Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

Lessons Learned
I hope you are able to glean something from each of these three case studies that
will help you to either avoid making a similar mistake or, at the very least,
recognize when you or your partner have started down a similar path. It is easy
to believe that this sort of thing can’t happen to you, but it can and it probably
will at some point in your life. If you’re very lucky, once will be enough.
So, let’s recap. BDSM shouldn’t be mistaken for sex. Sure, BDSM is sexy as
hell, but then so are a nice pair of red stiletto pumps. There are three possible
scenarios when it comes to your stilettos and sex: (1) You could wear your
stilettos without having sex. (2) You could have sex without your stilettos on.
And (3) you could have sex with your stilettos on, preferably at my house, and
bring a camera. BDSM is a lot like those stilettos. You can have BDSM
without sex, sex without BDSM, or you can have both. I recommend option
three.
Love shouldn’t be mistaken for BDSM. Just because you love someone doesn’t
mean you will enjoy BDSM activities with that person. Love can encourage you
to try new things and perhaps even push the boundaries of what you’re willing to
tolerate. But love isn’t going to change how you feel about pain, humiliation, or
hard limits on things that squick you out.
BDSM isn’t D/s. There are many who attempt to weave D/s into even the
acronym, but there is a difference, and the difference serves a valuable purpose.
BDSM is what you do. D/s is what is in your head and heart; it is what governs
your relationship dynamic. A Top may not be a Dominant. A bottom may not
be a submissive.
Knowing those simple truths can save you a lot of heartache.