Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

goal that isn’t necessarily the same place your partner wants to go to. There’s
really only one way to avoid hidden agendas or mitigate the damage that can be
done by them, and that is to be observant for inconsistencies. Any apparent
disconnect between what a person says they hope to accomplish in the
relationship, versus their actual behavior should probably be considered a
yellow flag.
Incompetence
I recently learned that, in the jungles of Central and South America, sloths -
which live their entire lives in trees - are sometimes so inept, so incompetent,
that they will frequently grab their own arms and legs, thinking they are tree
limbs, and fall to their deaths. In some ways, I suppose, it is regrettable that
natural selection doesn’t work quite so efficiently in the D/s lifestyle.
Incompetence, unfortunately, is no stranger to D/s relationships or to the fetish
culture in general. People in this lifestyle are typically tolerant in the extreme of
other people’s kinks, even when it looks like they may be completely clueless.
After all, who are we to judge? What gives us the right to tell them that they’re
doing it wrong? Unless and until we see something that involves breaking the
law, non-consent or doing permanent damage to someone, we generally avoid
trying to tell other people how to get their jollies. I honestly do believe this
almost-universal atmosphere of tolerance is a good thing, even though I also
believe it can sometimes have unintended consequences.
D/s, in its purest form, may be a mindset or an attitude, but relationships and
BDSM activities often require skills of one sort or another. They may be as
simple as communication skills, or as complex as kinkabu suspension skills.
And where do we go for that kind of training? If we’re lucky, we are mentored
and guided by someone who is not only competent, but capable and
compassionate. A less fortunate group, consisting of those who aren’t blessed
with competent mentors, will at least be diligent enough to do a little homework
so they can learn whatever possible from books, articles, online forums, and
other available resources. The third and final group consists of everyone else.
These are the people who are simply making it up as they go. In a nutshell, their
trial-and-error-based strategy is to “fake it, ‘til they make it.”
If we were talking about any other kind of lifestyle, this strategy probably
wouldn’t be much of a problem. For example, if I wanted to adopt a surfing