Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

such cases certainly favors a train wreck in the not-too-distant future.
Sometimes, however, people can surprise you. They change. They grow. They
learn and adapt and, occasionally, they succeed in a relationship which
completely defies explanation. This, however, is generally the exception, rather
than the rule.
Poor Communication
Make no mistake about it; communication is a skill, and a critical one at that.
D/s relationships are no more prone to communication breakdowns than vanilla
ones, but their complexity and potential consequences can be mind-boggling. At
the end of this chapter, I share a simple example of how two people having two
completely different notions of the definition of the word “extreme” can change
everything. Just because you and your partner both speak English doesn’t
necessarily mean you speak the same language.
Words can have drastically different connotations and meanings to people, but
when you are part of a fetish culture that habitually frames things in double
entendre and euphemism, it becomes even more complicated. For example,
when is “whips and chains” just another way to say BDSM, and when does it
literally mean whips and chains? It’s not unusual at all to hear someone in the
lifestyle who claims to be into “whips and chains” to go pale when an actual
bullwhip is brought out, saying “Oh no, I didn’t mean an actual whip! Got any
nice, thuddy floggers?”
When we hear a term like “age play,” we generally assume that it involves a
mature individual acting in a child-like role. In reality, age play is any activity
where one person assumes the role of someone any age that significantly differs
from his true age, while another person interacts with him age-appropriately.
The most common expression of age play is found in the Daddy Dom - babygirl
relationship dynamic, but there are plenty of other possible permutations,
including role play gerontophilia, which is a sexual attraction to the elderly.
Examples like these can be humorous or even ironic at times, but when a
relationship goes off the tracks because of a basic misunderstanding, it can be
heartbreaking. Some of the most common communication breakdowns occur as
the result of a lack of clarity on such things as the differences between a slave
and a submissive, or what a collar represents to each of the parties involved. A
simple word like respect can mean completely different things to different