Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

After The Meeting
After the meeting, assuming you both survived and perhaps even had a great
time, you’ll probably have some decisions to make. The first should be coming
to a mutual understanding, if not agreement, in answering the question, “What
just happened?” It can be awfully easy to simply assume that because you had a
great time that your partner did too, or that because it seemed obvious to you
that the two of you didn’t click, that it was just as obvious to your partner.
Differing perspectives, needs, and desires sometimes have a way of spawning
completely different interpretations of the same events. The key to doing this
successfully is to be frank and to avoid simply telling your partner what he or
she wants to hear. Considering the fact that what you say now could end up
being the foundation of your future real-life relationship, this is definitely not a
good time to start sugar-coating the truth.
If you are able to come to some measure of mutual understanding about what
just happened, the next logical step is to figure out what it means. For some
people, a successful meeting might mean that everything changes. For some, it
may be interpreted as a signal that you’ve crossed a significant threshold in the
development of your relationship. Still others may feel that nothing has changed
as a result. Don’t allow the success of your meeting lead to a misunderstanding
that could undermine your relationship. Conversely, if the meeting wasn’t
successful, it probably won’t be hard to figure out what that means.
You should also be aware of a well-documented psychological phenomenon
called “buyer’s remorse.” It typically occurs after someone has made a major
purchase, and then immediately begins to wonder if he made the right choice.
He worries that he could have gotten it cheaper elsewhere, whether it’s the right
model, color or size, and about whether or not he can really afford it. In short,
the buyer is quite simply overwhelmed with doubts about the wisdom of his
decision. The very same thing can happen after even the most successful first
meeting. If it happens to you or to your partner, don’t panic. It’s perfectly
normal. This storm of self-doubt usually passes relatively quickly and, until it
does, you should try to avoid making any rash decisions.
A successful first meeting really can be the first major milestone in a long and
fulfilling D/s relationship, as long as expectations and events are properly
managed, safety precautions are taken, and you have a mutual understanding of