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mushr oom nesting in r ibcage. Insects mar ching their slow tr ails thr ough empty eye sockets
star ing into nothing. And the memor y of a gun bar r el, still heavy in my hands.
?That?s not the w or st of it.?
I dr ained my glass and waited for him to r efill it.
?After he left, it star ted coming. She. She comes ever y year. Ear lier each time, she takes
up mor e of my months now. Haunting me. And I?m fr ightened that if I tell you about her ?
she?ll come for you.?
?Who??
?It?s cr azy but? it?s the deer. The doe w e killed.?
?But honey, you had nothing to do w ith that. Why w ould she haunt you??
His hand was a comfor ting, r ational w eight on my shoulder.
?You w er e a kid. Putting a kid thr ough that? that?s abuse. You know that, r ight? Of
cour se it still affects you, that shit doesn?t just go away.?
I swallow ed mor e w ine. My insides felt r aw , gutted and str ipped by the tr uth and yet a
clump still r emained, nestled in my belly like r ot.
?She gets closer ever y year and one year she w ill get inside and then? I don?t know.?
?Alex.?
He held me close and told me that none of it was r eal, it was just bad memor ies. Just.
?All the shit you?ve been thr ough? But you?r e not alone w ith it now , you?ve got me. We?ll
figur e this out together. Get you anything you need.?
He kissed the side of my head. Over his shoulder , I saw tw o lumpy shapes behind the
sofa. Dar k boots on the w hite car pet.
22nd December
The day was cold and br isk but br ight w ith w inter sun. It filter ed thr ough bar e br anches
onto our faces as w e walked the par k.
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