Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

dysfunctional D/s relationships that failed for the simple reason that, apparently,
someone didn’t understand what it means to be a sadist. For the record, a sadist
is a person who enjoys inflicting pain and suffering upon you. For the most part,
the more you protest, the more he’s going to like it. Complaining about how
mean or insensitive your sadistic Dominant is being towards you is a little like
complaining that sugar is sweet, or that fire is hot. If pain and suffering isn’t
what you want, if you’re not a masochist yourself, here’s a novel idea: Don’t get
involved with a sadist. You’d be amazed at the number of people I have known
who claimed that they “didn’t like pain”, yet were collared to hard-core sadists.
There’s really only one way imaginable that such a thing could possibly be a
good idea, and that would be in the mind of someone who was unclear on the
concept.
Masochists are similarly misunderstood, more often than you might think and
occasionally, in unexpected ways. Perhaps it would be a good idea to restate
now, for the sake of clarity, exactly what it means to be a masochist. A
masochist is someone who enjoys being beaten, sexually humiliated, bound,
tortured, or otherwise made to suffer. Most masochists do not enjoy pain
outside of a BDSM context, but there are some who do. If there were such a
thing as the Prime Directive of Masochism, it would have to be, “If you don’t
like being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured or made to suffer, then please
don’t claim to be a masochist.” To most of us, this would seem like common
sense. Apparently, common sense isn’t quite as common as it used to be. For
whatever reason, it has become popular among many teens and young adults to
claim to be masochists, when they are obviously unclear on the concept.
True masochists are quite often misunderstood by their own partners, who may
not be able to wrap their heads around what a masochist wants and needs out of
a relationship. If you’re someone who is intimately involved with a true
masochist, and yet can’t bring yourself to actually hurt that person, you’re like
the guy wearing a red uniform on a Star Trek away-mission: expendable.
Other frustrating and sad examples of being unclear on the concept include those
who seek out D/s relationships because it’s the trendy or popular thing to do,
Dominants who seek submissives because they can’t get laid any other way,
submissives who want a Dominant who will “fix” them in some way, and of
course, the determinedly self-destructive or even suicidal person who just needs
a helping hand from an all-too-cooperative but clueless sadistic Dominant.