The Knot Chicago Weddings Spring Summer 2020_downmagaz.com

STYLE + PLANNING
Everlasting
LVE
Build a marriage that’s as beautiful as your wedding with smart advice from our friends
behind the science-backed relationship app, Lasting. BY ALYSSA LONGOBUCCO
158
96
PERCENT
NEWS FLASH: YOUR
PARTNER CANNOT READ
YOUR MIND. SORRY.
The human desire to be “known” can
often lead to the assumption that your
partner can read your mind. Um, nope.
Research shows that direct communication
around both your needs (also known as
emotional calls) is the key to a successful
relationship. Literally, ask for what you
need so your partner can acknowledge and
meet that need. It’s that easy.
conflict
of the time, if you start a
conversation off on the
wrong foot (think: a sassy
tone, increased volume
or hurtful words), it’s
going to end poorly too.
To set yourselves up for the greatest chance of success, begin convos in
a gentle manner, especially if they’re around an emotionally charged topic
like money or each other’s family. Focus on how you’re feeling and what
you need from your partner. Use a kind tone and sit down to chat so you can
both focus your attention on the issue at hand. Try kicking it off with this:
I feel ___________ when ___________ happens. I need ___________ from you.
THERE ARE ALWAYS
TWO VALID REALITIES
AT PLAY DURING A
DISAGREEMENT.
It’s easy to get caught up in a
win-lose battle when it comes to
arguments—naturally, you want
to convince your partner of your
viewpoint and win them over.
But don’t overlook the fact that
you’re on the same team and
both of your opinions are valid.
Focus on understanding their
take on reality—you don’t have
to agree, but try to find at
least one part of it to validate.
OUR BRAINS ARE
GOOD AT FORMING
EXPECTATIONS
FOR THE FUTURE
BUT BAD AT
KNOWING WHAT
WILL REALLY
MAKE US HAPPY
You probably have
expectations about
what marriage will
be like—trust us, we’ve
been there. But
putting that kind of
pressure on your
future can be a fast
track to unhappiness.
Instead, create
healthy (and realistic)
expectations for your
marriage by talking
through your dreams,
visions and goals
for the future with your
partner from the start.
Ah, the C word. When handled correctly, it can actually
strengthen your marriage. When two people partner up, they
often neglect their own beliefs to “keep the peace.” But instead
of going away, these beliefs surface as conflict. During a fight,
try to understand your partner’s story beneath their argument.
BRAIN: WES BREAZELL/NOUN PROJECT; HAND: ZALHAN/NOUN PROJECT