Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

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great majority of humanity.A very tiny percentage of people will find themselves at either extreme of thescale, feeling not just more comfortable there, but profoundly uncomfortablewith the mere thought of being anywhere else. That isn’t to say that they can’tfunction in roles outside of their core D/s orientation; just that doing so bringsthem no sense of joy or fulfillment. For some, working or living counter to theircore D/s orientation brings them a great deal of emotional stress and makes themwant to escape to their inner happy place all the more. So, how does one spotthe “true Dominant” in a world where people often change their roles the waywe change our socks? The answer lies in that emotional stress and happy place.Everyone experiences stress. It’s an integral part of life, and completelyunavoidable. In many ways, we are defined by how we handle that stress and byhow we process it. Imagine the difference between how you might expect anoptimist to handle stress, versus how you might expect a pessimist to handle thesame stressful situation. Imagine further how surprised you might be if a goodfriend, who always seemed cheerful and optimistic on the surface, inexplicablyshifts into “doom and gloom” mode whenever the crapola hits the fan. Doesthat sound like anyone you know? If so, then you’ve experienced first-hand thephenomenon we’re talking about.Your friend operates one way on the surface, when things are going the way theyshould, and another way below the surface, when things aren’t going quite sowell. While we may sometimes refer to this as seeing someone “freak out,” inreality, what you’re seeing is simply a case of someone reverting to type. At acertain point, under extreme duress, a person no longer cares what anyone thinksand they abandon their carefully crafted façade and fall back upon their corecoping strategy. Sometimes that core personality characteristic is in sync withtheir public persona and sometimes it isn’t. Frankly, being in sync isn’t really allthat important to our purposes. My sole purpose in calling your attention to it isso you can apply what we’ll call the First Commandment of D/s Relationships:Know Thyself.Knowing yourself is the singularly most important thing you must accomplishbefore even considering entering into a D/s relationship or adopting a BDSMlifestyle. Again, let me be clear about this. There is a huge difference betweenthe BDSM activities that are a casual part of the Saturday night kink that spicesup your sex life, versus entering into a D/s relationship or adopting it as a way of
life. There’s nothing wrong with either, but you should just be sure never toconfuse the two, and ensure that when you transition from one to the other, thatyou do it with your eyes open.So, how well do you know yourself? Are you a true Dominant? What makesyou think so? Are Dominants born that way, or can someone be trained tobecome a Dominant? We’ll explore those questions and others like them in theremainder of this chapter.Let’s begin by asking a few simple introspective questions.
Page 2 and 3: DOMINATION & SUBMISSION:THE BDSMREL
Page 4 and 5: DedicationThis book is for the peop
Page 6 and 7: Primal InstinctsMy Two Cents on Pri
Page 8 and 9: My Two Cents on Sex, Love, and BDSM
Page 10 and 11: PREFACE
Page 12 and 13: getting just a little ahead of your
Page 14 and 15: That is why you should fully unders
Page 16 and 17: ACKNOWLEDGMENTSI want to express my
Page 18 and 19: Chapter 1: The DominantWhat is a Do
Page 22 and 23: IntrospectionDo you like being told
Page 24 and 25: more focused on facts than feelings
Page 26 and 27: also the not-so-insignificant matte
Page 28 and 29: equal partnership between two peopl
Page 30 and 31: If you are polyamorous, are youpoly
Page 32 and 33: Types of DominantsThere are many di
Page 34 and 35: subculture within the D/s lifestyle
Page 36 and 37: person’s anus. Yes, there really
Page 38 and 39: life to keep twenty-seven angry sla
Page 40 and 41: from such riff-raff? He knows all o
Page 42 and 43: was me - or more accurately, my own
Page 44 and 45: crying out, “Geez, Sir Knight! No
Page 46 and 47: Chapter 2: The SubmissiveWhat is a
Page 48 and 49: IntrospectionIf you are someone who
Page 50 and 51: I stated previously, most people ca
Page 52 and 53: behavior pleases her mate great, bu
Page 54 and 55: at the beginning of any relationshi
Page 56 and 57: her Dominant to have an orgasm - an
Page 58 and 59: Types of SubmissivesIf you are in t
Page 60 and 61: also requires us to believe that we
Page 62 and 63: hard - really hard.Theoretically, k
Page 64 and 65: accomplished by dinner time. This c
Page 66 and 67: categories: kittens, puppies, and p
Page 68 and 69: a better partner. This usually cons
Page 70 and 71:
My Two Cents on SubmissionJade simp
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Charlotte, the Spider: I'm versatil
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the two extremes of Dominant and su
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IntrospectionHow do you know if you
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experience to speak of and just a f
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enjoyed practically everything she
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Sue, but submissive to Diane. His k
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I have a very good friend named Ann
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Chapter 4: The PrimalWhat is a Prim
Page 89 and 90:
Michael Makai’s PRIMAAL AnalysisP
Page 91 and 92:
o Award yourself an extra point if
Page 93 and 94:
How Primal Are You?0 to 15:You are
Page 95 and 96:
Primal PreferencesNow that we’ve
Page 97 and 98:
covered-in-birthday-cake kind of se
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encounters. When Furries gather in
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Primal ScenesA primal scene is not
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She drew back for a split second, a
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Primal InstinctsIn the final analys
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We went back to her house, where we
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Chapter 5: Online BDSM Relationship
Page 111 and 112:
CompuServe chat became available, i
Page 113 and 114:
worlds? The process of choosing an
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sort. There’s no shame in admitti
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the online BDSM lifestyle, but they
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ChallengesDespite all of the appare
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should suffice to know that if thes
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· The percentage of vanilla online
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them. An IP address usually looks s
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Where Is It Going?Major League Base
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by a radioactive mule.” (Hat tip
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people discover the utility of cert
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supposed neighborhood. If someone t
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The safety advantage of online BDSM
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come back. It’s that much of a sh
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Chapter 6: The CollarWhat is a coll
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adornments such as rhinestones or m
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Types of CollarsA collar represents
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consideration are also collars of p
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vulnerable in BDSM environments tha
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consideration involves money or mer
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possibly be wrong with that? Well,
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submissive the ability to choose wh
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Your Collar, Your CommitmentIn this
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considered a yin and yang metaphor,
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Chapter 7: The Gorean WayThere are
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Gor novels from 1967 through the mi
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What is a Gorean?Devotees of the
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What Do Goreans Really Believe?If w
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The Gorean SlaveGorean slaves are c
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by raiding parties. They refer to t
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"Even though she had then been turn
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Rent Slave. A rent slave is a slave
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Categories of CollarsGorean merchan
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Coil CollarA coil collar is constru
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within, will be a message." (John N
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occasions, the sleeve collar may be
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ceremonies described by Norman in h
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Now, with his two hands, he held th
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Gor in Real World RelationshipsCont
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My Two Cents on GorI admit it. I’
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“The meeting of two personalities
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with a submissive. He can choose to
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and I was serving in the Army, stat
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inclined to be as sympathetic as I
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True, the odds of that person being
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few days. Allot yourselves plenty o
Page 204 and 205:
it and drive across it slowly and d
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asking yourselves is, is this the b
Page 208 and 209:
First Meetings: Sheila’s StoryWhe
Page 210 and 211:
were invariably ignored. John Edwar
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aka Slavemaster, lived with his wif
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but you also need to be able to tru
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important phone numbers and having
Page 218 and 219:
The article examined the difference
Page 220 and 221:
where you want your relationship to
Page 222 and 223:
think I can do that.”Three days l
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Chapter 9: BDSM Toys & SafetyTypica
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It is not uncommon for some people
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Types of BDSM Toys & EquipmentWe co
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of his or her extremities for loss
Page 232 and 233:
SleevesA BDSM sleeve is typically a
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order to escape smoke or fire.Harne
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Straps are often used in lieu of ro
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thing they all have in common is th
Page 240 and 241:
plugs may also be susceptible to cr
Page 242 and 243:
Impact GearBDSM impact gear is used
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the construction of paddles, but th
Page 246 and 247:
these functions include sensation,
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strike, which can be far more probl
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has the potential to cause serious
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sensations. A significant part of t
Page 254 and 255:
Piercing, Scarification & BrandingA
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bacterial soap, and use a fingernai
Page 258 and 259:
was originally designed to be used
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person, but if you or your subject
Page 262 and 263:
mask when engaging in this sort of
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the distant presence of an unfamili
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emergency signal that can be commun
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patented and trademarked product of
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physical, psychological, and sexual
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that is extremely low amperage, but
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EMS stands for Electrical Muscle St
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body part the electrical current fl
Page 278 and 279:
torsion is another serious risk tha
Page 280 and 281:
subject. Anyone who has ever gotten
Page 282 and 283:
When it comes to safety, irritants
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cotton swab on a wooden stick, simi
Page 286 and 287:
Cupping should be avoided by people
Page 288 and 289:
Hot WaxHot wax play isn’t just fo
Page 290 and 291:
your artistic talents, or just enjo
Page 292 and 293:
reigns, plumes, harnesses, spurs, a
Page 294 and 295:
inexpensive, and may even already b
Page 296 and 297:
BDSM FurnitureBDSM furniture is a t
Page 298 and 299:
bottom’s buttocks prominently and
Page 300 and 301:
used to restrain the hands and neck
Page 302 and 303:
suddenly discover a phobia of being
Page 304 and 305:
My Two Cents on BDSM ToysThe year w
Page 306 and 307:
“I refuse to join any club that w
Page 308 and 309:
names, to draw attention to this br
Page 310 and 311:
which often consist of families wit
Page 312 and 313:
At best, you’ll embarrass yoursel
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makes youuncomfortable, turn your a
Page 316 and 317:
you should resist the temptation to
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concerned.Don’t use it as a place
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revisiting it here, in our discussi
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furnishings, such as racks, platfor
Page 324 and 325:
their own towel to sit on if they
Page 326 and 327:
to separate the wheat from the chaf
Page 328 and 329:
lifestyle-friendly businesses.If do
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fact, exactly what he did.In a path
Page 332 and 333:
Chapter 11: Sex, Love, D/s, & BDSMP
Page 334 and 335:
see naked, anyway.”“Apparently,
Page 336 and 337:
Mistaking Love for BDSMPeople confu
Page 338 and 339:
porn, and Natalie promised to keep
Page 340 and 341:
well.It is unfortunate that Ian and
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“This is crazy; seriously crazy!
Page 344 and 345:
Mark pondered her words and her emo
Page 346 and 347:
I think D/s is sexy.My Two Cents on
Page 348 and 349:
“The more you love, the more you
Page 350 and 351:
for their mother, or for that matte
Page 352 and 353:
should be able to marry whomever th
Page 354 and 355:
Francisco area from 1971 until 1991
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Attention.It’s often easy to assu
Page 358 and 359:
Potential Pitfalls of a Poly Relati
Page 360 and 361:
· Don’t introduce new partners i
Page 362 and 363:
members of the household before you
Page 364 and 365:
Even positive changes can result in
Page 366 and 367:
We don’t feel the need to drop on
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of the group are considered to be m
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Polyfuckery. A derisive term used t
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It seriously just kills me that I s
Page 374 and 375:
Chapter 13: D/s, BDSM, & ReligionIt
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D/s and Judaism: Could Lead to Mixe
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D/s and Islam: Keep Your Clothes On
Page 380 and 381:
haram under Islamic law. For exampl
Page 382 and 383:
Tantric Buddhism involves harnessin
Page 384 and 385:
that would today be considered typi
Page 386 and 387:
own personal spirituality. Even so,
Page 388 and 389:
United States, one can find a wide
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without sex, it’s relatively comm
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is subject unto Christ, so let the
Page 394 and 395:
Another of Jesus’ unconventional
Page 396 and 397:
Filling a VoidI wrote this chapter
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I think religion in general has unf
Page 400 and 401:
Chapter 14: What Could Possibly Go
Page 402 and 403:
Possible insights ahead. Use ‘em,
Page 404 and 405:
dysfunctional D/s relationships tha
Page 406 and 407:
understand what she’s done wrong
Page 408 and 409:
lifestyle, I could easily adopt a t
Page 410 and 411:
and submissives, and even went into
Page 412 and 413:
such cases certainly favors a train
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betrayed by the little dots at the
Page 416 and 417:
A folk tale that is often used to i
Page 418 and 419:
Role reversal is characterized by a
Page 420 and 421:
church, the community at large, or
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from now? Some states have recently
Page 424 and 425:
“No, Dad.” I replied, “Techni
Page 426 and 427:
such statements, but this woman was
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and experiences, much less tell you
Page 430 and 431:
Avoiding the Train WreckIt may seem
Page 432 and 433:
Thank you so much!I thought about i
Page 434 and 435:
Chapter 15: Rainbows & UnicornsThis
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not as much of a pervert as you mig
Page 438 and 439:
My Two Cents on HappinessGuess what
Page 440 and 441:
“When I use a word,” Humpty Dum
Page 442 and 443:
scenarios involving coercion, humil
Page 444 and 445:
the law typically takes a dim view
Page 446 and 447:
a submissive, passive, receiving or
Page 448 and 449:
Torture)Catheterization. Catheteriz
Page 450 and 451:
revoked. Alternately, a submissive
Page 452 and 453:
submissive. A day collar may consis
Page 454 and 455:
Eloctrostimulation. (See Electricit
Page 456 and 457:
Flogger. A small hand-held whip wit
Page 458 and 459:
activity with a person of the oppos
Page 460 and 461:
any kind of rape fantasy does not m
Page 462 and 463:
Hair Pulling. Refers to being sexua
Page 464 and 465:
Injection Play. Injection play refe
Page 466 and 467:
refuse, subject to circumstances, p
Page 468 and 469:
another on aspects of the D/s or BD
Page 470 and 471:
play, Spanking)Painslut. The painsl
Page 472 and 473:
consider such activity as “intima
Page 474 and 475:
trait, while furryism is more a mat
Page 476 and 477:
ramifications. This sort of play is
Page 478 and 479:
(See also: BDSM, Masochism, Sadisti
Page 480 and 481:
in it, since this is an activity th
Page 482 and 483:
another’s, and sanity can be hard
Page 484 and 485:
general categories. BDSM Switches a
Page 486 and 487:
Torture. Torture refers to any sust
Page 488 and 489:
role playing as pet and veterinaria
Page 490 and 491:
Appendix B: Silly Shit Mike Makai S
Page 492 and 493:
much else matters. No one asks why
Page 494:
Appendix C: About the AuthorMichael
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