Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

likes to contemplate a relationship that is complicated to the extreme of being
unworkable. Some might say that to do so makes one a pessimist in outlook. I
would beg to differ.
Considering the pitfalls is not quite the same thing as expecting them. One
educates himself and prepares for a possibility not because he expects it to
happen or hopes for it, but to be better able to recognize it as it approaches, and
perhaps even prevent it from having a disastrous impact. A person living in
Florida learns something about hurricanes, not because he is a pessimist, but
because it is a perfectly rational thing to do for anyone choosing to live on a
penis-shaped peninsula which is bounded by sadistic seas and regularly flogged
by killer storms.
Make no mistake, the topics we’re about to discuss in the following pages are
possibilities, not necessarily probabilities. My goal is not to sway you from
your natural worldview and disposition, whether you are habitually an optimist
or pessimist. My goal is to assist you in reducing the chances of a negative
outcome by educating yourself, recognizing the tell-tale signs of an impending
train wreck, and knowing how to respond to some of the challenges you could
encounter. Hoping and expecting things to always work out for the best is fine,
but when it comes to relationships, we should always be cognizant of our ability
to influence the outcome. Hope is not a viable strategy.
A final note, before we dive headlong into this tumultuous sea of negativity.
You’re going to find plenty of generalizations and anecdotal examples based on
my observations and experiences from 35 years in the lifestyle and in a variety
of D/s relationships. Before anyone becomes incensed and offended, let me just
say that I know that not all Dominants and submissives are typical. I understand
that my perspective on what is typical may differ from your idea of what is
typical. I’m aware that many of my experiences may have been an anomaly. I
get it. I really do.
Every day, someone asks me, “What makes you an expert on BDSM
relationships?” I usually respond thusly: “Frankly, I don’t consider myself an
expert on this subject, any more than someone who has been married for thirtyfive
years is an expert on marriage. I do, however, think I may have some
insights for those who may be seeking answers to some tough questions about
the kinds of relationships that I’ve spent my entire adult life in.” That’s my
diplomatic response. A somewhat harsher alternative might be: