Margins Magazine - Volume 4 Issue 3

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Land Acknowledgement
& Equity Statement.
We shall neither condone nor tolerate behaviour that undermines
the dignity or self-esteem of any individual or creates an
intimidating, hostile or offensive environment in our physical and
digital spaces. It is our collective responsibility to create spaces that
are inclusive and welcome discussion. Any form of discrimination
and harassment will not be tolerated. Hate speech rooted in, but not
limited to, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, sexist, racist, classist, ableist,
homophobic, or transphobic sentiments and/or remarks will not
be tolerated. We all have an obligation to ensure that an open and
inclusive space, free of hate is established. Any behaviour that does
not demonstrate an understanding of these principles and/or creates
an unsafe atmosphere will not be tolerated.
To recognize the land is an expression of gratitude and appreciation
to those whose territory you reside on, and a way of honouring the
Indigenous people who have been living and working on the land
from time immemorial. It is important to understand the longstanding
history that has brought you to reside on the land, and to
seek to understand your place within that history. Colonialism is a
current ongoing process, and we need to build our mindfulness of
our present participation.
The first step is to acknowledge that we, Margins Magazine & The
UTSC Women’s and Trans Centre, are on the traditional land of the
Huron-Wendat, the Seneca, and most recently, the Mississaugas of
the Credit River. We would like to sincerely pay our respects to their
elders past and present, and to any who may be here with us today,
physically, mentally, and spiritually. Today, these lands are still the
home to many Indigenous people from across Turtle Island and we
are grateful to have the opportunity to work on this land.
visual credits: Callum Wale
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A Note from
the Editor - In - Chief.
Happy New Year to all the readers of Margins Magazine!
The previous year was filled with uncertainty, oscillating
experiences, and lots of self-reflection. Amongst the pockets
of calm and pause, I personally took steps to look within and
abandoned this notion of “busyness” that I constantly carried. Moving
through ache and ease, I’ve settled to a point of authentic balance
which has allowed me to continue doing the work I truly believe in
with increased focus and discipline.
In this issue, our writers and contributors grapple with these
very ideas personally such as Sanah Malik in her piece “Addictions &
Triumphs” that highlights moving beyond and in Zachariah Highgate’s
conversation with photographer & community leader Anthony
Gebrehiwot about the passage of time in his exhibit “Your Boys to
Men: The Road to Healing”. Collectively, these ideas are also explored
in Bhanvi Sachdeva’s “Cognitive Dissonance & Conflicting Desires” on
addressing the closed-door epidemic and Saman Saeed’s “Does UofT
Care About Students’ Mental Health?”. In the spirit of connecting with
more local organizations, Margins Magazine collaborated with Jack.
Org UTSC for a featured section to raise more awareness surrounding
well-being and mental health within the community.
I’d like to finish my editor’s note with this quote by Morgan
Harper Nichols: “When you start to feel like things should have been
better this year, remember the mountains and valleys that got you
here. They are not accidents, and those moments weren’t in vain.
You are not the same. You have grown and you are growing. You are
breathing, you are living, you are wrapped in endless, boundless
grace. And things will get better. There is more to you than yesterday.”
With much love,
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Shagun Kanwar, Editor-In-Chief
wtcmargins@gmail.com

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A Note from the
Creative Director.
Happy New Year Everyone!!!
We've made it through almost 10 MONTHS OF THE CURRENT
PANDEMIC! Can you believe that?! Looking back at the start
of 2020, I found that I've learned a lot about myself through
both positive and negative experiences. For the first time in a very long
time, I can say I'm finally content with who I am and what I want to be
in the future. I never thought I'd be able to say that, but here we are!
*celebration*
I would also like to point out that people have different
experiences that shape their own individual paths. This past year is
a prime example of that. Just because you may see one person who
seems like they are cruising through their studies, work, or life, doesn't
mean they're doing more or less. It just means they're doing their
own thing! So, with the new year, I would like all of you to be more
gentle with your growth and keep telling yourself that you are doing
absolutely everything to keep your head high!
For this issue, Shagun and I thought that the theme of ache and
ease should be covered, because we felt that those emotions were the
most prominent throughout this past year. Life isn’t always about sunshine
and rainbows, but it’s important to shine a light over the days
when we don’t feel our best.
Since the start of my time at Margins Magazine last March to now,
January 2021, it has definitely been an intriguing journey. I am beyond
grateful to work with such a wonderful team and with such diverse and
creative minds. I hope all of you enjoy this issue because we created it
with a lot of love!
With love,
Arya Bhat, Creative Director
arymbhat@gmail.com
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Masthead.
Contributors.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Shagun Kanwar
MANAGING EDITOR Nadia Adam
CREATIVE DIRECTOR Arya Bhat
ILLUSTRATOR Tashfia Sharar
EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT Kyana Espiritu
EXECUTIVE EDITOR Alexa DiFrancesco
EDITOR Farah Ahmad
EDITOR Ziyan Nadeem
WRITER Bhanvi Sachdeva
WRITER Maisha Maimunah
WRITER Saman Saeed
WRITER Sanah Malik
WRITER Sofia Suleman
WRITER Theevya Ragu
WRITER Zachariah Highgate
MARKETING DIRECTOR Maidah Afzal
MARKETING DIRECTOR Radhika Gupta
ART & PHOTOGRAPHY
Imran Faizyab Jatoi
Lahbdi Shah
Seigar
Vaishnavi Sambhus
Valeria Martinov
POETRY
Anika Munir
Arvela Lunasco
Isabella Fong
Rami Naamna
Suman Banik
You-Jin Kim
CREATIVE PIECES & SHORT STORIES
Leila Mekchoudi
Ujwal Mantha
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Table of Contents
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Inner Isolation
Lahbdi Shah
72
Disaster, Gajok
You-Jin Kim
30
Unmasking the Pandemic
Sofia Suleman
78
Bus Stop
Rami Naamna
38
Same Show, Different Channel
Suman Banik
82
Photography by Vaishnavi Sambhus
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In Conversation with
Anthony Gebrehiwot -
Zachariah Highgate
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Toxic - Seigar
Addictions & Triumphs
Sanah Malik
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Identify Assist & Refer
Does UofT Care About Students’
Mental Health - Saman Saeed
114
Jack.Org UTSC x
Margins Magazine
Collaboration
58
Grey Sweatshirt
Anika Munir
100
Ache & Ease
Maisha Maimunah
60
Photography by Imran Faizyab Jatoi
108
Overthinking
Valeria Martinov
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Wanderlust
Isabella Fong
110
Don’t Matter
Arvela Lunasco
136
All is Well:
A Graphic Novel
by Ujwal Mantha
66
Cognitive Dissonance & Conflicting
Desires - Bhanvi Sachdeva
124
In the Peaceful Meadow
Leila Mekchoudi
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MARGINS
In Conversation
With: Anthony
Gebrehiwot
Anthony Gebrehiwot’s exhibit “From Boys to Men: The Road to Healing” is
currently featured at the University of Toronto’s Doris McCarthy Gallery. I came
across a mini-documentary that the University filmed for the exhibit on Twitter
and was thoroughly impressed. I reached out to him and was delighted when
he agreed to speak with me about the exhibit and his photography career!
By Zachariah
Highgate
Anthony Gebrehiwot is a passionate photographer and community
leader whose creative lens re-visions photography as an ongoing
dialogue of social change between subject and society. A selftaught
photographer, Gebrehiwot founded XvXy-photo in 2014
focusing on studio portraiture. To date, he has worked with several
notable brands such as Nike, Royal Bank of Canada, Vice Canada,
Absolute, Hudson Bay, The City of Toronto and Linkedin. His work
has been featured in over thirty local and international publications
including the Star, the Globe and Mail, PAPER Magazine, Elle UK
and Yahoo Lifestyle.
Zachariah Highgate: Thank you for
taking the time to sit down with me
to speak about your accomplishments
and the things you have going
on right now! Before we begin,
could you please tell us a little bit
about yourself and what you do?
Anthony Gebrehiwot: Sure! My
name is Anthony Gebrehiwot and
I’m a visual artist, photographer,
and storyteller. I’m self-taught, so
I’ve been doing this for the past
11 years now. I also do mentorship,
workshops, and I’m an artist
educator as well as a community
builder.
ZH: Thank you so much! You have
an illustrious career that has seen
you work with huge brands and
companies.
* Bio provided by Anthony Gebrehiwot
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FROM YOUR BOYS TO MEN,
THE ROAD TO HEALING: A
VISIT FROM THE PAST.
How has it been working with these organizations,
and what are your biggest
takeaways?
AG: It’s been interesting. There are pros
and cons [to them] just like any situation
when you’re working with someone. I
think the pros are that it’s an equal opportunity.
As a young creative, you get to
have your work on these platforms and
then for those bigger companies, they get
to leverage the “coolness” of working with
younger artists and showing that they are
aware of what’s going on culturally in the
city. I think my biggest takeaway is when
you’re working with these companies, you
have to really know your worth. You can’t
really undervalue yourself.
I remember when I got one of my
first clients, I was talking to one of my
close friends about what I should charge
them. Initially, the value that I had in my
mind [was] what I would charge anyone
else. But I think you have to realize that
when you’re working with these bigger
companies, they have bigger budgets and
your experience, your time, all the hours
you put into teaching yourself the skill...
All that stuff is very valuable and you
have the right to charge these companies
what you think you’re actually worth, you
know? You don’t have to withhold yourself.
No one really taught me that, so I think
the first time that I did it, I did not value
myself and I did not charge what I should
have charged. After learning [that] these
companies have bigger budgets, I started
charging what I’m worth so that’s kind of
the biggest takeaway from me.
ZH: Wow, that’s amazing and that’s
very profound! I’m a recording artist
myself so I definitely recognize [that]
you kind of have to set that benchmark
for yourself, go from there, and kind
of stand by it, you know? It’s not
something you can always just back
out from because you’re right, these
people do have budgets and if they
want your services and your talent,
then they definitely should be able to
compensate you accordingly.
AG: Yeah and you’d be surprised by
what they accept.
ZH: Your Boys to Men: The Road to
Healing exhibit is currently on display
in the Doris McCarthy Gallery (congratulations
on that)! What can you
tell us about how that came about,
what went into that process, and why
you chose these particular pieces to
be a part of the exhibit?
AG: So this is actually the second
chapter of this collection. The first
chapter was released a year ago, almost
to the day, through Nuit Blanche. It was
something that I was thinking about for
a very, very long time. It’s a summary
of my life experiences as a man and
the plight of becoming a “man”. I knew
I had to do another chapter because
with the first chapter, I was only able to
address a particular theme. When I put
out the first collection, there were four
triangular pillars and for each pillar,
there was a particular theme and the
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images were shot to support those themes.
It felt like an intro chapter. These [were]
kind of the basic principles that you need
to be aware of and these [were] the kind of
principles that I want to challenge and go
against the status quo.
Then with the second chapter, I had to do
it because I knew that for myself, there
was still so much work to do and I feel
like all of us are on this particular path
of healing. In that video, I just realized
that emotionally, there’s so much work I
have to do. I was like, how can I convey
these messages of how I’m trying to heal
through these images? It took pretty much
a year to put together and I just wanted to
make sure that I did it right. I think you
have to give time and space for these ideas
to come to life. One of the ideas literally
came about at the beginning of this year
and it came to me through a dream when I
was in Tanzania.
Dreams do come differently when
you’re in different parts of the world. I
was sleeping and I had a dream that I
was this observer and I saw an older man
go and visit his younger self. [He] spent
the day with him, comforted him, and
showed him that thirty, forty years from
now, you’re going to heal. You’re going to
be okay, everything’s going to be alright. I
think as creatives, you can try and plan everything
out as much as you want but ultimately
you have to have time and space
just to live. To live your life and let things
come to you.
visual credits: Alexandre Brondino
ZH: No, I absolutely agree and I think that’s
so profound that you took all of that from a
dream. I told someone a few weeks ago that
was having these really, vivid dreams to write
[their] dreams down because it’s a message
and you don’t know what you can take from
that. I try to do the same thing. I feel like I’ve
written stories from dreams that I’ve had.
You just never know why you’re getting those
messages and how they’re meant to help you
in life. I think that’s amazing though that you
took so much from that. I definitely need
to dream in another place now. I’ve been in
Toronto for so long now, I haven’t been on a
vacation or been somewhere else in a while so
I need to go out!
AG: Yeah, different spaces carry different
energy so it’s important to feel that.
ZH: Well, thank you for that! Your exhibit was
also featured in a mini documentary/interview
that the University of Toronto: Scarborough
campus released on their official Twitter page,
which I thought was incredible! What was
filming that experience like and what do you
want people to take away from it?
AG: It was a bit nerve wracking. I’m not used
to being in front of the camera for video, in
particular. Talking in front of the camera can
be a bit nerve wracking, but I did know I had a
message to spread and get across. The process
was very cool. I just worked with one person
named (Dylan Farley Toombs, Visual Content
Creator) [a] very, very talented person. He
had some loose ideas. We just talked about it
and we made it happen. I think he just did a
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fantastic job. I didn’t know what to expect
when it came to post-editing and all that
kind of stuff but I think he did a really
great job of putting it together, so I definitely
want to shoutout Dylan. I think it
was just a great opportunity and I [tried]
to make the most of it. I feel like it was
well received, I met a lot of cool people
including yourself through this and I’m
grateful for the opportunity.
ZH: You did a phenomenal job and to me,
it was not only shot well but it was just
such a vulnerable and amazing piece. The
University of Toronto is a huge platform. I
think it’s super important that they highlighted
you and showcased your work. I
definitely hope lots of people check out
the exhibit because I think these kinds of
moments are really important for us as
people. Seriously, congratulations. I tip
my hat off to you.
AG: Thank you, I really appreciate that.
ZH: In the mini-doc, you talk about
“challenging the norms of masculinity”
with the exhibit, which I found to be incredibly
powerful. Looking at the pieces
from the exhibit, you can see in the floral
imagery and the vulnerability in your
male models. Why was it important for
you to showcase this and what would you
like to see in the future in terms of how
masculinity is viewed in society?
AG: I think you can challenge masculinity
norms verbally or visually. I just
thought about things that I haven’t
typically seen in large scale images
around the city [and] around the world. I
just tried to make something that stands
out and makes people think. [When
I’m] spending time around the pieces,
students walking by stop and look [at
them]. They’re processing what’s going
on and I think to have that kind of work
in that space is very important. What
I’d like to see, not only by creating this
[exhibit] but moving forward, is men
defining themselves by things they
don’t typically define themselves by. In
general, we’re defined by; how many
women we were with, how much money
we have, [and] what kind of car we have.
We’re defined by our material possessions
and our sexual conquests. I would
love to see men define themselves by
their character, their integrity, their vulnerability,
their ability to embrace both
masculine and feminine energy, how
they treat their parents, how they treat
their partner...Through values, more
or less, as opposed to these traditional
ways of being.
I always find [that] because I’m a six-two
[feet tall] black male, when I am around
other men, I feel this sense of intimidation.
Not like I’m going to hurt them but
just in being a big presence. People treat
me in weird ways because of that. That
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is my frame, that is my body but that’s not
how I am on the inside, you know? That
always rubs me the wrong way. It always
makes me feel like, why are you treating
me this way, based on how I look? I just
want people to just be more open-minded
about how to be, ultimately.
ZH: When I went on your website and
checked out your works I loved [the floral
imagery]. As a man and someone who’s
mixed, I would argue that [floral imagery
for men] is almost looked at as rebellion,
in a sense. I’ve always loved floral prints
and wearing floral [prints] and [having
that as] an aspect of what I do aesthetically..
it’s always [looked at as] pushing
a boundary, but why is it pushing a
boundary? Why can’t I be an emotionally
available, emotionally vulnerable, floral
type of guy, you know? Why does that have
to be something that’s so different and so
against what everyone else is doing?
AG: 100 percent.
ZH: So when you said that in the mini-doc,
I was really taken aback and I was really
like, “oh my gosh, that’s exactly how I
feel!” It doesn’t really have to be this huge
statement, [there] can just be different
types of ways that we as men express
ourselves and navigate. I thought it was
really amazing that you even brought up
something like that so I have to thank you
for that.
AG: No problem! And yeah, you get categorized
if you wear a particular thing.
I remember one of my first jobs [when
visual credits: Anna Tikhonova
I was] sixteen, seventeen. I just liked
wearing polos [and] sleeker stuff when
it was cooler to be baggy. People would
call me metro and I was like “what’s
metro?”, I’m just dressing the way I want
to dress, why do I have to be categorized
based on how I dress?
ZH: Same for me! I feel like I’ve gotten
to a point where I’m like, I paid for it so
I’m going to wear it!
AG: Yeah, for sure! Well, in this day
and age, you can own it. You can own
whatever you want to own.
ZH: Yeah! You know, it’s a good feeling
when I can see that in myself and I can
see that other men and they’re open
about it. I think that’s really cool.
AG: Thanks, I appreciate it.
ZH: What made you choose photography
as the medium to discuss themes
of masculinity?
AG: [Photography] is my background at
the end of the day. I’m self-taught and
have been doing it for 11 years now. I’ve
always felt like I was a visual artist. For
the past little while, people would more
so acknowledge me as a photographer, a
storyteller but not acknowledge the part
of [me] being a visual artist. I feel like
it’s through these kinds of projects [that]
I separate myself or at least include
that in that narrative of being a visual
artist, a photographer, and a storytell-
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er. There’s this artist side of putting out
projects that are conceptual and have
messaging and then there’s commercial
work, doing stuff with brands. Then
there’s doing shoots for people who have
smaller businesses and that are artists
and all that kind of stuff... so I think
that’s why I chose to do photography as
opposed to some sort of design project
to convey these kinds of messages.
ZH: Cool, thank you for sharing that.
You also touch on how interpersonal
relationships and personal traumas
inspired these works. As this issue of
Margins Magazine covers the themes
of ache and ease, how have your experiences
shaped your art?
AG: That is the foundation of this
work. It is what made me start asking
questions. [Through my] relationships,
I would just get upset and mad about
things that I shouldn’t be mad about. I
remember one of my partners telling
me, “you need to look into that, you
need to actually examine that”. I started
doing that internal work and wondering
why when she says a particular thing,
I feel a particular way [even though]
she’s telling me she doesn’t mean it that
way. All the fingers kind of point back
towards me and that kind of stuff hurts.
It’s not easy work to do. [When it comes
to] tracing your emotional wounds, I
don’t even suggest people do it on their
own. I feel like you should see a therapist
and kind of work through that yourself.
I’m starting to do that now but I think
doing that on my own is a very emotionally
taxing process. But it’s all for a good
cause, not just for people but for myself
as well. From Boys to Men [was] created
because I had to explore my emotional
trauma. I hope that it will inspire other
people to explore their emotional trauma
and heal. I want this to be healing work
for people, ultimately, and I feel like it is.
ZH: I definitely agree. Thank you for
sharing that! You’re putting out your
feelings and [the] things you’ve been
through into your artwork [as] something
people can readily access and have the opportunity
to heal [through]. I also really
agree with you in [that] the self-journey is
not easy. Like you said it’s a process, it’s a
journey. I also agree with you saying that
it takes time and it’s not something that
you can necessarily always do on your
own. There’s nothing wrong with getting
support [during] that journey.
AG: I highly encourage it. I’ve tried to do it
on my own for so long and I’m at the point
where I’m like, I actually need support.
ZH: That’s amazing, thank you! I know
some photographers so I had to add this
[next question] in there. What words of
advice would you give to up-and-coming
photographers,
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especially those trying to create during
COVID-19?
AG: This time is a blessing and a curse in
different ways. Ultimately, try to see it as
a golden opportunity to explore. If you
can’t physically do shoots with someone,
this is a great time to explore Photoshop
and learn how to manipulate images or
deal with images in different ways. I just
feel like this period of time, it shouldn’t be
taken for granted because once you start
getting clients, you won’t necessarily have
the time to work on your skills as much
as you want to. Now that you have all this
time, this is when you should be watching
those YouTube tutorials. This is when you
should be just really honing in on your
craft and finding ways to separate yourself
from everyone else. If you’re on the come
up right now, time is limited, don’t take it
for granted.
ZH: I absolutely agree! You’ve got to constantly
be preparing because you don’t
know what could come up [or] what opportunities
could present themselves
to you. I feel like even with myself, I’m
learning that every day. Right now, on this
Sunday, I may not want to do something to
prepare even if I feel like I’m called to
and like I should. Then mid week, next
week, this giant opportunity may land
in my lap and [I’ll be] like “oh, I’ve got to
be ready for this”.
AG: Yeah, you really want to prepare
for the moment and you want to feel
like you’re adequate enough to handle
it. You’ll [be able to] if you’re putting in
that work so yeah it really is a golden
opportunity, so make the most of it.
ZH: I agree. Before we close off, are
there any final thoughts or things that
you would like to share?
AG: This is a really challenging time for
people amongst everything that’s going
on with COVID-19. I feel like everyone
has their own individual battle that
they’re dealing with as well as we move
through these times. I just want to let
people know that the best is yet to come
and to just love yourself [throughout]
this whole process we’re going through
as a global village.
ZH: Perfect, that’s very well stated.
I truly enjoyed speaking with Anthony and appreciated how candid he was during our
conversation. I highly recommend you check out his exhibit, “From Boys to Men: The Road to
Healing” featured at the Doris McCarthy Gallery inside the University of Toronto: Scarborough
Campus! Make sure you check out his website and social media handles in order to see more of
his incredible pieces.
@tonyxtones @xvxyphoto www.xvxyphoto.com
visual credits: Damien Dan
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Inner Isolation
Lahbdi Shah
I wanted to express my mental state in this Pandemic
through my work. Coincidentally, the day I painted this,
my partner was reading to me, an essay by James Baldwin
about the creative process of an artist, which talked
about the state of aloneness that an artist must cultivate.
With this work of mine, I wanted to convey that isolation
is neither dark nor lonely. There is reality, which I
accept, that the Pandemic has created a dark whole, but
the color of your spirit can never fade when you are at
your most natural and true form.
@gallery.lab26
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Unmasking the
Pandemic
FIGURE 1: ROM’S GROWING COLLECTION OF
FACE MASKS
examples with superheroes (centre right), amuletic
blue ‘evil eye’ motifs (centre left), and one that
allows lip-reading (far left). Photo: F. Suleman
by Sofia Suleman
Nine months into the COVID-19
pandemic, many are tired. Tired of
hearing a similar version of the news
repeatedly, unable to see loved ones or
gather in communities, and in some
regions, unable to visit malls, movies
or gyms, and frequently queuing in
long spaced-out lines. COVID-19 fatigue
is impacting many Torontonians, but
particularly those between the ages of
18-40 who may have lost the sense of
pandemic urgency. As a result, Toronto
Public Health launched the humorously
titled “Practice Safe 6ix” campaign
on November 8, 2020. The campaign
hopes to “remind residents to continue
to be vigilant to help stop the spread of
COVID-19” by staying home as much as
possible, wearing a mask, social distancing
and washing hands (“Practice
Safe Six advertising campaign”).
Though masks may seem like a recent
phenomenon, medical masks have had a
long-contested history. The World Health
Organization explains that: “masks are a
key measure to suppress transmission
and save lives. Masks reduce potential
exposure risk from an infected person,
whether they are symptomatic or not.
Masks also prevent onward transmission
when worn by a person who is
infected” (“Coronavirus disease (COVID-
19) Masks”). During the 17th-century
plague, doctors wore beaked masks
stuffed with herbs, spices and dried
flowers to protect themselves from
miasmas, which were “bad smells…
waft[ing] through the air,” which were
believed to spread the plague (Carstairs).
Historian Janice Dickin McGinnis notes
that, during the 1918 flu in Canada,
masks were “widely unpopular” and
many citizens failed to align with
mandatory mask-wearing orders, or reactively
wore them to appease law enforcement
officers (Carstairs).
Whereas, other countries have embraced
the rules regarding mask-wearing. For
example, in Japan “[where cleanliness]
etiquette [is taken] very seriously, wearing
masks in Japan has become a form of politeness”
(Carstairs). In the post-war era,
people wore masks to prevent catching
the flu. Over the past century, with the
outbreak of SARS and avian influenza,
the Japanese government recommended
that all people living in the country
should wear masks; the sick should wear
them to protect others, and healthy individuals
should wear them for prevention
purposes” (Carstairs). Sociologist Mitsutoshi
Horii argues that “mask-wearing was
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FIGURE 3 -
MARITIME TARTAN
MASK BY SHERRIE
KEARNEY
(PHOTO: A. PALMER)
FIGURE 2 -
THE ROM’S MASK COLLEC-
TION, COURTESY OF CBC
NEWS: THE NATIONAL
a ‘neoliberal answer to the question of
public health policy,’ in that it encouraged
people to take individual responsibility
for their own health” (Carstairs).
In China, there is a 100-year-old history
of mask-wearing. Between 1910-1911, the
pneumonic plague epidemic “sparked
widespread mask-wearing” (Carstairs).
Almost a century later, the SARS
epidemic of 2003 and the worsening
pollution that blanketed the cities in
China prompted the government to urge
populations to protect themselves by
donning masks (Carstairs).
Our collective experiences of the
COVID-19 pandemic is history in the
making, and these unprecedented and
challenging times have also been met
with remarkable resiliency. Curators,
Dr. Alexandra Palmer, Dr. Sarah Fee
and Dr. Fahmida Suleman at the Royal
Ontario Museum (ROM) wanted to
capture the global response to COVID-19
through a collection of face masks.
According to Dr. Suleman, this initiative
is the Museum’s contribution to collecting
the material culture of the pandemic
and documenting a moment in history
for posterity. During my interviews
with ROM curators, they recognized
that communities worldwide have experienced
pandemic fatigue exacerbated
by “lockdowns, isolation, financial
loss, emotional upheaval and varying
local and national responses”. At the
beginning of the pandemic, many feared
there would be an insufficient number
of masks and medical-grade PPE. As the
curators explained, this lack of supply
inspired “individuals, artisans, and
companies to sew-up non-medical grade
supplies for healthcare and emergency
workers and the general public”. During
a time of much difficulty, masks tell
stories that connect communities
through “collective identities” and share
messages of amalgamation that can simultaneously
represent one’s identity
like “T-shirts, that offer new form[s] of
personal expression, or cultural expression
by asserting cultural pride”.
The curators are continuing to collect
COVID-19 face masks from various
countries. So far, masks have been
sourced from countries such as: Canada,
China, Egypt, Ghana, India, Iran, Iraq,
Japan, Jordan, Madagascar, Mexico,
Morocco, Palestine, Philippines, Saudi
Arabia, Turkey, United Arab Emirates,
United Kingdom, United States and Uzbekistan.
As a fashion historian, Dr.
Palmer approaches the collection with
a deeper appreciation for curating
textiles. When asked why masks, she
said, “They [masks] are documents of
culture in various... ways and because
people wear [masks], [which are] textiles
[that are] very portable [and] malleable
objects…. Clothing and textiles are
deeply embedded with meaning.”
For the ROM’s collection (see figure
2, the CBC link on the facing page),
many masks were selected with an
emphasis on social and cultural
messaging, in addition to their “creativity
and to represent a variety of makers
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from brand designers, internationally
acclaimed artists, to local artisans
and craftspeople”. Going through the
collection of masks already acquired,
I felt like a kid in a candy store. What
captured my attention the most were
the stories behind the masks, what
I could unmask about small pieces
of fabric with so much impact. The
following three masks were particularly
inspirational because of their
meanings and symbolism.
The first mask that caught my eye
was by Maritime Tartan, produced
by Sherrie Kearney who had to
pivot her company’s merchandising
because of the pandemic (see figure
3 on previous page). Refusing to take
Canada Emergency Response Benefit
(CERB), she began making tartan-patterned
masks from her workplace in
Halifax, Nova Scotia. Since April 8th,
2020, she has made over 17,000 masks
and counting. Through their sales, the
Maritime Tartan Company has raised
over $19,000 to support local charities.
Additionally, through her generous
spirit, Sherrie organized a fundraiser to
support families impacted by the tragic
Nova Scotia shootings that took place
in April this year (“Maritime Tartan
Company”).
I also found the face masks by
Cambio & Co (see figure 4 on page 35)
particularly intriguing because of their
intricate, colourful woven designs.
More importantly, they partnered with
Rags2Riches, a fashion and design
34
house that uplifts community artisans
across the Philippines to create eco-ethical
fashion out of upcycled cloth and indigenous
fabrics. The revenue generated
from their craft empower and dignify
artisans as they “strive to weave better
futures for their families and communities”
(“Rags2Riches”).
Finally, I admired how a mask has
become a platform to sustain life beyond
its apparent purpose. Inspired by the
“Jerusalem mask” made in Burj Al
Barajneh Refugee camp in Lebanon,
Canadian company KUVRD (see figure
4 on page 35), owned by Torontonian
Seevana Hawari, made masks using
black and white keffiyeh fabric. The
company partnered with the Jerash Palestinian
Refugee camp in Jordan and for
each set of 2 Keffiyeh masks purchased,
2 meals would be provided to refugees in
need who are living in the Jerash refugee
camp (“KUVRD-Seedo Keffiyeh Mask
Reusable”). Indeed the choice of mask
that you buy and wear can have ethical
and moral significances if you choose.
Now that the masks are being collected,
what next? The curators’ have a great
challenge ahead of them. Given that this
endeavour has organically evolved in
response to the pandemic, it is unclear
to the team at this stage how this collection
will be displayed at the Museum.
Making the collection accessible to wider
audiences is their greatest concern;
therefore they are considering several
possibilities, including an online exhibition
to reach global audiences.
FIGURE 4: ROM’S COLLECTION OF COVID-19 MASKS IN-
CLUDING KUVRD’S BLACK AND WHITE KEFFIYEH MASK
FROM JORDAN (LEFT, ON MANNEQUIN) AND THREE INTRI-
CATELY WOVEN CAMBIO & CO MASKS FROM THE PHILIP-
PINES (RIGHT, ON MANNEQUIN AND TABLE).
PHOTO: F. SULEMAN
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Until the curators can decipher the parameters of this exciting project, their
curatorial narratives are still unfolding.
Some view the pandemic as a global crisis without an end in sight, while others
have taken the opportunity to rationalize the chaos and bring some perspective to
the world and its fragility and interconnectedness. Dr. Fee eloquently summed it
up “As curators, we not only care for and collect historic textiles and objects, but
also contemporary examples because one day, they will become historical for the
future.” I wonder when the pandemic will be a fleeting memory. If I were to visit the
ROM and explore a future exhibition on masks collected during the pandemic, how
will I internalize the objects? What memories would rush through my mind? And
what stories will emerge out of my psyche? Time will only tell.
Work Cited
Cambio & Co. “Face Masks.” Cambio & Co., www.shopcambio.co/collections/facemasks.
Carstairs , Professor Catherine. “A Brief History of Masks from the 17th-Century
Plague to the Ongoing Coronavirus Pandemic.” The Conversation, Academic Journalism
Society, 27 July 2020, theconversation.com/a-brief-history-of-masks-fromthe-17th-century-plague-to-the-ongoing-coronavirus-pandemic-142959.
City of Toronto. “Practice Safe Six Advertising Campaign.” City of Toronto, City of
Toronto , 13 Nov. 2020, www.toronto.ca/news/practice-safe-six-advertising-campaign/.
“KUVRD-Seedo Keffiyeh Mask Reusable.” KUVRD, kuvrd.ca/products/seedo-keffiyeh-mask-reusable#impact.
Maritime Tartan Company. “Maritime Tartan Company- Handmade Tartan Products.”
Maritime Tartan Company- Handmade Tartan Products , www.maritimetartancompany.ca/.
Rags2Riches. “Rags2Riches Home Page .” Rags2Riches, www.rags2riches.ph/.
World Health Organization. “Coronavirus Disease (COVID-19): Masks.” World
Health Organization, World Health Organization, 9 Oct. 2020, www.who.int/newsroom/q-a-detail/coronavirus-disease-covid-19-masks.
visual credits: Sam Varghese
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Same Show,
Suman Banik
My name is Suman Banik and I'm currently in a Counselling
Psychology program, as well as continuing to work within research.
I'm passionate about understanding mental health from
a holistic framework and creating strategies around that which
will hopefully eventually make a difference in others' lives. I'm
an adventurer by nature, nerd by day and partier by night. I love
connecting with new people and trying new things that push
my comfort zone. I also am a huge smash bros fan and hold the
controversial opinion that Yoshi is the game's superstar.
@insta_mentalhack
@Suman Banik
Different Channel.
You can change the channel as many times as you like, but you’ll never find the
show you want for long.
Once it becomes familiar, it will always just change again.
But you keep watching, since it’s better than watching nothing at all.
The shows might be simple or complex, with highlights that are enjoyable or
periods that are incredibly dull.
Eventually with each new show you start forgetting the plot, and more importantly,
how the characters fit into each story.
Who’s the ‘bad guy’ or the ‘good guy’?
Does it matter?
The more you can’t decide, the harder it gets to figure it out, so you just keep
clicking hoping it’ll all make sense one day.
But the more you click, the less you remember what you were searching for in
the first place.
Was this the show you saw yesterday?
Are the shows getting ‘better’ or ‘worse’?
Maybe it’s just best to settle and stick to something familiar, even if you don’t
enjoy it anymore.
After all, do you want to waste your time chasing the unknown,
especially since your remote’s battery will eventually die?
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You try your best to keep watching what you’re used to, but you realize
you can’t connect with it anymore.
It’s not the same show you started with and despite grasping at ways to
find it enjoyable, you just can’t.
It’s become a stranger to you and you’re left feeling sadder than if you
weren’t watching anything at all.
So, you take the brave step of clicking your remote again, even though
it’s a show you think you’ll never forget and wished wouldn’t end.
You begin aimlessly searching for something more, something to make
you feel excited and hopeful for new possibilities.
Click.
Click.
Click.
Praying that what you’re looking for exists, but you figure out it’s the
same clockwork cycle.
You click, you watch, and you repeat…
And repeat…
And repeat.
So, you wonder if you should just turn it off forever.
Call it quits.
In the end, it’s just the same show, but with different channels, right?
You finally turn everything off and feel uncomfortable with all the silence
and thoughts in your head.
Who were you before you started watching and who are you now?
You decide to turn to your dusty shelf that you forgot existed.
Through discovering books, games, and hobbies, you figure out who you
are without needing to escaping into a show.
More importantly, you finally realize that it never actually mattered what
you watched, but finding new ways to enjoy each click, each show, and
watching it while it lasts, regardless of who is in it, or their role.
It might feel like the same show on different channels, but it’s your
choice to decide how you change the channel and what you make of each
episode.
Maybe it was never about finding the right show, but learning to watch
differently so you never stop trying to watch.
But also, maybe the same can be said for relationships, love, and life.
Eventually the shows start to blur until all that’s left
is complete indifference.
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Seigar
Seigar is a passionate travel, street, social documentary, conceptual and
pop photographer based in Tenerife. He feels obsessed with pop culture
that he shows in his series. He is a fetishist for reflections, saturated
colors, curious finds, and religious icons. He also flirts with journalism
and video. His main inspiration is traveling. His aim as an artist is to
tell tales with his camera, creating a continuous storyline from his trips.
His most ambitious projects so far are his Plastic People, a study on anthropology
and sociology that focuses on the humanization of the mannequins
he finds in the shop windows all over the world, and his Tales of
a City, an ongoing urban photo-narrative project taken in London. He is
a philologist and also works as a secondary school teacher. He is a selftaught
visual artist, though he has done a two years course in advanced
photography and one in cinema and television. He has participated in
several exhibitions and his works have been featured in many publications.
He has collaborated with different media such as VICE and WAG1.
Artist Series #1
“Toxic”
This series has a double intention, it works as a personal
relief from the negative times we are living in, and also as a
global warning sign to keep a distance from toxic people and
situations. It was a way to exorcise myself from these hard
moments through creation. The dark symbols captured:
razor blades, drugs, social networks, a knife, a bottle of
alcohol, the news, a broken glass, money, and an ice pick were
placed on color fabrics to make the photographs pop. There
is no need to suffer for free. Get away from toxic. The final
message is liberation.
He writes for Dodho Magazine and for The Cultural about photography
and pop culture, and for Memoir Mixtapes about music. Lately, he has experimented
with video forms. His last interest is documenting identity.
Recently, he received the Rafael Ramos García International Photography
Award.
www.flickr.com/photos/theblueheartbeat/albums
www.seigar.wordpress.com
@jseigar
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toxic.
toxic.
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oxic
oxic
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oxic
oxic
oxic
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oxic
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toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
toxic
to
to
to
to
to
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to
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to
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xic
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toxic toxic toxic
toxic toxic toxic
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toxic
toxic
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Addictions
& Triumphs
By Sanah Malik
The coruscating lights might illuminate my dreams, but I soon realise that it’s
easy to sink in a bottomless pit. I flail my hands to get out of it, only to be sucked
right back in. It’s smoke that surrounds me; it’s the agony that drowns me. I gulp
my spirits, blow a cloud out of my cigarettes, if only they could understand the
intensity of my misery. I’m hopeless. I try to stop, but I feel like my cries won’t
come out. They do see me, struggling to breathe; nevertheless, I lash out at them…
the black bottle is yet to touch my lips. The days are long - it’s a mundane existence
- and I chug down alcohol reaffirming my mien semblance. I scream and cry,
hoping that things will work my way but alas, it’s only me who’s failing. Unnecessary
whims embrace my melancholic soul. I often stand in front of the mirror
screaming, “At least I fit in.”
But I wondered if all the hardships and pain were inescapable? Were all the
disasters handcrafted by me? For once, I want to stand on the high ground alert
and free - maybe capture the lights in all of their glory.
I want to be the change, I want to see. Be the bigger man, go out with my family
and friends, and never let the poison near me. It’s a small price to pay, maybe I’ll
enjoy the humdrum and the cacophonies on the street. So, I took a trip down the
memory lane, found help in the top right lane. It’s excruciating - I’m always struggling,
but all I want to see is their faces beaming at me. One size does not fit all
- I fail repeatedly. But I pick myself up again, try to resist… oh how I yearn for a
change. The journey is arduous, I lost my spine along the way. It made me realise
how fickle life actually was - too precious to be lived while dazed. I have since
sobered up, and I enjoy walking alone in the rain. There are people like me who
share their anecdotes openly. I no longer feel alone, I triumphed over my darkest
demons…it’s truly a story to behold.
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Grey Sweatshirt
Anika Munir
I am a student at University of Toronto Scarborough
who is passionate about writing, politics and law. I believe
in creating a positive change in the world. I have
various hobbies which I enjoy doing. Such as, hiking,
cooking and learning new things. I find staying active
is an essential to a healthy lifestyle and I enjoy
taking part in activities which allow me to be active.
But most of all have fun!
@anikamunir
@munir_anika
Anika Munir
As the year is coming to an end, I think about you more.
The first “hello” you ever said.
The last “goodbye” you ever said.
We met at the start of a new decade.
Full of hope, promises and dreams.
It felt like a fresh start, something new and something bright.
However, the year turned out to be different then what we had imagined.
It turned out to be a year full of challenges, growth, and new lessons.
March 15th was the last day I ever saw you.
I still remember the look on your face.
You were smiling and your eyes were bright.
You told me stories about your family and how your sister likes to paint.
Something about you felt kind, gentle and welcoming.
That is how I want to remember you.
As the person with the kind and loving heart.
Do you think you will remember me?
Remember the time that we spent pretending
to skate on the ice that was melting.
Or as the girl who always believes in doing what is right.
Sometimes, I wonder if you will think about that grey sweatshirt.
The one you loved.
More than that I wonder if you will remember that
I am always going to be your friend.
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i told you / many times.
Imran Faizyab Jatoi
@imranfaizjatoi
The artwork is the blend of features taken from personal belongings
and body. For instance the blue casual trouser is a social reminder of
color relates to male gender however what I feel color does not represent
any gender or race. The two slightly overlapped circles articulate
the phases of life and experiences creating gray textures which
have been photographed from different parts of my crown. The work
is about the freedom of speech and desire of coming out. The coming
out cycle, paying little regard to how it is developed, is a revelation of
this is the kind of person I am. That announcement necessitates that
somebody is changing from being one thing to being another. This
cycle of self-revelation that each recognized individual experiences
make queer individuals more creative. It’s the way toward making
the improved: – a new self. It’s a noticeable method to investigate
what our identity is and who we can be. A portion of this is simply
communicating how we feel where it counts, yet the way toward investigating
what we are where it counts is a creative cycle in itself.
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Fixed fluidities / road
to maturity.
The artwork is the blend of features taken from personal belongings
and body. For instance the blue casual trouser is a social reminder of color
relates to male gender however what I feel color does not represent any
gender or race. The two slightly overlapped circles articulate the phases of
life and experiences creating gray textures which have been photographed
from different parts of my crown. The work is about the freedom of speech
and desire of coming out. The coming out cycle, paying little regard to how
it is developed, is a revelation of this is the kind of person I am.
That announcement necessitates that somebody is changing from being
one thing to being another. This cycle of self-revelation that each recognized
individual experiences make queer individuals more creative. It’s the
way toward making the improved: – a new self. It’s a noticeable method to
investigate what our identity is and who we can be. A portion of this is simply
communicating how we feel where it counts, yet the way toward investigating
what we are where it counts is a creative cycle in itself.
opening party
1, 2 and 3.
Identities are rarely bound together and, in late modern times,
progressively divided and cracked; never solitary however duplicate
developed across various, frequently crossing and hostile, talks, practices,
and positions. They are dependent upon extreme historicization
and are repetitive during the process of change and transformation.
Identities are along these lines established inside, not outside portrayal.
The triptych 1,2 and 3 is about the multiple identities on the same ground.
The figures in the artwork are about the life situations and happenings
among the life of queer individuals. The desire, intimacy and relation
of love and hate depicts on the bridge of connected undone zippers
where rise and fall in relationships are challenging routines.
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Isabella Fong
Wanderlust
Busy streets, city lights and freedom-- in 2019, a highschool trip
to New York inspired Isabella Fong to pursue her love for music.
A songwriter, guitarist, composer and producer, she creates under
the name whenthecitysleeps. Her music features a unique
take on 'late night vibes' by mixing lo-fi with Californian pop and
"verging on the edge of poetry". Isabella has co-written a professional
song with Toronto-based LGBTQ+ artists and proudly
represents her community.
Nothing inspires me more than late nights and moments when
you feel most in love with yourself and the world around you.
This is an excerpt from my song “Wanderlust”. It’s about taking
time to enjoy life despite any doubts you have and it’s also a nod
to Toronto’s busy (and sometimes overwhelming) culture.
@ whenthecitysleepsmusic
i'm on the outside looking in
you're on the inside looking out
we've got the same view of the streets
we're dying to get out.
i fade away with a touch
you're a plain as a summer sky
we think just like the clouds:
a background to pass by.
do you remember me?
i've run out of things to say
each one is barely on the line
we're both existing through the day
and living only through the night
can we go out on our own?
wherever you wanna go?
let’s be who we wanna be
and sleep on the 54.
let’s wander.
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Cognitive
Dissonance &
Conflicting Desires
by Bhanvi Sachdeva
TW: mentions of domestic abuse/violence.
A Clandestine Epidemic: Every year, there are countless cases of
domestic violence worldwide, however, with the pandemic taking
millions of lives, domestic violence has vivaciously transformed itself
into a closed-door epidemic.
“. . . and so, I stayed . . .”
This statement undermines the true sentiment of countless women who
are victimized by the savagery of domestic violence and abuse. With
domestic violence hotlines and centres throughout the globe experiencing
a severe spike in calls: sexual assault and intimate-partner violence
continues to climb heights.
The terrors of abusive relationships during the COVID-19 pandemic
disables victims from distancing themselves from their abusers. The
inability of courts to operate at full capacity during such times consequently
leads to a lack of orders of protection. As a result, not only are
the victims unable to escape, but the survivors are also withheld from
reaching out.
Quarantine detriments the most vulnerable,
especially large numbers of those who
seek shelter from domestic violence centers.
This closed-door epidemic exacerbates the
already existing challenges surrounding
reporting domestic violence.
While escaping domestic abuse faces accelerated
difficulty during the pandemic, many
women are unlikely to leave an abusive relationship
regardless. Many factors play into
this, including the ideals of commitment
and consistency, gaslighting by abusers
(primarily male), placing blame on people
rather than the contextual situation, as
well as providing a complete family for
the children. Alongside a person’s own
reasons for staying in an abusive relationship,
society and external factors only
serve to heighten the intentions of the perpetrator,
making it impossible to escape.
These ideas are most commonly evident
in psychological theories of cognitive dissonance
and foot-in-the-door (FITD). Foot
in The Door effect most commonly refers
to the idea that compliance with the initial
request will lead to significant compliance
rates with succeeding requests. For
instance, if a woman agrees to a man’s
request to go on a relatively casual first
date, she is also highly likely to agree to
a second more intimate date and so on.
This reveals the human tendencies of
consistency and commitment. However,
victims of domestic violence have likely
developed a substantial sense of love and
commitment to their partner, which can
be elevated if children are involved. As a
result of commitment and consistency,
there starts to exist a discrepancy between
the actions and attitudes of the victims as
per the cognitive dissonance model. There
are more attempts to reduce or avoid the
psychological discomfort arising from
dissonance, rather than to act upon discomfort
which should translate to leaving
the relationship. Even though a woman
may feel it is necessary for her to escape
the abusive relationship, she will continue
to stay because it is the least dissonating.
So, what aggravates acts of domestic
violence?
A majority of domestic violence begins
with a small verbal argument; an act that
is highly unlikely to make a victim leave
the relationship. If the victim silences
themselves during a verbal argument,
the perpetrator is likely to feel a sense of
victory, which bolsters further acts that
slowly transition into physical violence.
The longer the violence continues, the
stronger commitment the victim (predominantly
a woman) displays towards the relationship
simply because she is “used to
it”. According to BBC News, an enormous
portion of the human race is afraid of rejection,
inadequacy, and among all, are
afraid to be alone. While the abusive relationship
for the victim is abhorrent, the
fears of facing the gruesome realities of
the world alone are much worse. This only
leverages the abusers to continue their
grisly and violent acts.
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“Often, this structure of power
insinuates feelings of guilt or
shame, even when the woman
tries to leave the relationship.”
Inside the abuser’s mind
When someone is granted power and authority,
it is quite improbable that they
would give it up. The power solely comes
from winning the first argument, or the
victim “obeying” the abuser, even using
the victim’s past history as blackmail, and
many more. Growing up in a patriarchal
society, women rarely have the upper
hand. We are made to believe that we are
lesser, inadequate in comparison, and
reliant on men for our needs. Traditionally,
culture has taught girls and women
to be subservient to their fathers prior to
marriage, their husbands after marriage,
and their sons after giving birth. This
grants unnecessary power to men, who
are conditioned to believe that women are
subordinates to them. Often, this structure
of power insinuates feelings of guilt
or shame, even when the woman tries to
leave the relationship. She may be afraid
of judgment from society, rejection from
parental figures, and overall looked down
upon for her lack of commitment to “make
the relationship work”. Again, cognitive
dissonance works conjointly with these
feelings of guilt and shame and can be
misunderstood by the abuser as “she’s
okay with it”. Clearly, this is not the case.
Though domestic violence is commonly
conceived to be an issue among more
conservative cultures, it is also prevalent
in more liberal countries such as the USA,
Canada, and Australia. We are wired as
humans to portray ourselves as mentally
and financially stable, happy, and fulfilled
beings. This forces us to trivialize our
issues and bury them deep inside of us
into, what some refer to as, our “dark
place.”
After volunteering at the Calgary
Women’s Centre for quite some time
now, I have met countless women who
are affected by domestic violence. One
of the women told me, “I tried to escape.
I tried to run away. He caught me.” She
further went on to explain her experience
talking to her family members
of the issue to which her mother had
responded, “Every marriage has
issues, it is a man’s duty to earn, but
a woman’s duty to maintain a family.”
“. . . and so, I stayed . . .”
I was utterly flabbergasted by that,
simply because not only does it reflect
how society has rationalized patriarchal
thinking but also made it so that
even women are subconsciously biased
towards it. Society as a whole needs
to move beyond patriarchal notions.
Despite traditional beliefs, the basis
of relationships needs to be built on
equality, where both partners are equal
contributors financially and emotionally.
The root cause of domestic violence
isn’t a man’s aggressive nature or his
superior muscular physique, rather
the patriarchy that gives a man more
power than needed. Gender roles need
to be redefined and unpacked. We need
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to unlearn the essential lessons of what it means to be a man, and what it means
to be a woman. We need to teach our younger generations the importance of equal
opportunity for women and men. We need to redefine masculinity and femininity.
Only then, can we understand the essence of feminism and find ourselves rid of
gender-based violence. A great place to start is to listen to We Should All Be Feminists,
a podcast hosted by Articulate Initiative that provides valuable insights into what
it truly means to be a feminist and how society can progress towards regaining the
true definition of the word.
Works Cited
11 Reasons Why People in Abusive Relationships Can’t “Just Leave.” (2017, June 9). One Love
Foundation. https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/why_leaving_abuse_is_hard/
Dare, B., Guadagno, R., & Muscanell, N. (n.d.). Commitment: The Key to Women Staying
in Abusive Relationships. Retrieved November 29, 2020, from https://jiriri.ca/wp-content/
uploads/2018/01/V6_A6.pdf
Davey, M. (2018). Domestic violence: five women tell their stories of leaving - the most dangerous
time. The Guardian; The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2015/jun/02/domestic-violence-five-women-tell-their-stories-of-leaving-the-mostdangerous-time
Domestic Violence Calls Mount as Restrictions Linger: ‘No One Can Leave.’ (2020). The
New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/05/15/us/domestic-violence-coronavirus.html
Opinion | Who Bears Witness to a Hidden Epidemic? (2020). The New York Times. https://
www.nytimes.com/2020/07/14/opinion/sunday/domestic-violence-coronavirus.html
Recognize the signs of domestic violence against women. (2020). Mayo Clinic. https://www.
mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/domestic-violence/art-20048397
Saunders, D. G. (2018, March 28). Abusive relationships: Why it’s so hard for women to “just
leave.” The Conversation. https://theconversation.com/abusive-relationships-why-its-sohard-for-women-to-just-leave-93449
visual credits: Aaron Burden
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Disaster
You-Jin Kim
You-Jin Kim is a queer spoken word artist who has been performing
for more than five years across a multitude of platforms.
She has performed for popular TDSB events such as
Louder than a Bomb, PRISM, and IGNITE, as well as UTSC
events such as ARTSIDEOUT and Festival of the Arts. Her
poetry has been published in Young Voices, as well as performed
by Canadian Stage. Kim's works often reflect her
struggles with her personal identity that encompass sexuality,
loss, forgiveness, and love.
@ youarejin
i am drowning in my own tears
struggling to stay afloat
my ragged breaths cause hurricanes
that wreak havoc into each bit of self-esteem that i’ve delicately
built up
hiding its pieces where peace is no longer a reality
my mind a warzone, the grave my esteemed throne
the silence of those no longer here hears louder than any noise
that i’ve been left behind; forgotten
again
but i swallow those thoughts and breathe
breathe the 4 7 8 until i can finally think straight
yet in a single moment, that clarity is stolen
taken from me like a master thief would a gem
yes, the magnitude of the lightning
burns all my effort into crisp
diminishing my toil to nothing
my hands shake until the earth quakes
a rumbling in my mind that can no longer be hidden
i am a natural disaster
and in my wake, no one stands by me
i am a natural disaster
and when i wake, no one stands by me
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i can no longer feel my fingers
they have been frozen solid by the biting cold of my heart
the snow blinds me from the light that once guided me
so bright, yet providing me with no clear destination
i have become numb to the pain
i no longer feel it so vividly
if someone
if someone was here, maybe they would hold my hand, provide warmth to my fingers,
and take the numbness away
if someone was here, maybe they would hold my hand, with no demand, and take
me to the promised land
that’s what they always said, after all
tomorrow will be better
tomorrow will be better
a mantra repeated, meaning lost
tomorrow will be better
but for today, my bed is the only safe place i know
tomorrow will be better
but for today, my bed is the only safe space i know
i am a natural disaster
and in my wake, no one stands by me
i am a natural disaster
and when i wake, no one stands by me
74
i am afraid of oblivion
of being swallowed whole by the lava
leaving nothing but ashes
being cremated alive
drifting away into the wind, becoming one with the fallen leaves and the
forgotten ones
the second i close my eyes i can feel it upon me
the pure height of the tsunami, towering over me
i am powerless to its climax
to be swept away by it all
so minute, and so worthless under its might
this isn’t a fairytale. there is no knight in shining armour to save me from
my plight
i am expected to save myself
yet how can i?
how can i?
i am a natural disaster
and in my wake, no one stands by me
i am a natural disaster
and when i wake, no one stands by me
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gajok
household; family
i. mother
she sees me
for who
she wants
me to be
and not
for who
i am.
i am not
who
she wants
me to be
and i no longer
know
who i am
ii. brother
he spits
the words
faggot
and gay
as if he is rapping
a homophobic verse.
he is not cruel
nor hateful.
he is simply
ignorant.
can i
educate him?
iii. father
he preaches
the word of god.
the word of god
does not
align with
the truth
that i know.
he loves me
but would he still
if he knew?
my fear
is greater than
my curiosity.
iv. and i
my friends
love me for who i am
their words
of acceptance
mean more to me
than they will ever know
yet
i will likely
never live as who i am
for i value my family
more than i value love
what a cruel world i have been placed in
a world where i have to choose
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Rami Naamna
My name is Rami Naamna, a Rwandan and Palestinian poet who
chooses to personify struggle into different perspectives to relate
to those certain individuals. This poem in specific is about someone
who looks like me, going via bus to a therapy appointment
and is running late. On his way there his brain begins to complicate
everything until the bus stops.
@raminaamna
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Bus Stop.
Today,
I bought a bus ticket to compensate
For the lack of wellness, I felt the other day
Was going downtown to the clinic to discuss my problems that are on my plate
I waited a long time for the bus to arrive
Sat in my own head for a while,
Contemplated some decisions that I’ve made in my life
I thought of so many at one time, gave me a headache
Aching back pain from stress and overwhelming plagues
Yesterday I tried to swim at a foreign lake
Titled my tears, I can’t swim but I know what is at stake
I imagined myself swimming on clouds
Only with oxygen I know, I will never drown
Because the carbon dioxide is apprehending my space bubble
Like food apprehends my stomach from overeating
Because of the stress from university, to walk down the stairs I tumble
I wait for the bus and think about every single time I caused my own bleeding
Someone offered me a bicycle on their way to work, I declined because I’m broke
and barely have money for bus fare
Or the time, trust, and patience to put my kids in someone else’s care
I look across the street while the biker continues down the road,
I see my bus coming so I pull out my notes
Wrote down the time the bus came, to tell my therapist the reason why I was late
I closed my book, took a look and finally it was there
The boat with wheels came to shelter my hair without a single stare
As I walk onto the bus, it feels slightly unwelcoming
The passengers stare at me, possibly because of my pigment
Maybe I just need new glasses, it’s possibly just a figment
Down the row of the bus, I sat in the back
Harmonies of the music, just as loud as the neighboring crows
I tried to relax but the image kept coming back, this world still has something it lacks
Could’ve been an observation, scattered through many places
Tears come from my eyes, knuckles shut in my laps location
The window outside made me cry, I used to enjoy nature but now I question why
When I look outside, it all seems fake and all a Lie
Disturbing my peace of mind that wasn’t there, to begin with
I didn’t feel the breeze, mentally huffing and puffing, my life is tiring
As I question my surroundings because all of it was a fake,
I snapped back to reality when my bus told me to,
stop
Best,
Rami
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art series #2.
By Vaishnavi Sambhus
Vaishnavi has been into arts since childhood. She
started writing poems at the age of 10 and that still
continues. Her passion for arts led her to complete
a diploma in Film Production and she is looking forward
to create her own stories that are close to her
heart. Photography is one of her recently found passions
and she finds deep joy in it. She is interested in
street and travel photography and is hopeful to create
many more great shots while capturing the beauty everywhere!
@the.mental.wanderer
free.
Being near the water, looking at the flying birds, all
one can think is being free. This emotion always fills
up my heart and my heart experiences that little second
where it’s really free!
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give way.
Isn’t this one of life’s most important lessons?
Something that the world needs more than ever!
solitude.
Thinking is the best use of time!
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there lies
the God.
Those who go to places of worship to find
the god might never find him! because
everybody is looking in the wrong place!
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together.
The most important place for a parent
probably is not ahead or behind. It is most
certainly beside!
transformation.
Everybody is lost in their own world on the
beach. Resting on this bench, she might
be embracing all that she has or letting go
of all she couldn’t have. Reminiscing or
dreaming; struggling or settling; revising
or renewing; transformations are bound to
happen on the beach!
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Identify, Assist,
and Refer.
An informed approach to the ongoing
mental health crisis at UofT from the
Creative Director.
As this past year has been one filled with turmoil and self-reflection,
it is more important than ever to look after yourselves and those
around you. Isolating yourself from the people you love and appreciate
can be very tough, but it is also crucial to recognize when you as
well as others around you need help.
The Identify Assist Refer module is a comprehensive module, provided
by the University of Toronto to understand what to do and
what to expect from those around you who are facing mental health
challenges.
By no means does this module fully prevent mental health crises.
While we can help one another by recognizing when something is
off, it’s important to continue advocating for support especially in
your local community and institutions.
How do I find this?
What will this help me understand?
Go to https://iar.utoronto.ca/main/ or search up ‘uoft IAR
module’ and click the first link that is available.
This module is split into three different parts and begins with a
set of questions to guage your understanding
prior to this module.
The first stage of this module is IDENTIFY - identifying what
kinds of thoughts, behaviors, and feelings to recognize in other
individuals when you sense something is off.
The second stage is ASSIST - finding ways to bring up your concerns
with an individual who is experiencing
a mental health challenge.
The third and final stage is REFER - reviewing different ways to
connect the person with available resources and services.
* for additional resources, please go to www.linktr.ee/PHSUOFT for on
+ off-campus resources and provincial wide resources *
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For on-campus resources please
check out below:
For off-campus resources please
check out below:
UTSC Health & Wellness Centre
416-287-7065
www.utsc.utoronto.ca/hwc/health-wellness-centre
health-services@utsc.utoronto.ca
UTSG Health & Wellness Centre
416-978-8030
www.studentlife.utoronto.ca/department/health-wellness
info.hwc@utoronto.ca
My Student Support or MySSP
1-844-451-9700
www.keepmesafe.org
Good2Talk - Ontario’s Post-Secondary
Student Helpline
1-866-925-5454
www.good2talk.ca
Black Youth Helpline
416-285-9944
www.blackyouth.ca
UTM Health & Wellness Centre
905-828-5255
www.utm.utoronto.ca/health/health-counselling-centre
health.utm@utoronto.ca
Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line
416-962-9688
www.youthline.ca
Anishnawbe Health Toronto Mental
Heath Crisis Line
416-360-0486
http://www.aht.ca/
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Does UofT Care
About Students’
Mental Health?
by Saman Saeed
TW: mentions of thoughts of depression
and suicide
Have you heard the saying ‘Life doesn’t stop for
anyone’? Just replace the word ‘life’ with ‘UofT’ and you
would be considered the most honest person on Earth.
This may seem like an exaggeration to anyone who is not
a University of Toronto student or knows a UofT student,
but a few incidents from my one and half years at the university
proves this statement to be true. Little over a week
ago, I came down with a fever, yet I stayed up till 5 A.M. to
finish a lab assignment because the TA didn’t reply to my
email regarding an extension. The problem isn’t that the
TA chose to not reply but rather the fact that this university,
and society in general have conditioned us to the point
where our levels of intelligence and self-worth feel as if
they are determined solely by our GPA.
visual credits: Jr Korpa
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Managing to do work amidst a mental
breakdown or overworking is a moment of
pride for many at this school.
I am personally guilty of this to the point
where I considered the fact that I did well on
a midterm, a day after getting out of a relationship,
as a great achievement. I never even
stopped to process my emotions because I
honestly did not consider them to be valuable
enough. I thought that if I stopped, even for
a minute, just to process everything, I would
reduce myself to a stereotype: the girl who falls
apart just because she doesn’t have a boyfriend
anymore. Even though in reality this description
hardly applies to me, I chose to put my
emotional and mental well-being aside just to
avoid this label and maintain my 4.0 GPA.
Maybe up until now this seems like a rant, a way
of catharsis for me and maybe it is. However,
that doesn’t mean that these thoughts fail to
resonate with a majority of UofT students. A
survey conducted in 2016 revealed that 88%
of UofT students felt overwhelmed, 87% were
exhausted, 45% reported depression, 12% considered
suicide and 2% attempted suicide (Assessment,
2017). Mental health is often overlooked,
sometimes by society, sometimes
by universities and sometimes by ourselves.
Unfortunately, this is evident by the rising
number of suicide cases amongst university
students (Burrell, 2020).
At the beginning of December, we received
news about the fourth UofT student to commit
suicide in less than two years. Yet, we see little
substantial change in university policies. The
university might have launched Navi, a mental
health virtual agent, but this isn’t enough when
the matter is this serious. Either way, a mental
health virtual agent can’t replace the need
which students have of human interactions
with counsellors and professionals. To combat
this complaint, the university stated that they
added $3 million to its mental health services
budget in hopes of increasing the number
of counsellors as wait times to see counsellors
have reported to be abysmal (Mancini
& Roumeliotis, 2019). However, students are
still reporting that they have been waiting for
weeks or even months to see a counsellor. Additionally,
the number of appointments with
a counsellor are also limited. Apparently, the
university overlooked the fact that mental
health doesn’t work on a schedule; one doesn’t
attend 5 appointments and then at the 6th one
they are just magically healed. Healing needs
time, patience and care. Unfortunately, UofT
students rarely have time.
Another policy which the university is yet to
overturn is the mandatory leave policy. This
essentially allows the school to place a student
on academic leave if they are considered as
a danger to either themselves or others. This
does nothing more than relieve the university
of their responsibilities and in fact has been
criticized by the Ontario Human Rights Commission
(Mancini & Roumeliotis, 2019). It also
acts as a barrier to those reaching out for help,
especially international students who already
have access to a limited number of mental
health resources. Being on a student visa while
paying steep fees implies that they cannot
afford to take the risk of being placed on a
mandatory leave. As a result, many students
choose to not seek help.
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The university has revised some aspects of the policy to comply with students’ demands but
they still hold the right to withdraw any students who they feel are a danger.
It is crucial to tackle the problem of criminalization of students on campus. A little over a
year ago, a student at University of Toronto Mississauga was arrested after she sought help for
suicidal ideation. The student revealed that this incident left her traumatized and as if she was
a criminal (King, 2019). She was put in handcuffs and escorted to a hospital even though she
told the officers that she was willingly to cooperate fully. Incidents like these just create more
barriers towards seeking help and hence, have a detrimental impact of student well-being.
Until the university manages to rectify policies such as the ones mentioned above, there will
be no real positive change in students’ mental and emotional well-being.
UofT students often hear how lucky they are to study at such a prestigious institute but very
few people realize how hard it is for students to make it out alive. So, if you are here today, I
want to let you know that you are not alone. The university may not be doing all that it should
to support students but there are still resources available for those seeking help. There is a text
and chat helpline (My SSP) which connects students with professional counsellors for free and
confidential counselling available 24/7 in over 35 languages. The university has also offered
drop-in counselling during exam seasons as these are the most stressful for many students.
There is also other support available during exam season such as mindful moments, therapy
dogs and de-stressors (Vendeville, 2020). The university has also recently launched a new
mental health site which was developed in consultation with students. It provides students
with quick access to mental health services they may need on all three campuses. It also introduces
a new feature called ‘build your toolkit’ which highlights different apps, YouTube
videos, articles or podcasts that can help one heal.
Works Cited
Assessment, N. C. (2017, January). STUDENT HEALTH AND WELL-BEING AT THE
UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO:. Retrieved from University of Toronto: https://www.pro-
vost.utoronto.ca/wp-content/uploads/sites/155/2018/03/Report-on-Student-Health-
Well-Being.pdf
Burrell, J. (2020, February 3). College and Teen Suicide Statistics. Retrieved from
verywell mind: https://www.verywellmind.com/college-and-teen-suicide-statistics-3570768
King, A. (2019, November 15). How a student seeking mental-health treatment got
handcuffed by U of T police Social Sharing . Retrieved from CBC: https://www.cbc.ca/
news/canada/toronto/u-of-t-student-handcuffed-while-seeking-mental-health-treatment-1.5357296
Mancini, M., & Roumeliotis, I. (2019, November 20). ‘It’s literally life or death’: Students
say University of Toronto dragging feet on mental health services. Retrieved from
CBC: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/student-suicides-mental-health-support-1.5363242
Vendeville, G. (2020, January 29). Five mental health and wellness developments U of T
students need to know . Retrieved from U of T news: utoronto.ca/news/five-mentalhealth-and-wellness-developments-u-t-students-need-know
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Ache & Ease.
by Maisha
Maimunah
“i breathe in calmness; i breathe out stress.” - Anonymous
Ache and Ease:
A storm has been waiting outside our door for the past 300 days; resting, preparing
to sweep us into mayhem and madness. People call it a pandemic, I call
it a pause in the movie of life. What makes the 2020 storm different from our
own academic and personal tornados, is that we are collectively struck by the
same pause button. It’s not my fear anymore, it’s ours. Our world is united in an
unexpected way. In the midst of chaos humans attempt to find their centre. We
did the same during the pandemic; we filled the mayhem with our own drops
of happiness.
I believe, whenever we need to find our centre, we turn to art. Some write,
some sing and some display their feelings in colours. The strokes are bold, the
words are witty, it’s a havoc of emotions; but to some, it’s home. In this article,
I interview two individuals on their artistic medium(s) of choice during the
pandemic.
First, we have Anika Kaiser Bani, a singer,
dancer, and YouTuber from Bangladesh.
She shares her journey as a singer
and how it has been a ‘confidence booster’
in her life.
I have been an avid follower of your Instagram
and YouTube channel. You have
inspired me to work on my singing. What
motivated you to pursue this as a hobby?
I think I’ve always been into music and
singing since childhood. I grew up listening
to my dad sing and he used to make
me and my sister sing with him after he
came home from [the] office. Initially, I
wasn’t that interested in it because he’d
make us learn classical music. When I
got into Western pop music, I realized
how much I really enjoyed listening to
pop songs and eventually, I just wanted
to sing them. So, I think it was initially
my dad but then the whole western pop
culture [scene].
As your dad was your initial motivator,
did you have regular practice sessions
with him?
It wasn’t that regular. He just always
loved singing and occasionally he’d ask
us to join him.
Were there any memorable moments
from those sessions or any tricks you
learnt that you used later when shifting
to pop?
I don’t think I have any one memorable
moment. All of them were equally enjoyable.
I’m going to admit though that singing
with the whole family was very fun.
My mom doesn’t sing but she’d just listen
to us while three of us sang.
It wasn’t a trick but more related to the
songs themselves. I think that classical
songs really helped me build the fluidity
I currently have. I’ve seen some people
who struggle to sing exact tunes of
songs and thankfully, with practice, I
can kind of do that. Classical songs have
very particular tunes, some of which are
very difficult to capture. I think starting
with classical music has really made my
voice more fluid to be able to blend into
pop songs more easily. That being said, it
all really comes down to practice. I don’t
really have the voice for classical songs
anymore because I don’t practice them
now.
You have a YouTube channel... It takes a
lot of effort to open yourself up to people
in that way. Walk me through the process
of what motivated you to share your covers
with people?
I was always skeptical of my singing abilities
(still kind of am). I actually started
with an anonymous YouTube channel
with a fake identity. I think that continued
for like a year or two. I had like 10
subscribers, but I was just happy to see
those 10 people enjoy my singing. Then I
mustered up the courage to start uploading
on my actual channel with my face in
it. I think I started uploading in 2014 and
for about a year or so I didn’t tell anyone
about it because I was too shy and embarrassed.
I was scared what my peers
would think of me and my singing and
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Memories - Maroon 5 (Cover with Ukulele)
Anondoloke Mongolaloke(Rabindra Sangeet)
that maybe they’d make fun of me. However,
I had the support of some amazing best
friends who were very supportive of me
and my singing. Finally, in 2016, I decided
I want to just share it with people I know
publicly because deep down, I wanted to
be an established singer. I’ll be honest, I
was so nervous.
I genuinely thought I was going to get bullied
for this in school and maybe amongst
my family members (yeah, I had really
low self-esteem back then). However, people
seemed to compliment me on it and I
still remember getting around 50 likes on
that post and I was just so happy. I think
everyone is nervous and scared when
they’re starting out like me. As the years
went by, I became more and more confident
about my singing. Now I have like 300
subscribers, which is not much at all but
it just genuinely makes me so ecstatic to
know that there are people out there who
enjoy listening to me sing because I absolutely
enjoy singing. It’s one of the ways I
relieve stress. And I love getting compliments!
That’s why I love sharing my music
on the Internet and singing on stage so
much. You can see how they’re reacting to
your music and I think that’s my biggest
motivator.
This article explores art as a form of escape
from stress and how it helps us calm
down. What does singing do for you in
terms of ease and/or ache?
I think singing is a huge stress reliever for
me. I don’t know why my brain got conditioned
to feel this way, maybe it’s because
I’ve had good memories of singing while
growing up or maybe it’s something else
but singing just elevates my mood completely.
Whenever I’m swamped with a lot
of assignments and exams, I sing random
songs for like an hour and it helps me stay
sane. I also love to do it when I’m just chilling
alone. Whenever the house is empty, I
tend to sing and that just instantly lifts my
mood. Sounds cheesy but there’s this particular
kind of dopamine my body releases
when I hit the high notes.
What pearls of wisdom can you provide to
any new singers out there?
I think patience is a big factor here. It took
years for me to be able to sing decently.
I’m not that great but I recognize I’m not
the worst. It takes time to learn singing on
tune. I think practicing different types of
genres can help you with the fluidity but
practicing your basics might play a bigger
role here (like Sa Re Ga Ma/ Do Re Mi) If
you’re planning to only sing one type of
genre, the more you practice that particular
genre, the better you get it. Bengali
classical music has a significant number of
vibratos in their songs which require a lot
of vocal work. You can definitely try looking
into them if you’re trying to strengthen
your vocals. So yeah, trying different
genres of singing might help.
Happiness, ease, and confidence booster
are just a few things to describe Anika’s
enthusiasm for singing. Apart from singing
she is also a make-up artist and you
can check out her work on her Instagram
and YouTube channels (see left page for
covers).
@anikakaiser
@A.K. Bani
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Our second artist is Tasmia Rose, a LLB
student studying at the University of London,
who is also a self-taught artist. She
has been painting for the past ten years,
and when asked how she gets her ideas
she notes,“Simply hold the paintbrush and
create your own colourful world.”
We worked together for the art club back
in school. I always thought you went to art
school, but now I understand you are selftaught.
I am curious, what made you pursue
art?
Back in my school days, subconsciously
I found peace and happiness with the
colours. So, I started working with Faber
Castell pencil colours.
What are some tips and tricks you wish
you knew earlier?
You may have heard the phrase hard work
beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard,
I can completely relate to it. I even stayed
awake all night only to finish a painting
or a canvas! People keep telling me that
I’ve magic in my hands, that certainly isn’t
true, but my hard work and efforts is the
key to my paintings.
How would you suggest one start learning
about this art form?
Never give up! Art requires A LOT of patience,
just keep going. It will be very tiring
at the beginning, but after you’ve laboured
over a piece you’ll notice you just
created a masterpiece!
As someone who uses art as a coping
mechanism, I know the amount of calmness
it can bring. So, do you have a particular
type of art that helps you to be at ease
when the world outside is crashing?
Frankly, I felt suffocated during quarantine,
so [I] planned to paint an imaginary
place away from this dark reality. Within
a minute I decided to paint with watercolour
on Cartridge paper for stress relief.
Every artist has their favourite pieces. Do
you have any that stand out to you or remind
you of a particular moment? (insert
photo)
My childhood best friend always dreamt
of living in a house of blue doors with me
in Canada. Unfortunately, our friendship
fell apart due to some nasty misunderstandings.
I was shattered after losing her,
so I decided to preserve her as a memory
in my canvas.
Though it’s been years since she left, I still
miss her, but I did forgive my past and
moved on for a new beginning.
Hard work, heartbreak and escape are a
few things that fuel Tasmia’s passion for
paintings. Like most of our fellow artists
she uses art as a shelter from the storm
outside.
One thing our interviewees have in common
is that they have always said, it is not
too late to start. Both of them have inspired
me to improve my art forms. I hope by the
end of this article they have inspired our
readers as well.
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During this quarantine, many have relied on art and various other hobbies to
help us cope and pass time. Taking a break to indulge in the activities that give us
hope and solace are forms of self care that should absolutely be prioritized during
these COVID defined months. Even if it doesn’t fall in the societal definition of
“productive”.
There are different ways to find ease and to deal with ache. There are multiple shelters
in a storm. As long as it’s a safe house for you, someone else’s goals are the last
things you have to worry about. As I said before, we are fascinating creatures; we
have our own unique ways of surviving. As long as we are walking our own path of
happiness when the world hits ‘play,’ I like to think we will be alright.
visual credits: Mike Petrucci
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Overthinking.
Valeria Martinov
Hello! My name is Valeria and I’m a self-taught
artist. I have been making art ever since I was very
young and I still enjoy it just as much. Art holds
a special place in my heart because it feels like
no matter the situation I am in, art will always be
there to provide a place of familiarity and comfort.
I hope to continue making and improving in art as
well as continue to make meaningful connections
with other people through my art.
As the year ends, I’m unsure of various things.
I’m unsure of my success in my academics and of
whether I will learn anything from this semester.
I’m unsure of how long this pandemic will last and
whether I or any loved ones will get the virus as
the cases go back up again. I’m unsure of my own
art at times and whether I’m behind on my own art
journey. I’m unsure of how to stop thinking about
the far future and how to just live in the moment.
All of these thoughts and worries are like the flowers
inside the cage, and even though I painted this
piece a while ago, the meaning still holds true to
me. I am an overthinker, but I will be fine in the
end.
@valeria.mart_
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Arvela Lunasco
My name is Arvela Lunasco and I am a 2nd-year student
studying psychology. The work I presented was actually
inspired by a song I wrote which narrates the thoughts
and feelings of someone struggling with depression and
suicidal thoughts. I am a strong advocate of mental health
and it is through my writing I wish to express myself and
give insight on just how this mentality manifests, as well
as give a voice to those who are struggling.
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Don’t Matter
TW: Depression & Suicide
This feeling is too hard to describe.
When it feels like you’re all alone and surrounded at the same time.
Broken glass beneath your feet,
harder and harder you feel weak.
Feeling as if you’re at your end.
Is it his or is it her fault that you’re not perfect?
When you look in the mirror
you can’t help but feel pain.
Cause you’re not happy,
you’re not happy.
Separation from the crowd overwhelms you with emotions,
the world is already filled with potential and importance.
You’re merely a speck of dust on a rock.
That you don’t matter,
you don’t matter,
not nearly as much.
Trying to find the words to reach out.
So other people wouldn’t judge and blame you or shout.
Cause not everyone can understand
these dark thoughts that scare away all your friends.
You spend nights struggling to sleep.
During the day you need a distraction so all you do is eat.
Another look in the mirror,
but the feelings are all the same.
Cause you’re not happy,
You’re not happy
Separation from the crowd overwhelms you with emotions,
the world is already filled with potential and importance.
You’re merely a speck of dust on a rock.
That you don’t matter,
you don’t matter,
not nearly as much.
No matter how hard you try
you just keep failing every time.
Then a hand reaches out and pulls you from the mess.
Now it’s time to leave it all,
it’s time to rest.
Separation from the crowd overwhelms you with emotions,
the world is already filled with potential and importance.
You’re merely a speck of dust on a rock.
That you don’t matter,
you don’t matter.
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Aqsa Dutli
Jack.org
UTSC
x
Margins
Magazine
Collaboration
Margins Magazine and Jack.Org UTSC collaborated
together to bring forth an opportunity
for UofT students to tap into their creative side
during exam season. Through this collaboration,
we collectively aim to raise awareness
surrounding well-being and mental health.
Jack.org is a national network of student leaders working to change
the way we think and talk about mental health. The UTSC chapter is
all about starting conversations in our community that tackle stigma
as well as promote awareness around mental health. The UTSC
chapter has a goal of changing people’s perceptions on mental health
in the local community. Our goal is to create an environment that
uplifts students as well as encourages personal growth and development
for all individuals.
@utscjackchapter
Lighting a scented candle
feels relaxing and
therapeutic.
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visual credits: Annie Spratt
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Nirusha Kesavan
@K7_nirujah
Bairavie Piravakaran
@bairavie_
A walk through nature is a therapeutic experience,
especially when the view is amazing.
Even in the most unprecedented times—the sun
always rises. (7:36 am)
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You-Jin Kim
Ichigo Kurosaki
@youarejin
This photograph was taken amidst a period when my depression was impacting
me greatly. I had been unable to get out of bed for a few days, and I hadn’t been
washing my hair. I could barely focus on school and get things handed in on
time. My parents convinced me to go out with them to see the autumn leaves.
In nature, I slowly felt my mood clearing up. Just as the leaves change and fall,
everything must come to an end - even the worst of depressive episodes. Mental
health is a continual journey and process, and we must never forget that things
truly do get better.
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Laraib Abrar
Art - Green Forest
I titled the above creative piece “Lockdown of thoughts”, reflecting
on issues that emerged during the COVID-19 pandemic as well as
society’s response towards them. The quarantine period presented
me with an opportunity to understand and reflect on many social
movements and their purpose, encouraging my support and solidarity.
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The lockdown because of the pandemic has a tremendous impact on the mental
health of people globally. We are facing challenges on many fronts and the uncertainty
ahead is immense. Many people do not realize the impact the lockdown
has on our mental health as well. We are restricted, caged, and this can lead to
many health-related issues and especially stress. The pandemic is a stressor not
within our control, which makes managing it more difficult. It is no surprise
there is a soar in mental-health related cases and unfortunately, not many individuals
have the resources to cope with their concerns and issues, let alone access
to help centres.
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Lynn Nassif
@ Fallingtextiles
Theevya Ragu
@theevya
My artwork is a black and white photograph of a group of birds flying. For me,
it’s related to mental health because often people that deal with mental illness
might feel trapped or limited in what they can do. This image symbolises that
these individuals are not their mental illness, and although it might take a toll on
them, they are not limited in their “ability to fly”. It might be a bit more difficult
when compared to people who don’t suffer from mental illness, but they should
not give up.
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This is an art piece that my sisters and I painted together, on a wall between our
rooms all the way back in March. While I was in Toronto, away from my family
in Malaysia, my mental health had definitely taken a toll to say the least. While
many still remain away from their loved ones, I was one of the few who returned
home. The sense of relief and comfort I felt from reuniting with my family is
represented in this painting.
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In the
Peaceful
Meadow
by Leila Mekchoudi
Leila Mekchoudi is a young writer and poet living in Toronto. She is currently
attending high-school but hopes to attend university at an HBCU (Historically
Black University/College) and study Environmental Science in the future.
Other than creative writing, she enjoys reading, listening to R&B music and
spending time with her two cats.
Leila finds inspiration for her writing through music, emotions and feelings.
As an empathetic writer, she tries to take the perspective of experiences others
may have lived through, and attempts to convey the different emotions
and thoughts a person can have when going through an unfamiliar experience.
@leiialove
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October 1st, 2020
I have forgotten who I am…
I woke up one day in an empty house,
With no face,
No body,
No name.
In the quiet,
I am not lonely.
As I wander through the quiet house, I come across a large reflective object. It is
from seeing this object that I then come to a sudden realization that I will never
be leaving this house. As I ponder upon this rather bleak reality of mine, I begin
to question why it is that I have forgotten myself and the reasoning of which I will
never be able to leave. Perhaps I am being punished, for which this existence is the
result of my actions.
The light of the bright day outside shines through the window.
The shining sun in the sky seems to be smiling.
From the bedroom window I can see a welcoming meadow just outside of the
house. It is lively with flowers of different colours, rolling hills, shrubs and small
plants alike. The most catching sight of the meadow is the bustling life of the insects
such as the bees and butterflies, and the occasional bright bird that flies
through the air. The grass is tall and green, and just by seeing the meadow, I can
tell it is very healthy and happy. After taking a moment to admire the meadow's
beauty, I make my way outside.
Though I have no body,
I seemingly lay in the grass,
Feeling the earth surround my being.
The constant cold that I had felt engulfing my body,
Leaves me for the time being,
And in the Earth’s warm embrace,
I never want to leave for I am loved,
And I feel a peaceful calm overcome me just as I begin to feel sleepy.
The setting sun emits a warm, golden, light that turns the sky and the clouds a soft
orange. As I watched the sky fade from its brilliant blue hue to a soft rose-orange
color, I felt my vision darken as I smiled in my being.
I think to myself right before I fall into the soft hands of slumber,
How beautiful this existence can be.
How happy I can be…
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I awaken to the sudden shock of the cold as I find myself in the kitchen of the
house. Night has fallen upon the sky, and all is dark. From the small window
in the kitchen, I observe the profoundly metaphorical and universal sky, as the
almost white stars illuminate and glisten. I begin to understand that it is from
the darkness that the stars shine the brightest.
I am no longer sleepy, Yet a hunger fills me.
What I crave; I am unsure,
Though I have a subconscious understanding,
That this hunger will never depart me.
I begin to think again about why I am here. What it is that I know, I am sure
of. And I am aware that I have forgotten what I knew prior. But, even if I were
restored with my memory, it is a reasonable possibility that I would know
less than in this moment. Furthermore, I am certain that with my memory
restored, I would be unknowing of the unknown. After all this thinking, I am
brought to a strange conclusion; Whoever brought me to this place, gave me a
conscious and the gift of self-thought.
As I start to think back to my previous conclusion of being here, my thoughts
continue to circle around the idea that perhaps I am here as a punishment.
I admit I find these thoughts rather strange as this place where is found the
bright day and the joyous meadow, could arguably be considered heavenly.
So thus I begin to wonder if this place is what is known as eternal-damnation,
where any memories of life before this state are removed but you are still given
your consciousness and your thoughts, and you are left to wonder for eternity,
for which most evil sin had you committed in life that even your memories be
erased? If this is true, I question my possible actions that I may or may have
not done in life for me to deserve solitude here.
I leave the kitchen and explore the house. I find a storage closet and a bathroom
with only a toilet and a sink near the kitchen. In the open area outside of
the enclosed kitchen is where sits quietly the dull living room and dining room
together. A narrow hallway to the right of the living room leads to two bedrooms
on either side of the hallway door, one being the bedroom I first gained
consciousness in. At the very end of the hallway there is a lonely door that
leads to a larger bathroom with a bathtub. After aimlessly exploring the unfurnished
house that I found rather uninteresting, I decided to venture outdoors.
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There was a slight breeze.
I suddenly heard a name as I went further from the house,
“Thead”.
I looked around but saw no-one.
I called out for a response,
But none was received.
Though I had been in the dark for some time now,
I was not afraid,
Yet it was in this moment of feeling an unseen presence,
That I began to feel scared.
I went to hide in the tall grass of the meadow.
The Earth did not embrace me this time.
Perhaps the Earth too was scared.
I seemingly laid there for what felt like a short moment,
Before witnessing the first sun-rise.
I told myself that if I am able to get through another night,
I will be blessed to see another beautiful sun-rise.
Sun,
You are my assurance of hope…
I entered the house through the simple wooden door entrance, which led me into
the living room. Once I was in the house, I began hearing a murmuring voice that
was talking, though their words were incomprehensible. You could hear by the
tone of their voice that they did not naturally talk softly, though the words that
they spoke required a most gentle tone, like a dark secret that must be concealed
by a comforting-like voice. I then heard the faint sound of someone crying. I followed
the sounds until it led me into the second empty bedroom room to the right
of the hallway. As I approached the room, the sound became louder and clearer,
though their words were still muffled.
The room became silent once I had entered. A small rectangle window was sadly
placed at the far right side of the room. I looked around but did not see anything
out of place. Within moments of being there, I felt something, which was odd because
I have no body and therefore no physical senses. I felt a warm tear drop fall
from the ceiling. I tried catching it with my being, only to watch it fall onto the
wooden floor board, as it made a water stain. Suddenly the room appeared to be
raining tears from the ceiling. And the tears fell so quickly and heavily, that the
room began to flood with warm, heavy, bitter tears. I tried escaping through the
door, but found it to be closed, only to realize something was holding me back
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and I was unable to escape the flooding room. As I turned around to face the sadly
placed window, I was suddenly submerged into the depths of the tears. Though I
had no body, it felt as though I was choking on the tears.
I closed my vision readying myself for the painful feeling of suffocation,
When I heard the words from a deep voice say,
“Do not be afraid.”
Without question,
Without body,
I took a deep breath,
And exhaled…
I slowly opened my vision and saw a woman's body hovering over a sink with the
water running, as her head was placed beneath the faucet, with the water running
over her head. She was breathing heavily, as if she was out of breath. I began to
realize that the feeling of breathing heavily had come over me, and as I looked at
the woman with her head still under the faucet, we shared one thing in common;
our breaths.
I felt as though I was breathing heavily, quite possibly because I was locked in a
flooded room where I almost lost control of my being. I approached the woman
to observe her more closely, but it was just at this moment that she began walking
away and entered the hallway, leaving the large bathroom.
I suddenly came to realize the physical features of the woman. It dawned upon
me that I was looking at a woman in her most natural form and beauty. The woman
had a very short haircut that displayed her tight curls and coils that seemingly
shimmered from being under the water. Her skin was a brown like the soil of the
Earth which gives life to all beings, yet her tone was warmer and not as deeply
pigmented. Her rich skin tone glowed beneath the sunlight, just as certain parts of
her were highlighted.
The woman continued walking as I followed her from the bathroom at the end of
the hallway, into the living room, and finally outside. Her previous state of distress
seemed to disappear as she became very calm. And it was a calmness that can be
found in one who is certain of what they are doing and where they are going. For a
moment I stopped following the woman, just wanting to watch her in the distance,
yet she came to an abrupt stop just as I stopped. She suddenly turned around to
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face me. I immediately noticed the subtle bruise on her forehead
and her red eyes which indicated that she had been crying.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
I looked at her, and she did the same, though she looked at me as
if she could see my eyes. The woman stood still with a calm and
caring yet tired expression on her face. After a few moments of
looking at her, it began to rain, and I looked up to the sky but I
hadn’t seen any grey clouds that indicated the rain. I looked back
at the woman that was now smiling, and I realized that it was not
raining where she was standing. I looked up once again and saw
the same warm, heavy, bitter tears falling over top of me. The only
difference from this rain and the last, is that these tears only gently
washed over me.
As the woman’s smile widened slowly, tears began to fall from
her eye’s, though her smile was one of a profound sadness. At the
same time, bruises on her left elbow, her knees, stomach, right
shoulder and neck all appeared gradually. The woman’s hands
were badly cut, as deep slits in each palm appeared and rough
scrapes dressed her knuckles.
As I witnessed this transformation, her bottom lip began to split
in the middle creating a perfect symmetrical line from which
dripped a rich carmine colored, thick, blood. The tears that were
falling over top of me became red,
Just as the woman’s tears turned into blood.
It was in this moment that I heard the deep voice say to me,
“You no longer control her.”
It is to say,
That perhaps all I need to know is within my grasp,
And that I already hold this knowledge,
Though it was my lack of awareness of such
That brought me to this very moment.
And I can now say with all certainty,
That I am unsure of what it is I know
Because of my lack of self-awareness.
Young woman with the friendly smile,
Innocent and gentle round eyes,
A calm being who is sensitive and lovely,
She accepts all her imperfections,
She embraces every one of her attributes
For whom make her so unique,
Unlike any other.
Being in her most natural form and beauty,
Her skin is kissed by the sun,
And from the rich Earth that gave life,
Her skin is brown and sweet.
Her tightly coiled and curly hair,
Perfectly shape her soft, round, face.
Each of her steps are delicate,
As she takes easy and joyous strides to where-ever she
goes.
And her voice which is lined with a self-confidence that
is neither taught nor gifted, But of a confidence that is
learned through life.
With her calm and caring tone,
One feels in complete ease in her presence.
Her love is a blessing,
Her love is infinite,
Her love is eternal,
Without bounds or limits,
Though no-one is entitled to her love.
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It is she who chooses to whom she gives her love.
I loved her so much,
And because of this,
I hurt so much.
Seeing the hurt in her eyes,
My memories feel once again alive.
And still, this place is eternal damnation,
And this is where I belong.
If I saw myself in her for even just a moment,
It is long gone because she has finally been set free.
Though in life,
Freedom she dreamed of,
And only could she ever imagine the sweet taste of freedom of
laugh, And freedom of love,
And freedom of life,
Her hunger made her weak
As she was deprived of the necessary nourishments
to live.
And now it is I who will exist in this place with a hunger soundly
kept For however long it takes until I can truly repent in my being.
We share the same breath.
We take our steps as one.
Our tears, we cry the same.
We bleed the same blood.
You are me,
And I am you.
In life we became as one person,
And we never did cut the stitches that had our souls intertwined,
And like this,
Pieces of each other can still be found in one another. And
when you apologized to me,
You were really saying sorry to yourself.
And as you ascend to your freedom,
I watch as you take all of yourself,
And I will be left with all of me,
And I am nothing but a hollow well
Filled with darkness that once was a shadowed light.
I don’t know if I can still say this,
But I love you.
And I would like to say I’m sorry but if I did,
I don’t know if I would be sincere,
And so maybe it’s best for you to hear an apology
When I’m ready to understand my own mistakes
and wrong doings.
This is where we say our farewells.
Goodbye.
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Ujwal Mantha
@ujwal.k.m
Ujwal Mantha is a multi-media artist currently in his
last year at the University Of Toronto Scarborough,
doing a double major in Sociology and the Studio
Arts. His work focuses on narrative; those many
stories we tell ourselves to get through life.

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