GRAND Spring 2021 Vol. IV Ed. I

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GRANDparenting 10 Ways to Be a Fabulous Grandparent Being a knock-your-socks-off grandma or grandpa is fun, sure—but it also takes time and effort. Here’s how to be the best grandparent you can be. Instead, turn the equation around and let your curiosity lead the way. Ask them about your grandchild’s likes and dislikes, latest accomplishments, and funny tricks. Tread lightly when asking about feeding, health issues, or sleep habits—you don’t want to be intrusive. Gentle, nonjudgmental inquiries show you care and allow you to support your child through any challenges. Melanie Haiken is an award-winning health and wellness writer and editor. Reprinted with permission from babycenter.com. © BabyCenter LLC Ask rather than answer As a grandparent, you have years of parenting experience. You may feel like an expert and see your child—the new parent—as needing your guidance. But in that direction lies disaster. “Hard as it is, you have to realize it’s their turn to make parenting decisions. Grandparents shouldn’t get in the way,” says family therapist Sharon O’Neill. When you offer advice and opinions, no matter how well-meaning, you risk making already nervous new parents feel like you don’t trust them or respect their judgment, says O’Neill. Get silly Grandparenting can mean all the fun of kids without all the responsibility. So enjoy it! Get down on the floor and play with your new grandbaby. Act out silly scenes with finger puppets, invent stories, and make faces. Save up jokes to tell older kids and watch funny movies together. Grandmother Sarah Williams made up a special language with her granddaughters when they were young, substituting words so no one else could understand what they were talking about. Now that the girls are older, they’ve started sharing funny video clips with her on Facebook. “It’s a hoot. My friends see these crazy things that Amelia and Lily post on my page and just laugh,” says Williams. Beware grandparent rivalry Avoid the trap of keeping up with Grandpa Joe and Grandma Josie—this will only lead to hard feelings. “It’s inevitable that one set of grandparents is going to spend more time with the child than the others, but that doesn’t mean anything in terms of the closeness of the relationships,” says Amy Goyer, multigenerational fam- 24 GRAND grandmag.ca
ily expert and author of Things to Do Now That You’re a Grandparent. Keep your grandchild’s needs at the top of your mind. There’s no such thing as too much love, after all, and a close relationship with one set of grandparents doesn’t detract from your importance—unless you let it. Be mellow about mess Let’s face it, kids are messy. You may have forgotten just how messy! Your best bet is to plan ahead so you’re not dismayed by a piece of toast landing jam-side-down on your white couch. It’s fine to designate some areas as off-limits and make others childfriendly. Since you don’t want to have to follow your grandchildren around with a sponge, set up a kid eating area where crumbs can fall as they may. You can use a wipe-clean tablecloth and even protect rugs with a floor mat. You’ll want to keep young grandchildren safe by blocking off dangerous areas and moving valuables and potential poisons out of reach. Do things, don’t just give things It’s tempting to buy the latest toy or game and see your grandchild’s face light up, and that’s fine. But experiences you share are often far more meaningful—and will create memories that last a lifetime. Document these experiences so they stay in your grandchildren’s memories. Even a day of babysitting is worth commemorating. Don’t be a burden Be careful of the common pitfall of overenthusiastic grandparents: Making more work for the new parents rather than less. Amy Goyer of the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) says she hears from many disappointed grandparents who wonder why they don’t receive more invitations to visit their adult children and grandchildren, seemingly unaware of how high their expectations are and how much effort and work they’re making for others. As your grandchildren get older, think of ways to spend quality time with them that are helpful to the parents, not intrusive or requiring a lot of organization and planning on their part. Avoid playing favorites Fawning over the dimpled baby while ignoring—or worse, snapping at—the rambunctious 3-year-old sibling is a classic grandparent faux pas. It’s near impossible not to be struck by the adorableness of whichever grandchild happens to be in the cutest stage. But every child will go through difficult and angelic times, and your job is to love them either way. The best way to combat favouritism is to make sure your visits include one-on-one time with each grandchild. Kids tend to be at their best when removed from sibling competition, and it’s much easier to get to grandmag.ca Vol. IV, Ed. I 25
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