Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

Possible insights ahead. Use ‘em, or lose ‘em. It matters not to me. I get paid
either way.
Unclear on the Concept
The first possible pitfall we’re going to talk about is probably the most
prevalent, both in and outside the D/s lifestyle. It is not, by any means, a
problem that is unique to the chronically clueless. It often occurs when and
where you least expect it, and with people that you’d never, ever in a million
years, suspect as sufferers. It is what we will call “being unclear on the
concept.”
Take, for example, the commonly confused terms, D/s and BDSM. D/s, or
Domination/submission, is not synonymous with BDSM, despite what many
would have you believe. D/s is an expression of how people relate to one
another as Dominants and submissives. It is about who they are, and how they
love. It has very little to do with whether or not they act upon those feelings. It
is, in many ways, analogous to gender identity or sexual attraction. We are not
defined as much by our reproductive organs, as we are by how we feel about
them. We aren’t classified as gay, straight or bisexual by whom we’ve had sex
with, but by how we feel about it.
D/s is what happens between our ears, at least inasmuch as it is an expression of
our innate dominant or submissive character traits as they pertain to the
relationship dynamic. But there’s also an awful lot that can happen between our
ears that isn’t necessarily D/s-related, even if it is thoroughly infused with
bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism, the components of BDSM. The
attraction, pleasure and satisfaction that a person derives from his or her BDSM
activities certainly occurs as much in our brains as it does in our bodies, but that
doesn’t necessarily have much to do with a relationship dynamic. In other
words, if you’re heavily into BDSM impact-play, then any competently
delivered spanking from a trusted play partner is probably going to be
considered a good one, whether or not your play partner loves you. That’s
because it isn’t about the relationship, it’s all about the activity and the
sensations.
There are, of course, those who are lucky enough to have both - a BDSM play
partner and a loving D/s relationship - all neatly wrapped up in a single person.
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone could have that? Shouldn’t this “perfect