Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

If You’re Not Poly
Now that we have discussed the potential advantages and pitfalls which you may
encounter in a polyamorous relationship, let’s talk about why it may be
important to be familiar with polyamory, even if you are not poly yourself and
never, ever, not even in a million years plan on becoming poly. After all, it’s
highly unlikely that you’ll go to bed one night as a monogamist and wake up the
following morning with the sudden epiphany that you’re now a polyamorist.
But there are plenty of other scenarios which are far more likely to occur. You
could, for example, one day end up the concerned confidant who feels compelled
to ask your poly friends, “Do any of you have children?”
Being properly informed about the true nature of poly lifestyles can mean the
difference between an expression of interest versus an expression of
condemnation. You probably already have poly friends you don’t know about
who haven’t come out of the closet simply because they don’t expect you to
understand or approve of their lifestyle.
You could also end up being a monogamous person who falls in love with a
polyamorous person. If this happens to you, don’t panic. It is entirely possible
to not only survive the experience, but to thrive on it, if you can successfully
manage your own expectations and behavior. First, you should understand from
the beginning that it isn’t going to be easy being part of what is sometimes
referred to as a mono/poly relationship. Second, you must be willing to go into it
knowing that you have about as much chance of converting your poly partner to
monogamy as you do of converting a gay partner to heterosexuality. In other
words, the odds are somewhere between zero and the proverbial snowball’s
chance in hell. Third, don’t delude yourself into thinking that just because your
poly partner doesn’t have multiple partners now, that you can somehow prevent
them from being added to the relationship later. A poly person is still poly, even
if he or she currently only has one partner.
Polyamory is a paradigm; it is a way of thinking. It is founded in the notion that
the human heart has an infinite capacity for love. Perhaps one of the easiest
ways to explain the concept of polyamory to a monogamist is to compare it to
our attitudes about friendship.
When we make a new friend, we never ask ourselves whether this friend puts us
over some imaginary limit on how many friends we should be allowed to have.