Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

The D/s Break-up
Break-ups happen, but they should never be allowed to break your spirit, or to
convince you that there aren’t good people out there who are definitely worth the
effort of loving them. It can sometimes be all too easy to fall into the trap of
thinking: there were problems in this D/s relationship, therefore D/s
relationships must be the problem. D/s relationships fail for many of the same
reasons other kinds of relationships fail, many of which we’ve already covered
in this chapter. One way to cope with the disappointment and sadness associated
with the end of a relationship is to think of the experience not as a failure, but as
a process of discovering one more way not to do it in the future. You may end
up kissing a lot of frogs before finding your Prince (or Princess) Charming.
Once you and your partner have reached a point where you have made every
possible and reasonable effort to save your relationship without success, then it’s
time to do the right thing and put an end to the mutual misery. The challenge, of
course, is to do so without recriminations or by causing unnecessary pain for
your partner. Just because your relationship has become dysfunctional or you
can see no clear path to where you had hoped to be going doesn’t mean you’ve
stopped caring about your partner. Be sure to let your partner know that your
feelings probably haven’t changed; the only thing that has changed is your
ability to make the relationship work.
When a break-up occurs, I think it’s critically important that we do whatever we
possibly can to avoid lashing out at or hurting our former partners. I like to
think that there are really just two kinds of break-ups. The first is the “I’m a cat
person; you’re a dog person, and I love you but this is never going to work out,
so let’s stop hurting each other” kind of break-up. And then, there’s the “I’m a
cat person; you’re a dog person, and I thought I loved you, until you put my cat
in the microwave oven” kind of break-up. I probably don’t need to tell you
which type we should be striving for.
Regardless, a D/s break-up is never an easy thing, nor should it ever be. The
saddest and most painful experiences of my life have been those instances where
I had to say goodbye to someone I loved deeply. Sometimes, love simply isn’t
enough to sustain a broken relationship. Sometimes, mistakes are made that
can’t be undone, or things are said that can’t be unsaid. Frankly, it pains me
greatly to even think about some of those agonizing, gut-wrenching decisions