V2 N16

Page 36 Exit Zero
August 27, 2004 August 27, 2004 Exit Zero
Page 37
Dearest Mother and Father
I have had oddest of nights, and do not
know what happened. It start when myself
and my friend Gregori and some Business
Associates, we have our first ever Annual
General Meeting to decide how we become
new generation of Bill Gateses. So anyway, we
are drinking lots of cognac because it good
enough for P. Diddy and Bustah Rhymes
and they cool top fellas so we drink same and
are smoking big cigars also, and it just like
Goodfellas except nobody gets shot.
I remember we a little drunk and scribbling
ideas down on napkins at Gecko’s and
that Gregori he says he has great idea for
where people all over world can talk each
other using only computers and he will call
it the World Wide Gregori and I hit him
between eyes with dessert spoon and noise
is like coconut and we all laugh, and then
someone say we need to go see our favorite
places, Cabanas and Boiler Room, and of
course Martini Beach where The Gays live
and I always remember that as future mayor
I need stay on good side of The Gays because
they cool and have influence.
So anyway we drink many cocktails and
LETTER FROM AMERICA
THE ADVENTURES OF SLAVA FROM LATVIA
then some nice man he says, Hey you look
like party kids you want fun? And I say
Fun my middle name and Gregori he say
Ilyanovic is his middle name and I hit him on
head again with cocktail shaker And so nice
man he buys us all drinks and says bottoms
up and as we all down drinks he say I put little
something in all your drinks as present.
So anyway after that things go queer and
I remember having the tingly fingers and
hugging Gregori because he such lovely man
and music it starts and we are all dancing like
crazy dancing things even though we never
dance and Gregori he jumps on table and
takes top off and everyone they look away
because he been eating too much and he has
little man-breasts and they wobble like two
jellies and he tries to take pants off but lucky
for everyone he slips on puddle of spilled Pink
Lady cocktail and falls on head on floor which
quieten him down a little.
Rest of us we dance and dance and hug
everyone like they best friends and all I hear
is music and I think I will die of being happy
and then I hear as from distance I think it
Justin Timberlake singing who I hate because
he just sing the ballads and has no metal guitar
noises, but then I realize it me who singing
and then everything it start to spin and then
all goes black.
And so I wake up in dumpster out back of
Acme store and I have on only Stetson which
is odd because I have never owned Stetson
hat and have telephone number written on
arm in black marker pen.
And all day when I hear any noise at
all I dance to it like lunatic. I think Gregori
he make it home too but I am not so sure
because when I knock on his door I hear him
shouting “the spiders that all over me! Get
them off!” and then snoring. I am thinking
that cocktail should have health warning,
oh boy!
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