Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )
accomplished by dinner time. This condition is often referred to as sub frenzy,which we discuss at greater length elsewhere in this book. As one might expect,the Novice submissive’s efforts usually end in miserable failure but,occasionally, she is unexpectedly presented with the worst possible outcome:success.When that happens, the Novice is usually hastily collared by an inexperienced orphony Dominant, used and abused physically, emotionally, and sexually, andthen unceremoniously dumped like yesterday’s Chinese take-out. The Novice’sfirst collar typically lasts about as long as it takes the so-called Dominant toreach an orgasm or, conversely, to learn that it isn’t going to happen.Sometimes, the collar will just fade away in a muddled fog of uncertainly overthe following days or weeks as the hapless Novice struggles to figure out whatwent wrong and whether or not she still has a Dominant. Nevertheless, theundeterred Novice usually sets out again to do it all over again, ad nauseum,again and again, and again.It should come as no surprise that the Novice submissive has a very highlikelihood of eventually becoming someone who passionately believes thatBDSM is for losers. After all, she has nothing but her own pathetic experiencesupon which to base her judgment. This makes me sad. So, how does someonesuccessfully navigate the treacherous path from Novice to true submissive?There is no clear and definitive road map that is guaranteed to help you find yourway, but there are three principles which I believe can make that journey safer,quicker, and tremendously more fulfilling.The first is quite simply this: Time is your friend. Don’t be in such a hurry tofind, submit, or commit to a Dominant. He isn’t a carton of milk. There’s noexpiration date stamped on his ass. He’ll still be there tomorrow, or next week,or even next month. If it is meant to be, then a few days or weeks won’t makemuch difference in the grand scheme of things. It’s often tempting - evenirresistible - to leap into a relationship while your endorphins are pumping andyour heart is racing. But it is also almost always going to be a mistake. Takeyour time.The second principle would be: Consider a collar, if one is involved, assymbolic of your mutual commitment. (We’ll discuss collars in greater depth inChapter 5: The Collar.) At the very least, before entering into any D/srelationship, ask yourself and/or the prospective Dominant the following
questions: What, exactly, is the nature of the commitment I am making here?What are your obligations to me? Am I an equal partner, unequal partner, orproperty? What happens if either of us fails to live up to these commitments?How have you handled these issues in the past? Are you any good at this?There’s nothing disrespectful or inappropriate about any of these question.Don’t be afraid to ask. Trust me on this. The time to learn the answers to thesequestions is before you wear the collar, not after.The third principle is crucial, and often much more difficult than the first two.Here it is, in a nutshell: If you have serious trust issues, don’t bother. Don’teven think about jumping into a D/s relationship. The bedrock and foundation ofevery D/s relationship is trust. Entering into or even considering a D/srelationship knowing that you cannot trust is a little like skydiving without aparachute. It may start out great, but it doesn’t end well.The PainslutThe Painslut is typically an extreme masochist, which is someone who enjoys oris aroused by sensations of intense or extreme pain. While masochists can anddo exist in every other major category of submissive, Painsluts rate their owncategory in the pantheon of submission for one simple reason. The Painslut’sprimary interest, attraction, and fetish is pain – pure and simple, completelyunadulterated, and in heaping quantities. Many of the masochists in the othercategories view pain as a wonderful thing, but they typically value pain on a parwith the other good things in a relationship. The Painslut goes well beyondseeing pain as a good thing. For the Painslut, it is usually the best thing and,sometimes, the only thing. The inclusion of the suffix slut is not incidental, bythe way. Painsluts are often known as much for their sexual promiscuity as theyare for their extreme brand of masochism.The PetA Pet submissive is one who assumes the role of a cherished animal companionto her Dominant, who typically role plays the part of owner, caretaker, trainer,breeder, or rider. Pet submissives typically are able to slip in and out ofcharacter as needed in order to deal with the mundane aspects of their vanillalives. In some cases, Pet submissives attempt to stay in character 24/7, which iswhat takes their role play from being a mere kink to being a full-blown lifestyle.The animal roles chosen by Pet submissives generally fall into three major
- Page 14 and 15: That is why you should fully unders
- Page 16 and 17: ACKNOWLEDGMENTSI want to express my
- Page 18 and 19: Chapter 1: The DominantWhat is a Do
- Page 20 and 21: great majority of humanity.A very t
- Page 22 and 23: IntrospectionDo you like being told
- Page 24 and 25: more focused on facts than feelings
- Page 26 and 27: also the not-so-insignificant matte
- Page 28 and 29: equal partnership between two peopl
- Page 30 and 31: If you are polyamorous, are youpoly
- Page 32 and 33: Types of DominantsThere are many di
- Page 34 and 35: subculture within the D/s lifestyle
- Page 36 and 37: person’s anus. Yes, there really
- Page 38 and 39: life to keep twenty-seven angry sla
- Page 40 and 41: from such riff-raff? He knows all o
- Page 42 and 43: was me - or more accurately, my own
- Page 44 and 45: crying out, “Geez, Sir Knight! No
- Page 46 and 47: Chapter 2: The SubmissiveWhat is a
- Page 48 and 49: IntrospectionIf you are someone who
- Page 50 and 51: I stated previously, most people ca
- Page 52 and 53: behavior pleases her mate great, bu
- Page 54 and 55: at the beginning of any relationshi
- Page 56 and 57: her Dominant to have an orgasm - an
- Page 58 and 59: Types of SubmissivesIf you are in t
- Page 60 and 61: also requires us to believe that we
- Page 62 and 63: hard - really hard.Theoretically, k
- Page 66 and 67: categories: kittens, puppies, and p
- Page 68 and 69: a better partner. This usually cons
- Page 70 and 71: My Two Cents on SubmissionJade simp
- Page 72 and 73: Charlotte, the Spider: I'm versatil
- Page 74 and 75: the two extremes of Dominant and su
- Page 77 and 78: IntrospectionHow do you know if you
- Page 79 and 80: experience to speak of and just a f
- Page 81 and 82: enjoyed practically everything she
- Page 83 and 84: Sue, but submissive to Diane. His k
- Page 85 and 86: I have a very good friend named Ann
- Page 87 and 88: Chapter 4: The PrimalWhat is a Prim
- Page 89 and 90: Michael Makai’s PRIMAAL AnalysisP
- Page 91 and 92: o Award yourself an extra point if
- Page 93 and 94: How Primal Are You?0 to 15:You are
- Page 95 and 96: Primal PreferencesNow that we’ve
- Page 97 and 98: covered-in-birthday-cake kind of se
- Page 99 and 100: encounters. When Furries gather in
- Page 101 and 102: Primal ScenesA primal scene is not
- Page 103 and 104: She drew back for a split second, a
- Page 105 and 106: Primal InstinctsIn the final analys
- Page 107 and 108: We went back to her house, where we
- Page 109 and 110: Chapter 5: Online BDSM Relationship
- Page 111 and 112: CompuServe chat became available, i
- Page 113 and 114: worlds? The process of choosing an
questions: What, exactly, is the nature of the commitment I am making here?
What are your obligations to me? Am I an equal partner, unequal partner, or
property? What happens if either of us fails to live up to these commitments?
How have you handled these issues in the past? Are you any good at this?
There’s nothing disrespectful or inappropriate about any of these question.
Don’t be afraid to ask. Trust me on this. The time to learn the answers to these
questions is before you wear the collar, not after.
The third principle is crucial, and often much more difficult than the first two.
Here it is, in a nutshell: If you have serious trust issues, don’t bother. Don’t
even think about jumping into a D/s relationship. The bedrock and foundation of
every D/s relationship is trust. Entering into or even considering a D/s
relationship knowing that you cannot trust is a little like skydiving without a
parachute. It may start out great, but it doesn’t end well.
The Painslut
The Painslut is typically an extreme masochist, which is someone who enjoys or
is aroused by sensations of intense or extreme pain. While masochists can and
do exist in every other major category of submissive, Painsluts rate their own
category in the pantheon of submission for one simple reason. The Painslut’s
primary interest, attraction, and fetish is pain – pure and simple, completely
unadulterated, and in heaping quantities. Many of the masochists in the other
categories view pain as a wonderful thing, but they typically value pain on a par
with the other good things in a relationship. The Painslut goes well beyond
seeing pain as a good thing. For the Painslut, it is usually the best thing and,
sometimes, the only thing. The inclusion of the suffix slut is not incidental, by
the way. Painsluts are often known as much for their sexual promiscuity as they
are for their extreme brand of masochism.
The Pet
A Pet submissive is one who assumes the role of a cherished animal companion
to her Dominant, who typically role plays the part of owner, caretaker, trainer,
breeder, or rider. Pet submissives typically are able to slip in and out of
character as needed in order to deal with the mundane aspects of their vanilla
lives. In some cases, Pet submissives attempt to stay in character 24/7, which is
what takes their role play from being a mere kink to being a full-blown lifestyle.
The animal roles chosen by Pet submissives generally fall into three major
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