Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

Improving the Odds
How can you improve those odds? The first step is to take a long hard look at
yourself and to conduct a critical
self-assessment. If you don’t know yourself, and are not comfortable in your
own skin, you can’t possibly expect anyone else to be able to get to know you,
either. If you don’t know what you want, or what you need in a mate,
chances are you’re not going to find it. If you can’t differentiate
between what is good for you and what isn’t, you’ll probably end up with a lot
of the latter, and less of the former. This self-assessment isn’t always easy to do
on your own. You may need to enlist the help of a trusted
friend or associate, or perhaps even a trained counselor or therapist to help you
to see yourself more objectively.
It’s often easy to convince ourselves that we’ve simply been the victim of “bad
luck” when it came to our past relationships, but more often than not, the seeds
of those failures can be traced to
misperceptions or misconceptions which, in turn, produced a series of bad
decisions. If insanity can be defined as doing the same thing over
and over while expecting different results, then when it comes to failed
relationships, we all may be just a little
insane.
Once you’ve done your critical self-assessment, you should take inventory of
your needs and wants, being careful to differentiate between the two. Then go
back down those lists, item by item, and rate
your own willingness or ability to compromise on each. It might be useful to use
a numeric scale ranging from one to five. A one means that you’re a complete
pushover when it comes to this issue; if your heels were any rounder, you’d
probably just keep rolling. A five indicates that you have no willingness
compromise, whatsoever: “Stubbornness is your superpower - you were bitten