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mum scr eam at each other thr ough the floor. I didn?t sleep. I couldn?t get r id of the image
of the bloody dr ag mar ks thr ough the snow , like hellish tr ain tr acks leading str aight to
home. Telling the w or ld w hat he had done - this beautiful cr eatur e tor n dow n by my
fucking dad because he wanted to feel like a man in fr ont of a ten-year -old.?
Steve was good at being quiet and he sat w ith my hesitation and anger w ith equal
patience. He pr obably thought my stumbling nar r ative was due to some emotional
upheaval r ather than a str ategic w eighing up of tr uth against pr ecaution.
?After my par ents w ent to bed, I slipped dow nstair s to find something to eat. Dad must
have gone out to the bar n and gutted it, pr obably to take his r age out on something pliable
and w eak. The deer ?s head was on the sink dr ainer , r ight w her e I w ould see it.?
?Jesus Christ.?
I bar ely hear d his shock now I was in the memor y. Eyes like mar bles, r aw and w et and
painfully huge once str ipped of their lids. So unlike the delicate lashes of a gentle deer ;
even in the dar k, I could see specks of dir t on the vitr eous. They w er e r olled up towar ds me
in pained accusation. Her lips w er e tor n back fr om w hite stacks of fr ont teeth and a cur ved
hill of molar s, clenched into a gr imace. The face was str ipped to the taut bone of jaw w hile
a patchw or k of r ed meat on w hite fat r olled over her cheek. Ther e w er e str ay patches of
dar k hair at her r agged nape and thr oat. The gr inning was endless, hideous. He had left the
tongue intact and pulled it out over the teeth, a gr otesque engor ged leech. Ther e was blood
in the sink, pooled in the dishwater , smear ed on our dinner table. The smell was r ipe and
thr eatening and unfor gettable, a flash of the heady, ir on-br and ar oma of my young body?s
fir st cycle, pr oof that my dad?s best effor ts could not dull that ear thy tr uth.
?It was a mer cy w hen he left, r eally. Just bad memor ies. Mum lost it in the months after
but he had pushed her most of the way ther e.?
?I?m so sor r y. That?s hor r ible. Do you know w her e he is now ??
?No.? I thought of a dar k patch of gr ound w her e the w eeds gr ow tw isted and loose, r otten
at stem and r oot. Cr osshair s of bone tangled thr ough br amble and vine, bloated clumps of
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