Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

getting just a little ahead of yourself in your quest for knowledge about the
lifestyle. For the purposes of this book, we will treat Domination/submission as
a mindset and relationship dynamic; certainly an important aspect of who you
are. As we explore further the mechanics of what one does in this lifestyle, we
will attempt to consistently refer to that as BDSM, or Bondage Discipline
Sadism and Masochism.
Why should it be important to make the distinction? Consider the fact that most
people who are D/s at their core do not want to spend the rest of their lives with
someone who considers it a Saturday night kink that can be discarded on a whim
at some point in the future. Imagine the horror of a submissive who wakes up
one morning to discover that the Dominant she depends upon and worships as
Lord and Master has suddenly decided it’s his turn to be the submissive.
Unfortunately such things can, and do, happen with annoying regularity in the
lifestyle.
I consider Domination/submission to be what happens in your head and heart.
It’s all about how you love, and how you express that love. BDSM is more about
what physically happens between you and your partner or playmates. It’s
something you do. Is there often a certain degree of overlap? Of course there is,
all the time. In fact, for most people, the more overlap the better. But there are
also relationships where they can be completely separate, and some people
happen to like it that way. The stereotypical 1950’s television sitcom marriage
that portrayed the husband as king of his castle, and his spouse as a stay-at-home
submissive housewife who fretted about “ring around the collar” is probably a
good portrayal of how D/s can exist without BDSM.
How do you know whether you’re dominant or submissive at your core? The
odds are actually pretty good that you are neither and, frankly, there’s absolutely
nothing wrong with that. The great majority of human beings that inhabit this
planet comprise the 80% or more who have an equitable mixture of both
dominant and submissive tendencies. Perhaps 10% have inherently dominant
personalities, and another 10% submissive personalities. One should always be
careful about assuming that a person’s career choices or relationship dynamics
reflect or define their core personality. Quite often, submissive people are thrust
into jobs and relationships that require them to function in a dominant role.
That’s not to say they find joy or fulfillment in it. Just because someone may be
good at being dominant doesn’t necessarily mean they have to like it. The same