24032021 - Insecurity threatens 2023 elections, Ortom tells Buhari

36 — VANGUARD, WEDNESDAY, MARCH 24, 2021
She refuses to have my family
at our wedding
Dear Bunmi,
MY FIANCÉE doesn't
get on with my family
and things have turned really
nasty. She wasn't their
favourite candidate when we
first started dating as she used
to date a relation. With time,
I was able to work on my
family to respect the love I
had for her. Now that we're
talking marriage, she's issued
an ultimatum that if I
involved my family the
wedding wouldn't take place.
I think this is absurd
and I've told her she's
overreacting but she refuses
to budge. What should I do?
Walter, By e-mail.
Dear Walter,
What an outrageous and
ridiculous ultimatum! You
should tell her to stop
behaving like a spoilt brat.
She supposedly loves you, yet
wants you to promise not to
see your family who you love
dearly. Her behaviour should
make you question the whole
relationship but if you still
want her, then let her know
what she's asking for is
impossible. That your family
is as important to you as she
is and you need to have an
honest and practical chat
about how to make things
work so everyone can be
happy.
She doesn't have to love your
family - or they her, but they
both need to be respectful of
your situation. Whatever you
do, don't tell your family she
asked you to make this choice
because she certainly will
forever remain in their bad
books!
Your friends who knew of your husband's affair and
kept quiet didn't do so out of nastiness but fear of
what might happen if the truth came out. They were
afraid to be honest with you in case you turned on
them and they might also be wary of interfering in
your relationship, hoping that marriage might change
your husband for the better.
I don't feel passionate about him
Dear Bunmi,
I
have had good and
intense relationships in
the past and had hoped this
would continue with my
current boyfriend, but life
with him is quieter and though
the lovemaking is okay, I
wouldn't call it earth
shattering.
I just turned 30 and would
love to have children, and my
new man could be a sensible
choice as he's financially solid.
Only I'm not that excited
about spending the rest of my
life with him. My married
friends have told me that
passion fades with time,
anyway, and I should stay
with him because he's a good
catch.
Am I wrong for wanting to
hang on for someone I feel
passionate about?
Constance, by e-mail.
Dear Constance,
We're not talking about a
business partnership here, but
a love match. Like your
friends, some people would
argue differently, saying
If you're after a
more powerful,
emotional and
sexual experience,
then hang on for
the person you
want to instantly
fall all over you!
Passion won't
guarantee you a
lifetime lover but
it's a good start
and is likely to
make you stick
around for the
finish.
marriage plus children is a
type of business arrangement,
and the qualities you search
for in a husband are different
from those in a lover. The
danger here is that if you
settle for Mr. Sensible,
chances of having affairs with
men who turn you on are
high.
Who you choose to spend
the rest of your life with and
why, has a lot to do with your
personality. If you want a
passionate, intense
relationship, chemistry is
crucial.
But if you would rather settle
for 'content', then chemistry's
not important. With real
passion, the more involved
you are, the more you have to
lose and some people are wary
of this.
If you're after a more
powerful, emotional and
sexual experience, then hang
on for the person you want to
instantly fall all over you!
Passion won't guarantee you
a lifetime lover but it's a good
start and is likely to make you
stick around for the finish.
And remember, even good
relationships have a lot of
boring bits, and passion is
what keeps us hanging in
there, rather than dashing out
the door the second problems
start.
Who you choose to spend the rest of your life with
and why, has a lot to do with your personality. If you
want a passionate, intense relationship, chemistry is
crucial.
It feels like I'm still
inexperienced
Dear Bunmi,
ALTHOUGH I am in my
mid twenties, I lost my
virginity only last year and
I've had sex with a couple of
guys to get more experience.
But my relationship with these
guys didn't last because sex
with them didn't turn me on
all that much.
I've now met a man I
consider my dream guy but
we haven't had sex yet in
spite of the fact we've been
dating for weeks now. My
problems is that I still feel like
a virgin because I'm so
inexperienced and I don't
want to do anything wrong
and put my new man off.
What should I do?
Saudat, By e-mail.
Wearing knickers makes her
uncomfortable!
Dear Bunmi,
Ihave been involved with
Franca for over two years.
She is a professional, highly
successful woman and comes
from a respectable
background. She lives in a
flat she bought in Ikoyi and I
share a luxury flat with a
friend on the Island.
We are very compatible
sexually and I have marriage
on my mind.
One thing that makes me
uncomfortable is Franka's
refusal to wear knickers. She
says they make her
uncomfortable. Even when
she has her periods, she uses
tampons and refuses to have
anything to do with that brand
of underwear. I shouldn't
complain really as it has made
love-making an adventurous
project. But what happens if
she climbs the stairs and
Why did he marry me?
Dear Bunmi,
AFTER I discovered I
was pregnant, my boyfriend
of two years decided
we should get married. I
now have an 18-month-old
son and my husband is in a
hot affair with this woman he
knew before we got married.
As a matter of fact, almost
everybody we knew were
aware of the affair, yet no one
told me especially since she
is well known to me. I feel
betrayed by everyone and
have left my matrimonial
home. I would have gone
mad if I had stayed.
Felicia, By e-mail.
Dear Saudat,
Why don't you learn to relax
for a start? And forget the
notion that you'll learn to be a
good lover by having a series
of men to practice with!
Most people learn about sex
in a committed relationship
where you both have the time
and desire to explore each
other's bodies and learn how
to communicate your sexual
wants and needs in a safe,
loving environment.
Let your new man know you
have limited experience with
sex and that's why you haven't
rushed it. With his help, you
can then relax and if he's more
experienced, let him take you
through your paces!
people can see up her legs?
Or if she suddenly gets
knocked down by a car and is
exposed?
She said nothing I would say
would make her change her
mind. But don't you think it's
a bit of a frivolity for a lady
not to wear knickers.
Alaba, By e-mail.
Dear Alaba,
A lot of men would give their
right arm to be in your shoes!
Seriously, how many exposed
knickers have you seen in the
last ten years? Except you are
a flasher, what you wear or
don't wear underneath your
clothes, be it male or female,
is strictly your business.
Frivolity has nothing to do
with it and the earlier you
came out of the Dark Ages, the
sooner you'd enjoy this
healthy relationship better.
Dear Felicia,
Your friends who knew of
your husband's affair and
kept quiet didn't do so out of
nastiness but fear of what
might happen if the truth
came out. They were afraid
to be honest with you in case
you turned on them and they
might also be wary of interfering
in your relationship,
hoping that marriage might
change your husband for the
better.
Your husband is the love rat
here and while you now have
to get over his deceit, don't
think your friends betrayed
you too. They obviously believed
they were doing their
best for you.
Share your problems and release
your burden. Write now to
Dear Bunmi,
Vanguard Newspapers,
P.M.B 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or
bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk