Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

understand what she’s done wrong in the eyes of her Dominant, he can’t
understand why she can’t seem to see it.
To be sure, not every Dominant is going to be worthy of a submissive’s trust.
Obviously, in those cases, a submissive should not accept his collar in the first
place, or if his unworthiness is only made apparent at a later stage of the
relationship, she should ask to be released. It isn’t trustworthiness itself that
we’re talking about here, however. The issue here is, are these two people even
speaking the same language when they say they “trust” one another?
A Dominant needs to be able to trust his submissive too, and once again, that
trust needs to be more than the simple assurance that he won’t be betrayed. He
trusts that she will be earnest in her efforts to learn what she must about the
lifestyle, her role in the relationship, and about him. He trusts that she
understands the concepts of loyalty, devotion, service, and respect. He trusts her
to reveal to him her thoughts, feelings, and activities of her day. He trusts her to
represent him in all ways, in everything that she does. He trusts her to take him
seriously, and that she will follow his guidance, instruction or advice. When
these things do not happen, or they stop happening at some point in the
relationship, the dynamic changes radically, and in most cases, it’s not for the
better.
Hidden Agendas
When it comes to hidden agendas, D/s relationships can provide fertile ground
for what is, even in vanilla relationships, always going to be a complex issue. A
hidden agenda exists when a person is focused upon and is actively working to
achieve a goal that differs significantly from his or her stated goals. The most
common examples are the Dominant who says he wants a D/s relationship,
when all he really wants is a sex slave, and the submissive who says she wants a
Master, when all she really wants is a collar.
Another great illustration of a hidden agenda is what happens when a
monogamist becomes involved with a polyamorist and at least one of the
partners secretly harbors an unstated plan to convert the other to his or her own
way of loving.
The unfortunate thing about hidden agendas is the fact that they are rarely
discovered until after you’ve made a significant investment into the relationship
of time, effort, emotional energy and financial resources towards a destination or