Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

Role drift is what happens when a partner’s assumed role incrementally changes
over time. It should come as no surprise to anyone that this sort of thing
happens in all kinds of relationships, not just in D/s related ones. The impact of
this phenomenon is relatively more severe in D/s relationships for the simple
reason that most D/s relationships exist primarily for the sake of the
Dominance/submission dynamic.
Role drift can occur at either end of the D/s spectrum, and for a wide variety of
reasons. Quite often, it is a natural consequence of a person’s maturation or the
simple broadening of his horizons. It is fairly common and almost reasonable
for people to assume, for example, that just because they want to be Dominants,
or because they happen to be particularly good at performing in a Dominant
role, then that’s what they are. Unfortunately, it ain’t necessarily so. These
folks would more accurately be described as Tops.
A Top is a person who situationally or temporarily assumes a Dominant role as
appropriate for BDSM scenes, specific relationship or sexual partners, or simply
as the mood strikes him. A Top may, in fact, be very, very good at what he does,
which is assuming a Dominant role. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that he
finds lasting joy or fulfillment in it. Perhaps he assumes the role of a Top to
please his partner. Perhaps he continues doing it simply because he is very good
at it, and it’s really nice to be good at something. Or, perhaps he does it in an
earnest effort to discover his inner Dominant. Whatever the reason, it ultimately
comes down to this: It is something he does, and not necessarily who he is. It is
a role, and eventually, all roles become tedious. Once fulfilling his role starts
feeling like work, it’s only a matter of time and opportunity before the inevitable
process of role drift begins.
Bottoms are equally as susceptible to role drift, and for essentially the same
reasons, with one notable exception. Subs and bottoms both depend on their
Dominants and Tops to act like Dominants. That means they are expected to
make important decision, handle problems, and generally provide for the wants
and needs of their subs. When they fail to fulfill these obligations, it isn’t as if
those needs just go away. Obviously, someone has to do it, and that usually
means the submissive must take up the slack. Over the course of many months,
or perhaps even years, the submissive’s cherished role is whittled away bit by bit
until one day, she suddenly wakes up to the realization that she somehow ended
up in a place where she never wanted to be. She’s in charge.