Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )
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Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

alejandroheinricks
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27.10.2020 Views

life to keep twenty-seven angry slaves from beating you to a bloody pulp.The Ineffable DomI’m going to invent a final unique category of Dominant, which I hereby christenthe Ineffable Dom. Ineffable is a word that essentially means “impossible to becategorized or adequately described in words.” It’s a word that becamefashionable during the middle-ages as a way for many philosophers tooxymoronically describe God as indescribable. My reason for creating thiscategory out of whole cloth is in recognition of the fact that many lifestyleDominants just can’t be neatly pigeon-holed into any of the other categories.They are, quite simply, atypical or unique.The Ineffable Dom is typically a Dominant who has been in the D/s lifestyle forseveral years or longer and has, mostly through trial and error, learned what doesand doesn’t appeal to him and what works best in his D/s relationships. Overthis span of time, he has consciously explored and borrowed traits andcharacteristics from other more traditional Dominant categories. Additionally,the synergy created with each new partner brings new facets to the IneffableDom’s understanding and interests. The Ineffable Dom steals unashamedlyfrom any D/s lifestyle tradition that strikes his fancy, taking what he considersthe best bits and pieces of each and tossing them all into a hodge-podge D/s stewthat, surprisingly, can turn out to be quite delicious. Never discount orunderestimate a Dominant simply because he cannot adequately describe in 25words or less what kind of Dominant he is. He may just be an Ineffable Dom.The Tin Pot DomThe Tin Pot Dom is no more a Dominant than the person who wears a dollarstore eye patch on Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19 th , by the way) is reallya pirate. Tin Pot Doms generally fall into two categories.The first is the role player. This Tin Pot Dom doesn’t consider what he does asa deception; he considers it role play. As far as he is concerned, D/s isn’t alifestyle; it’s entertainment. He sees what he does - role playing the part of aDominant - as a perfectly natural and appropriate behavior, mainly because hebelieves he is interacting with people who are doing precisely the same thing. Ithasn’t quite dawned on him that those people really may be Dominants andsubmissives, and not just acting out roles. The role player Tin Pot Dom believesthat everyone is simply making it up as they go along, so he feels pretty

confident doing so himself. The ridiculous notion of doing any homework onhow real Dominants might conduct themselves makes about as much sense tohim as trying to learn how real vampires behave.Eventually, the role player Tin Pot Dom realizes his mistake but, by then, it’susually too late to recover from it gracefully. The great majority of them willsimply drop the role completely, quickly assume another identity, and then startdoing a little homework on the lifestyle. Some may even go so far as to explorehow they might fit into the lifestyle in reality, rather than through role play. Ifthey are smart and/or lucky, they will find mentors or friends who will help themnavigate the tricky path from role play to reality.You probably know more of these folks than you think. They’re usually thepeople who tell you, “I’m a submissive (or switch), but I used to be a Dom.”Translation: “I used to role play being a Dominant until one day, I realized thatthere really were such things, and that I wasn’t one.”Just because someone discovers the D/s lifestyle through role play doesn’tnecessarily mean they can’t successfully adopt it as a way of life and findhappiness in a D/s relationship. All who arrive at this lifestyle come by differentpaths, and no path is intrinsically better than another. The important thing is thatthey arrive safe and sound. Such is not always the case with the next type of TinPot Dominant.The second category of Tin Pot Dom is the self-delusional variety. This poorbastard really believes in his innate superiority and unrecognized demi-godhood,despite the overwhelming body of evidence to the contrary. He develops hisstrategies and techniques, not out of any sense of deception, but from a purelypragmatic sense of what has worked for him in the past. He simply plays theodds. He knows that if he approaches twenty complete strangers and commandseach of them to drop to their knees and submit to him that nineteen of them willslap him silly, but the twentieth just might do it. He knows that eventually, hewill find someone who is willing to buy into his delusion and feed it, and that’sall that matters.If you happen to be that unlucky person who has bought into his delusion, healso knows that separating you from the D/s community-at-large will insulateyou from dissenting voices which might warn you about him. He knows he isshunned by others in the lifestyle but, then again, what else would you expect

life to keep twenty-seven angry slaves from beating you to a bloody pulp.

The Ineffable Dom

I’m going to invent a final unique category of Dominant, which I hereby christen

the Ineffable Dom. Ineffable is a word that essentially means “impossible to be

categorized or adequately described in words.” It’s a word that became

fashionable during the middle-ages as a way for many philosophers to

oxymoronically describe God as indescribable. My reason for creating this

category out of whole cloth is in recognition of the fact that many lifestyle

Dominants just can’t be neatly pigeon-holed into any of the other categories.

They are, quite simply, atypical or unique.

The Ineffable Dom is typically a Dominant who has been in the D/s lifestyle for

several years or longer and has, mostly through trial and error, learned what does

and doesn’t appeal to him and what works best in his D/s relationships. Over

this span of time, he has consciously explored and borrowed traits and

characteristics from other more traditional Dominant categories. Additionally,

the synergy created with each new partner brings new facets to the Ineffable

Dom’s understanding and interests. The Ineffable Dom steals unashamedly

from any D/s lifestyle tradition that strikes his fancy, taking what he considers

the best bits and pieces of each and tossing them all into a hodge-podge D/s stew

that, surprisingly, can turn out to be quite delicious. Never discount or

underestimate a Dominant simply because he cannot adequately describe in 25

words or less what kind of Dominant he is. He may just be an Ineffable Dom.

The Tin Pot Dom

The Tin Pot Dom is no more a Dominant than the person who wears a dollar

store eye patch on Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19 th , by the way) is really

a pirate. Tin Pot Doms generally fall into two categories.

The first is the role player. This Tin Pot Dom doesn’t consider what he does as

a deception; he considers it role play. As far as he is concerned, D/s isn’t a

lifestyle; it’s entertainment. He sees what he does - role playing the part of a

Dominant - as a perfectly natural and appropriate behavior, mainly because he

believes he is interacting with people who are doing precisely the same thing. It

hasn’t quite dawned on him that those people really may be Dominants and

submissives, and not just acting out roles. The role player Tin Pot Dom believes

that everyone is simply making it up as they go along, so he feels pretty

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