Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )
also the not-so-insignificant matter of whether he has the training skills to be upto the task. I like to think I am a pretty good driver, but whenever I try to teachsomeone how to drive, there’s usually a lot of screaming, choking, and cryinginvolved. Teaching someone how to be, as opposed to teaching them what to do,is even harder. It is never an easy thing. Ask any shrink.Anyone who wants to be trained as a Dominant has some important questions toanswer, as well. The question that should be at the very top of that list is thisone: Why do you want to be a Dominant? There are many possible responsesthat can be given to that question, but there is really only one that makes anysense at all and should be considered the only correct answer. It is: Because Iknow that at my core, that is who I am, and I want to learn to express andconduct myself in harmony with that.Here are just a few of the many incorrect answers I’ve been given in response tothis question:· I hear being dominant is a sure way to get lots of sex. Is that true?· I’m kinky, being dominant is kinky... Well, duh!· I can’t seem to get laid any other way, so I’ll try being a Dominant.· That whole whips and chains thing just sounds so cool.· I like the idea of being able to tell people what to do.· I want sex slaves. There’s no limit on how many I can have, is there?· I really hate women. I think women are inferior. Revenge is sweet.· I really hate men. I think men are inferior. Revenge is sweet.· My girlfriend boyfriend husband / wife thinks I should be a Dominant.· I’m bored / I’m crazy I’m curious I’m sick / I’m a moron.As hard as it may be to believe, those are all real reasons that real people havegiven me - in complete earnestness - for wanting to become a Dominant. If anyof them sound applicable to you, my sincere and heartfelt advice to you is,please put any thought of becoming a Dominant completely out of your head.Find another hobby. Learn to dance, or something. Your future submissiveswill thank you. Your fellow Dominants will thank you. Your girlfriend /
boyfriend husband wife / significant-other who suggested it to you in the firstplace will thank you.If the prospective trainer is credible and capable and the would-be Dominantsincerely wants to be trained for all the right reasons, the next hurdle is to learnwhether the Dominant-in-training is capable of changing the way he thinks,feels, and conducts himself accordingly. This task usually falls into the categoryof “far easier said than done.” One way to explore this part of the process is toask deep, thought-provoking questions that are designed to take a person beyondthe superficial stereotypes that are generally associated with the D/s lifestyle ingeneral, and with being a Dominant in particular.One of those questions is: What does it really mean to you to have a submissive,or slave? The superficial, stereotypical answer is usually something like: I get totell someone what to do, and she has to obey me. But how many people havereally given much thought to anything beyond that point? I always follow thatquestion up with a few more, like the following:· What if you tell your submissive what to do, and she doesn’t obeyyou? What then?· Why in the world should your submissive want to obey you?· What if your directives turn out to be wrong, misguided, or evendangerous?· What are the limits to your responsibilities to your submissive, or herresponsibilities to you?· Are you required to fulfill any, or all, of her needs?· Where do you draw the line at meeting her emotional, physical,intellectual, financial, social or educational needs?· Would you be prepared to put her through school, pay her bills, or carefor her if she were incapacitated?If some of those questions sound an awful lot like the sort of questions peopleshould be asking before entering into a marriage, guess what? It’s nocoincidence. Frankly, a marriage can be a lot less complicated than a D/srelationship. A marriage is typically viewed (at least, in the vanilla world) as an
- Page 2 and 3: DOMINATION & SUBMISSION:THE BDSMREL
- Page 4 and 5: DedicationThis book is for the peop
- Page 6 and 7: Primal InstinctsMy Two Cents on Pri
- Page 8 and 9: My Two Cents on Sex, Love, and BDSM
- Page 10 and 11: PREFACE
- Page 12 and 13: getting just a little ahead of your
- Page 14 and 15: That is why you should fully unders
- Page 16 and 17: ACKNOWLEDGMENTSI want to express my
- Page 18 and 19: Chapter 1: The DominantWhat is a Do
- Page 20 and 21: great majority of humanity.A very t
- Page 22 and 23: IntrospectionDo you like being told
- Page 24 and 25: more focused on facts than feelings
- Page 28 and 29: equal partnership between two peopl
- Page 30 and 31: If you are polyamorous, are youpoly
- Page 32 and 33: Types of DominantsThere are many di
- Page 34 and 35: subculture within the D/s lifestyle
- Page 36 and 37: person’s anus. Yes, there really
- Page 38 and 39: life to keep twenty-seven angry sla
- Page 40 and 41: from such riff-raff? He knows all o
- Page 42 and 43: was me - or more accurately, my own
- Page 44 and 45: crying out, “Geez, Sir Knight! No
- Page 46 and 47: Chapter 2: The SubmissiveWhat is a
- Page 48 and 49: IntrospectionIf you are someone who
- Page 50 and 51: I stated previously, most people ca
- Page 52 and 53: behavior pleases her mate great, bu
- Page 54 and 55: at the beginning of any relationshi
- Page 56 and 57: her Dominant to have an orgasm - an
- Page 58 and 59: Types of SubmissivesIf you are in t
- Page 60 and 61: also requires us to believe that we
- Page 62 and 63: hard - really hard.Theoretically, k
- Page 64 and 65: accomplished by dinner time. This c
- Page 66 and 67: categories: kittens, puppies, and p
- Page 68 and 69: a better partner. This usually cons
- Page 70 and 71: My Two Cents on SubmissionJade simp
- Page 72 and 73: Charlotte, the Spider: I'm versatil
- Page 74 and 75: the two extremes of Dominant and su
boyfriend husband wife / significant-other who suggested it to you in the first
place will thank you.
If the prospective trainer is credible and capable and the would-be Dominant
sincerely wants to be trained for all the right reasons, the next hurdle is to learn
whether the Dominant-in-training is capable of changing the way he thinks,
feels, and conducts himself accordingly. This task usually falls into the category
of “far easier said than done.” One way to explore this part of the process is to
ask deep, thought-provoking questions that are designed to take a person beyond
the superficial stereotypes that are generally associated with the D/s lifestyle in
general, and with being a Dominant in particular.
One of those questions is: What does it really mean to you to have a submissive,
or slave? The superficial, stereotypical answer is usually something like: I get to
tell someone what to do, and she has to obey me. But how many people have
really given much thought to anything beyond that point? I always follow that
question up with a few more, like the following:
· What if you tell your submissive what to do, and she doesn’t obey
you? What then?
· Why in the world should your submissive want to obey you?
· What if your directives turn out to be wrong, misguided, or even
dangerous?
· What are the limits to your responsibilities to your submissive, or her
responsibilities to you?
· Are you required to fulfill any, or all, of her needs?
· Where do you draw the line at meeting her emotional, physical,
intellectual, financial, social or educational needs?
· Would you be prepared to put her through school, pay her bills, or care
for her if she were incapacitated?
If some of those questions sound an awful lot like the sort of questions people
should be asking before entering into a marriage, guess what? It’s no
coincidence. Frankly, a marriage can be a lot less complicated than a D/s
relationship. A marriage is typically viewed (at least, in the vanilla world) as an
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