Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )
The Reality Behind the AvatarWe’ve discussed the virtual line that many people use to keep their virtual worldand their real lives from spilling over into each other’s domain, and the manygood reasons for establishing those limits. The existence of that line shouldn’t,however, prevent anyone from acknowledging and appreciating the fact thatthere are real people behind those engaging little cartoon characters we callavatars. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your wildestfantasies in an online virtual world, as long as you don’t forget that other peopleare doing precisely the same thing.Unfortunately, it is maddeningly common for some people to completelyreinvent themselves online while simultaneously expecting everyone else to bescrupulously honest about their age, gender, body type, relationship status,location, finances, and other kinds of personal information. Not only is this sortof rampant deception generally the rule rather than the exception, but there aremany who seem to be completely oblivious to the inherent improbability ofestablishing a meaningful relationship based on their bogus online personas.Ironically, there are people who spend months, even years, carefully crafting aphony online persona and searching online for that special someone who is real,only to discover after finding that person that he or she was looking for someonereal, too. Whoops.Let me reiterate the point I’m trying to make, here. I am not advocating that youshould make your online avatar a virtual mirror image of your real-world self inevery way. After all, most people are drawn to online virtual worlds primarilyfor entertainment and for the exploration of their fantasies. Making our virtualworld and our virtual selves look and act exactly like our real selves would seemto be a sure way to suck all the fun out of what would otherwise be an amusingactivity. What I am saying is this: If you’re using a virtual world environmentto search for a real-life partner, your probability of success will be directlyproportional to the amount of reality that you inject into your own profile andbehavior.It won’t do you any good if someone falls in love with an artificial construct thatisn’t anything like you.
Where Is It Going?Major League Baseball manager Yogi Berra once said, “If you don’t knowwhere you’re going... you might not get there.” Thisis never truer than when it comes to online BDSM relationships. It’sincredibly easy to find yourself entangled in an online relationship before youeven realize what has transpired. If you find yourself waking up or going tosleep with thoughts of your online paramour, spending time online simply in thehope of seeing that person log on, or putting real life responsibilities off to spendtime chatting with that person, it’s time to face the awfultruth: Surprise! You’re in an online relationship.The question you should ask yourself is: Is this a relationship that is destined togo anywhere I want to be? Ithelps, of course, to have some idea where you want to eventually end up; theoperative word being eventually. You may not be able to make certain changesin your life right now, but choosing any path that leads in a direction that doesn’tmove you closer to your goals would be counter-productive, at best.It’s been said that men often marry expecting that their spouses will neverchange, but women marry expecting that their spouses will.Both strategies are completely unrealistic, but they handily demonstrate theprevalence of denial and self-delusion that is common at the start of manyrelationships. If you think online relationships are particularlysusceptible, you’re right. And online BDSM relationships are doubly so. As wementioned earlier in this chapter, the odds of youronline BDSM relationship lasting two years or more are roughly 1 in 50.For the math-challenged, those are not great odds.
- Page 77 and 78: IntrospectionHow do you know if you
- Page 79 and 80: experience to speak of and just a f
- Page 81 and 82: enjoyed practically everything she
- Page 83 and 84: Sue, but submissive to Diane. His k
- Page 85 and 86: I have a very good friend named Ann
- Page 87 and 88: Chapter 4: The PrimalWhat is a Prim
- Page 89 and 90: Michael Makai’s PRIMAAL AnalysisP
- Page 91 and 92: o Award yourself an extra point if
- Page 93 and 94: How Primal Are You?0 to 15:You are
- Page 95 and 96: Primal PreferencesNow that we’ve
- Page 97 and 98: covered-in-birthday-cake kind of se
- Page 99 and 100: encounters. When Furries gather in
- Page 101 and 102: Primal ScenesA primal scene is not
- Page 103 and 104: She drew back for a split second, a
- Page 105 and 106: Primal InstinctsIn the final analys
- Page 107 and 108: We went back to her house, where we
- Page 109 and 110: Chapter 5: Online BDSM Relationship
- Page 111 and 112: CompuServe chat became available, i
- Page 113 and 114: worlds? The process of choosing an
- Page 115 and 116: sort. There’s no shame in admitti
- Page 117 and 118: the online BDSM lifestyle, but they
- Page 119 and 120: ChallengesDespite all of the appare
- Page 121 and 122: should suffice to know that if thes
- Page 123 and 124: · The percentage of vanilla online
- Page 125: them. An IP address usually looks s
- Page 129 and 130: by a radioactive mule.” (Hat tip
- Page 131 and 132: people discover the utility of cert
- Page 133 and 134: supposed neighborhood. If someone t
- Page 135 and 136: The safety advantage of online BDSM
- Page 137 and 138: come back. It’s that much of a sh
- Page 139 and 140: Chapter 6: The CollarWhat is a coll
- Page 141 and 142: adornments such as rhinestones or m
- Page 143 and 144: Types of CollarsA collar represents
- Page 145 and 146: consideration are also collars of p
- Page 147 and 148: vulnerable in BDSM environments tha
- Page 149 and 150: consideration involves money or mer
- Page 151 and 152: possibly be wrong with that? Well,
- Page 153 and 154: submissive the ability to choose wh
- Page 155 and 156: Your Collar, Your CommitmentIn this
- Page 157 and 158: considered a yin and yang metaphor,
- Page 159 and 160: Chapter 7: The Gorean WayThere are
- Page 161 and 162: Gor novels from 1967 through the mi
- Page 163 and 164: What is a Gorean?Devotees of the
- Page 165 and 166: What Do Goreans Really Believe?If w
- Page 167 and 168: The Gorean SlaveGorean slaves are c
- Page 169 and 170: by raiding parties. They refer to t
- Page 171 and 172: "Even though she had then been turn
- Page 173 and 174: Rent Slave. A rent slave is a slave
- Page 175 and 176: Categories of CollarsGorean merchan
The Reality Behind the Avatar
We’ve discussed the virtual line that many people use to keep their virtual world
and their real lives from spilling over into each other’s domain, and the many
good reasons for establishing those limits. The existence of that line shouldn’t,
however, prevent anyone from acknowledging and appreciating the fact that
there are real people behind those engaging little cartoon characters we call
avatars. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with expressing your wildest
fantasies in an online virtual world, as long as you don’t forget that other people
are doing precisely the same thing.
Unfortunately, it is maddeningly common for some people to completely
reinvent themselves online while simultaneously expecting everyone else to be
scrupulously honest about their age, gender, body type, relationship status,
location, finances, and other kinds of personal information. Not only is this sort
of rampant deception generally the rule rather than the exception, but there are
many who seem to be completely oblivious to the inherent improbability of
establishing a meaningful relationship based on their bogus online personas.
Ironically, there are people who spend months, even years, carefully crafting a
phony online persona and searching online for that special someone who is real,
only to discover after finding that person that he or she was looking for someone
real, too. Whoops.
Let me reiterate the point I’m trying to make, here. I am not advocating that you
should make your online avatar a virtual mirror image of your real-world self in
every way. After all, most people are drawn to online virtual worlds primarily
for entertainment and for the exploration of their fantasies. Making our virtual
world and our virtual selves look and act exactly like our real selves would seem
to be a sure way to suck all the fun out of what would otherwise be an amusing
activity. What I am saying is this: If you’re using a virtual world environment
to search for a real-life partner, your probability of success will be directly
proportional to the amount of reality that you inject into your own profile and
behavior.
It won’t do you any good if someone falls in love with an artificial construct that
isn’t anything like you.
Change language