24 Seven November 2020

November 2020 Issue
Wake Up and Be Free to
Love Without Limitations
Written by Guy Finley
W
When in a fight of any kind, over
anything, we look over at the other person and “see” – almost
magically – exactly what’s wrong with him or her in that
moment. So confident are we in our conclusion as to the nature
of their problem – that the following has almost no chance to
dawn on us:
We can’t see that person is looking at us in this exact same
kind of “light” that is not a light at all. Negative reactions have
no awareness of themselves; there is no light in them, any more
than a cluster of bombs has compassion for whatever they fall
on and destroy.
What we need in these moments is the light of a new kind of
understanding. We need to awaken to, and realize a higher level
of awareness that allows us to appreciate two things at once:
first, to see that just like us, the other person is in some kind
of pain and is being moved, just as we are, to find someone to
blame for it.
In other words, the same negative forces are at work in
both of us. And second, even though these opposing forces are
blind, that doesn’t mean that we have to be! The more we can
wake up to the presence of these unconscious forces and how,
undetected, they keep us at odds with one another, the freer we
become to love without their limitations.
When we’re negative – in a “power struggle” with someone
over whatever is being contested – we’re reduced to being little
more than a puppet. We’re literally “strung out” – momentarily
animated – by unseeing forces in us that can only do one thing:
mechanically oppose whatever seems to oppose them.
I understand this last image is not very flattering, but let’s be
honest: experience validates the fact of it. Each time we’re drawn
into a fight, it’s exactly as if someone “turns out the lights.” All
we can “see” in that slowly enveloping darkness of our negative
state is someone that we’re sure it’s our duty to change, control,
or “make sorry” for what he or she has done to us... even as they
are trying to do the same to us.
The conflict in these emotional tugs-of-war is the stuff of
sorrow and take us nowhere except back and forth. If this
is true, and we know it is, then, with what are we left? From
where will come this new light needed in the midst of these
dark moments knowing, as is obvious by now, that we can’t
illuminate our partner, our friends, or anyone else.
Assuming we can all agree with this last revelation – that it’s
not in our power to illuminate another – here’s what we’re left
with; its simplicity is both beautiful and powerful at the same
time:
If we hope to see any real transformation take place in our
relationships – whether with family, friends, or our partner for
life – then it is we who must become illuminated. The kindness,
the patience, the love we seek is going to have to start with us...
even if our best efforts get thrown right back in our face!
Challenging? No doubt – perhaps more so than anything
we may have ever tried to do before. Rewarding? Let’s see, and
then you decide:
What if rather than allowing these blind, opposing forces
to set you against another person, you could learn how to
start using them; where even a hint of their pressure would
not only awaken you to their presence but – in that same
moment – empower you to consciously separate yourself from
their punishing influences? This would be like owning a kind
of spiritual “alarm clock” that goes off just before you start to
blame – or resent – another; a silent but unmistakable alert
system that serves, at once, to reveal and release you from
the unseen parts of your own consciousness that tend to
automatically oppose any unwanted moment.
About The Author
GUY FINLEY
Guy Finley is the founder and director of Life of Learning Foundation,
a nonprofit center for spiritual discovery in Merlin, Oregon. Finley
presents two free online talks each week open to all. Every class
is different, but the underlying theme is “The Limit of Your Present
View, is Not the Limit of Your Possibilities.” This article is excerpted
from Relationship Magic by Guy Finley, Llewellyn Worldwide, 2018.
To Learn More Visit:
www.guyfinley.org