way to cope with things. If I’d draw
you a timeline of my life and pinpoint major
events in it, it wouldn’t really be a very nice
one. There’s been suicide, depression, drug
and alcohol abuse, aggression… in my family.
Good things too, don’t get me wrong. It’s
always been balanced out a little. But the
events occurred so they left a mark on me,
my thinking, and automatically gets translated
into my art.
[The photo of Sini in her car], for example,
that day was a rollercoaster on emotions.
See, I lost my mom when I was eighteen to
cancer. Because I do not come from a very
communicative family, I never learnt to talk
about my feelings to people close to me.
That day, there was this album that came out
from a group I love and I wanted to listen to
the album for the first time but not just in my
room. So, I made a day out of it and drove
for approximately 1.5 hours towards a childhood
hang out place. To meditate. While
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driving towards Bomal, it was gorgeous
outside and all of a sudden, this song came
on telling me exactly how I felt. Or like, what
I had been through, but by another voice. I
came home that day emotionally exhausted;
I didn’t expect that to happen. So, I decided
to capture that side of me as a human as well.
Humanity is more than just smiles and good
times. Humans are about sadness, heartbreak,
anger, ... too, perhaps even more
often than they’d like to admit. Therefore,
those emotions are very underrepresented
on social media and “mainstream” art, in
general. That’s where I roll in. Besides, I’m a
Cancerian, we talk the language of sadness/
realness as if we invented it.
Do you think it’s important to photograph
the imperfection, boredom, and small
moments of life? Why or why not?
Yes, absolutely. There’s this thing my
psychologist and I agreed on, that the line:
‘you should be a little bit more positive in
life’, is a very toxic one. Every emotion is
equally as important and has every right
to be shown. It’s so easy to look at a smiling
face but it rarely moves me. Show me a
photograph of a person crying, and it’ll hit me
in all the feels. So that’s why, to me, it’s important
to make those kinds of images. Because
I want to move people as well. Imperfection
too. I have noticed that I like photographing
short people, for example. But you can’t
tell from my photos. Yet, those people will
never be asked to be on the cover of a
magazine because the moment they walk
into a room, their height makes them drop in
appeal. Literally. Which is sad. Skin is rarely
retouched in my photos because I wouldn’t
edit out a crack in a window or wall either
while doing street photography. See what I
mean? The world’s a beautiful place, don’t
get me wrong, and I love seeing it. But it’s
the imperfections found everywhere that
makes it so much more interesting. They
help tell a story. They make it real. And they,
oftentimes, make people find themselves in
it, even though they might not always want to
say they did. As a creative person who tries
to make sense of this world, I mirror what I
see, translate the world around me and so
it is important to show every colour in the
spectrum, not only the happy ones. To stay
real, to be honest, to not lie, that’s why I show
what I show and make what I make, to sum it
up in a smaller sentence.
What is it like to create visuals for and
share the more vulnerable sides of life and
identity?
Honestly, sometimes there’s this voice in
my head that says “yo, will you start to show
a little more polished stuff, more easy-onthe-eye-kinda
stuff?” but then again, I can’t.
It’s not me. Admittedly, I also have this fear
that people will tire of what I make because
it’s always sad or serious or whatever. That
they’ll eventually stop liking me as an artist
because it’s almost never light and airy. It
is what it is. I did get some good reactions
though. There’s a friend I recently made who
said that she liked my take on the world. That
what I show is important and interesting to
see/read. That was huge for me, because I
rarely get that reaction. People told me I’m
hard to handle, the blues is too much. Which
I can understand, absolutely. But with any art
form, in the end, it brings rest to my soul. And
that’s what I do it for, no matter what “it is like”.
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UN-INSTAGRAMABLE SELVES: SINI
How is the identity that you share in your photography similar
to or different from your private self?
The biggest difference is that I come off as this always-sadalways-serious
person. Which I am not. I have an unbelievably
silly and child-like sense of humour and view of life. But that
rarely translates itself to my photography.
If the Instagramable self is the mask version of ourselves,
and the un-Instagramable self is the person we are when
we’re alone, how does your photography relate to these
versions of self?
I’d say there’s probably a healthy balance to be found between
them. There are ways of expressing the un-Instagramable self
without explicitly showing it. For example, after having a fight
with a family member or after another setback in life, I’d take
a photo with elements referring to it but never showing the
actual event. Using a model to get a message across instead
of using my own face, can be another way I try to not show too
much of myself. But I’m not sure if I got this question right? My
photography shows the un-Instagramable self more probably
then the Instagramable self.
How would you describe your un-Instagramable self? And
how is your un-Instagramable self similar or different from
your public facing Instagramable self?
When I’m alone and I mean truly alone, I’m very loud, active and
all over the place. This kind of self can be found most in interaction
with my sister, she’s one of the few people who gets to see
my private self. The confident “no fucks given” me. In daily life,
I’m quiet, calculated, calm and collected. The impulsiveness I
like to indulge in, that’s something I keep for myself. How superstitious
I really am, is something I won’t ever show. My religion,
or what I believe in or however you’d call it, is something I like to
keep to myself too. My best days and best moments are rarely
caught on camera. I like to keep most of my “wins” to myself.
Or share them, here and now, with the people around at that
time. It also doesn’t show that I am a fairly lazy person, as in, I do
not really like to go out and do stuff. If you’d give me the option
between going out to take some photos and stay in to read or
write or sketch, I’d lean into the second option more.
Sini's Photography.
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Sophia
Sophia’s online persona masks a lot of her private life but
in her own space she has learned to acknowledge her
un-Instagramable or shadow self to feel more whole and
complete in her day to day life.
What elements of your identity do
you celebrate and what elements
do you protect or mask?
I probably celebrate my individuality. I find that I have a
lot of hobbies and interests that satisfy what I’m looking
for in order to be happy, or fulfilled, or if I’m feeling
kind of off-balance, or out of whack. I go to hobbies,
such as walking, hiking, riding my bike, going to the
beach. These are all things that I can do by myself and
that I don’t need other people for, which is something
that I like because it’s independence and I think that
that’s a good thing.
And then probably what I protect or mask would be
my personal life. I don’t like sharing a lot about myself. I
have a not-so-great family history and experience with
childhood and growing up. So, it’s just not something
that I like to share, and so I protect that very sensitive
spot in who I am
Do you have any stories about
yourself that have been untold
through self-editing?
How would you describe your
private self?
On my Instagram, I have never mentioned anything
about my mental illnesses, of having depression, anxiety,
childhood x y and z. Like those are all very untold
stories. That is just not something that I want to share
in a public forum, even if my account is private.
I’m very in my head. I’m very imaginative, when it
comes to thinking the worst in situations. Like, if there’s
a spectrum of glass half full or glass half empty. I’m on
the empty side, like, almost 80% to 90% of the time.
So, my private life is a lot of coaching and re-parenting,
on like a daily basis, of trying to reframe the thoughts
that I have, and do things in order to make sure that I
don’t feel so depressed and so anxious all the time.
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What value that comes
from your private life?
What do you feel is missing
from Instagram that
exists in the un-Instagramable
life?
The value would be that I’m very introspective,
and I’m very aware, and I’m very self-critical.
I care about how I treat people, and what
I say to people, and my actions, and how I
impact other people. So I would say that,
yes, although I suffer from mental illness,
the friends that I have, as a result of that, are
people that mean the most to me in my life.
Instagram doesn’t really show the boringness
that there is of life. It just does not
highlight that: on average, most humans are
waking up, eating, doing the boring things
about life like grocery shopping, running
errands; and that our lives are just so full
of productivity, and a boring productivity. I
just don’t think that Instagram shows us how
fast time goes by without us feeling fulfilled.
It captures those few and far between
moments rather than the everyday living,
that is actually being done.
I think it would be more relatable to see how
everybody also goes through the motions
rather than going on this trip, or buying this
item, or having this amount of friends sort
of thing. It’s just all these societal measurements
that we value as a collective, and that
can be pretty isolating for people who don’t
have those things.
How do we appreciate
the un-Instagramable
life that we live outside
of Instagram?
I think it comes back to one of your questions
on ‘what is it that you celebrate about
yourself?’ and focusing on those things that
you find are your greatest strengths and
really leaning into those strengths in order
to feel fulfilled, and feel happy and know that
you have those things to go back to. And
maybe use Instagram as a way to explore
other avenues, where maybe you haven’t
thought could be your strength, but you saw
somebody else do it and you’re like “I think
I could do that too”.
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Tessa
Tessa took an 8-month break from Instagram after accidentally deleting a birthday post
and being frustrated with the app. As a social butterfly, she said it was tricky at first, but
she discovered how time consuming and unknowingly stressful her relationship with
her Instagramable self was. When she re-downloaded the app in January 2021, she
realized that 30 seconds a day is enough time spent with that version of self.
Is there a distinction between your Instagram and your identity?
I think there’s definitely a distinction… on Instagram I’m not posting my worst sides, I’m posting me
smiling. But there’s some pictures on there that two hours later I’ve been in the worst mood ever.
When you look at that picture, [you wouldn’t know] I actually had a horrendous day but… if someone
were to go to my feed they’d be like, ‘oh, this girl looks super happy’. And for the most part, I am happy,
but I think it’s so hard because any picture or video is capturing only one segment of a million different
aspects to even that specific situation, or that context… So yes, I think 100% there’s a distinction.
Are there images on your Instagram feed where the background or the behind the scenes of the
image tells a different story than the image itself?
There’s one, it’s me and my friend and we’re drinking Aperol Spritz and taking pictures. But I was actually
in a weird place at that time because I was seeing this guy and his favorite drink was Aperol Spritz;
and it sounds ridiculous, but I was messaging him that night and looking at that picture reminds me
of him even though he’s not in it. It actually reminds me that we took a bike ride that day and he DM’d
me because I posted a story of my bike ride and that’s how we got talking. And then, I’m pretty sure
I tagged Aperol Spritz in that post knowing that he would see it. So, it’s things like that. I think there’s
a lot going on in that picture, but someone looking at that picture would never have guessed that.
How would you describe your private self?
I think I’m quiet, but my mind is like running at a ridiculous rate. I’m constantly listening to music to fill
silence. I really don’t like silence and when I’m alone, I’m obviously not talking to anybody, so I need
to have the TV on or listening to music or there has to be some sort of noise.
What values come from your private life?
I think I do a lot more self-care things, which flows into self-respect.
I used to do a lot for me, but really it was for other people. Like, in the summer I painted my toenails
because I wear flip flops; but now, it’s the dead of winter and I paint my toes because I just want to
paint my toes. I’m looking at my toes, and I want them to be a pretty color. I think one of the biggest
[values] is definitely self-care and self-respect.
I’m coming to learn to value my alone time. I think it’s really important, even though I crave human
interaction and I want to see people. I’ve always been the organizer in the friend group, making plans
and whatever, so it’s been really hard for me to be quiet. And it still is hard to not be able to make
plans and do things like that. But, with that said, I think I’ve come to value how important is to just sit
in silence, or cook just because it’s fun, and I’m just doing it for myself.
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“Any picture or video is capturing
only one segment of a million
different aspects to even that
specific situation”
-Tessa
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My
Un-Instagramable
Self
Over the years, I have used Instagram for
inspiration and operated as an observer
rather than sharer. I worried about putting
my identity online and not measuring up
against all the interesting images and lives
that I followed, which is a reflection of my
own struggles with self-acceptance. I’m an
extreme introvert, a comfort dresser, and a
broke student. I don’t have the outfits that
I aspire for online and am usually working,
studying, stressing about school, or escaping
that stress by watching Netflix comedies.
To protect myself, I separate my life and identity
from Instagram by not posting. In this way,
there are no expectations about me and my
life, there’s nothing to track or judge, my life is
exactly as it is in the moment, and only I know
how unsure I am. What I do share online and
in public, my Instagramable self, is positive,
exciting, interesting, a combination of my
dreams and goals that have been realized.
I am smiling, relaxed, and living my best life.
My un-Instagramable self is tired, stressed,
and covered in scars from anxiously picking
my skin. I’m often frustrated and hard on
myself. I take life way too seriously. I have
imposter syndrome in school. I have gone
through bouts of depression and anxiety,
and cry at least three times a week. I do
therapy bi-weekly and make sure to meditate
daily. I mask my lack of confidence, my
uncertainty, my picked pimples, my sadness.
I mask that I’m a bit lost. I mask my fear of
not being good enough. But I’ve learned
a lot in that messy un-Instagramable self. I
learned to pursue happiness by changing
careers, I learned to take care of my health
and be conscious of my thoughts, I learned
that there’s beauty in each day no matter
how it looks from the outside, I’m constantly
learning to let go of things that aren’t making
me feel good. It is in this side of myself that
I am accomplishing school goals, career
goals, and personal goals. I’m developing
relationships with others and myself while
improving my health. It is in this side of my
life, the side that’s not as bright and shiny as
the online version, that I’m learning to better
my every-day. It’s a place of resilience and
strength, a place that is full of love, potential,
and opportunity.
Though this project, I learned I can offer
myself some slack in not measuring up. I
liked learning that my daily experiences
and challenges are not all that different from
others. I learned that it’s okay to share the
imperfection because it’s something everyone
can relate to. Behind closed doors or
virtual screens, we’re all a combination of
positive and negative elements and it’s how
we view and learn, and what we do with that
knowledge that really matters. Not how we
appear on the outside. By acknowledging
and embracing my darkness, I’ve found far
more light.
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Conclusion
BY: SHAUNA CURRAN
After a year of conceptualizing The Un-
Instagramable Self and 23 narrative interviews,
I’ve learned the un-Instagramable self
is the combination of our shadow, off stage,
and private selves and that by acknowledging
the many facets of identity, we can further
understand ourselves, our areas of growth,
and our shared experiences with others.
Both the Instagramable and un-Instagramable
selves play an important role in our
identity and self-conceptualization and it is
the balance of these identities that helps us
to feel whole and complete.
While it’s not necessary to share the un-Instagramable
self online or visually, for those who
have, they experienced support, empowerment,
and acceptance. In the process, they
found connection and a self-acceptance in
recognizing their humanness. Sharing what
many consider un-sharable visuals of imperfection
and vulnerability, challenges societal
standards and has a positive impact through
its ability to foster connection.
By providing an opportunity to acknowledge and talk
about the un-Instagramable self through this project,
conversations consistently led to appreciating its value
and an opportunity to reflect on our understanding of
self and others. This proves that while it’s not necessary
to share this self online or visually, acknowledging
its existence has a positive effect on the self as
a whole.
An added piece to remember is our Instagramable
selves are limited to what we can see and hear and to
those who are active online. Life beyond the screen
also includes smells, like a bonfire on a summer’s night;
touch, like the fuzziness of ripe peach, and taste, like
the sweet celebration of a birthday cake. There are
generations of people who simply are not online, who
do not have Instagramable selves. There is a whole
world that exists in our un-Instagramable lives that
simply cannot exist online.
Next time you’re scrolling through images of perfection,
please remember that you're viewing just one
side of people’s identity. There is more to life and
individuals than what is public facing. There is a raw
beauty and value in the pieces of self and life that
simply aren’t shared. Remember, you are not alone in
your humanness, you are one of many individuals with
many facets of self, and you are perfectly imperfect.
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COVERS
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Dumlao, Nathan. Photograph of black texture.
Unsplash, 26 Sept. 2020, https://unsplash.com/
photos/87r__24oABU.
4-5
Text
Zweig, Connie, and Steven Wolf. Romancing the
Shadow. Wellspring/Ballantine, 1999.
Images
Leung, Jason. Photograph of messy kitchen.
Unsplash, 24 Jan. 2018, https://unsplash.com/
photos/7iuasVqkUjs.
Nygård, Anne. Photograph of cracked statue.
Unsplash, 14 Mar. 2018, https://unsplash.com/
photos/8czYAy10nGI.
Wolff, Claudia. Photograph of Claudia crying.
Unsplash, 14 Mar. 2018, https://unsplash.com/photos/
owBcefxgrIE.
Wolff, Claudia. Photograph of eggs. Unsplash, 8 Mar.
2018, https://unsplash.com/photos/fJ-_gAomujU.
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8
Image
Nishaath, Ahmed. “Introvert.” Unsplash, 14 Aug. 2019,
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Text
Bullingham, Liam, and Ana C. Vasconcelos. “‘The
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Image
Leunen, Sinitta. “Details of light.” Unsplash, 5 Oct.
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Westover, Tara. “The Un-Instagramable Self:
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Curran, Shauna. Black and white digital illustration
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22-23
Image
Lamarre, Claudie. “Dancin’ In The Moonlight.” Artist’s
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25-27
Image
Amelia. Photograph of self. Amelia’s personal
collection.
28-31
Images
Cedric. Photograph of blood orange. Cedric’s personal
collection.
Cedric. Photographs of plant. Cedric’s personal
collection.
Cedric. Photograph of shredded envelope. Cedric’s
personal collection.
32-38
Images
Wolff, Claudia. Photograph of Claudia crying.
Unsplash, 14 Mar. 2018, https://unsplash.com/photos/
owBcefxgrIE.
Wolff, Claudia. Photograph of coffee. Unsplash, 26
Mar. 2018, https://unsplash.com/photos/XgSrrZTh2wI.
Wolff, Claudia. Photograph of light fixture. Unsplash,
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Wolff, Claudia. Photograph of mezuzah. Unsplash, 7
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40-41
Image
Emma. Photograph of self. Emma’s personal collection.
42-43
Images
Greis. Photographs of self. Greis’ personal collection.
44-45
Image
Armitage, Ashley. Photograph of girls getting ready
for Billie Body Brand. Unsplash, 26 June 2018, https://
unsplash.com/photos/fn3Ynzfg9no.
46-47
Image
Curran, Shauna. Photograph of Hannah. 12 Mar. 2021.
Author’s personal collection.
48-51
Image
Joanna. Photograph of self. Joanna’s personal
collection.
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Text
Karlee. “The War Against Myself.” Karlee’s personal collection.
Image
Karlee. Illustration of girl and bird. Karlee’s personal collection.
56-57
Image
Kayla. Photograph of drying roses. Kayla’s personal collection.
58-63
Images
Kayley. Photographs of Kayley. Kayley’s personal collection.
64-65
Image
Kylie. Untitled Illustration. Kylie’s personal collection.
70-73
Text
Yaguchi-Chow, Mia. Artist Statement. Submitted by Mia.
Images
Yaguchi-Chow, Mia. Photographs created for The
Un-Instagramable Self. Mia’s personal collection.
74-75
Text
Rola. Poem excerpt. Rola’s personal Collection.
Image
Thelavart, Olga. “White Watercolour Paper Texture.” Unsplash,
2 Oct. 2020, https://unsplash.com/photos/vS3idIiYxX0
76-81
Text
Sean. Lyric excerpt. Sean’s personal collection.
Images
Curran, Shauna. Photograph of Sean outside. 10 Mar. 2021.
Author’s personal collection.
Curran, Shauna. Photograph of Sean’s coffee equipment with
lyrics overtop. 10 Mar. 2021. Author’s personal collection.
Curran, Shauna. Photograph of Sean indoors. 10 Mar. 2021.
Author’s personal collection.
82-89
Images
Sini. “Breakfast Table at the Farm.” Unsplash, 5 Oct. 2020,
https://unsplash.com/photos/pXxMKGU-WNQ.
Sini. “I’ve Been Losing my Mind is an Understatement.” Unsplash,
5 Oct. 2020, https://unsplash.com/photos/HuIIHyVGkHI.
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REFERENCES
Sini. Photo of Sini in bed. Unsplash, 16 Dec. 2020, https://unsplash.com/
photos/D2zbLybrTHc.
Sini. Photo of Sini in her car. Unsplash, 16 Nov. 2020, https://unsplash.
com/photos/2YKI7b77j6U.
90-91
Images
Sophia. Photograph of bookshelf and plant. Sophia’s personal collection.
Sophia. Photograph of kitchen vegetables. Sophia’s personal collection.
94-95
Image
Curran, Shauna. Self. 15 Mar. 2021. Author’s personal collection.
96-97
Text
Rola. Poem excerpt. Rola’s personal Collection.
Images
Cedric. Photograph of blood orange. Cedric’s personal collection.
Curran, Shauna. Photograph of messy corner. 10 Mar. 2021. Author’s
personal collection.
Leunen, Sinitta. Photograph of girl on phone. Unsplash, 5 Oct. 2020,
https://unsplash.com/photos/KZfAktHmryc
Sean. Lyric excerpt. Sean’s personal collection.
Vica. Photograph of Vica and her dog. Vica’s personal collection.
Wolff, Claudia. Photograph of light fixture. Unsplash, 7 Mar. 2018, https://
unsplash.com/photos/NMlgXTpXRZE.
98-99
Image
Bdn, Rania. Photograph of peaches. 8 Apr. 2020, https://unsplash.com/
photos/4_aye0DfHLg.
100-101
Image
Lamarre, Claudie. “At The End It’s All Shit.” Artist’s personal collection,
https://outofthe.ca/.
106-107
Images
Amelia. Photograph of girl smoking in doorway. Amelia’s personal
collection.
Cedric. Photograph of noodles. Cedric’s personal collection.
Curran, Shauna. Photograph of Hannah with Roo. 12 Mar. 2021. Author’s
personal collection.
Karlee. Scan of poem and illustration. Karlee’s personal collection.
Leunen, Sinitta. “Chillax.” Unsplash, 16 Oct. 2020, https://unsplash.com/
photos/ASPT7NSYjeg.
Ungurs, Kristaps. Photograph of teacup. 16 Jan. 2021, https://unsplash.
com/photos/eR3eB0D97_Q.
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