Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )
True, the odds of that person being a psychopath are extremely low but, thenagain, you’ve probably bought lottery tickets on slimmer chances of winning.Think about that.The keys to a executing a successful acquainting meeting are: keepingexpectations realistic, avoiding misunderstandings, staying safe (which we’lldiscuss at length later in this chapter), having fun, and having a plan for successas well as failure. Keeping expectations realistic and avoidingmisunderstandings go hand-in-hand. To that end, it may sometimes benecessary to explicitly spell things out for the person you’re about to meet bysaying, “I just want to be sure that we both understand that this is just lunch.No pressure. It’s not a hook-up.” The discomfort of having to say such a thingprior to the meeting is minimal compared to the discomfort you could feel laterif it turns out that the two of you had differing notions concerning the purpose ofthe meeting.You might think that the notion of having fun at this initial meeting would besomething of a no-brainer. Unfortunately, it is often easier said than done. Youshould choose a vanilla venue that allows you to focus your attentions on oneanother or gives you something fun to do together. It is also usually a good ideato avoid fetish lifestyle events as a place to get acquainted, particularly if youdon’t really know what preconceptions your new friend may be bringing to thetable. In the unlikely event that your first meeting doesn’t go as swimmingly asyou hope, it’s probably a fair bet that having your entire munch group there towitness it isn’t going to make you feel any better about it. Do yourself and yourkinkster friends the favor of arranging this meeting elsewhere. It’s alsoadvisable to avoid venues that might force you to devote your attention andenergy to distractions or other people. Generally speaking, you will probably beable to learn a lot more about each other over beer and pizza than you will sittingin the dark at your local movie theater.Having fun often depends as much on the topics of discussion as the venue andactivities. It is often all too easy for some people to forget that no one enjoyshaving to endure an unending stream of negative or depressing discussion ontopics such as divorce, abuse, mental illness, medical problems, anger issues orself-destructive behavior. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with mentioningsuch things but, if at the end of your first meeting you realize that it’s all youtalked about, it’s probably not a good portent of things to come. Your chances
of a second meeting with your new friend are directly proportional to the numberof times the two of you laugh and smile during this one.The final key to success when it comes to acquainting first meetings consists ofhaving contingency plans for both success and failure. You should alreadyknow, before this meeting, what the next step should be, regardless of theoutcome. If, by the end of this meeting, you discover that you have absolutelyno interest in seeing this person again, it’s always a good thing to have a way totactfully say so ready for deployment. Having to come up with something onthe-flyrarely turns out well. The best way to say, “Gee, I’d love to see youagain,” is not “Well, it was nice meeting you. Bye!”It definitely helps to have at least some notion of what might constitute a funsecond date ready to toss out when the time is right.The Hook-up First MeetingThe hook-up first meeting consists of meeting someone for the first time for theprimary purpose of having a sexual encounter, which may or may not includeBDSM activities. For a wide variety of reasons, most of which should be fairlyobvious to anyone old enough to be reading this book, this kind of firstencounter is almost always a bad idea. Nevertheless, they happen in thislifestyle, and it would be exceptionally foolish to pretend that they don’t. If youare considering meeting someone for the first time for a sexual hook-up, I wouldfrankly advise you to reconsider. Failing that, I would then advise you to takeplenty of safety precautions and to keep your expectations realistic.Unrealistic expectations are hard enough to manage in any first meeting. Justthink of it as a giant, lickalicious double-decker ice cream cone. Adding a bigscoop of sex to the already towering treat may seem like an exciting idea, but itcomes at the price of making your cone increasingly difficult to manage. Youmight even be irresistibly tempted to top those three scoops off with anadditional dollop of whipped BDSM and sex-toy sprinkles. That’s usually whenit all topples over into a gooey mess on the pavement and you’re left holding anempty waffle cone.You would be well-advised to take things slowly. Don’t expect to be able to liveout all of your fantasies in a couple of hours, or even over the course of just a
- Page 149 and 150: consideration involves money or mer
- Page 151 and 152: possibly be wrong with that? Well,
- Page 153 and 154: submissive the ability to choose wh
- Page 155 and 156: Your Collar, Your CommitmentIn this
- Page 157 and 158: considered a yin and yang metaphor,
- Page 159 and 160: Chapter 7: The Gorean WayThere are
- Page 161 and 162: Gor novels from 1967 through the mi
- Page 163 and 164: What is a Gorean?Devotees of the
- Page 165 and 166: What Do Goreans Really Believe?If w
- Page 167 and 168: The Gorean SlaveGorean slaves are c
- Page 169 and 170: by raiding parties. They refer to t
- Page 171 and 172: "Even though she had then been turn
- Page 173 and 174: Rent Slave. A rent slave is a slave
- Page 175 and 176: Categories of CollarsGorean merchan
- Page 177 and 178: Coil CollarA coil collar is constru
- Page 179 and 180: within, will be a message." (John N
- Page 181 and 182: occasions, the sleeve collar may be
- Page 183 and 184: ceremonies described by Norman in h
- Page 185 and 186: Now, with his two hands, he held th
- Page 187 and 188: Gor in Real World RelationshipsCont
- Page 189 and 190: My Two Cents on GorI admit it. I’
- Page 191 and 192: “The meeting of two personalities
- Page 193: with a submissive. He can choose to
- Page 196 and 197: and I was serving in the Army, stat
- Page 198 and 199: inclined to be as sympathetic as I
- Page 202 and 203: few days. Allot yourselves plenty o
- Page 204 and 205: it and drive across it slowly and d
- Page 206 and 207: asking yourselves is, is this the b
- Page 208 and 209: First Meetings: Sheila’s StoryWhe
- Page 210 and 211: were invariably ignored. John Edwar
- Page 212 and 213: aka Slavemaster, lived with his wif
- Page 214 and 215: but you also need to be able to tru
- Page 216 and 217: important phone numbers and having
- Page 218 and 219: The article examined the difference
- Page 220 and 221: where you want your relationship to
- Page 222 and 223: think I can do that.”Three days l
- Page 224 and 225: Chapter 9: BDSM Toys & SafetyTypica
- Page 226 and 227: It is not uncommon for some people
- Page 228 and 229: Types of BDSM Toys & EquipmentWe co
- Page 230 and 231: of his or her extremities for loss
- Page 232 and 233: SleevesA BDSM sleeve is typically a
- Page 234 and 235: order to escape smoke or fire.Harne
- Page 236 and 237: Straps are often used in lieu of ro
- Page 238 and 239: thing they all have in common is th
- Page 240 and 241: plugs may also be susceptible to cr
- Page 242 and 243: Impact GearBDSM impact gear is used
- Page 244 and 245: the construction of paddles, but th
- Page 246 and 247: these functions include sensation,
- Page 248 and 249: strike, which can be far more probl
of a second meeting with your new friend are directly proportional to the number
of times the two of you laugh and smile during this one.
The final key to success when it comes to acquainting first meetings consists of
having contingency plans for both success and failure. You should already
know, before this meeting, what the next step should be, regardless of the
outcome. If, by the end of this meeting, you discover that you have absolutely
no interest in seeing this person again, it’s always a good thing to have a way to
tactfully say so ready for deployment. Having to come up with something onthe-fly
rarely turns out well. The best way to say, “Gee, I’d love to see you
again,” is not “Well, it was nice meeting you. Bye!”
It definitely helps to have at least some notion of what might constitute a fun
second date ready to toss out when the time is right.
The Hook-up First Meeting
The hook-up first meeting consists of meeting someone for the first time for the
primary purpose of having a sexual encounter, which may or may not include
BDSM activities. For a wide variety of reasons, most of which should be fairly
obvious to anyone old enough to be reading this book, this kind of first
encounter is almost always a bad idea. Nevertheless, they happen in this
lifestyle, and it would be exceptionally foolish to pretend that they don’t. If you
are considering meeting someone for the first time for a sexual hook-up, I would
frankly advise you to reconsider. Failing that, I would then advise you to take
plenty of safety precautions and to keep your expectations realistic.
Unrealistic expectations are hard enough to manage in any first meeting. Just
think of it as a giant, lickalicious double-decker ice cream cone. Adding a big
scoop of sex to the already towering treat may seem like an exciting idea, but it
comes at the price of making your cone increasingly difficult to manage. You
might even be irresistibly tempted to top those three scoops off with an
additional dollop of whipped BDSM and sex-toy sprinkles. That’s usually when
it all topples over into a gooey mess on the pavement and you’re left holding an
empty waffle cone.
You would be well-advised to take things slowly. Don’t expect to be able to live
out all of your fantasies in a couple of hours, or even over the course of just a
Change language