ReadFin Literary Journal (Winter 2018)

Rapture
Amanda Kontos
The hollow pit in my stomach was driving me forward. The days since
I’d been alone had stretched out, like the pain I used to inflict on those
who had hurt me. Or at least that’s what it had been like when I was
able to use the full limit of my abilities.
There was a bitterness to that ability that I used to enjoy. The pain that
I could inflict on another being was sweet, it was glorious, but nothing
in my life would have prepared me for the pain that came when the
man I loved walked out of my life without a reason and refused to let
me find him.
Without him I awoke in cold sweats, screams and dissatisfied fits of
broken sleep. It was a far cry from the goddess I had once been and the
woman I wanted to be.
The striped tents and their peaks drew in a crowd of humans who
wanted to see the show: a travelling circus of Gods and Goddesses that
moved with the ebb and flow of the moon and sun. Or just because. All
that mattered was being able to ease the pressure of their abilities.
It had been two months since I’d seen this circus back in town. Two
very long months.
I was here to see one man and I knew that he would be here. I should
have let Helena come, she’d begged me to let her come and I very nearly
said yes, but it was something that I had to do on my own and even as I
saw him, drove past him, watched as he noticed the car and ignored it
in the same look, I was determined to talk to him.
I needed to know the reason Leigh had left me and find what it would
take to get him to come back.
I joined the ranks of humans that were lining up to buy tickets,
merchandise and talk to the gods and goddess. Instead of following
the cue, I went right for the man that knew my husband just as well as
I did.
‘Where is he?’ I asked Richard.
He turned around and stared at me, his green eyes narrowing as the
sweat dripped from his brow. His brown hair was tousled back and out
of his face because of the heat but I knew that he would have preferred
to have his hair in his eyes.
‘Who are you talking about?’
I narrowed my eyes at him. ‘Richard, don’t be an arsehole. Where is
he?’
He was a typhon wearing a human face to keep from scaring the
humans.
‘He’s going to be pissed I told you, you know that right?’
I pushed my way into his space and felt his entity brush against my
skin, trying to pull me back. I wasn’t much shorter than Richard but
there was enough of me to make me look menacing.
‘Richard,’ I said without raising my voice.
He looked behind him in the direction of the merch tent and I knew
that’s where my husband was.
‘If he asks you found him on your own. I’m not going to get my hide
flogged for this. Just mention that to him.’
I sent him a withering look and stepped back, the entity breathing a
sigh and letting me go.
‘I’ll be sure to tell him that his best friend is a traitor and totally
unreliable.’
‘Lyra…’
I didn’t hear whatever else he had to say because I made my way
through the gates. There were looks of disapproval and the children
of the deities inside didn’t hide the disgust on their face, nor did they
stop me.
Maybe they were finally understanding.
I could hear Leigh’s laughter a mile away, I could imagine the crinkle in
the corners of his eyes behind his sunnies and watched how his body
seemed to relish the laugh.
It struck a chord in my chest and a hand gripped at my heart as I
stopped in my tracks. How was he allowed to be happy when I was
barely holding it together?
He looked my way and stiffened, almost like I was a ghost he didn’t
want to see again. I resisted the urge to bite my lip and walked towards
him. He didn’t get up but his gaze didn’t waver from me.
‘Can we talk?’ I asked him as I reached the table.
‘You’re not supposed to be here,’ he said quietly but it didn’t matter
how quietly he spoke. Everyone who wasn’t human would hear his
words.
I looked past him and saw Beryl and Colt, my in-laws. They got up from
their chairs and were staring right at us. Colt was smiling softly and
Beryl was holding his hand. Almost like they already knew what was
going to happen.
‘Well you should hide yourself better next time.’
‘Lyra…’
‘Don’t Lyra me, Leigh. We need to talk.’
‘You shouldn’t be here.’ He ran his fingers through his spiked hair.
Leigh pushed himself to his feet and huffed under his breath. He only
did that when he was annoyed. ‘I told you not to come find me.’
‘You left me a note that said you had to go, nothing else. I’m insulted
that you thought I’d stay away.’
‘Lyra. For once, you were supposed to do as I asked.’
‘You left me. My own husband left me.’
He ripped his sunnies off his face and I could see the pain that those
words brought him. With one hand on his hip he held out his other
hand to me. I looked at it and shook my head and it took everything in
me not to just take it. I was standing my ground.
I felt a chill in the air as Leigh went to open his mouth to lecture me,
like he would one of his students, when the weather changed. The
wind whipped up dust in its wake. A crack of thunder erupted through
the air and just before rain started to fall I ducked into the shelter
of the tent to avoid the dumping of water. I reached out for Leigh
unconsciously but he took a step back out of reach. My hand closed
into a fist and unconsciously pressed it against my chest.
Time seemed to slow and I watched as the roof of the tent collapsed
with a heart sickening slap. I lost sight of Leigh and my whole body
froze before I doubled over. The searing pain started slashing at my
chest before it spread to my limbs. My legs gave out on me and I held
back a cry. And as quickly as it started it seemed to ebb away, just as I
watched every able hand lift the caved in roof.
People that I knew of, and couldn’t say that I cared much for except for
Beryl, were breathing hard, almost as if there was an invisible weight
holding them in place.
I locked eyes with Leigh who was on the edge, his arm gripping his
mother. My body moved on its own accord and I wrapped my arms
around Leigh’s waist. I could see the strain in his body as he tried to
pull his mother back and with my added strength I tried to help. The
weather wasn’t letting up and with a thundering clap the tent dropped
again and everyone who held it lost their grip. The tent came down
with a nauseating crunch. I clung to Leigh. The impact of us hitting
the ground jarred my jaw. The pain started again and this time I cried
out.
I couldn’t help it.
Leigh ripped himself out of my embrace. I shut my eyes to the pain and
cradled my head against the noise as the agony saturated my body.
For all I knew the world could have ended and I wouldn’t have noticed,
but maybe that was part of the point.
Hands gripped my biceps and pulled me to my feet. I opened my eyes
and found myself staring into Leigh’s whiskey coloured eyes. I focused
on him and tried to ignore the pain.
‘This is why I left. I was trying to save you from this pain,’ he said.
‘You. Jerk,’ I wheezed out, scrunching my eyes to try and force the bile
that threatened to climb up my throat back.
‘Oh, Lyr, you say the sweetest of things to me.’ He laughed and rubbed
his hands over my arms, his touch helping chase away the edges of the
pain.
‘How. Could. You. Not–’ I cut through the words and cried out in pain
‘–Tell. Me.’
I wanted to crawl into his arms and not move, I wanted to cry it out
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