Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

Sooner or later, you’re bound to meet some of these people. Will you recognize
them, when you do?
Trust Issues
Trust is hard; not just for you, not just for me, it’s hard for everyone. Even those
who claim to trust often and easily will usually tell you so in a manner that
suggests that they consider this to be something of a curse. For some, trusting is
something that is difficult to do, for others it’s easy to do, but difficult to live
with the consequences. Either way, trust can be hard, and that is why trust
issues account for a significant slice of the underlying issues that can plague D/s
relationships.
When we think of trust as it pertains to relationships, we typically contemplate
notions of fidelity, and questions about whether or not one partner may be
cheating on the other in some way. This is truly unfortunate, since trust can
mean so much more, particularly in the context of a D/s relationship dynamic. In
the early stages of a D/s relationship, a Dominant may ask his submissive-to-be
the seemingly simple question, “Do you trust me?” The novice sub may
respond, “Yes, I do trust you,” by which, she almost certainly means something
like, “I trust you not to betray me or break my heart.”
Unfortunately, that’s probably not what was going through the Dominant’s head
when he asked the question which is, in fact, deceptively complex and difficult to
answer. What the Dominant may really be asking is, do you trust me to be
competent as your Master? Do you trust me to do the right thing, and to know
what I am talking about? Do you trust me to put your needs before my own, and
to always act in your best interests? Do you trust me to have a plan for us, to
execute that plan, and to accomplish what I say I will? The submissive simply
responds, “Yes, I do trust you,” and thus, the first major misstep of a budding
D/s relationship goes completely unnoticed by either.
In later stages of the relationship, the submissive may engage in activities which
she considers to be well-intentioned acts of relationship maintenance - asking
questions, getting feedback, trying to better understand her Dom’s motives and
plans - without realizing that her Dominant may interpret this as a loss of trust
and a violation of her earlier promise. A relationship death-spiral begins to
swirl around the couple as the submissive becomes more agitated and confused,
and the Dominant becomes increasingly angry. Not only does she not