Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

meeting someone for the first time, and I thought that maybe some personal
references might reassure her that I’m not an axe murderer. Would you mind if I
gave her your phone number?”
Finally, if all else fails, you could always resort to the tried-and-true strategy of
blaming somebody else: “This is stupid, but my best friend is really worried and
won’t let me come meet you until she sees a photo of your driver’s license first.
I tried to tell her that I trust you implicitly, but she just isn’t budging. I really
don’t want to lose her as a friend over this. Can we do this just to shut her up?”
He may or may not agree to it, but either way, his response will tell you a lot.
Clarify Expectations
Clarifying expectations may not seem like much of a safety precaution at first
glance, but it can make a huge difference in how your first meeting turns out.
Even if you honestly believe that you both fully understand the purpose and
limits of the planned meeting, it certainly doesn’t hurt to confirm what you think
you both know. You may feel a little foolish doing so (see the section below on
being willing to do just that) but no one ever really dies of embarrassment.
People do, however, sometimes die of stupidity.
The most common reason for misunderstandings which could potentially lead to
trouble involves one person’s naive anticipation of sex, when it is neither
warranted nor planned. Even though you may have been asked to lunch, made
the date for lunch, meticulously planned every detail of the lunch, and even
enjoyed the lunch with your date, it’s entirely possible that your date is thinking,
“Great lunch, but can we just get to the sex part now?” Some people simply
have to have it spelled out for them in no uncertain terms. Here’s one example
of how you can phrase it: “I’m really looking forward to meeting you! I just
want to be absolutely clear, though. No matter how much I like you or how
much I may want to, there is simply no way we’re going to be having sex on this
first date. If that is going to be a problem, you need to tell me so now.”
On the other hand, if sex is mutually understood to be part of the plan for your
first meeting, you may still need to clarify the fact that consent can be
withdrawn at any time by either party. Just because you’ve discussed having
sex, planned on it, anticipated it and have every intention of following through
with your plan doesn’t mean that you can’t change your mind, even at the very
last second. You need to not only trust your gut when it comes to such things,