Womble Underground Press - Volume 10 Issue 04

www.wupgb.co.uk / content@wup.me.uk
Wrong on every level! By TBF
It was wrong in 2002 and it is still
wrong now in 2012 or 2013, for me
at least!
I am going to try to keep this polite and
civilised, as there may be women and
children reading, and possibly even
external media. This may register slightly
on the “Ranter” scale.
Given the opposition, the FA Cup
threw up (literally) for us, that in itself
represents a considerable challenge.
We have all had people we know chatting
to us excitedly about this game, and not
necessarily understanding our individual
stances relating to it.
Here’s mine, for the avoidance of doubt :
I would not give a penny of my money to
someone I perceive to be a conman, so
did not buy an admission ticket. Had I
done so, to my mind I would have been
validating football franchising.
I ensured that AFCW were compensated
appropriately for my lack of attendance,
by generating some folding for them
through assisting in the selling of an
alternative matchday programme.
(Yellow and Blue Revisited, copies still
available from club shop or online WUP
shop, be sure to get yours!). Both MK
Dongs and the FA can raise their own
revenue. (Both can also Foxtrot Oscar).
Given the number of attendees ultimately
present at “that fixture”, I doubt my
absence has caused any financial
hardship. This is purely a case of sticking
to principles. Just because there is a
chance this will become a recurring
fixture, does not mean my stance will
soften or that I accept the inevitability.
I could not have guaranteed my
behaviour if I had even entered the
boundaries of the MK stadium and that
I would not have besmirched my good
family name and the general reputation
of AFCW if I attended this match.
The recollection of many teams fans who
boycotted their own fixtures at MK and
came to support AFCW instead on the
dates in question - that kind of solidarity
THIS PAGE SPONSORED BY
FOTO Computer Services - support for home and small business users
support@foto.co.uk 020-8399-7000

deserves respect. By attending this
match, I would have been disrespecting
all those concerned.
I do not recognise MK Dongs as being
a bona fide football club. They do not
deserve their league place, as they did
not work to attain it. They are effectively
a new club, and their inglorious leader
acknowledges the fact, when it suits him.
If we play them again in a cup or league
competition, I will not attend, on the
same basis.
I have respected the rights of fellow
AFCW fans to make their own choices
and have not lambasted any who chose to
attend; everyone had to make their own
decisions on this one. However, I applaud
those season ticket holders that chose
not to attend, and who refused to pass
on season ticket voucher B to those (even
family members) who wished to increase
their own entitlement.
What of the Frenzoids?
Whilst I did not attend the game, I
was in the general vicinity sufficiently
long enough to get my first unwanted
sightings of MK Dongs f(r)ans. The first
one, a male species with 2 offspring
in tow, saw us at MK station and shot
through the ticket barrier like smoke
from a gun, and at the time of the
occurrence it was highly unlikely that he
was in a rush for any other reason than
to escape our attentions. I couldn’t help
remarking loudly “So that’s what one
looks like!”
We watched as another frenzoid waited
until he was safely within a few steps of
massed police presence before carefully
taking a “Maximuscle”era “WFC” top
from a bag, and then daringly putting
it on over his existing clothing. Later
a small mob boldly exited the station
shouting “MK Army” once or twice in our
direction – that fizzled out very quickly
when it failed to provoke a reaction, and
it failed to give vent to any variant. You
would expect normal football fans to be
running through their back catalogue of
ditties in that situation – could it be that
they don’t have any of their own?
One thing these beings all had in
common was that they looked rather
strange, both in appearance and
demeanour. You could say they were just
conforming to my expectations. They
looked like extras from a Channel 4 freak
show or “Dawn Of The Dead”.
I did sell something to a Franchise fan.
He genuinely seemed interested in a
copy of Yellow and Blue, and who can
blame him? I had half a mind to refuse
his request but then was amused at the
fact he was effectively paying money
towards AFCW related projects and I had
no intention of ever reciprocating. It was
also the fastest option for getting rid of
him. (I know you are thinking of other
alternative methods, but bear in mind
the local gendarmes were in very close
attendance!)
What never ceases to amaze me
is just how poorly informed some
people out there really are on
the whole Wimbledon/MK saga.
Especially after all this time, and
considering all the information
available in the public domain
exposing the entire farcical saga!
A reject from north of the border wearing
an MK Dongs scarf tried to engage us
in conversation, asking why we hadn’t
done more to save our club ten years ago.
This appeared to be a genuine question!
Supposedly he was a regular attendee
at Smelhurst Park. I mostly left it to
that well versed Sassenach, Leamington
Pete to offer him some free education
and challenge his misconceptions, but

when the frenzoid said, comparatively
speaking, that “We were alright with
going to Dublin though, weren’t we?”
I was unable to not interject with a
“Speak for yourself!” He actually seemed
to believe what he was saying! (At this
point Peterborough Don appeared and
supplied the obligatory personal abuse
so richly deserved). This is what we
are up against. How can someone who
dates back to the Smelhust era be so
ignorant of the majority view and what
was happening around them? People
like him astound me. Did they spend a
long time walking around with their eyes
and ears shut? Or did they donate part
of their grey matter to medical science,
prematurely?
So, Franchise fans conformed to
my expectations, and seeing them
in the flesh was no different to the
impressions gained from reading
their online presence. I felt nothing
but contempt. Probably because I was
unsurprised, I remained quite calm and
non-confrontational, even when passing
by the (unfinished)stadium on the nearby
road, although one aforementioned
companion did take the opportunity to
hurl well deserved abuse. I can’t say this
steady demeanour would have remained
the case had I entered the stadium
boundary itself.
They would like to consider us
a rivalry. Most clubs such as
Wycombe or Luton sneer when
Franchise fans proclaim them as
their rivals. I feel the same. We are
not rivals. They needed luck (and a bit
of cheating) to beat us and stay in the
Cup. They got that, but they got a lesson
in class too. From our fans. That they
chose to leak a questionable story, via
dubious media channels, after a dubious
timescale had elapsed, suggesting AFCW
fans had vandalised their facilities, is
entirely indicative of the way they operate
and a desperate attempt to taint the
reputation of our following.
When Terry Brown notably coined
his “Piles of toilet” phrase earlier this
season, he can’t have expected it to be
manifested in the photographic catalogue
of dastardly crime at the Frans Stadium.
A few pieces of bathroom fitting piled
up, is not evidence. Where is the CCTV
footage? Why were the damaged urinals
supposedly in the female facilities? How
come this news did not break same day?
Surely any competent organisation would
discover and highlight this immediately
post-match? Why were policing and
stewarding arrangements inappropriate
for the level of fixture concerned?
If I was an AFCW official receiving a
damages claim, I would file it under
unsubstantiated and refuse to pay.
Maybe you are one of those who wishes
we would stop mentioning “them” in
this tome, and are just about prepared to
tolerate their existence. That being the
case, please feel free to add some balance
by writing in accordingly, because none
of my closest WUP associates are any
nearer to letting the issue subside than
they were on 28 th May 2002, and none of
us are likely to apologise for that!
http://truthaboutfranchisefc.blogspot.
co.uk/ for those who haven’t the faintest
what I’m banging on about!
Happy New Year and COYD!

The course of true hate never runs smooth.
Some of you may already know some of this,
but I thought I’d share one man’s, if not quite
Odyssey, then definitely at least Asterix In
Britain, culminating in the events of Sunday
the 2 nd of December with the rest.
Firstly, I must state that I am a bit of an
arriviste. I have only been supporting AFC
Wimbledon since about the time of Terry
Brown’s arrival in the Ryman Prem. I’m
an old Wimbledon fan since the days of
Plough Lane and through the troubled times
at SmellHurts Park. I remember all the
shenanagins with The Nogs, Koppel and the
spineless goons of the F.A.
On the dark and stormy night – well, rainy
afternoon, anyway – when the commission
delivered its verdict, a light went out in my
life. I no longer had any interest in football
other than a mild distaste for the plastics. I
was not even aware of the formation of AFC
Wimbledon (much less contributed to it in
any way).
I should point out the fact that I was pretty
much living in the bottom of a pint glass at
the time (even more than I am now) but never
mind.
One day five years later, The Angry Elf
suggested to me that we rock down to
Kingsmeadow and watch the mighty
wombles. I was nonplussed, so he explained
the situation and that was that, attending
when I could that season and a season ticket
holder ever since.
Once I became Womble-y-aware, I
immediately developed a deep and intense
hatred for the scum up the M1. I would look
out for their results with almost as much
fervour as I looked for ours. I cried with
laughter when I first saw SoCal’s laughing
policeman thingie and looked forward to
seeing it whenever they were in the play-offs.
Good times and bad times ensued – as they
are wont to do for supporters of any club
– but I was in Manchester, jumping up and
down hugging some enormous (bigger than
me) black bloke I had never met before.
Throughout all this time I NEVER wanted
to face the scum, as I believed that our
meeting them would validate their miserable
existence. I was also worried that there would
be trouble that would tarnish the proud name
of our wonderful club and cost us the general
good-will that exists towards us from the
football family worldwide – well, with some
exceptions from non-league. The thought of
Wank-stain sliming the media made me feel
nauseated too.
Two years ago wasn’t too bad – thank you St
Evenage. This year, I made myself extremely
unpopular with a lot of people by actually
saying before the event that I wanted us to
lose to York. Having disposed of them (very
comfortably, never mind the score), I had to
face the fact that it was going to happen. I
nailed my colours to the mast very early on.
I will not set foot in that shit-hole. Not for
any money reasons or because we had asked
other fans to boycott them in the past, but for
two others: I have my principles (warped and
illogical as they may be) and they are what
make me who I am and I intend to stick to
them. The second reason is that I can count in
decades the amount of time since I thumped
someone and I simply couldn’t trust myself
to stay in control when confronted a mass of
“customers” giving it blah. I’m 43 and I’ve
never seen the inside of a police cell and I’d
quite like to keep it that way, thank you very
much.

Oddly enough, I don’t know what would get
me more exercised, winning or losing, but
hey-ho...
Anyway, me not going.
At this point, it is time for a HUGE pat on
the back for the club. The decision to sell
tickets for the Meadow on match-day for
£3 but it entitling you to a free drink was a
masterstroke. Wrangle the punters effectively
(so eliminating any potential licensing/
policing issues) and, more importantly, NOT
ALIENATING the fans.
What with donations to the club, the banner,
assorted raffle tickets and 8 guests (including
Millwall, Chelsea and non footie fans), the
whole experience cost me more than COMS
did but it was completely worth it.
Why is this? We lost. I still hate them – and
always will.
Because the match has provided varying
levels of catharsis for different people.
I was terrified that we would get smashed
and so would their stadium/town centre. We
didn’t and it didn’t. We played very well and
were a fingertip save away from beating a
team 40-odd places higher up than us. Away.
We lost to an absolute screamer and the
flukeyest goal I have ever seen (bar-none).
Some might say the manner of our defeat was
cruel. I’m perfectly happy with it. After the
initial despair, the first thing I said to loads
of randoms on my way out for a snout was
“thank God they’re not coming here”. And,
you know what? Almost everyone else agreed
with me.
could tell how gutted they were to have lost
and how touched by their reception they were
– Midson was almost in tears. They dropped
their kitbags and most of them – including
Neal – came straight into the bar and chatted
to all and sundry.
Top fans. Top team. Top club.
Most of all, most of the fans I have spoken to
or seen on the guestbook seem to have found
some sort of closure (of varying degrees)
from the match. “they’re not the anti-christ”,
“we won before a ball was kicked”, “10 years
of hurt have just dissolved”, “why worry?
Forget about them”.
I personally still never want to play them
and hate the club (NOT the “customers” or
the tea-ladies or even the players – they’re
just professionals with families to feed) with
a passion but I have encountered a broad
spectrum of opinion on this point, from
the people who share mine to the people
who desperately want this to be the start
of a genuine rivalry and can’t wait to see
wormtongue at the first available opportunity,
and all points in between.
But, hey. Since when has our fan-base EVER
been able to form a quorum (for MPH)?
I waited around at welcome the supporters
coaches and the team coach back to KM.
When the team got back, we were outside
singing “we’re all still proud of you”, “that
boy Jack Midson” & “NEAL ARDLEY”. You

www.wupgb.co.uk/shop
OUT NOW FOR £2
ISSUE 2 of THE HISTORICAL DON
CHAMPIONS
The second edition of the Retro Dons fanzine
includes; The 82-83 season when the Dons
won the 4th Div title, An interview with Vinnie
Jones, Ray Armfield on the Dons greatest
left-back, Bert Dale on the 1945-46 campaign
and Mick Mahon relives Burnley
OUT NOW FOR £2
Yellow & Blue Special
The old Yellow & Blue crew reunited along
with other contributors to produce a maybe
one off Yellow & Blue edition to counter the
evil of the franchise home programme. Full
of amazing articles! We’ve got a few left so
get yer cash out or we will wrestle you to the
ground and take the money from you whilst
inserting this issue into your love pocket.
All the glorious editions of WUP and latest
merchandise under one ONLINE virtual roof.
BUY! Single issues, like the one with the
monkey laughing at a donkey which has just
reversed its cart into a bee hive.
SPLASH OUT! On an entire season’s worth
of Moke cookery tips, controversial goat
jokes about Ivor which never happened and
editorial accusations that never got published.
READ! About how we couldnt spell a number
of easy words, fucked up the grammar and
barely got the staples into a number of key
issues.
SPEND! The loose change in your pocket,
knowing it’ll be going to a raft of splendid
causes, like our amazing mascot Haydon’s
Kit, the Trophy Cabinet, transport for the
amazing, interest-generating Inflatable
Goal…. helping the club bridge the funding
gap with all sorts of financial help and
assistance of sorts.
WUP IS THERE TO SUPPORT OUR
CLUB! KEEPING HELPING OUT!
All our profits, from fanzine sales and
shop items like t-shirts and so forth,
go towards AFC Wimbledon and Dons
Trust initiatives.

By JamPot - 18 Dec 2012
Sometimes you forget how slim the difference
is between success and failure within this
division; usually in football it comes down to
confidence. If it were skill and knowledge only,
who would be top of the table? Gillingham?
On the evidence of the game at KM, probably
not; but they have the confidence.
But writing this intro – after Rotherham and
before Port Vale – it is striking really how
little the difference can be between teams;
on possession Rotherham deserved their
win, but on chances it’s more a moot point.
Likewise with Torquay, the Scum and,
Gillingham.
So though we have had a Southend or two,
certainly defensively more recently we have
been moving in the right direction. We just
now need to get first the midfield doing them
same and then, I suspect the attack will come
right.
So with 23 games nearly gone – half way
– and Christmas upon us its time again to
measure our ‘progress’ this year against last,
another update in this continuing series within
WUP this season.
30 December 2012
Spookily, our 23 rd game of the season turned
out to be the return fixture with Oxford, which
had also signalled 10 games gone when
we visited the Kassam. Unlike that spirited
performance, this proved to be a retrograde
backwards. So it left our midseason record as
thus:
Played Pts Pos Pts
(Home)
Pts
(Away)
Goals
Home
(F/A)
Goals
Away
(F/A)
Average
Pts per
game
23 19 24 8 11 10/20 14/24 0.83
Hmmn. And this time last season?
Played: Pts Pos Pts
(Home)
Pts
(Away)
Goals
Home
(F/A)
Goals
Away
(F/A)
Average
Pts per
game
23 26 17 12 14 19/29 11/15 1.13
Well, whatever enthusiasm there might have been for Ardley & co’s succession has been
muted by the run of results since his take over. No sustained improvement apparent, though
to be fair a win against Oxford would have brought us within 4 points of last season and we
were in a run not dissimilar to the current one at that time. Much has been said that it is not his
squad and that he should really be measured by what happens after January, when he can
adapt the squad with transfer window acquisitions. Well we wait to see that result, as and when
it arrives. But back to the team goals then:
This page is sponsored by
Air Conditioning Technology
Menerga. www.menerga.co.uk

Team Goal 1: Win the Championship!
Pass. Next season methinks. Perhaps
Team Goal 2: Reach the Playoffs
Likewise, very difficult to see us achieving
this level within the league but looking at the
division as a whole, no one team is running
away with it and those of us at the bottom are
not being totally dropped – yet. A compressed
league – one like this where week to week all
teams are beating one another could give rise
to a scenario where an excellent run towards
the end of the season could propel a lower
to mid-table side into that final playoff place.
But I somehow think in a way none of us want
that to be us. But, like the play off final we’d
take it, wouldn’t we?
Team Goal 3: Get more points and finish
as high as possible!
Our suggested target - W15 D16 and L15 -
is still a very realistic target IF we can turn
our form around and stem those losses. At
this stage we have 5 which means a further
10 is required. And, only just recently what
was the target number of wins Ardley has
identified as being required? 10. Glad to think
he is thinking along the same lines as me. Of
course, a compressed division – particularly
at the bottom – could make the 50-point target
a tad susceptible to not being enough. But we
will see.
Team Goal 4: Avoid relegation
Whilst playoff achievement is fantasy at this
time, this will remain for sometime our sole
goal this season. Whilst at times you can see
little difference between us and teams that
have played us the results do not lie and we
remain rooted within a group of 5-6 teams,
currently seemingly anchored to the bottom.
Barnet, Bristol R, Plymouth, Aldershot and
perhaps Accrington keep us company. With
much mooted observation of a mid-table team
likely to free-fall in the second half of the
season, as in seasons past, it is going to be a
trying but interesting time until April.
Team Goal 5: Score more goals!
Whilst we have failed here to match last year,
up front it does seem though that injuries
have taken their toll along with a great lack of
service. At the Oxford game it was pointed out
we had just 2 shots on target the whole game.
Of course, service is required and we all know
midfield has not been performing here. They
have however been a bit better with goals
provided from this part of the pitch with Long
seemingly finally finding his shooting boots.
The loan of McCallam appears to be bearing
some fruit at last. But the enigma of what to
do with Midson remains. If Ardley can solve
that perhaps our season will get running
proper.
Team Goal 6: Let in fewer goals!
The stats show yet again too many goals
conceded though the profligacy of the early
season at least seems to have abated to
mainly odd goals lost, though with surprising
repeating of costly individual mistakes.
However the Mambo/Osano/Antwi/Fenlon
back four seems to be gelling – or was until
this Oxford game where it went back to old
bad ways. There is obviously still work to be
done Mr Cox!
Team Goal 7: Play ’good’/’attractive’
football
What I have seen I cannot say is either way;
what it has been is ineffective and reliably
predictable, particularly if we go a goal
down. Do we – players and crowd – have
confidence that we will go and score? There
was a resigned air about KM immediately that
first goal went in. If confidence is a thing for
players it must be for the crowd too. We need
to find confidence that we can pull back again.
Targets: Win your opening game, Win our
first home game, Win the first away game,
Win both your next home and away games
Well, dealt with before, all you can say is they
seem a long time ago now….
Sequences and Records
Last time we looked at sequences and
records the new manager appointment was
imminent. As mentioned above really the
only goals of note now are those that keep
us in the division (50pts we reckon) and any

sequences to get us there. To date our
best sequence is a win and a draw.
Poor isn’t it? However, losses in a row
have been restricted to, just once, 3,
which suggest some fight and shows
up our inconsistency.
Ardley’ record since he took over from
Brown (via Bassey) reads: W2 D3 L7.
For the record Brown was W1 D1 L5
and Bassey was W2 D0 L2. So, on
a points per game basis we see the
improvement coming over the Ardley
period against Brown’s (0.75 cf 0.57),
helped of course with the cameo period
of Bassey’s.
For some the jury is still out on all of
this and ultimately, it will remain so
until the end of the season whatever
that brings. Our League survival is very
important to us but within this pressure
cauldron I remain more optimistic than
I might have in the past. For whatever
happens we still have our club and
we know what we have. Stability. And
I suspect others – like Portsmouth –
might envy us on that.
Postscript – 6 January 2013
The New Year has been greeted with
the bang of two wins in two games
as both Torquay and Rochdale have
been beaten, away from home. With
postponements over the Christmas
periods it moves us out of the bottom
two and with games in hand on
some of our rivals. It’s not the end
of the beginning but hopefully it
might be the beginning of the end
of this poor season. Alas, for some
players it will also be the end – of
their AFC Wimbledon careers as,
with the transfer window is open
changes are afoot. I wish any that
leave – Gregory left and has surfaced
at Gillingham – well…unless they p
LETTERS TO THE GIMPS
Dear WUP,
The recent Ardley issue was my first WUP for a
while. Couldn’t stop laughing whilst trying to keep
the naughty bits out of sight of the kids. Well done
and keep up the good work.
Can I just say that having expressed his NON
VIEWS on that fixture, Alan Cork is no longer quite
my favourite all time Dons player. Anyone with
a copy of ‘Wimbledon from Southern League to
Premiership’ by Clive Leatherdale from 1995, please
apply TippEx to the top of p.350. If you have any
left over, please send it to me as I loved the smell of
TippEx.
Any former Dons players wishing to become my all
time fave, please post a cheque for £100 made out to
‘Faz the Womble’ at .....
Regards, Faz
New pictures emerged today of the damage
claimed to have been done by AFC Wimbledon
fans to Stadium:WANK
!

Having discovered that we had just
beaten York in the replay I, the same as
most, was then posed with the dilemma
of whether or not to make the trip to
the shit-pit 55 miles north of London.
Whilst there were many, many ideas
rolling through my head (where to crap,
whether or not I could fling my crap at
Ian Wright, etc.), I was also then chucked
a curve ball by the club saying that we
could only travel on an official club coach.
Admittedly, I can see the appeal of the
coach. Having been drawn to Millwall in
the cup 2 years before, this was the only
option to escape from Bermondsey with
all limbs still attached to my body and
no internal bleeding, but to me this was
definitely not an option on what was to be
an epic voyage on an emotional journey.
Then, to my delight, they rescinded this
madcap idea and allowed us to make our
own way there. At this moment I jumped
online and booked that ticket whilst
thinking of what to wear and still where/
who at I could fling my shit.
Three days later I was mightily pissed
off and almost filed a complaint to Royal
Mail because I thought the postman
had posted a bag of crap through my
letterbox, turns out it was just a ticket
for a football match at some non-existent
club situated in Shitsville up the M1.
Anyway, the obvious thing to do at this
point is put it in a safe place, alas, next
the radio in the kitchen would be perfect,
still in the envelope addressed to me so
nobody (not even the most ignorant of
women) could possibly discard of it, it
has my name on the envelope for Gods
sake!
Three days before the game I went to
look for the ticket and it didn’t appear
to be in the “safe place” that I had left it.
Having arranged to meet up with other
like-minded folk at the train station on
the Sunday I began to get a bit edgy, did
I move it when I was rat-faced on the
Wednesday? With panic well and truly
setting in I decided to send the mother a
text on Friday asking if she had happened
to see an envelope in the vicinity of the
radio that may have contained a ticket.
The response is certainly not one that I
was looking for. “Did you leave the ticket
in the envelope?” I was asked. “Yes I
did”, “ Did you leave it by the radio?” she
went on, “Yes I did”. And then came the
moment that kicked me square in the
smalls, “Well, I think I may have thrown
it out….”!
WTF!! She has just thrown out, what
I believe to be, the most important
match ticket that I have ever purchased?
Fortunately for her, as the old adage
goes, time is a great healer (otherwise
I may now be facing a judge explaining
why my patio had risen by two feet
overnight) and I can now look back and
laugh and even write to fellow fans about
my pain.
The moral of this whole story is, women
are evil (unless you are a dangerously
good looking Wimbledon supporter
(female) that happens to like emotionally
scarred (but good looking) men).
Peace out my friends.
The Angry Elf

THIS SIMPLY SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HAPPEN
The FA Cup has seen some of Wimbledon’s most famous exploits.
Back in the 70’s, taking on the (then) mighty Burnley and Leeds United,
in our original non-league guise. Then in the mid-80’s the match
that put the Crazy Gang on the map - a 3-1 win over old First Division
leaders Everton, which laid the foundation for the 1988 Cup Final
success over arguably the greatest club side ever in that era, Liverpool.
Of course along the way there have been some bad results, ones that
leave you scratching your head thinking “How did that happen?”
(Shrewsbury away anyone?).
None of those losses have left a long lasting sour taste.
Until now.
The Bletchley Stealers match had already left a bitter, sour feeling deep
in our stomachs, before we even kicked a ball in anger.
Let’s get this straight though. Despite the record showing we were
beaten 2-1 in this cup tie.
We had already won. The past decade has been all about winning, not
just on the field, everything that has happened on the pitch has been
a bonus. A journey that has been a nice distraction for all those that
helped found and establish the club we have supported through all the
mess that was forced upon us. Giving us a club that we can call, quite
literally our own.
The fundamentals of who we are were born over a hundred years ago.
No egomaniac businessman, no committee behind a desk, will ever take
away what is true to us and what we are.
THIS PAGE SPONSORED BY
HATE THE FRANCHISE AND WANT A NEW WORD TO USE AGAINST THEM? CALL..
STEVE NUTTALL - CHESHIRE WOMBLE

TWENTY IS PLENTY!
The Football Supporters’ Federation
(FSF) has announced it is launching a
campaign which aims to reduce away
ticket prices and help make football
more affordable.
The Score Campaign: Twenty’s Plenty
for Away Tickets will be launched with
an event in Manchester on Thursday
24th January. Further meetings will be
held across the country including one in
London on Thursday 31st January.
Last week it emerged that Manchester
City had returned more than 900 tickets
for their trip to Arsenal after fans refused
to pay £62 to watch their team.
The FSF called this a “watershed
moment” and said that fans all over
the country are united in their view that
tickets are too expensive. The national
organisation said it hoped to bring
together rival sets of fans to speak with
one voice.
Nine out of 10 fans who completed the
FSF’s 2012 National Fans’ Survey said
that ticket prices were too high. Four out
of every 10 said that they were attending
fewer matches because of ticket prices.
The FSF said the problem is especially
acute for away supporters who are hit
with a double whammy. They must cover
spiralling transport, food and refreshment
costs in addition to paying some of the
highest prices for football in Europe.
Martin O’Hara, Deputy Chair of the
Football Supporters’ Federation, said:
“Those who follow their team away are
the distilled essence of the football fan
- the hardcore. Without away fans the
atmosphere at games dies and football
loses a large part of what makes it so
special.
“Travelling supporters spend the most
time and money on their team and that
deserves recognition and reward. In the
short term clubs might make a few extra
quid by squeezing away fans dry but
long-term vision is required.
“Away attendances are in decline and
something must be done by the clubs
before that becomes terminal. Who
wants to go to games without away fans,
games without passion?
“We believe that an away ticket price
cap of £20 would make football more
affordable and halt the decline in away
fan attendances. The Score Campaign
aims to make this a reality.”
The FSF will hold a series of events
across the country in support of the
Score Campaign: Twenty’s Plenty for
Away Tickets. All events are free of
charge and open to all fans - for more
information visit www.fsf.org.uk or email
tickets@fsf.org.uk.
Statistics referenced are from the FSF’s
2012 National Fans’ Survey. Read more
at the BBC, ‘Game playing ‘Russian
roulette’ with fans’.
CONTACT: Michael Brunskill, Director of
communications: michael.brunskill@fsf.
org.uk / 0330 44 000 44 / +44 (0)779 524
5859
ABOUT THE FSF: The FSF is a
franchise loving bunch of cunts.

MKVILLAGER
The MK Villager can today exclusively report on the vile
and horrendous events that nearly destroyed our way
of life and indeed our proud village’s very existence one
seemingly normal day in December 2012.
From an excerpt supplied by “Moth Poet Hotel”
Forget the 21 st December 2012
Mayan predictions for the end of
the world. That will be / was a mere
blip on the Richter scale compared
with the Armageddon that befell
Milton Keynes (the Village) on the
fateful day of 2 nd December 2012,
more than a few days earlier.
Earlier
indications of
the terror that
was to come
reached the
MK Villager’s
News Desk
after they had
accidentally
hacked into
the voicemail
of the CEO of
The Mongol
Hordes.
Editor’s Note:- for Mongol read
Womble. This followed the appalling
news that York City had suffered a cruel
pillaging (and a bit of a rape) from these
same barbarians the night before.
Initial intelligence suggested that we
were to be spared – it was apparently
too far to travel from the wastelands
of SW19 to bother with an invasion.
Other targets such as Crawley or Fat Boy
Evans were circulated as diversionary
tactics. Another rumour suggested that
the heathen would instead congregate at
their Chief Place of Worship and commit
sinful acts of homage to their false
deities. It finally emerged that the Village
was to be subjected to a “Reconnaissance
in Force” to test our defences.
The appointed day thus dawned brightly
but with an appalling stench of fear and
newly laid faeces permeating the air of
Milton Keynes. The Village was rank
with it. Sadly,
the first line
of defences
was easily
breached.
The Village’s
intricate
network of
inter-locking
roundabouts
were
cunningly
by-passed by
the simple
expedient of detouring through the
Ardennes Forest straight to the A5
intersection with the A4146 and taking
the first exit left. The more cunning
of these sub-humans even located the

occasional trains that penetrate the
Village’s ring-roads. At one point there
was even the threat of an airborne
assault.
This resulted in the heathen hordes being
able to reach the second-line defences
– namely Bletchley Retail Park. This
mind-numbing, pre-fabricated maze of
concrete and steel was created in the
mid-2000s to entice would-be invaders
into a maze of look-a-like retail outlets
where the captivated heathens would
then be seduced into spending money
they’d not got on things they didn’t really
need. It was believed that IKEA would
play a key role in this defensive strategy.
Fully laden with booty the heathen
masses would then depart back to their
stinking hovels leaving life in the bubble
untouched. A beneficial side-effect would
manifest itself, when, being unable to
maintain the mortgage repayments
after such excessive consumer spending
the hordes would be evicted and forced
to live in tent villages erected on the
featureless wastes of Wimbledon
Common – with some of the more
reckless abusers of plastic even having to
erect twig shelters on Mitcham Common.
Sadly, these defences failed too - due
in no small part to the experiences the
heathen have had with similarly designed
defences - namely Priory Retail Park.
Plus a further tactical innovation – to
leave all credit cards at home and forage
whilst en route.
Thus to the final climactic encounter
at the formidably-named Stadium.mk
– a veritable fortress built to replicate
in every detail the current day Roman
Colosseum.
What ensued was just another game of
football which at the death produced a
winner, a loser and praise be, no need for
a re-match.
Having tested MK’s defences the
vile vandals then skulked away - but
not without first leaving a wave of
catastrophic destruction in their wake
including small, soft, vaguely browncoloured
objects laid as booby-traps
to snare innocent items of footwear.
Allegedly. Small groups of our heroic
MK-Jugend were ambushed without
regard for their illiteracy and general
stupidity and beaten senseless. One such
victim piteously told the MK Villager
“I woz f**king right scared. Their was
hundreds of them right they’re in me
face. It was only wen I called ‘em cnuts
they ran away, innit”.
An inside high(est)-level source, Mr P
Wormtongue, who wishes to remain
anonymous, told the MK Villager that
it had been a close-run thing. He had at
one point envisaged being captured and
dragged back to the nuclear waste-lands
of SW London to be publicly displayed
with a spike up his rectum. We can only
ask our readers to join us in praising the
Lord that such a fate was averted in the
very last minutes. We need his patronage
– and the taste of his un-spiked arse.
You would think that things have now
returned to normal – however, the
Villager can further exclusively reveal
that through surveillance of the heathens’
propaganda organs they will one day
return, cut off our heads and shit in the
hole.
Note:- All characters and quotations
appearing in this article are purely
fictitious. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead, is purely
coincidental and merely an artifice
created by MK Villager for dramatic
effect.

LETS GET RELEGATED, SO WE CAN GO TO DARTFORD
At the time of writing we are going
down and will be in the Football
conference again for the 2013/14
season. Our stupid dumbs players
can’t even hit a barn door. Taking into
account the time of writing who could
we be facing a lot of travel to northern
and easterly outposts to places that
we can’t even spell. Some of the
places probably don’t exist aside from
featuring in Doctor Who. its going to
be awful.
We’ve been there before
Chester
Chester have been reborn and fought their
way back up with large crowds, buoyancy
and momentum. Last time we went there
we in fact didn’t, result expunged. So,
technically a new ground. Also lets hope that
really hard bloke returns, you know the one
who sat in the front row down in the corner
and abused us all game. But the game never
happened so he didn’t exist.
Grimsby Town
Fish smelling northern types who play in
Cleethorpes. Amusingly they developed
an anti-franchise t-shirt, but I still hold a
grudge when a haddock fan thought moving
to MK would be a good idea. I just couldn’t
believe it, this was when I was extremely
bitter after losing to them bastards 6-2 when
we were 2-2, Shane Gore saving a penalty
having replaced a dismissed Ian Feuer then
the fucking lino made him retake it. Then we
capitulated, to fecking Grimsby, the Harry
feckin’ Haddocks. I blamed Charles Koppel
at the time, for he is a cunt. Don’t forget that
people, we wouldn’t be getting relegated if
Charles Koppel had fallen down a cliff or
was shot by a Japanese soldier still thinking
the War was on.
Forest Green Rovers
Annoying hippy owner who likes away fans
to eat carrot cake and non meat sausages.
Stupid twat, ground on a hill, no station
within 5000 miles. I saw a programme on
him recently, or at least I think I did. I wanted
to punch his teeth in and then eat a steak in
front of him. How very dare he.
Kidderminster Harriers
Amazing food selection, I mean they have
shepherds pie in foil which has been prepared
and cooked. Sure it costs but its brilliant
food. Its as if they actually want to make
money AND give fans something worthwhile.
They also have a cruel streak because this
reputation attracts fat fans and the turnstiles
are really narrow. Its them laughing at obesity
by dangling lard. Wankers.
Luton Town
Lets just hope they go up.. yeah. I mean I

like going there but we have to endure the
slightly uncomfortable love-in and mutual
hatred of Milton Keynes. I’d rather we just
call each other abusive names. I’m sure we’ll
get abused for winning the playoffs then
getting relegated. We do deserve that when it
happens. 2 years and we fucked it up will be
the song whilst we piss on the memories of
that great day in Manchester.
Mansfield Town
Worth revisiting to see the dirty CEO woman.
Got arrested at a game last year, which means
she can fight
dirty, probably
pulls hair and
says naughty
words. Of course
she married the
chairman for his
dashing good
looks and not
his huge wallet.
Hmm.. dirty
cow.
Macclesfield
Town
Northern
monkeys with their uncovered away terrace.
I wonder if they still TAKE THE TOPS OFF
YOUR POP BOTTLES. What is that all
about. They don’t search you for weapons or
stuff in your pockets so why remove the tops?
So, technically you could take a bazooka in
down your trousers BUT YOU CANT HAVE
A SMALL PLASTIC BOTTLE TOP TO
KEEP YOUR POP FROM GOING FLAT.
Which moron decided on this policy. Its not
like AFCWimbledon fans ever cause any
damage anywhere is it?
more expensive seats above. Idiots. And the
turnstiles are really narrow, even thin people
struggled to get through. Another anti-fat
ground, but inside they don’t sell lard.
Braintree Town
Horrible journey to another lunatic ground
that you question “how did it pass conference
grading” then I think of how shit our ground
is to most people and it doesn’t seem so bad.
Salisbury City
Overspent, administrated and demoted -
spunked it up now likely back to fuck it all up
all over again. Weirdly small ground which
will be deliciously overpriced because lets
face it they won’t have learned their lesson.
Tamworth, Gateshead, Woking, Welling,
Scouseport, Cambridge United- Yawn.
Ooh look, new grounds.
Dartford
Fucking totally worth getting relegated. This
is a ground that I’ve always wanted to go to.
Grass on the roof, all enclosed, small but has
a strange statue behind one of the goals made
out of wood or something. Highlight of the
season from a ground hoppy type way? LETS
GET RELEGATED!!!
Hereford United
Stupid away terrace with a 50 limit on it,
despite it running the whole length of the
pitch. Stewards then force you into the

Alfreton Town
The Impact arena is certainly that on the
pocket, it will likely be £18+ on the day for
what is a naff old ground. At least it has non
league charm. A good size terrace behind one
goal with partial roof, but then there are lots
of uncovered little rows of seats all over the
place. Fun day out.
Lincoln City FC
Big old league ground. Chance to see the
lovely cathedral.
Stockport County
We’ve been there as Wimbledon FC, a trip
to Stockport to drink Robinsons beer in the
Florist pub.
Hyde FC
ManCity’s baby side, no not really but the
ground has been ManCity’d up due to some
sort of reserve football deal. Hardly any
home fans but it will at least be a new ground
for many.
Guiseley
Another
reminder of non
league if we
have to go there.
Not much risen
terracing, some
covered areas but
generally poor.
The welcome
will be typical.
Current
travelling miles
for wombles in League 2 : 1400
Travelling for Wombles in the conference:
550,000 light years of pain. Can you afford
that sort of mileage? No. Didnt think you
could. So start giving the club all your
money, sign your parts over, for organ
donations, sell your kids to slavery and enjoy
going backwards in time to a place we hoped
to have left behind.
Or.. the players could start earning their cash
and win some fucking games.

Back in 2007, thousands of plastic football fans worldwide came
together on the internet to try and buy a football team. In November
2007, it was announced that Ebbsfleet United in Kent would be that
unfortunate team. February 19th 2013 is the 5th anniversary of that
sorry day...
After shagging the club up, We are now a group of around 1,000 members
of MyFootballclub.co.uk with nothing better to do than bitch and
whine about not being able to run the club, which (for the moment)
plays in the Blue Square Bet Conference Football League in England,
the 5th level of English Football.
The Club's supporters wish we'd sod off, but we want the world to
know that we'll let the club end up in a Sunday league before we'll let
it go. We are not Manchester United, they have money. We are not
Barcelona, they have knowledge. We are not Inter Milan, they have
passion. We are THE FLEET, and proud of it (unless we decide to
change the name to something like MyFC United).
Come join us for just £50 a year (or wait until we lower it to a tenner
when we drop to 800 members in a month) and vote on all the important
issues, like what colour the strip should be or whether you're enjoying
your time here (you wont be). Make all the big decisions! Should
we borrow more money this month, or just saddle the club with more
debt??
Come on! Destroying a football club never felt this good (or guilt free)
before!
Christian Blanc

W E L C O M E T O T H E
I didn't go into the Stadium MK
shitdome but many did. Myself and
the Black Fingernail decided to sell
a special edition Yellow and Blue
right in the backyard of the freaks
of franchise FC .
We departed stupidly early in the off chance
that Wimbledon supporters would aim to get
boozed up in MK and smash the shit out of
the place.
We parked up at the Central station and waited
for frenzied fans on the station concourse,
a few odd fans of neutral clubs purchased
copies until we were asked to move outside
by a friendly station manager.
Outside the station the Police were exceedingly
pleasant to us and we awaited the
hoards. Which really never happened. Occasionally
a bunch of fans came through, we
sold a few issues but most people I guess
were a bit surprised. The majority of people
in MK were not interested in this big game
for their town, those that were interested in
what we were selling weren't going. Few
could believe we’d make the journey then
not bother to attend the game. There was
no buzz for this event, now admittedly if
Manchester United were in town it would
probably be different but media wise this
was a big big game.
hobble out the station front door from the
side doors and quickly scuttle off when our
eyes laid scorn upon him, much like when
you surprise a bird in the back garden. It was
an instinctive reaction to scarper. Without
sounding awful, I have to say most MK fans
we saw looked slightly retarded. I know thats
really cruel and unpc but they did, they all
looked as if they were in care. Maybe that
explains the crowds, its not 'fans' its 'fans and
carers'. Again, apologies for that but its how
it looked. Strike me down Jebus if I have offended
thee.
One franchise fan, braver than the others
burst from the station singing “MK army”,
another was confused that we weren't the official
programme sellers. A large obese franchiser
approached us, hiding badly behind
a sign, squawking at us intermittently. We
couldn't understand him, I guess his mouth
and brain were still full of Winkelmans shit,
when his mouth emptied he croaked "WHY
DID YOU ABANDON US". Having held
Every now and again a franchise fan would

back the laughter as he repeated this statement
over and over like a deformed fucktarded
parrot, I engaged his fecal soaked brain
and he spewed forth winkelmans fecal love
goo as he had been programmed. It was quite
therapeutic to hear it
if I'm honest. Apparently
“we all left”,
we “should have just
stayed and it would
never have happened”,
it was “your
fault”, “Winkelman
stepped in with minutes
to go”. The revisionist
history meant
it was easy to back
him into a corner and
he wobbled away like
a jelly sliding off a
tilted plate.
That was as exciting
as it got. Having exhausted
our possible
customer base I managed
to grab a leaflet
from a newsagents,
which has been reproduced here. The pile
of leaflets was big and the agent didn't even
press me to take one, he was unbothered by
it, no pride in his now 'local' club. Then we
headed to Bletchley station to wait for the
hoards returning to London. Having driven
round the ground and shouted some childish
obscenities we parked up and to bide our time
listened to the radio whilst kicking a football
around. About 20 minutes in we noticed a
solitary figure approaching the station, if it
wasn't Alan Titschmarsh, no, not the gardner
tv presenter, but member of Pisa. As he approached
us in his unassuming and slightly
bewildered manner we got a run down of his
non entry into the ground. "I found myself
hitting women and children" he remarked.
Normally this would be met with disgust, but
he was well inebriated so likely they'd received
harder blows from the wind, "Children
and women and young people, I was pushing
them or punching them" he re stated. This
is when the police got him and issued him
with a section which
meant he had to clear
the area. He hung
around with us, until
the end of the game.
We cheered when
we equalised then
brushed off disappointment
of not
winning, then swore
when they flukily
won it.
Our plan to sell
Y&Bs at the end of
the game quickly
ended as a rather
wanky local copper
basically told us to
fuck off or he'd arrest
us, we had no license
to sell these fanzines,
even though the Police
had no problem
and even bought one at MKCentral. I was
thoroughly bored of it all and took the advice
of the rozzer and got the fuck out of there.
Was it a successful operation? Not really, I
wish it hadn't happened. However, if we had
won we may have acted slightly differently
at the end. But we didn't and you can still
get your copy of Yellow and Blue at the club
shop or via the WUP shop.

WUP Crossword No.26
By Neal Ardley’s Rowdy Lullaby Enema
Four down clues, which lack definition parts, all lead to epithets for something that shouldn’t exist.
ACROSS
7 One enters vacant cubicle … (6)
8 … it would lift the lid for No.1 or
No.2 (6)
9 Oriental dish missing a guy (4)
10 Name first union in 1900 – it’s
man on strike (8)
11 Like one team, two down, very silly
(7)
13 Come about Papers? (5)
15 Fliers in big car work hard (5)
16 Former manager with floppy ears
and short legs? (7)
18 Greek next penetrates a Scot (8)
19 Fake team?
No! (4)
21 Football chief
and stranger
make something
to eat (6)
22 Extremely
emotional,
balanced team
(6)
DOWN
1 Southampton
maybe complete
only four-fifths
of game (4)
2 In concert,
pitches should
ideally be level
(7,6)
3 Climbing
creatures left
out for treetop
endurance (7)
4 Knowles, losing most of eye, gives
head (5)
5 Deviant lewd perv leers at the old
but youthful-looking (4,9)
6 Posh girl meets topless freak on
first appearance (8)
12 Striker of the century with support
(8)
14 Clean US city ruled by … (7)
17 … fraudsters in Napoli-Arsenal
match-fixing scam (5)
20 Drink for over-18s, served ice-cold
here? (4)

So you felt frustrated after heavy rain
caused postponement of two Dons games
over the festive period? What if Mother
Nature had caused you to lose your ground
and have to share with whoever would take
you? Read Jenni Silver’s “GlosBlog”, and
put your feelings into perspective! (This
article reproduced by kind permission of the
author and “The Blue and White” for which
it was originally written.
It was only a little bit of rain, and it wasn’t
like the ground hadn’t flooded before, so how
come Gloucester City are still in exile more
than five years after the River Severn burst its
banks and destroyed Meadow Park?
Well, first off the flood water, which rose
and swirled onto the pitch, into the dressing
rooms, through the club shop and kept rising
until it kissed the top of the crossbar, wasn’t
just river water. To get to Meadow Park it
flowed through the tip next door, bringing a
pick’n’mix selection of bugs, contaminants
and filth with it.
Then there was the insurance. Like many of
the homes along the flood plain the owners
of Gloucester City struggled to get insurance
after the first flood, 2007 was the third in less
than ten years.
Add into that a bit of bureaucracy, the
obstacle course of the planning process and
here we are, in 2012, still groundsharing and
still keeping our heads above water.
So a thriving community club was fractured
and thrown to the corners of the county. The
first team went first to the New Lawn, home
of Forest Green Rovers, then to Cirencester
Town and now play their ‘home’ games at
Whaddon Road in Cheltenham. The youth
team were banished to the Forest of Dean
and now play home games at Tuffley Rovers
and Sawmills, home of Longlevens AFC. The
ladies still play at Frampton, about 15 miles
downriver of Gloucester.
The past five years have been a battle for a
club with no full time employees, yet against
the odds we have thrived. The first team won
promotion - albeit to the northern half of the
Conference, meaning trips to Workington

and Gainsborough and further afield. The
success of the Under 18’s led to the formation
of a Development Squad (although they
have twice been denied promotion due to not
having a ground of their own, they currently
play at the famous Spa Cricket pitch, the
former stomping ground of WG Grace).
We’re on our third groundshare now, we
started at Forest Green Rovers, that didn’t
really work out for us. Next we went to
Cirencester Town, who bent over backwards
to accommodate us but the Conference
ground graders weren’t so keen, so we looked
down the Golden Valley to Cheltenham
Town. It’s
not cheap,
it’s not
ours but
our (their)
groundsman
won
League 2
Groundsman
of the Year
last season
and the pitch
is the best in
the league.
After
looking at
every possible alternative for a new ground,
including a mooted groundshare with the
rugby club, our owners decided a return to
Meadow Park was our only option. We own
the site, it is recreation land on the local
plan and in the five years we have been
away it has seen millions of pounds spent
on regeneration. So we started on the plans,
two years and around £350,000 later the
plans went before the planning committee on
September 4 and…everything got put on hold
again.
The plans for the new ground include a huge
bund, to be built down the river which will
protect the stadium from further floods and
bring 125 homes and businesses out of the
flood risk zone, allowing homeowners to
insure their property and leaving a lasting
legacy for the city. With an application
so complex the council are a little nervy,
they want to make sure everything is done
properly, which means yet more meetings and
even more (very expensive) modeling plans
to show where the water may or may not go.
The start of 2013 brings news of more
meetings, more discussions and hopefully,
before the end of February, an agreement
about what
work is
needed to
change the
council’s
current
view of
‘minded to
permit’ into
‘planning
permission.’
Even with
permission
and a
return to
Gloucester
(which
should, fingers crossed be two years once
work starts, if it is allowed to) five years in
exile has done untold damage.
Fans have dropped off and our average
attendance languishes around the 300 mark.
We have lost a whole generation of young
football fans who can’t just pop along to
a game when it involves a 40 minute bus
journey, followed by a 20 minute walk, I’ll
admit there are times when I don’t really feel
like making the journey.
We also have to fight the misconception that

Gloucester is a rugby city - it does have a
successful club but Kingsholm rarely sells
out these days and during the Euros, city
centre pubs were packed full of football fans.
We are probably the biggest city without a
Football League club - but pick up the local
paper and you struggle to find football among
the endless stories about how Mike Tindall
visited Nando’s and which player is in trouble
for tweeting this week.Absence breeds
apathy and the lack of a physical presence in
Gloucester is harming the club every single
day we are away. The practical side, the fact
we play far away is just the tip of the iceberg.
In the past five years we have only held
one fundraising event where we were able
to raise money from bar sales - no club =
no clubhouse. On matchdays Gloucester
fans spend more at the club bar than
Cheltenham fans do on their home games,
it’s just a shame none of it comes to us.
There are children growing up in Gloucester
who think that Cheltenham Town are their
local club, they have no idea we exist. We
have tried offering free tickets to games in
Cheltenham but coming to an empty ground,
(we are only allowed half open on match
days) miles away doesn’t really make it a fun
day out.
spent travelling hundreds of miles within
Gloucestershire to follow a team which was
once based pretty much on my doorstep.
Most of the fans are moaning at the
moment because of the constant delays
on the planning (mainly due to the
council, the head of regeneration is
currently suspended due to accusations
of fraud and nepotism...!) and the
fact that our local paper, which only
covers Gloucester, is more excited about
Cheltenham v Everton than anything
our club are doing. There are even
murmurings of a breakaway community
club!
But, despite the setbacks, the delays and the
hold ups, I am confident that one day, at some
point in the future, I will be able to watch my
team in my city.
Lack of revenue plus a significant rent bill
means we have one of, if not the smallest
budget in our league - at a time when the
overall debt in the Conference Premier, North
and South is around £45million, it is truly
amazing that City’s finances remain on an
even keel.
It is easy to feel despondent about it -
especially when we visit clubs who are
spending beyond their means, in new
grounds with crowds full of rowdy kids in
replica shirts. We’d kill for that. When I read
reports like the recent FSF one on the cost of
football it makes me tot up how much I’ve

Hello boys! First off, my mate
Roxy would like to pass comment
about having to play the
Franchise Scum in the FA Cup
Now that’s all over, we can
concentrate our efforts on
spending the tv money on getting
some half decent players who can
follow simple instruction on how to
play football.
Anyhow, as ever, I will now pick
at my knicker
elastic
for some
predictions:
this week
compiled
using an
expired Boots
coupon for
10% off
selected
moisturisers;
the remaining
players in my
grandad’s old
1950’s set
of playing cards from Burlington
Tobacco Products; and the
resultant x-rays of my grandad’s
chest.
15th December 2012. Rotherham
Mystical Donna’s Forecast:
The day starts badly when the
President’s Lounge runs out of
sandwiches and an emergency
dumpster arrives from Fatboys
to deal with demand from the
opposition players and coaches.
The announcement of a bumper
crowd of 4,211 is tempered by
the news that one of the turnstile
operators was mugged while
passing the away dugout. After an
hour of abuse and shouting and
raving after every decision, the ref
threatens to send the opposition
manager to the stands, but the
convicted criminal starts blubbing
and wringing his hands and
pleading for one last chance.
On the pitch, we pick up a decent
point. What? You expected us to
do better at home? 2-2
22nd December 2012. Port Vale
Mystical Donna’s Forecast: The
Mayan Prophecy
turns out to be true,
as a 7.6 Earthquake
rips through
Tolworth, causing
road closures. Black
stormclouds and
winged serpents are
seen circling above the Houses of
Parliament, but it’s okay because
our hard-working politicians have
all bunked off early for the usual
extended Christmas/New Year
break. Despite the occasional
flows of lava and brimstone at
Raynes Park, ice storms on
Wimbledon Common and a giant
200 foot high Octopus named
Dave appearing on Colliers Wood
High Street, us plucky Wombles
bravely soldier on, hoping to at
least keep the fixture list as active
as possible. However, at 2pm,
Network Rail cancels all services
due to the wrong type of frog on
the line.
Bumcakes all round. P-P
26th December 2012
Northampton
Mystical Donna’s Forecast:

Fatboys and the President’s
Lounge are both ready this
time for the imminent arrival of
Northampton’s Human Weeble
– who still manages to vault the
hoardings after scoring, cram in
a burger at the Tempest End tea
bar, snatching a bottle of fizzy pop
out of a 9 year-old kid’s hands on
the way back to the centre circle
and be back in time for the restart.
However, we win with a last-gasp
bundle-the-ball-over-the-line by
Djilali, who immediately looks
worried, having remembered what
happened last time he scored
the winner for Wimbledon and
relieved the pressure off of their
manager. 2-1
29th December 2012 Oxford Utd
Mystical Donna’s Forecast: The
usual despondent performance
on the back of a positive, scrappy
win. Half the squad already know
they’re out the door and no longer
give a shit. Neal Ardley spends
most of the match looking at his
calendar and checking for loose
change under the seats of the
dugout – and at half time Cox and
Bassey are seen picking up loose
cigarette butts outside the exit
gates.1-4
So, now the transfer window is
open, did we find anything we
liked?
And now, here’s all the local
Womble-based gossip from under
the Back Bar Awning for ya!
the view
from the
back bar
awning
Good
news that the son of the guitarist
from The Sisters Of Mercy has
agreed to rejoin the Wombles!
Bad news that some of our cuter
loan signings are heading back
out to their parent clubs.
Oh, cruel world! Why do boys
always leave?
The Dons Trust are primed to get
their controlling share in AFCW
plc up to 90%. I’m not going to
say I told you so, but… Hah!
Meanwhile murmurs have arisen
about panicking and getting some
sugar daddy in to… well, I don’t
exactly know what. But obviously
being in the Football League 10
years after having to start again
from the bottom isn’t fast enough
progress for some people.
The North Stand is now The
Noodles Stand!
The shoulders of the men’s first
team are now sponsored by a golf
company.
Maybe if the
sponsorship
reaches
some sort of
acceptable
target, we
can afford to
borrow George
Francomb again.
Erm. Purely for
his footballing
skills, like.
Honest.
Speaking of
footballing
skills, has Banjo
Harrison decided
to start scoring again yet?
Thought for the day:
“.”
And finally…..
Still unbeaten in 2013 – long may
these wintery conditions continue!
However, is it better to be sitting
on 47 points come the end of the
season and know that a draw
might not be enough on the final
game of the season, or to have
3 games in 5 days and need four
points to get out of the relegation
zone?
Answers as usual on the back
of a Bacardi Breezer…. See all
you lovely Wombles in the bar
afterwards! Xxx

NEIL SHIPPERLEY’S
BIG FAT
BLOODY HARD AND NOT A LITTLE UNTRICKY
(MORE A TRIVIA ARTICLE THAN SERIOUS QUIZ!)
QUIZ OF THE YEAR
1.Name the three grounds Wimbledon used for home
fixtures between World War II and 2002.
2. Who played for Tampa Bay Rowdies alongside Rodney
Marsh and then with Pele, scoring the only goal
for Team America, against England, before signing for
Wimbledon?
3. Which former Wimbledon player played against
England at the Mong Kok stadium in 1996?
4. How many times did Wimbledon play in the Amateur
Cup final?
5. In the early 1920’s, which Wimbledon player became
the first to represent England?
!
6. Which Wimbledon and England Amateur international
footballer also played first class cricket for both Surrey and Somerset?
7. How many matches have Wimbledon played at Wembley Stadium?
8. Name the three former Wimbledon players that took part in the 2012 London Olympics.
9. And both of the former and future Wimbledon players to appear in the 1936 Berlin Olympics.
10. Old Central Horace Anstee, younger brother of founder Edwin, won a cup for playing football
on Wimbledon Common against Sanger’s. How was this particularly unusual?
11. Name the magnificent seven that have managed in the top four divisions this season, having
previously played a first team game for Wimbledon.
12. Since the First World War there have been one each of first team Wimbledon player’s with
surnames starting with Q and Z. Name them both.
13. Who scored Wimbledon’s only official UEFA sanctioned European goal?
14. Which former Wimbledon player has managed David Beckham?
15. Which former Wimbledon player made his international debut for Philippines in 2010?
16. Which Wimbledon player from the early 1980s went on to play for Juventus?
17.Which former Wimbledon player had twins that went on to become famous table-tennis
stars?
Send your entries to content@wup.me.uk … For every correct
answer over ten you win a free copy of the next WUP. If you get
all 17 correct you win a free subscription of 8 issues and a place
in the Womble Underground Press Geek Hall of Fame.
!