Prevention and combating cyber bullying and internet violence among youth

Prevention and combating

cyber bullying and internet

violence among youth

INSTITUT ZA RAZVOJ

CIVILNOG DRUŠTVA

- IRCD -

Belgrade, 2020

Prevention and combating cyber bullying and

internet violence among youth

- manual for youth workers -

Authors:

Nedim Mičijević

Pavle Jevđić

The European Commission's support for the production of this publication does not

constitute an endorsement of the contents, which reflect the views only of the

authors, and the Commission cannot be held responsible for any use which may be

made of the information contained therein.

INSTITUT ZA RAZVOJ CIVILNOG DRUŠTVA

Table of Contents

1. Introduction .......................................................................................................................... 1

1.1. What this manual is about ............................................................................................... 1

1.2. Non-formal approach to the education ............................................................................ 1

1.2.1. Methods that are present in the manual .................................................................... 2

1.3. Educational basis of the manual ...................................................................................... 5

1.4. About the manual - how to use it .................................................................................... 6

2. Workshops ............................................................................................................................ 8

Workshop 1: Identities – sex and gender ................................................................... 9

Workshop 2: Can we love the same sex person? ..................................................... 13

Workshop 3: Understanding trans* ......................................................................... 16

Workshop 4: Violence ............................................................................................. 19

Workshop 5: What is cyber bullying and internet violence .................................... 26

Workshop 6: If you post it online, then everyone can see it .................................... 31

Workshop 7: Understanding the cycle of violence .................................................. 35

Workshop 8: Communication styles (aggressive, passive, or assertive style)......... 39

Workshop 9: Assess the situation ............................................................................ 43

Workshop 10: Breaking the silence and getting help .............................................. 46

Sources ..................................................................................................................................... 48

Prevention and combating cyber bullying and internet violence among youth

– manual for youth workers –

1. Introduction

1.1. What this manual is about

This manual is developed as part of the project: “Prevention and combating cyber bullying and

internet violence among youth”. Manual presents 10 educational workshops, each in duration

from 45 to 90 minutes. Workshops are developed in a way that they can be used by trainers,

facilitators, pedagogues, teachers; in training courses, educational sessions, camps, school

classes, extra curricula activities etc.

Flow of the workshops is developed in a way that participants first learn about identities, what

is sex and what is gender and how sex and gender are part of what we are and how we see

ourselves – our identity. In second workshop participants talk and discuss what is love and can

someone love same sex person. In this workshops participants have a chance to go through

different stories and see what love means from different angles and points of view. Important

aspect of the manual is to better understand transgender and transsexual people, thus the third

workshop is developed with that aim. We have used guided story for this purpose. In fourth,

fifth and sixth workshop participants are learning more about violence, different forms of

violence and cyber/online violence and how to be aware and what to do if someone is bullying

them on internet. Last four workshops in the manual are developed for participants to

understand the cycle of violence, think about different communication strategies and how those

strategies are connected to violence and violence prevention, accessing situations and

developing skills for resolving conflicts and to discuss about breaking the silence when it comes

to online violence but also other forms of violence.

1.2. Non-formal approach to the education

In this manual we have decided to use non-formal approach to education. Why? Because we

think that experiential way of learning (experiencing a situation in a form of reading a story,

analysing some story(ies), or doing a role play) is a best way for a person to acquire new

information, and later think about her or his attitudes. That’s the basic concept behind

workshops presented in this manual. We’ve developed a flow of workshop in which you start

with an introduction to the topic for participants. Then you give some smaller participatory

tasks to participants. At the end participants have a chance to discuss about the given topic and,

with your help, make a conclusion.

1



Aim of each of the workshops is not to change opinion or attitude of a participant, but rather to

present new angle of seeing things and make participant think about his or her attitudes and

previous behaviours. For that reason, we are using non-formal education as an approach to work

with participants on given topics.

Non-formal learning takes place outside formal learning environments but within some kind of

organisational framework. It arises from the learner’s conscious decision to master a particular

activity, skill or area of knowledge and is thus the result of intentional effort. But it need not

follow a formal syllabus or be governed by external accreditation and assessment. Non-formal

learning typically takes place in community settings: youth club, association, organisation,

sports clubs of various kinds for all ages, reading groups, debating societies, amateur choirs and

orchestras, and so on.

1.2.1. Methods that are present in the manual

In this manual we have used many methods aiming to involve participants in the topic as much

as possible. Below we are presenting some of the methods that we used, but also some

additional methods that you can use in work with groups. We have provided description of the

methods, characteristics of each of the method, suggestion when to use it and what are the

specific limitations of each of the methods.

These, and much more methods can be found in Educational Toolkit for Teachers, developed

by Predstavništvo CARE Serbia in Belgrade, 2018. (p. 316. – 320.)

Method Characteristics Description When to use Limitations

Lecture Telling the

group on the

basis of preprepared

materials or

notes.

The leader

represents the

topic to the

group/club.

Discussion

Discussion of a

problem that is

common to all

members of a

The leader

represents the

topic to the

group/club. The

When

participants are

already familiar

with the topic

and when the

group is large

(10-15

members). Also,

when a large

amount of

information is

concerned, it

requires a

lecture.

This method

can be applied

when

participants are

This method is

least effective,

because

listeners

remember the

lease

information and

their

applications in

practice. Also,

listeners can

quickly lose

their attention.

There is a

possibility that

not everyone

will be equally

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Icebreaker

group/club. The

conclusions

should be in line

with the

questions asked

at the beginning

of the

discussion.

Short activity

with

participants

aimed at

creating a nonformal

atmosphere in

the group and

bringing

participants

closer to each

other.

leader presents

provocative

statements or

questions, preprepared

that

might stimulate

the participants

to engage in

discussion.

The leader

leads, most

often physical

activities in

which the

participants are

in direct contact

(physical,

verbal...) He/she

can, but also do

not have to be

connected with

the topic.

already familiar

with the topic

and have prior

knowledge.

The aim is to

overcome the

barrier in

communication,

contributing to a

better nonformal

atmosphere.

The selected

activity should

be reflected on

all the

specificities in

the group.

involved in the

discussion,

especially in

new groups.

There is a

possibility that

participants will

refuse to

participate in

"children's

games".

Rejection is

actually

happening

because of the

fear of physical

contact with

strangers.

Brainstorming

It aims to

produce as

many

alternative

solutions or

answers as

possible for a

given problem

or topic.

Quantitative

method. We do

not estimate the

received ideas,

they are further

developed.

In order to

create many

creative ideas, it

is best to use

work in smaller

groups (of five,

six

participants).

The same is

used when

starting with a

new topic.

Outcomes can

be different.

Much energy is

focused on

analysing and

creating new

ideas.

Group work

Participants are

divided into

several smaller

groups in which

they discuss one

or more of the

given topics.

The groups

discuss and

work together

on a given topic

and after a

given time limit

they have the

task of

presenting

This gives the

opportunity for

better

discussion,

interaction and

better exchange

of opinions

within the

group. It also

Usually it is not

facilitated, so

there is a

possibility that

the method will

not be

successful. One

of the

limitations can

3



Role play

Group members

have the

opportunity to

behave in

accordance with

the given

simulated

situation over a

specific time.

group work to

other

participants.

Division into

groups should

be using a

random method.

The only

exception is

when you need

to create groups

based on the

previous

experience of

the participants.

If the division

into groups is

done according

to some criteria,

the participants

should be

presented with

the criteria.

The focus is on

learning

potential

behaviours, not

on conclusions.

Real roles from

life can be

included, all

changes are

allowed. Watch

the groups.

After the

activities, the

participants

analyse together

the attitudes and

behaviour of

certain roles.

gives more

space to "quiet"

participants.

One of the most

common

methods.

This method

can be used

when there are

different views

and opinions

about the same

situation. This

allows frequent

contradictory

behaviour to be

seen, and

provides an

opportunity for

the analysis

with the

minimal risk.

Role plays show

the importance

of tolerance to

different

opinions.

also be that the

space for

expressing

opinion is taken

by the more

dominant

participants, and

the quiet ones

remain aside.

The role play

requires

participants to

feel comfortable

and secure.

Using this

method at the

very beginning

can cause that

participants

reject the

training itself or

the trainer. This

method involves

a lot of

emotions,

followed by a

section that is

an introduction

to the topic

dealing with

emotions.

Participants

should get out

of their roles

before

4



Case analysis

Discussion

groups

Members

analyse the

prepared

description of

the problem

situation. It is

customary to

use a situation

written and

prepared on the

paper.

Small groups

for discussion,

in which

participants

share their

views on a

given topic;

without the

presence of a

leader.

Individual or

group work

when

participants

seek answers

for a particular

situation. The

situation should

be realistic

(something that

happened or

could

potentially

happen).

This method

allows the

opening of a

discussion

where

participants lead

the process. The

basic rule is that

information is

not reported

outside the

group without

the approval of

all members.

Theoretical

knowledge is

gained through

the practical and

through specific

examples that

we analyse.

Most often, in

the evening -

after the end of

the activity,

participants can

express their

opinions,

feelings,

evaluate

methods,

approaches of

team members

and the group

itself.

consideration

and analysis.

Insufficient time

can be a

limitation for

good

understanding

and case

analysis. It is

difficult to

make a good

case analysis

(sufficient facts,

updated

information,

understanding

logic with ease).

Shifting from

one topic to

another, chaos

during a

conversation

when the leader

is not present

can be

limitations.

1.3. Educational basis of the manual

Basis of this manual is education, especially in field of prevention of online violence/cyber

bullying and any other forms of violence (such as violence based on someone’s gender, sex,

attitude, wardrobe etc.). Manual that you are holding in your hands contains clear instructions

and information that are important for organising, coordinating and implementing educational

workshops.

Manual is primarily developed for youth organisations and youth workers/facilitators within

the organisations who want to organise educational workshops with youth on topics provided

through the workshops in the manual. Taking into account that non-formal approach to

education is often considered and used in schools and other more formal oriented institutions,

5



we have developed workshops in a way that they can easily be transformed into shorter

workshops or be implemented in two consecutive classes.

Traditional approaches to learning and studying forecast that with sufficient knowledge a young

person automatically has enough competence to make adequate and “healthier” decisions. The

new approach that we promote in the manual is significantly more complex than traditional

“ex-department/cathedra“ approaches and is harmonized with most modern educational

standards. Besides relevant knowledge, manual encourages adoption of relevant information

and values and motivates young person to make informed decisions with more self-confidence

as they face different challenges.

We have created this manual and are offering it to youth clubs, non-governement organisations,

associations, non-formal groups, schools, trainers, facilitators and individuals for free usage so

they can use it as a valuable resource for promoting responsible, non-violent and gender

equality decision making.

1.4. About the manual - how to use it

The manual is intended for use by trainers, educators, facilitators, professional staff, teachers,

professors, experts or volunteer that work or would like to work with young people. Each of

the workshops is designed to last between 45 to 90 minutes and can be implemented in different

environments; from local youth club, non-governmental organisation, youth association,

school, sport clubs to schools, parks, training courses, seminars etc. It’s necessary for person

who is planning and implementing workshops to foster a safe environment for participants so

they can learn and complete different tasks and exercises included in the workshops.

Activities are based on a model of experiential learning in which young people are encouraged

to examine and analyse their life experiences, related to topics of violence, online violence,

gender equality and understanding others. Workshops engage participants to think about how

they can make positive changes in their lives and communities. This examination and change

process takes time. Manual is intended to be use as a whole, as opposed to using just one or

two stand-alone workshops. It can be a case that only one of the workshops or only few of them,

are used; but for best results and outcomes of work we recommend using the whole set of

workshops. Many of the workshops complement each other and when used together inspire

richer and more productive engagement than when used alone.

6



Also, the activities function better with smaller groups (i.e., 8 to 25 people), although it is also

possible to work with bigger groups. But a group that is too big can decrease the opportunity

for everyone to participate to the fullest extent.

Experienced facilitators are the key to a successful group educational process. Before starting

to work with young people, facilitators must know themes from this manual, have experience

working with young people, and have the support of their institution(s), organization(s), and/or

other adults for the implementation of these activities. The main role of the facilitator is to

create an open and honest environment full of mutual respect where there are no prejudgments,

attitudes, language, or behaviour critical of young people. Since conflict might occur during

heated discussion, it is necessary for the facilitator to have the necessary skills to intervene in

such situations and to promote respect for differing opinions.

Workshops need to be implemented in a private and comfortable space in which participants

can move freely. Many young people like to move and it can be helpful for better inclusion into

activities.

7



2. Workshops

All of the below presented workshops in this manual make a complete learning program for

participants of workshops. Even though all of the workshops do make a complete learning

program, you are free to choose and combine those workshops that you see most need for

implementing with specific groups of youngsters you work with. With this freedom of choice,

the sequence and final concept used may vary. Modular and interactive teaching that is visible

through the workshops can increase participation of participants in the learning process.

Learning process that is proposed throughout the workshops is based on the principle

“participants in the centre”. All workshops are based on the principle that youth worker who is

using this manual is the person that facilitates each workshop and encourages and stimulates

youngsters participation by using pedagogical principles and standards.

Participants are an important resource and potential allies in the learning process. Their active

participation ensures that their voice, stance, opinion, and current ways of thinking about certain

subjects are incorporated into each workshop. In this way, participants can feel a greater level

of ownership over workshop outcomes. They help to shape the outcomes while the youth

worker/educator helps to guide that process toward desirable constructs and conclusions.

During workshops, participants are addressing certain questions, but they are also directly

involved in analysis of the case studies. Participants can offer and discuss what might be

adequate solutions and alternatives, which allows them to analyse conclusions before adopting

them. This process allows participants to analyse specific problems in a greater variety of ways

than they might otherwise consider and they can offer solutions under the supervision of youth

worker/educator.

Workshops presented in this manual do not require specific facilities. Most of the workshops

can be implemented in out-of-building environments (i.e. parks). This can further enhance the

experience by offering additional freedom to use and environment that relates to the theme,

area, and concept of the workshops.

Duration of workshops is between 45 to 90 minutes, mostly depending on interest of the

participants and size of the group.

8



Workshop 1: Identities – sex and gender

Duration of the workshop: 45 minutes

Materials needed: Flipchart paper, tape, and markers.

Aim

To understand the differences between sex and gender and reflect on how gender norms

influence the lives and identities of women and men.

Guide for facilitator

Note for facilitator

Before carrying out this activity, it is important that the facilitator understand the differences

between sex and gender.

Sex is biological – that is, we are born with male or female reproductive organs. Gender is how

we are socialized – that is, how attitudes, behaviour, and expectations are formed based on what

society associates with being a woman or being a man. These characteristics can be learned

from family members, friends, cultural and religious institutions, and the workplace. (CARE

International, 2011.)

Some participants might confuse gender with sexual orientation. It is important to clarify

that gender is a sociocultural construct by which certain attitudes and behaviours are assigned

to individuals based on their physical and hormonal attributes. Sexual orientation, on the other

hand, is the feeling of being able to relate romantically and sexually towards someone of the

opposite sex (heterosexual), the same sex (homosexual), or persons of both sexes (bisexual).

Independent of one’s sexual orientation, every individual is influenced by social expectations

based on their sex. (CARE International, 2016.)

During the discussion part of the workshop, facilitator should be careful not to go into extreme

positions or seem as if she/he is against women/men participating in any activity or behaviour

associated with their traditional gender roles. The discussion should move toward the

conclusion that everyone should have a real choice in life. For example, it is acceptable for a

woman to be a housewife as long as it is her choice and not something forced on to her by

gender roles, family, or society, and that she feels empowered to make decisions for herself.

Another example is that for a man it is acceptable to be a sole provider for his family, as long

as it’s his choice and choice which is considered fair both by him and his partner; and not

something that he feels obliged to do based on society rules, gender role etc. Choice is important

9



to the individual and his/her fulfilment and happiness. A society that views its members

according to only their gender roles is a one in which everyone is limited by other people’s

expectations.

It is also important that gender and sex are not presented as rigid or dichotomous identities.

During the activity, the facilitator might want to discuss how transgender and transsexual

people do not fit within these traditional gender and sex categories. Transgender people do not

identify with the gender to which they were assigned at birth, such as an individual who was

born female but identifies as male. Transsexual people are those who choose to medically

transition to the gender that feels right for them. Intersexual (also known as hermaphrodites)

are persons born with partially or fully developed male and female and sex organs. (CARE

International, 2016, p.45)

Step by step guide

Draw a line on flipchart paper to divide a page of the flipchart into two columns (or use

two large pieces of paper).

At the top of the first column write “woman.” In the second column write “man.”

Ask participants to think of words and phrases associated with the idea of “being a

woman”. Write these in the first column while they are being said. The responses can be positive

or negative. Help the participants mention both social and biological characteristics.

Repeat the same step for the “man” column.

participants.

Briefly review the characteristics listed in each column – read them aloud to

Exchange the titles of the columns by putting “woman” in the place of “man” and vice

versa. Ask the participants if the characteristics mentioned for women could be attributed to

men and vice versa. Put “x” over the words and attribution/characteristic that can be used for

both a man and a woman. Put circle around those attributes that are unique only for a man or a

woman.

10



Use the questions below to facilitate a discussion about which characteristics the

participants do not think can be attributed to both men and women, and why. It is important

that these sex and gender categories are not presented as rigid or strictly dichotomous.

Discussion

1. What does it mean to be a woman?

2. What does it mean to be a man?

3. Do you think men and women are raised the same way? Why or why not?

4. What characteristics attributed to women and men are valued as positive or negative by

our society?

5. What would it be like for a woman to assume gender characteristics traditionally

associated with men? Would it be hard or easy?

6. How would it be for men to assume gender characteristics traditionally assigned to

women? Would it be hard or easy?

7. How do our families and friends influence our ideas of how women and men should

look and act?

8. Are boys and girls given the same toys? Why or why not?

9. How does media (television, magazines, radio, etc.) influence our ideas of how women

and men should look and act?

10. Is there a relationship between gender and power? Explain.

11. How do different expectations of how women and men should look and act affect your

daily lives? Your relationships with family? Your relationships with intimate partners?

12. How can you, in your own lives, challenge some of the negative, or non-equitable, ways

that men are expected to act? How can you challenge some of the negative, or nonequitable,

ways that women are expected to act?

13. What did we learn with this activity? Is there anything we can apply to our own lives or

relationships?

11

Conclusion



Throughout their lives, women and men receive messages from family, media, and society

about how they should act and how they should relate to each other. It is important to understand

that, although there are differences between men and women, many of these differences are

constructed by society and are not part of nature or biological make-up. Even so, these

differences can have fundamental impacts on women’s and men’s daily lives and relationships.

For example, a man is often expected to be strong and dominant in his relationships with others,

including with his intimate partners. At the same time, a woman is often expected to be

submissive to a man’s authority. Many of these rigid gender stereotypes have consequences for

both men and women. As we become more aware of how gender stereotypes can negatively

impact our lives and communities, we can think constructively about how to challenge them

and promote more positive gender roles and relations in our lives and communities. (CARE

International, 2016, p.47)

12



Workshop 2: Can we love the same sex person?


Materials needed: Flip-chart, markers, and tape.

Aim

To have participants think about their understanding of love, relationships and romantic

relationships between two men or two women.


Carry out a brainstorming with participants on how they would define homophobia.

(The Merriam Webster dictionary defines homophobia as an irrational fear of, aversion to, or

discrimination against homosexuality or homosexuals) 1 .

Divide the participants into smaller groups and give each group one of the story

beginnings included in the Workshop 2 resource sheet (or other story beginnings that the

facilitator might create).

Explain to the groups that they will have 15 minutes to read and continue the stories.

Invite the groups to present their stories (the beginning and details they added) by

reading it aloud, through dramatization or other method of their choosing.

After the presentation of the stories, use the questions below to start a discussion.

Discussion

1. Why is it difficult for many people to accept homosexuality or homosexual behaviour?

2. What is the difference between lesbian, gay and bisexual?

3. How would you define transsexual person?

1

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/homophobia

Last accessed on 18.06.2018.

13



4. Can a person have sexual relations with someone of the same sex and be heterosexual?

5. What type of prejudice and/or violence against gays or lesbians have you seen or heard

about? What are the consequences of this prejudice and/or violence?

6. What names are commonly used to refer to gays, lesbians, transsexuals? Do any of these

names have negative meanings?

7. Have you ever been called gay/lesbian by some of your friends for not doing something,

such as fighting or having interest in clothes? What do you think about this?

8. Why do you think that men are called gay when they do not act according to the

dominant norms of masculinity?

9. What have you learned from this workshop? How can you apply this in your own lives?

Conclusion

Everyone has a sexual orientation – that is, you are romantically and sexually attracted to men,

women, or both. Although we do not know precisely what determines a person’s sexual

orientation, we do know that is formed early in life, is not chosen by the person, and cannot be

changed, although because of social taboos and homophobia, it might be hidden.

Such social taboos and homophobia can put gays and lesbians at particular risk for violence,

discrimination, depression, and self-destructive behaviours like drug and alcohol abuse or

suicide.

It is important to work to dispel myths and promote respect for the right of women and men to

express their sexual orientation free from discrimination and, especially, violence.

14



Workshop 2 resource sheet

Story no.1

When she was 18, Jovana had her first sexual experience with another woman, and from then

on she knew she was a lesbian. She had many partners before she met Mirela. They were

together for a long time and finally decided to tell their families and move in together...

Story no.2

One night, Branko went out with a group of friends, all from the same class at school. One of

them, Robert, said: “Let’s go and beat up some fags. I saw some transvestites in the square.

Come on!”...

Story no.3

One night, when he was down at the beach camping with a group of friends, Luka found himself

in the same tent with his friend, Goran. They had had a few beers before going to the tent. Luka

always considered himself to be heterosexual. He was thinking about sex with his girlfriend

and became excited when he went to the tent. When Goran saw that Luka was excited, he

began…

Story no.4

At 17, Josipa thought she was bisexual. She liked sex with boys and with girls. One night her

father saw her embracing another girl and when Josipa got home her father started shouting at

her...

15



Workshop 3: Understanding trans*

Duration of the workshop: 45-60 minutes

Materials needed: None

Aim

To make participants identify/empathise with a person who is transgender/transsexual, and to

make them more sensitive and to influence on their attitudes related to homophobia and

transphobia.


1. Before you begin with the workshop, explain to participants what is cis* so they could better

understand the story. Cis* is a term for people whose gender identity matches the sex that they

were assigned at birth. It is often referred to as cisgender or cissexual. For example, someone

who identifies as a woman and was assigned female at birth is a cisgender woman.

2. Ask participants to close their eyes and try to fit in the role from the story.

2. Read the story from the resource sheet.

3. After reading a story, lead the discussion based on the given questions, or add some of your

additional ones depending on the discussion flow.

4. It’s important that facilitator should add some energizer/exercise that would help participants

to come back to reality after this workshop. In this way emotional valve will be closed and

participants will feel less emotionally fragile after the workshop.

Discussion

1. How was this exercise for you? What are your emotions now like?

2. Can this be a realistic situation?

3. How did you feel during the guided story?

4. What do you think; do trans people feel like you did in the story?

5. Why is it difficult for transgender/transsexual persons to live in environment such as

ours?

6. Is it really important what’s your gender identity?

7. What can we do to stop discrimination based on gender, sex and sexual orientation?

16

Conclusion



Trans* population cannot always choose their surroundings and are forced to move in it, where

discrimination exists, and exists in a significant degree.

It primarily concerns the work environment. Every day they are experiencing discrimination at

work, in school, at the gym... which is result of different gender/sexual identity. Much of

discrimination and transphobia is based on perceptions of what it is to be “masculine” or

“feminine” in our society, what roles should be taken by males and what roles by females.

These gender-role standards (heteronormativity 2 ) and the pressure to adopt gendered patterns

of behaviour converge on children from a range of sources: from family, peers, schools, popular

culture, authority figures, and the media. Young people who do not adopt gender-stereotyped

patterns of behaviour are often the targets of homophobic, transphobic and heterosexist

bullying, harassment, and discrimination.

2

Heteronormativity is what makes heterosexuality seem coherent, natural and privileged. It

involves the assumption that everyone is ‘naturally’ heterosexual, and that heterosexuality is an

ideal, superior to homosexuality or bisexuality.

Definition from European Institute for Gender Equality. Last accessed on 22.06.2019.

17



Workshop 3: Cis* in trans* world story

Imagine you are 13 and grow as a cis* person in world where all are trans*. Your teacher is

trans*, your tennis instructor, your aunt, your brother...

You're going to the school library and trying to find information about what is normal. You

find a book, but do not dare to take it, because you are afraid what is written in it.

Every year, there is a party organized in the school. What will you do? You're leaving because

you do not want people think you're weird or different. On the party, girls are dancing with

girls, boys with boys, boys are dressed as girls and girls as boys. You wonder what will you do

if your partner and you are too close? What happens if you kiss? What if everyone founds out

about your gender identity? Some people say that it is a sin to be cis*. How do you feel when

people speak in the church/mosque/synagogue/temple where you are going?

Now you are 18. At a nearby newsstand you see a magazine with cis* news in the headline.

You ignored your fear and shame, and you bought the magazine. You are hiding the magazine

and carrying it home. You read about a new club in town for young cis* people and decide to

go there. Finally, you go to the club and you meet people who are like you. Young men and

women dance together, talk to each other.

After a few months, you decide to live together with your partner, but you should be careful, in

the evening you have to put curtains on your window, because the owner of the apartment can

accidentally see you, who is also a trans*.

Unfortunately one day your partner is hit by a car. You run to the hospital, but you cannot go

into the room, and you stay and look through the glass to your loved one, who is full of bruises

and fractures. A sign on the door says that the entrance is allowed only to partners and family.

How can you see your partner?

Do you need to tell all these people that this person is your partner?

Will it affect their care for your partner?

What will you do?

Now, slowly open your eyes.

18



Workshop 4: Violence


Materials needed: Flipchart papers, markers, copies of stories – resource sheet

Aim

To identify different types of violence that may occur in relationships, families and

communities.


What to know in advance

Prior to the sessions on violence, it is important to research locally relevant information

concerning violence, including existing laws and social support for those who use and/or suffer

from violence. It is also important to be prepared to refer participants to the appropriate services

if they reveal that they are suffering violence or abuse.

Case studies included in stories after this workshops present diverse examples of violence,

including men’s use of physical, sexual, and emotional violence against women in intimate

relationships, men’s use of physical violence against women outside the context of an intimate

relationship, physical violence between men, violence by women, and community-level, or

institutional, violence against individuals and groups of people.

If necessary, you can make adaptations to these case studies or create new ones to address

other types of violence that also occur in intimate relationships, families, and/or communities.

STEP 1 – Discussion on topic: What does violence mean to me? (30 minutes)

Ask the group to sit in a circle and to think silently for a few moments about what

violence means to them.

Invite each participant to share with the group what violence means to them. Write the

responses on flipchart paper.

Alternative: Invite participants to write or draw what violence means to them.

Discuss with participants some of the common points in their responses, as well as some

of the unique points. Review definitions of violence below and tell participants that there is

often not a clear or simple definition of violence. Explain that in the second part of the exercise

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you are going to read a series of case studies to help them think about different meanings and

types of violence.

Definitions of violence:

‣ Physical violence: is the use of physical force such as hitting, slapping, or pushing.

‣ Emotional/Psychological violence: is often the most difficult form of violence to

identify. It may include humiliating, threatening, insulting, pressuring, and expressing

jealousy or possessiveness such as controlling decisions and activities.

‣ Sexual violence: involves pressuring or forcing someone to perform sexual acts (from

touching to kissing to sex) against their will or making sexual comments that make

someone feel humiliated or uncomfortable. It does not matter if there has been prior

consenting sexual behaviour.

‣ Cyberbullying: the activity of using the internet to harm or frighten another person,

especially by sending them unpleasant messages. 3

Violence is also often categorized according to the victim-perpetrator relationship: 4

Self-directed violence refers to violence in which the perpetrator and the victim are the

same individual and is subdivided into self-abuse and suicide.

Interpersonal violence refers to violence between individuals, and is subdivided into

family and intimate partner violence and community violence. The former category

includes child maltreatment; intimate partner violence; and elder abuse, while the latter

is broken down into acquaintance and stranger violence and includes youth violence;

assault by strangers; violence related to property crimes; and violence in workplaces

and other institutions.

Collective violence refers to violence committed by larger groups of individuals and

can be subdivided into social, political and economic violence.

These definitions can be written on flipchart paper. Remember to save this flipchart paper since

it will be useful for some of the workshops following this one.

STEP 2 – Discussion on differently types of violence (60 minutes together with discussion

and conclusion part)

3

Definition by Cambridge Dictionary

4

Text taken from https://www.who.int/violenceprevention/approach/definition/en/

Last accessed on 23/06/2018.

20



Read case studies available at the end of this workshop.

After reading each story, discuss with participants following questions (visible in part

Discussion). Make note that not each question is applicable to every one of the stories that are

prepared, and that list of questions in discussion part is made as a list of different questions

that can be used for discussion. Use questions that are applicable to the specific story.

Discussion

1. What kinds of violence most often occur in intimate relationships between men and

women? What causes this violence? Examples may include physical, emotional, and/or

sexual violence that men use against girlfriends or wives, as well as violence that women

may use against their boyfriends or husbands.

2. What kind of violence most often occur in intimate relationships between same sex

partners? Is it different from cases with different sex couples? Explain how

3. What kinds of violence most often occur in families? What causes this violence?

Examples may include parents’ use of physical, emotional, and/or sexual violence

against children or other types of violence between family members.

4. What kinds of violence most often occur outside relationships and families? What

causes this violence? Examples may include physical violence between men, women,

violence against LGBTQIA community, gang or war-related violence, stranger rape

and emotional violence, or stigmas against certain individuals or groups in the

community.

5. Are there types of violence that are related to a person’s sex? What is the most common

type of violence practiced against women? Against men? Against intersexual

individuals?

6. Are only men violent, or are women also violent?

7. What is the most common type of violence that men use against others?

8. What is the most common type of violence that women use against others?

9. Does a person – man or woman – ever “deserve” to be hit or suffer some type of

violence?

10. What are the results and consequences of violence on individuals? On group? On

communities? On relationships?

11. What can you and your peers do to prevent/stop violence in your local community?

Conclusion

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At its most basic level, violence can be defined as the use of force (or the threat of force) by

one individual against another. Violence is often used as a way to control another person, to

have power over them.

It happens all around the world and often stems from the way that individuals, especially

men, are raised to deal with anger and conflict. It is commonly assumed that violence

is a “natural” or “normal” part of being a man. However, violence is a learned behaviour and,

in that sense, it can be unlearned and prevented.

In your daily lives, it is fundamental that you, as young people, think about what you can do to

speak out against other’s use of violence.

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Stories – Resource sheet

Story no.1

Mirko and Sanja are a young married couple. Mirko’s family is coming over to their home for

dinner. He is very anxious that they should have a good time, and he wants to show them how

great of a cook his wife is. But when he gets home that night, nothing is prepared. Sanja has

not been feeling well, and she has not started making the dinner yet. Mirko is very upset. He

does not want his family to think that he cannot control his wife. They begin to argue and yell

at each other. The fight quickly escalates, and Mirko hits her.

‣ How should Sanja react?

‣ Could Mirko have reacted differently in this situation?

Story no.2

You are dancing with a group of friends at the disco. When you are about to leave, you see a

couple (a boy and a girl, apparently boyfriend/girlfriend) arguing at the entrance. He calls her

a bitch and asks her why she was flirting with another guy. She says, “I was not looking at

him... and even if I was, aren’t I with you?” He shouts at her again. Finally, she says, “You

don’t have the right to treat me like that.” He calls her worthless and tells her to get out of his

face – he can’t stand to look at her. He then hits her, and she falls down. She screams at him,

saying that he has no right to do that.

‣ What would you do? Would you leave? Would you say anything? Why or why not?

‣ Would it be different if it were a guy hitting another guy?

‣ What can you do in situations like this one? What are your options?

‣ What is our responsibility to prevent others from using violence?

Story no.3

Miran is an older boy who comes from a wealthy family. He meets Petar one day on his way

home from school and they chat a little. The next day, he meets up with him again and this

continues until one day he invites him to dinner. At dinner, he tells Petar how much he likes

him and then invites him to come over to his house. At his house, they start to kiss and Miran

starts touching Petar. But, then Petar stops and says that he doesn’t want to go any further.

Miran is furious. He tells him that he has spent lots of time with him. He pressures him to get

him to change his mind. First, he tries to be seductive, and then he begins yelling at him in

23



frustration. Then he begins pulling at him forcefully, pushing him down. He then forces him to

have sex, even though Petar keeps saying, “No, stop!”

‣ Is this a kind of violence? Why or why not?

‣ What do you think Miran should have done?

‣ What do you think Petar should have done?

Story no.4

A group of friends go dancing. One of them, Daniel, sees that some guy is staring at his

girlfriend. Daniel walks up to the guy and shoves him and a fight begins.

‣ Why did Daniel react this way? Do you think he was right to shove the other guy?

‣ How else could he have reacted?

‣ What should his friends have done?

Story no.5

In many communities, people who are living with HIV/AIDS are shunned. They are insulted.

Sometimes their children are not allowed to go to school.

‣ Is this a type of violence?

‣ Do you think that this type of discrimination hurts people living with HIV/AIDS?

‣ What can be done to stop these types of things from happening?

Story no.6

Jovan is a young gay man who has recently come out to his family and friends. At first, it was

hard with his family but they have finally come around. At school, however, some kids have

started to call him a “fag” and other derogatory names. They also push him around a lot, and

sometimes even beat him up.

‣ Is this a type of violence? Why or why not?

‣ What can Jovan do?

‣ What can his friends do?

‣ What would you do in a situation like this?

Case no.7

Vanja is a 19-year-old university student who just moved in with a roommate to a one-room

flat near campus. Vanja has been HIV positive since she was 17. She takes medications for

24



HIV, which need to constantly be refrigerated. One day, her roommate asks her what the

medications are for. Vanja decides to be honest and tells her roommate that she is HIV positive.

Her roommate is shocked and furious. She tells Vanja that she needs to move out of the flat

immediately, before she passes her infection to her.

‣ What do you think about the way that the roommate reacted?

‣ Do you think there is risk for the roommate to be infected by living with Vanja?

‣ Is this a type of violence?

‣ What can be done to stop these types of things from happening?

Case no.8

Matej is 16 years old boy. One night he goes on Chatrullete and meets with one nice looking

girl from USA he liked immediately. She introduces herself and tells she is 17 years old. After

chat goes on, this girl starts talking with Matej about sex. They agree to try cybersex, by using

Skype. Matej adds her on Skype and they start the video call. She asks him to stand up, take off

his clothes and to start masturbating. Matej listens to her. In few minutes call ends up and he

receives video of him getting naked and masturbating. Girl is blackmailing him to send her

100$ or she will post the video online. Matej is scared, he doesn’t have that amount of money

and is too embarrassed to talk with his parents or friends and ask for an advice.

‣ Is this violence? Which kind of violence?

‣ What Matej should do? What would you advise him to do?

‣ Did you hear about cases similar to this? If yes, can you share with rest of the group?

25



Workshop 5: What is cyber bullying and internet violence


Materials needed: Flipchart papers, markers, 3 to 4 copies of Cyber bullying story –

Resource sheet

Aim

To discuss cyber bullying and internet violence, and the different situations in which it can

occur.


Introductory remark for facilitator

In the same way that talking about other forms of violence might cause discomfort because of

possible connections with participants’ own lives, it is important to be sensitive to the

possibility that some of the participants might have suffered some type of cyber bullying and

internet violence in their life and might need advice or help.

They may have suffered cyber bullying (from their peers or from other people in their lives or

even anonymous person), but never spoken with anybody about the matter, out of shame or

fear. Others might know of their friends or family members who have been victims of cyber

bullying and online violence.

It is important to be prepared for these possibilities and to know where and to whom you can

refer participants who might need professional support.

Step by step guide

Explain that the purpose of the activity is to talk about cyber bullying and internet

violence.

Carry out a brainstorming session with the group on the meaning of cyber bullying –

internet violence and the different situations in which it can occur. Use markers and write on

flipchart paper different ideas you get from the group. Review the definition of cyber bullying

included in the Workshop 4: Violence. Save the flipchart with brainstorming ideas, it will be

needed for Workshop 6.

Depending on the number of participants, divide them into three or four smaller groups,

handing out a copy of the Cyber bullying story – Resource sheet. Ask the small groups to read

the story together. Alternatively, you can read the story aloud to participants.

26



After reading the story, have an open discussion about the following points, encouraging

the participants to reflect on the story:

‣ Is this story realistic?

‣ Do you think Lucie should’ve done something differently? What, how and why?

‣ Can it be considered violence? Why yes or why not?

‣ Why do you think Lucie’s friend acted the way they acted? Could they do something

differently? What?

‣ Is there any good reason to bully someone online?

‣ Do you have some story of your friends/families similar to this that you would like to

share with the group and analyse?

After discussing the story, wrap-up the discussion using the following questions.

Discussion

1. What are the consequences of cyber bullying and internet violence?

2. What do you think who is committing acts of cyber bullying more often? Younger or

older generations? Men or women? Why do you think it is like that?

3. What can you do to help prevent situations of cyber bullying and online violence in your

own friends’ groups? In your community?

Conclusion

Most youth will encounter mean behaviour at some point in their digital lives (most often on

different social medias). For some young men and young women, this experience is a blip that's

easily forgotten, while for others it can have deep, long-lasting effects. For parents, teachers,

counsellors and youth workers, the key is staying involved in young people’s lives -- both

online and off -- so they can step in and offer help if necessary. With guidance from youth

workers, counsellors and educators, young person can learn how to dodge the drama and stand

up for himself/herself and others.

27



Cyber bullying story – Resource sheet

Lucie’s story 5

In January, there was a big party at a place called LIFE that a lot of the girls and boys in my

grade were going to. I really wanted to go but had other plans made for that night. I was so

upset that I couldn’t go, I wrote a mean post on my spam account on Instagram that was

immature, angry and rude directed to some of the people going to this party. Rather than

accepting that I couldn’t go, I made it seem like I didn’t want to go in the first place. About a

month later, a girl in my grade somehow came upon this post and shared it with other kids in

our grade. People started to say terrible things about me while I was within earshot. Hearing

this, I decided to go up to 4 or 5 of the girls and apologized immediately for the post and tried

my best to make things right. They all said that they understood and that was the last I heard of

it for the time being.

Fast forward 6 months later and I posted a photo of myself on Instagram with the caption “Life

is good”. A bunch of people including a boy I previously was hanging out with attacked this

post with really mean and rude comments about me. I was so upset that I privately texted the

girl who seemed to be leading these comments asking her why she was writing these hurtful

things and she replied by saying “it’s a joke and we are just having fun.” She then continued to

write more mean things about me and even made a post about me on her spam account,

purposefully so I could see it. She threatened me saying “I deserved this” and that she would

hurt me and live stream it for other people to watch. I was scared and devastated when students

from my grade who I thought were my friends commented about how funny she was and how

annoying I was. People from other schools that I didn’t know even chimed in! I felt attacked

and all alone. My close friends tried to comfort me privately, but no one had the courage to

actually defend me on social media. I had this horrible sinking feeling of everyone hating me

and talking about me behind my back. Some of my sympathetic friends even wrote to me that

they would “hang themselves” if people were writing these kinds of things about them. I was

so confused and sad that I decided the right thing to do was tell my mom and my family. My

5

Text taken from https://www.cybersmile.org/blog/lucies-cyberbullying-story

Last accessed on 22/06/2018.

28



mom reached out to my school advisor who reminded us that my school has a code of conduct

policy that includes a cyberbullying section that all student sign.

It states – “Definition – Bullying is the creation of a hostile environment by conduct or verbal

threats, intimidation or abuse that has or would have the effect of unreasonably and

substantially interfering with a student’s educational performance, opportunities or benefits,

or mental, or emotional, or physical well-being; or conduct, verbal threats, intimidation, or

abuse that reasonably causes or would reasonably be expected to cause a student to fear for

his or her physical safety. Cyberbullying, including electronic comments posted in e-mails or

instant messages, or on social networking sites such as Facebook or Twitter, or in blogs, etc.

The School encourages all members of the school community to report all incidents of bullying,

regardless of who the offender may be. The School will take prompt, reasonable action to

prevent, investigate, and remedy bullying. Any student who believes that he or she has been the

victim of bullying shall report the incident(s) to the Principal, Grade-Level Dean, Advisor,

Counselor, School Nurse, or School Psychologist.”

We all came to the decision that this was actual cyberbullying and decided to report this incident

to ensure my safety and to try and better our school community and educate others about

cyberbullying.

I then left for summer camp for 3 weeks without my phone and got to escape the toxic social

media world. When I returned, I learned that the school had contacted the mother of this girl.

She defended her actions by sharing with them a screenshot of the mean post that I had written

way back in January. Although I didn’t know it, what I had written came back to haunt me and

she said it is the reason she decided to write those terrible thing about me on social media.

I have thought about this a lot and realize now how important it is to be careful about what you

put online. I have learned that even though people forgive and forget, things stay on the internet

forever and can come back to haunt you later in life. It is my hope that my story will help other

people to understand that even if you feel like an innocent victim, there are always two sides to

every story. The internet is definitely not the right place to let your emotions and angry feelings

towards a person or situation out. I was very hurt by this experience and I know many of the

other people involved have also been hurt and upset. Recently, the girl who wrote all those

things about me and I got together. She apologized to me for the things she had posted and we

decided that moving forward we would both do our best to look out for each other and only

29



spread kindness out on social media. To anyone going through this, remember you are not

alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and to share your story, look at your own actions and do

not say negative things on the internet and get caught in the moment. It can and will get better.

30



Workshop 6: If you post it online, then everyone can see it


Materials needed: Workshop 6 handouts printed, projector for screening of videos,

flipchart paper, markers.

Aim

To learn and understand consequences of cyber bullying and internet violence.


Important note to have in mind before planning the workshop

This workshop includes a guest speaker, someone who has experienced cyberbullying and was

able to overcome it. Youth worker/facilitator, who is organising the workshop, should plan in

advance on including one guest speaker for this workshop.

Step by step guide

Open with a discussion about what participants understand about cyberbullying, what

they have learned already during previous workshops. You can write down their answers on

part of flipchart paper.

Play short movies to participants from following links:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asTti6y39xI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWBvXRVMPDU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkG00Czb4ho

After the short videos, ask participants following questions:

1. What did you understood from these videos?

2. What is the message you can take?

3. How cyberbullying can happen in your school/faculty/local community?

Introduce the guest speaker and allow them time to talk about their experience. Facilitate a

question and answer session between the participants and the guest speaker.

31



Give participants Workshop 6 handout and give them time to read it. Explain to them that

this handout can serve as a checklist in the future, to use it before posting online. Give

participants between 10 do 15 minutes to go through the handout. After they have finished with

this step, you can move on to the discussion questions.

Discussion

1. Have you ever asked yourself questions that you just read on the handout, before you

posted something online? What did you ask yourself?

2. Did you have a chance before to talk with someone who was a victim of cyberbullying?

Can you share?

3. Have you been sometimes posting something online that can hurt someone else’s

feeling? How did you feel after you posted?

4. What do you think, how does a victim of cyberbullying feels? How can you help

him/her?

5. What can we do in the future to prevent cyberbullying and online violence from

happening? How can we do it?

6. What can you take from this workshop and use in the future?

Conclusion

It’s easy to think sometimes that cyber/online world is something totally disconnected from real

world. We should always have in mind that whatever we do in online world, is influencing lives

of others. Before we post something online we should ask ourselves key questions from the

handout, which we had a chance to read during this workshop. How will I feel about the act I

do online? Why am I posting something and which consequences it can have on others? Am I

being kind to others if I post something?

32



Workshop 6 handout 6

The cyber world is the real world with real consequences, so make sure you always ask yourself

the following before you hit send!

Will I feel good or different about it later?

Social media comes with one golden rule, don't post when you are angry. A split second of rage

can have permanent consequences.

Why am I posting?

Is this something you really want to post, does it really reflect your personality and values?

Don't follow the crowd or post just to gain attention, as you might not like the response you get

back.

Would I say this in person?

No? Then don't say it online. Social accounts are managed by real people with real feelings. If

you talk about someone online, think about whether you would feel embarrassed or ashamed

if you saw them in person. If so, you may want to ask again, why am I posting?

Can this be interpreted differently?

Sarcasm and irony do not often transfer well into writing, especially in a short social media

post. Think about how others may read it; could it be seen as offensive?

Am I being kind?

Treat others with the respect that you would like to receive. If you read it about yourself, would

it make you feel good?

Is it really private?

People often excuse inappropriate posts based on the idea that the conversation is private, as it

is on a private account. Consider how many connections you have, are all these people very

6

Rad, Dana & Dixon, Daniel & Deloyer, Jocelyn. (2018). KEEPING YOUTH SAFE FROM

CYBERBULLYING The toolkit.

33



close friends? Can you trust that each one of them won't share or talk about your post with

others? Facebook statistics suggest that the average young user has up to 300 online friends.

This private profile suddenly doesn't seem so private at all.

Do I have permission?

You might find that badly angled photograph of your friend amusing, but the likelihood is that

they will not. Be respectful of other people's privacy; don't share photos or information that

will embarrass or humiliate someone.

Would I like me?

If you were a stranger looking in at your profile, what would you think? If most of your posts

are in some way critical, unkind, offensive or negative, how do you think you are being

perceived?

Is it legal?

In the eyes of the law, posting online is not the same as having an informal chat with your

friends. Posting is publishing, just the same as if it was written in the newspaper. Even if your

profile is private, you do not own what you publish – meaning anyone can use it as evidence.

Make sure you do not post anything that might get you into trouble with the law.

Harassment, hate speech, threats of violence, ruining someone's reputation and pictures or

comments suggesting illegal activity can all be used against you.

34



Workshop 7: Understanding the cycle of violence


Materials needed: Flipchart paper, tape, markers, pens/pencils, and copies of Workshop 7

Resource Sheet or five small pieces of paper for each participant

Aim

To discuss the consequences of violence and the relationship between the violence that young

people suffer and the violence that they use against others.


Introductory remark for facilitator

If a participant reports that she/he is suffering any type of violence or that she/he has recently

suffered any type of abuse – including sexual abuse or systematic physical abuse at home – and

is less than 18 years old, in some countries the facilitator/youth worker must report the fact to

the child and adolescent protection authorities. Before carrying out any task in this manual, the

facilitator/youth worker should consult her/his own organisation to clarify the relevant ethical

and legal requirements concerning violence against persons under 18.

Step by step guide

Before the session, tape five pieces of flipchart paper to a wall. Write each of the five

categories below on a piece of flipchart paper:

Violence used against me;

Violence that I use against others;

Violence that I have witnessed;

How I feel when I use violence;

How I feel when violence is used against me.

At the beginning of the session, explain to the participants that the purpose of this activity

is to talk about the violence they experience in their lives and their communities. Review

flipchart papers from Workshop 4 (definitions of different kinds of violence) and Workshop 5

(brainstorming about cyber bullying and online violence).

35



Give each participant a copy of the Workshop 7 Resource sheet or five small pieces of paper

upon which they can write out the categories above.

Review five categories from above and ask participants to reflect on them and then write a

short reply for each in the boxes on the Workshop 7 Resource sheet or on pieces of paper that

they have received. They should put one response in each box or paper, and they should not

write their names.

Allow about 10 minutes for this task. Explain to participants that they should not write too

much, just a few words or a phrase, and then tape it to the corresponding flipchart paper.

After they have finished taping their papers to the flipchart, read aloud some of

responses from each category.

Open up the discussion using the discussion questions below.

Discussion

1. What is the most common type of violence used against women? Who commits that

violence? Why do you think situation is like that?

2. What is the most common type of violence used against men? Who commits that

violence? Why do you think situation is like that?

3. What is the most common type of violence that women use against others?

4. What is the most common type of violence that men use against others?

5. Is there differences in sense of types of violence women use against others and types of

violence men use against others? Why is that difference there if yes? Why not if you

said no?

6. How do you feel when you use violence against others?

7. How did you feel if someone used violence against you?

8. Is there any connection between the violence you use and the violence that is used

against you? Can you explain that connection if you said yes?

9. Is any kind of violence worse than other?

10. How do the media (i.e., music, radio, movies, etc.) portray violence? (see “Do media

teach boys to be violent?” below)

11. What is the link between violence in your families and relationships and other violence

that you see in your communities?

36



12. Some researchers say that violence is like a cycle, that is to say, someone who is a victim

of violence is more likely to commit acts of violence later. Do you think this is true? If

so, how can you help to interrupt the cycle of violence?

13. Do you think that men have a role to play in preventing violence against women?

Explain.

14. What have you learned in this activity to help overcome violence? Have you learned

anything that can be applied in your own life and relationships?

Conclusion

Too many young men and women have experienced or witnessed violence at some point in

their lives, often at the hands of men. It is commonly assumed that violence is a “natural” or

“normal” part of being a man. However, violence is a learned behaviour – boys and men are

often raised to think violence is an acceptable means of maintaining control, particularly over

women, resolving conflicts, and/or expressing anger. And just as violence is learned, it can be

unlearned and prevented. In this way, it is the responsibility of all individuals, women and men,

to strive to raise boys and men, as well as girls and women, to understand how violence, be it

men’s violence against women, women’s violence against men or a parent’s use of violence

against a child, prevents individuals from building positive and loving relationships. (CARE

International, 2011.)

Does the media teach boys to be violent?

Some studies have shown that watching violent scenes in media can be linked to execution of

violence but causal links are not completely clear. Watching violence on television or in movie

theatres probably does not “cause” violence in boys but can lead to some boys’ impressions –

and our general impression as society – that violence by men is normal or even cool. What

about girls? Do they equally easy manifest anger? (CARE International, 2016.)

37



Workshop 7 Resource Sheet

• VIOLENCE USED AGAINST ME:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

-

• VIOLENCE THAT I USE AGAINST OTHERS:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

-

• VIOLENCE THAT I HAVE WITNESSED:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

-

• HOW I FEEL WHEN I USE VIOLENCE:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

-

• HOW I FEEL WHEN VIOLENCE IS USED AGAINST ME:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

-

38



Workshop 8: Communication styles (aggressive, passive, or

assertive style)


Materials needed: Flip chart, marker, copies of Workshops 8 resource sheets 1 and 2.

Aim

To learn the difference between assertive, aggressive and passive communication.



We recommend for youth worker/facilitator, who will lead the workshop, to go through this

workshop independently and to consider the way in which he or she expresses his/hers

emotions.

Step by step guide

Review with the participants different types of communication presented in Workshop

8 resource sheet 1. Be sure to review the definitions of aggressive, passive, and assertive and

the concepts of communicator, receiver, and bystander.

Optionally, you can have these definitions prepared and presented on flipchart table or with

use of projector.

2.

Divide participants into three groups. Distribute copies of Workshop 8 resource sheet

Tell the groups that they can complete Workshop 8 resource sheet 2 either by using

direct examples from their own lives, or by coming up with fictional scenarios. Allow the

groups 15 minutes to complete the task.

Ask the groups to pick one of their examples to present as a skit to the other groups. In

each group, one participant will take on the role of Communicator, one will be the Receiver,

and the others will be the Bystanders. Allow the groups 10 minutes to rehearse their skits.

39



Open the discussion using the questions from Discussion segment of the workshop.

Discussion

1. What types of communication were presented in the skits?

2. Were these skits realistic?

3. What are the benefits of assertive communication?

4. Over time, what happens to people who communicate passively?

5. What types of communication do young people use most with each other? Why?

6. What types of communication do young men use most in their intimate relationships

with women? Why? What about young women?

7. Is there some difference between types of communication which are present in

heterosexual relationship and in homosexual relationship? Why yes or why not? Can

you explain the difference if you think that there is some?

8. How is aggressive behaviour related to violence?

9. What types of communication are linked to healthy relationships?

10. What types of communication are linked to unhealthy relationships?

11. What happens when aggressive behaviour is not confronted?

12. Are young women ever bystanders in your community? What about young men? When?

Why?

13. What have you learned from this exercise? How can you apply this in your own lives

and relationships?

Conclusion

Assertiveness involves clearly representing your thoughts and feelings in a respectful way that

does not employ guilt, infringe on others' rights, or use emotional blackmail. On the other hand,

aggressive behaviour can silence people. It is important to know how to identify and handle

dating and interpersonal relationship situations when behaviour is unhealthy.

40



Workshop 8 resource sheet 1 7

COMMUNICATION

SCENARIO

HOW DOES THE

HOW DOES THE

WHAT CAN THE

TYPE

COMMUNICATOR

RECEIVER ACT?

BYSTANDER DO

ACT?

OR SAY?

ASSERTIVE

The principal

Treating him with

Happy

Listen

Tending toward bold

or confident

declarations of

opinions and feelings

(Communicator) is

speaking to the student

(Receiver) in the hall

about the good job he

did on his science

respect

Acknowledging his hard

work

Paying attention to what

he is saying and what is

Wanted to share with

the principal how much

he liked the science

class and how he wants

to study science all the

Not interrupt

Offer words of

encouragement to the

Receiver

project.

going on in the hallway

time

Damir(Communicator)

and Jovana (Receiver)

Assess the safety of

have been dating for

Scared, unsure

confronting Damir

AGGRESSIVE

Tending toward or

exhibiting hostile,

forceful, or destructive

behaviour

about three months.

Damir gets angry when

Jovana has to go to class

without him and he

thinks other guys want

to get with Jovana. One

Superior and controlling

Like he owns Jovana

Without showing trust

or respect for Jovana

Silenced

Angry

Caught off guard

Unsure what to say but

wants him to stop

making a scene

Confront using “I”

statements such as “I

feel you are treating

Joavan poorly”

During or after the

incident, tell Jovana and

day when Jovana walks

Franja that you feel

back to her locker with

Damir treated them

Franjo (Receiver),

aggressively.

Jovana (arms folded, in

an angry voice) says,

“What exactly do you

two think you are

doing?

Ana (Communicator)

Not sure what Ana

PASSIVE

Receiving or enduring

something without

being active, open, or

direct

sits on the yearbook

committee. She works

on it after school and

over lunch. Ivana

(Receiver) offers to help

because she is supposed

Vague, unsure of

herself, seems a bit shy

Makes Ivana feel she

has to guess what Ana’s

needs are.

wants

Asking for clarification

Frustrated and wanting

to cut the conversation

short

As if Ana is

Listen

Try to assess what the

problems might be

Tell Ana that she

shouldn’t have to do the

work alone

to be working with Ana.

incompetent

However, Ana seems

aloof and just shrugs her

shoulders when Ivana

talks to her about it.

International

7

CARE International, 2011. M Manual: A Training Manual. Banja Luka, BiH: CARE

41



Workshop 8 resource sheet 2

COMMUNICATION

SCENARIO

HOW DOES THE

HOW DOES THE

WHAT CAN THE

TYPE

COMMUNICATOR

RECEIVER ACT?

BYSTANDER DO

ACT?

OR SAY?

ASSERTIVE

AGGRESSIVE

PASSIVE

42



Workshop 9: Assess the situation


Materials needed: Flipchart paper, regular pieces of paper, pens/pencils, tape, and copies

of Workshop 9 resource sheet.

Aim

Discuss and practice negotiation skills and skills for resolving conflicts that can be useful when

we talk about cyber bullying and online violence.


Before the session, prepare two pieces of flipchart paper with data from the Workshop

9 resource sheet.

Conduct a brainstorming activity with the participants about usual conflict scenarios

that they face in their relationships and community, but in online world. Prompt participants to

think about different types of relationships such as between partners, parent/child,

boss/employer, neighbours, etc.

Divide the participants into small groups. Give each group one of the conflict scenarios,

which you have brainstormed in the previous step.

Display the flipchart paper titled “Ways to resolve a conflict” and explain that each

group should write a short skit to explain how they would use one of the methods from the

flipchart to resolve their conflict scenario.

Invite the groups to present their skit and ask the participants to identify different

methods of conflict resolution.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of different methods with the participants.

Display the flipchart paper titled “Four steps of successful negotiation with a positive

outcome for both sides (Win-Win)“.

43



Ask the participants to discuss in their small groups a negotiation example with a

positive outcome for both sides (Win-Win) and to create a role-play and present it.

Ask the groups to perform their role-plays.

Use the questions below to reflect on the workshop.

Discussion

1. Is it easier to resolve the conflict in real world or in online world? Why?

2. Why is it sometimes difficult to resolve conflict with negotiation, especially in the

online world?

3. What makes negotiation easier? What makes it harder?

4. What are situations in which you wouldn’t want to compromise?

5. What did you learn from this activity? How can you apply this in your lives and

relationships?

Conclusion

Negotiation is a fact of life and skill that can help us out in many situations. But it is not always

easy to use it, especially in online world. Learning and developing your negotiation skills can

help you resolve conflicts in different spheres of your life and build healthier relationships.

44



Workshop 9 resource sheet

Ways of Resolving Conflict

Avoid conflict: Simply withdraw from any conflict

Smooth it over: Pretend there is no conflict and everything is OK

Win at all costs: Get what you want; the other person loses

Compromise: Give up something you want to get something else that you want

Win/win negotiation: Use creative problem solving to give both people what they want or

need.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Four Steps of Successful Win/Win Negotiation

‣ State your position. Use “I” statements, say what you want or need.

‣ Listen to the other person’s position. Find out what the other person needs or wants.

Restate the other person’s position to be sure that you understand.

‣ Brainstorm win/win solutions. Take into account both partners’ needs and wants. Be

creative.

‣ Agree on a solution. Try it out. If it does not work, start the process over again

45



Workshop 10: Breaking the silence and getting help


Materials needed: Flipchart paper, tape, markers, copies of a list of local resources for

referral

Aim

To discuss the culture of silence that exists in relation to violence in online world, in families

and relationships and to reflect on what young people can do when they or someone they know

are abused and/or victims of violence.



As with the other activities on violence, it is important to research existing support options in

the community to refer participants to in the event they are experiencing violence. The list

should include hospitals, clinics, social workers, psychologists, support groups that deal

specifically with the issue of gender-based, cyber bullying, domestic violence, and any other

available resources. If possible, create a handout listing these resources to distribute to all

participants at the end of the activity. During the activity, pay close attention to reactions of the

participants to assess whether anyone might need special attention due to the subject matter.

Step by step guide

Review with the participants some of the warning signs that someone might be in a

relationship that is violent, or potentially violent, warning signs that someone is bullied online

or bullied and victim of violence based on their look, attitude, behaviour etc. You can write

down some of the answers on flipchart table.

Ask the participants to imagine an individual who is experiencing violence online and

thinking about talking to someone about it. Tell them to think about the doubts or concerns this

person might have about “breaking the silence.” Ask them to imagine the challenges of reaching

out and supporting someone who is experiencing violence. Tell them to think about the doubts

or concerns that a person might have in reaching out and supporting a person, be it a friend,

family member, co-worker, or neighbour.

Open up a discussion using questions below.

46

Discussion



1. Why at times do young people not want to speak about the violence in their lives?

2. Is it considered acceptable for a girl to leave her abusive partner? Is it easy? What about

boy who has abusive female partner? What do you think about same sex relationships

and violence in them?

3. Why would someone remain in an abusive relationship? Are these reasons different for

young women and adult women?

4. In general, when you are violent or when you suffer violence (cyber bullying and

violence in real life), do you talk about it? Do you report it?

5. Do you talk about how you feel if you are victim of violence? If you do not, why not?

6. How does it feel to know that a friend or someone you know is suffering from violence?

7. How can you bring up violence if you are worried about a friend?

8. How can you support a friend who has suffered from violence or aggression?

9. What have you learned in this activity? Have you learned anything that can be applied

in your own life and relationships?

Following the discussion, ask the group to name all of the community resources that they are

aware of, which could be helpful for someone who is a victim of violence. You can ask the

question: “If you think your friend is a victim of cyber bullying or violence in real life, who or

where would you suggest she/he turn to for help?”

As participants offer names of resources, write them on the flipchart paper. The facilitator

should also mention any additional places where young people can go for help and distribute

the handout listing these resources.

Conclusion

It can be very difficult for young person who suffer violence (either online or in real world) to

speak out and seek help. Various factors influence a victim’s response to violence. It is

important not to judge people who do not report violence, but to think about how you can

support them, to understand the consequences of violence and the importance of creating

communities where people can live their lives free of violence.

47

Sources



CARE International. (2016). A Training Manual: Program Y– Youth - Innovative

Approaches in GBV Prevention and Young Boys and Girls Healthy Life Styles Promotion.

Banja Luka, Sarajevo, B&H: CARE International Balkans

International

CARE International, 2011. M Manual: A Training Manual. Banja Luka, B&H: CARE

Definition and typology of violence. (2011, November 21). Retrieved from

https://www.who.int/violenceprevention/approach/definition/en/.

Homophobia. (n.d.). Retrieved from

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/homophobia.

Predstavništvo CARE Serbia in Belgrade. (2018). Educational Toolkit for Teachers.

Rad, Dana & Dixon, Daniel & Deloyer, Jocelyn. (2018). KEEPING YOUTH SAFE

FROM CYBERBULLYING The toolkit.

Solutions, M. W. (2017, August 24). Lucie's Cyberbullying Story. Retrieved from

https://www.cybersmile.org/blog/lucies-cyberbullying-story.

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