Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

mentally ill victim of a sadistic misogynist who married her not because he loves
her or because they have mutually complementary interests, but because he hates
women. This twisted sort of logic is applied just as frequently to people
involved in plural marriages, age play, humiliation play, pet play, and a host of
other activities that offend the sensitivities of the nanny-state elitists who think
they know what’s best for you.
One of the rather unfortunate consequences of the political exploitation of the
D/s lifestyle to serve political ends has been that real abuse may sometimes be
overlooked. When everything related to the lifestyle is mischaracterized by
outsiders as abuse, people within the lifestyle tend to circle their wagons and
adopt a mutually defensive stance. This can sometimes result in a communitywide
spirited defense of someone who, frankly, might not deserve it.
I believe the answer, for both the community and for its individual members, is
to examine any allegation of abuse independently and fairly, and to avoid the
natural tendency to assume that any accusation of abuse is the result of
misinformation and bigotry. In the final analysis, we must be able to presume
that consenting adults are going to be fully capable of knowing when and
whether they are being abused, without any help from you, me or the nannystate
busybodies. The discerning criterion should be, are they happy? If so,
then butt out.
For anyone who cares to look beyond the superficial, it’s usually pretty easy to
discern the differences between a consenting, trusting and mutually pleasurable
activity and abuse. The differences are stark, and obvious. D/s is about loving;
abuse is about hurting. A healthy D/s relationship is built on trust and real
consent; abuse is almost always a breach of trust and a matter of coercion. A
healthy D/s relationship requires and builds mutual respect; abuse is
demonstration of a profound lack of respect. A healthy D/s relationship builds
self-esteem; abuse destroys it. Healthy D/s and BDSM activities involve the
planned, controlled application of pain, restraint or humiliation; abuse is
typically spontaneous and out of control. In any consensual BDSM activity, a
Bottom can stop the scene at any time with just a word; in an abusive situation, a
victim wishes such a thing were possible, but it is not.
Dom/sub Type Mismatch
In the first few chapters of this book, we described different types of Dominants