V2 N16

Page 74 Exit Zero
August 27, 2004 August 27, 2004 Exit Zero
Page 75
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN
...WHAT HAPPENS AFTER
YOU’VE
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EM&LO'S HOROSCOPES
Ä Continued from Page 73
eLEO Work-related events usually blow chunks. One
does everything one can to avoid participation, so as
not to get stuck talking to Larry from the IT department
about his high Doom scores. But this week, you might want
to suck it up and attend. For you will meet your true love
there. Either that, or you’ll get drunk and end up sleeping
with someone from the IT department. Which, if you ask us,
sounds like a win-win sitch!
f
VIRGO The stars say your ability to love without complexity
will be exactly what the partner of your choice will be
attracted to this week. Sounds like a dis cleverly disguised
as a good horoscope to us.
gLIBRA Someone you have set your sights on will probably
be withholding important information from you.
And we don’t mean the small stuff, like their natural
hair color or their true opinion on the nude bathing debacle,
a.k.a. Higbeegate. No, we’re talking the big stuff, like where
they were last night, who they’re planning on voting for in
November, or why their underwear is hanging from one of
the Congress Hall flagpoles.
h
SCORPIO Anything you might be thinking of saying
this week will be better received in a hot tub… especially
if it’s a Cancer you’ve got your beady eye on.
Remember soaking longer than 15 minutes in 104 degrees
may make you dizzy, lightheaded, or liable to commit to a
long-term relationship before you’re good and ready.
i
SAGITTARIUS You’re such a flirt! And you’re so good
at it. Maybe a little too good at it. Everyone wants to be
around you, especially the ones you flirt with. They take
it the most personally when they realize your flirtatious
ways weren’t actually cleverly disguised declarations of love.
Naive fools. But be careful: you don’t want to cry “Wolf!” or
rather “You’re so cute!” without any discretion.
jCAPRICORN This week’s reading is a little hazy. (Blame
it on all the increased pollution caused by Bush’s “Clear
Skies” Act.) You’re either supposed to move in on someone
you’ve been interested in for some time, or you’re supposed
to move in with someone you’ve been seeing for some
time, or you’re supposed move a little to the left to avoid
getting hit by that falling blue ice from an overhead plane.
kAQUARIUS You’re likely to get caught in a lie this week.
So, you know, don’t friggin’ lie. Fear of getting busted
isn’t the best reason for being a better person, but we’ll
work on motivation later. For now, let’s focus on your behavior,
one “sure I’ll call you” at a time.
lPISCES Someone from your past may try to reconnect
with you this week. We say go ahead and let them, uh,
reconnect. For the purposes of this horoscope, “your past”
means last season and earlier. Because what is history, if not
the last person you “connected” with?
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