Domination & submission _ the BDSM relationship handbook ( PDFDrive )

Spotting an Online BDSM Phony
One of the most useful skills that can be developed and honed by members of
the online BDSM community is the ability to spot a phony. When the online
environment allows virtually anyone to pretend to be anything, a person’s
credibility becomes his or her only currency. We should take a moment to
clarify what we mean when we use the word phony in this particular context. If
we assume that the online BDSM culture is “real” in its own unique way (at
least to the people who are a part of it) then obviously the people who are a part
of it should be considered real, as well. In other words, the mere fact that a
person has no real-life BDSM experience does not mean he or she is a phony.
Sometimes, real-life circumstances prevent people from acting on their wants
and needs. Even so, it may be entirely possible that the person has many years
of experience in online BDSM relationships and has much to offer someone who
may be new and desirous of a mentor.
So, what constitutes an online BDSM phony, then? For our purposes, we’ll
define an online BDSM phony as a person who knows little or nothing at all
about the BDSM lifestyle – online or real-life – yet attempts to present himself
as experienced and knowledgeable. The most common example of this kind of
behavior is what happens when a young, sexually frustrated person stumbles
upon the existence of the online BDSM culture and naturally assumes that
simply calling himself a “Master” (or “Mistress”) will result in a treasure trove
of slaves offering sexual favors and unconditional adoration.
It never seems to occur to these individuals that there may be more to being a
Dominant than simply calling yourself one. The clueless would-be Dominant
immediately launches himself into slave markets and other BDSM-related chat
rooms to proudly announce, “I am a Master! Who wants to be my slave?” To
fully understand the sheer, unthinking vacuity of such behavior, try to imagine a
person walking into a popular real-world nightclub, standing just inside the
entrance, and calling out loudly to everyone within, “I am a studmuffin! Who
wants to be my love-bunny?”
The first few words out of a person’s mouth are usually all one needs to hear in
order to know just how much credibility he or she deserves in the online BDSM
culture. There are, however, some people who are quite skilled at the art of
online duplicity. They can mimic the customs and protocols that are common in