Happiful February 2020

DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH 

LOVE ON 

THE LINE 

Expert insight to build 

lasting connections 

HAPPIFUL.COM | FEB 2020 £4.00 

Meghan 

TraInor 

Her mind. Her soul. 

Her voice. 

Break-up with 

bad habits 

Slay your smoking 

addiction – you've 

got this! 

Fight the fear 

Overcome first 

day anxiety 

Like a boss! 

IGNITE YOUR 

PASSION 

It's time to rekindle your 

creative spark 

PLUS 

Tess Daly 

Tom Kerridge 

Dr Rangan Chatterjee 

9 772514 373000 

02 

HAPPIFUL.COM

Photography | Jennifer Bedoya 

“ 

Loving ourselves works 

miracles in our lives 

– LOUISE L HAY

Heart to heart 

As the incredible RuPaul often 

says: “If you can’t love yourself, 

how in the hell are you gonna love 

somebody else?” 

This issue really captures the spirit 

of that sentiment. So often we can 

look outwards at all the things we 

want in life, and worry about how 

we’re going to get there – whether 

that’s with our relationships, careers, 

personal lives, or goals. But so often, 

by nurturing your truest self, all the 

rest will fall into place. 

her to redefine the industry, and 

represent disabilities in mainstream 

society. 

We never know what that focus 

on ourselves can achieve. You 

may find the things that once 

seemed so important, actually 

fall by the wayside, and new 

dreams take root. 

Our February cover star Meghan 

Trainor knows this all too well. After 

fearing she'd never sing again 

following two operations on her 

vocal cords, and living with panic 

attacks and anxiety, she's learnt 

how vital it is to work on loving 

herself every day – and seen that 

positivity then spread throughout 

her life. 

We also hear from the brilliant Dr 

Rangan Chatterjee on how just 

five minutes can make a world of 

difference to our wellbeing, and 

Tess Daly, the beauty blogger 

whose passion is now helping 

It’s about allowing yourself the time 

and space to understand yourself, 

your needs, and values – and to 

cherish that person. It’s not always 

a linear journey, and there’ll be 

days when your confidence feels 

rattled, but day by day, that inner 

love can and will build. 

Let’s vow to start 

sowing the seeds 

today. 

REBECCA THAIR | EDITOR 

| happiful.com 

| happifulhq 

| @happifulhq 

| @happiful_magazine

24 

The Uplift 

8 In the news 

13 The wellbeing wrap 

14 What's 'white coat syndrome'? 

Sweaty palms and raised blood pressure? 

These could be signs of a fear of the doc 

82 Engineering dreams 

Meet the volunteer engineers creating 

custom-built items to transform disabled 

people's lives 

Features 

16 Meghan Trainor 

The singer-songwriter opens up about her 

severe anxiety and panic attacks, and how 

she discovered self-love 

74 

31 Dr Chatterjee 

The UK's favourite GP shares the secrets 

to feeling better in just five minutes 

34 Financial fears 

Cash in on these tips for taking back 

control of your money 

51 Head to toe 

Our mental health can easily be affected 

by physical health, but how can what's 

going on our mind affect our bodies? 

70 

Life Stories 

39 Kerry: Starting over again 

Years of set-backs and pretending that 

everything was 'fine' left Kerry in the 

pits of depression. But just when she 

thought everything was lost, she found 

the strength to take back control 

57 Dan: A blessing in disguise 

A breakdown while he was in Italy took 

Dan down paths he could never have 

predicted. Eventually, after recovery, he 

found a new purpose and now spreads 

his message as a mental health activist 

87 Nicola: From the other side 

Nicola was living her life to its fullest 

until she experienced her first panic 

attack, and everything changed. In hard 

times, she found solace in therapy, 

and today gives back as a qualified 

counsellor herself 

Food & Drink 

64 Smoothies for days 

Kick off your mornings with these 

vitamin-boosting smoothies 

66 Tom Kerridge 

The Michelin-starred chef on cooking 

up a storm and finding balance 

Lifestyle and 

Relationships 

27 Self-dating ideas 

28 Treating trauma 

Grace Victory pens a personal piece on 

living with PTSD 

47 Stub out smoking 

Follow these tips from a hynotherapist on 

kicking the habit for good 

70 Tess Daly 

The beauty blogger on using her platform 

to be a role model for disabled people

66 

16 

Culture 

42 Things to do in February 

54 Getting real with Reiki 

What really happens in the therapy room? 

63 Embrace mindfulness 

A quick and easy guide to welcoming 

mindfulness into your day 

74 Ask the experts: counselling 

Thinking about counselling? Here's what 

you can expect from a session 

80 Creative minds 

In her latest book, Sheila Chandra turns 

creative chaos into a thriving career 

90 Quickfire: MH matters 

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82 

Happiful Hacks 

24 Build a healthy relationship 

44 Carve out time for creativity 

60 Shelve shopping addiction 

76 Overcome first day anxiety 

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EXPERT PANEL 

Meet the team of experts who have come together to deliver 

information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue 

ANNABEL GILES 

Dip Couns Reg BACP 

Annabel is a humanisticintegrative 

counsellor and 

TV presenter. 

LINDSAY GEORGE 

MA Dip RGN MBACP (Accred) 

Lindsay is an integrative 

counsellor and psychotherapist, 

as well as a trained nurse. 

JOHN KENNY 

NLP MBACP 

John is a transformational 

relationship coach helping 

couples and individuals. 

PAULA COLES 

BA MEd (Psych) PGCE BACP Reg 

Paula is a psychotherapist 

and clinical supervisor 

with 25 years' experience. 

OUR TEAM 

EDITORIAL 

Rebecca Thair | Editor 

Kathryn Wheeler | Staff Writer 

Tia Sinden | Editorial Assistant 

Keith Howitt | Sub-Editor 

Rav Sekhon | Expert Advisor 

Grace Victory | Columnist 

Ellen Hoggard | Web Editor 

Bonnie Evie Gifford | Contributing Writer 

Kat Nicholls | Contributing Writer 

Becky Wright | Contributing Writer 

ART & DESIGN 

Amy-Jean Burns | Art Director 

Charlotte Reynell | Graphic Designer 

Rosan Magar | Illustrator 

RACHEL COFFEY 

BA MA NLP Mstr 

Rachel is a life coach 

encouraging confidence 

and motivation. 

RAV SEKHON 

GRAEME ORR 

MBACP (Accred) BACP Reg Ind 

Graeme is a counsellor 

working with both 

individuals and couples. 

WENDY GREGORY 

CONTRIBUTORS 

Gemma Calvert, Lindsay George, John Kenny, 

Fiona Thomas, Katie Conibear, Wendy Gregory, 

Annabel Giles, Suzanne Baum, Caroline Butterwick, 

Kerry Lyons, Dan Keeley, Nicola Vanlint 

SPECIAL THANKS 

Paul Buller, Krishan Parmar, Charley McEwan, Karin 

Darnell, Graeme Orr, Rachel Coffey, Paula Coles, 

Andrew Major, Josephine Robinson 

BA MA MBACP (Accred) 

Rav is a counsellor and 

psychotherapist with more 

than 10 years' experience. 

MSc BSc (hons) 

Wendy is a counselling 

psychologist helping 

people live fulfilled lives. 

COMMUNICATIONS 

Lucy Donoughue 

Content and Communications 

lucy.donoughue@happiful.com 

FURTHER INFO 

ANDREW MAJOR 

HPD DSFH 

Andrew is a solutionfocused 

clinical 

hypnotherapist. 

JOSEPHINE ROBINSON 

DipCNM ANP 

Josephine is a nutritional 

therapist, and yoga and 

meditiation teacher. 

Alice Greedus 

PR Officer 

alice.greedus@happiful.com 

MANAGEMENT 

Aimi Maunders | Director & Co-Founder 

Emma White | Director & Co-Founder 

Paul Maunders | Director & Co-Founder 

Happiful 

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FIND HELP 

CRISIS SUPPORT 

If you are in crisis and are concerned for your 

own safety, call 999 or go to A&E 

Call Samaritans on 116 123 or email 

them on jo@samaritans.org 

Head to 

happiful.com 

for more services 

and support 

GENERAL LISTENING LINES 

SANEline 

SANEline offers support and information from 4.30pm–10.30pm: 

0300 304 7000 

Mind 

Mind offers advice Mon–Fri 9am–6pm, except bank 

holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk 

Switchboard 

Switchboard is a line for LGBT+ support. Open from 10am–10pm: 

0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switchboard.lgbt 

IN THIS ISSUE 

p16 

INFORMATION AND ADVICE FOR PANIC DISORDERS 

Discover a range of services for those with panic disorders – 

including one-to-one and group sessions, a befriending service, 

and free information – at nopanic.org.uk 

p28 

LEARN ABOUT PTSD 

Read others' stories about their experiences with PTSD, and find 

advice for friends and family members, at ptsduk.org 

p39 

SUPPORT GROUPS FOR DEPRESSION 

Find online groups, pen friend schemes, and tools to connect with 

others living with depression by visiting depressionuk.org 

p54 

FIND A COMPLEMENTARY THERAPIST NEAR YOU 

Learn more about complementary therapy and search for 

therapists in your area by visiting therapy-directory.org.uk 

p66 

SUPPORT FOR ALCOHOL ADDICTION 

Connect with online advisors, commit to drink-free days, and learn 

about tackling alcohol abuse at drinkaware.co.uk 

p76 

ADVICE ON LIVING WITH ANXIETY 

Find information on a range of anxiety disorders, tips and 

information on living with symptoms, and advice on accessing 

support at anxietyuk.org.uk or call their infoline on 03444 775 774

The Uplift 

COMMUNITY 

Hampshire 

firefighters’ 

wellbeing blooms 

In a bid to improve the mental 

health of its firefighters, Hampshire 

Fire and Rescue Service (HFRS) has 

created two, on-site, holistic garden 

spaces to support staff dealing with 

traumatic incidents. 

And this innovative plan is 

desperately needed. In England last 

year, 837 firefighters took time off 

work due to mental health problems. 

But being in tranquil outdoor 

spaces can have an incredibly 

positive effect on our mental health, 

and so – with the support of local 

company Apollo Fire Detectors 

Ltd– the HFRS created the outdoor 

spaces, which feature natural 

landscaping and garden furniture, 

for staff to use to take quiet 

moments for themselves. 

The gardens, at stations in 

Redbridge and Havant, the latest in 

several moves by HFRS to support 

the mental health of staff, including 

the Trauma Risk Management 

scheme, which aims to support 

firefighters following harrowing 

events, and training in mental 

health first aid. 

“I am hugely proud of the strides 

our organisation has made in terms 

of raising awareness of mental 

health issues and supporting our 

colleagues,” Deputy Chief Fire 

Officer Steve Apter said. “These 

tranquil spaces show the wellbeing 

of our staff really is at the heart of 

everything we do.” 

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

SEX 

New pill could spice up your sex life 

Fenugreek is a herb used to flavour curries, but research 

suggests it could add zest in the bedroom, too 

A libido-boosting pill containing 

fenugreek has been tested on 29 

post-menopausal women, with 

results showing an increased 

blood flow to the genitals, and 

raised testosterone levels. 

Researchers from the Palacios’ 

Institute of Women’s Health, in 

Spain, revealed that when one 

aspect of the participant’s sex 

lives improved, others followed 

in a ‘domino effect’. 

The findings could be a gamechanger 

for sexual wellbeing. 

Using a questionnaire-based 

Female Sexual Function Index 

(FSFI), which is a scale from 0 to 

36, anyone scoring below 26 is 

considered to be at risk of sexual 

dysfunction. Before the trial, the 

participants had an average score 

of 20 and after the trial, their score 

increased to 25. 

Dr Santiago Palacios, who led the 

research, said: “The administration 

of this product is associated with 

a significant increase not only 

in desire and arousal, but also in 

vaginal lubrication and orgasm.” 

Sounds like a great way to heat 

things up in the bedroom! 

Writing | Kat Nicholls 

LGBTQ+ 

Liverpool 

FC supports 

Rainbow Laces 

campaign 

In a widely welcomed move, 

Liverpool FC recently joined the 

campaign asking sports players 

to wear rainbow laces to support 

LGBTQ+ players, and the wider 

community. Players in two games 

– one with the men’s team and 

another with the women’s – got 

involved. 

In addition to players wearing 

the laces, both team captains wore 

rainbow armbands to lead the show 

of support. 

But the work didn’t stop there. 

Laces were available for fans to 

buy, and the LFC Foundation – the 

club’s official charity – also held 

workshops with pupils from 16 local 

schools, which looked at breaking 

down misconceptions surrounding 

equality and inclusion, as well as 

LGBTQ+ history. 

The diversity and inclusion senior 

manager at LFC, Simon Thornton, 

sees this move as a positive sign of 

things to come. 

“The promotion of diversity and 

inclusion is something we are 

committed to and passionate about. 

From being the first Premier League 

club to march at a Pride parade 

eight years ago, to the first club 

to achieve the Premier League’s 

Advanced Equality Standard, we 

are continually striving to do more, 

work with leaders in the field to 

improve, and be the best we can be.” 

Writing | Kathryn Wheeler 

February 2020 • happiful.com • 9

“ 

However rare true love may be, it 

is less so than true friendship 

- FRANCOIS DE LA ROCHEFOUCAULD

FRIENDSHIP 

IRL connections 

with friends are 

key to happiness 

So many of us rely on texting, 

WhatsApp, and social media to stay 

in touch with friends – and while this 

is great, it doesn’t beat meeting up 

in real life. Speaking to Well+Good 

website, social-personality 

psychologist Dr William Chopik 

explained how spending time with 

friends in person is one of the best 

ways to boost overall happiness. 

“Friendships are really important 

for people’s happiness. In general, 

[they offer] improvements on 

metrics like depression and anxiety,” 

he said. 

The benefits of meeting in real 

life, rather than digitally, include 

being able to see facial expressions 

and picking up on their emotions. 

“You don’t always get that through a 

phone call,” Dr Chopik explains. 

A study from Harvard University 

looked into the benefits of strong 

relationships and agreed that time 

with friends can improve happiness 

– and even longevity. Results from 

the study found that meeting with 

friends is as beneficial to long-term 

health as not smoking, eating well, 

and getting adequate sleep. 

So next time you reach for your 

phone to message a friend, use it 

to set a date for an IRL catch-up 

instead. Writing | Kat Nicholls 


Take 5 

Take a mindful moment to yourself with our challenging Sudoku this month. 

Then try a classic riddle with your friends and family – a perfect after-dinner 

conundrum. Get your thinking caps on! 

Sudoku 

Fill the grid with digits so that each column, each row, and each of the nine 

3×3 subgrids that compose the grid contain all of the digits from 1 to 9. 

3 7 9 5 

5 4 3 9 

7 5 4 

1 2 8 

7 3 9 8 

9 4 5 2 7 

7 1 5 4 2 

8 6 1 4 9 3 

5 7 1 

Riddle 

What eight-letter word can you remove a letter from, and it still 

makes a word? And then as you continue to remove one letter 

at a time, it can still form a full word, even when you have one 

letter left. What is that word? Hint: When you begin, you’ve got it 

How did 

you do? Search 

‘freebies' at 

shop.happiful.com 

to find the answers, 

and more!

Going up 

Dance fever 

According to a 

Japanese study, 

chimps have it! 

Flying high 

World’s first 

commericial 

electric plane 

has a successful 

flight 

Write on time! 

Handwriting 

thank you notes 

can boost 

your MH 

Seven hours a 

year – the time 

men apparently 

spend hiding 

from chores in 

bathrooms 

Zzz 

Research shows 

sleeping next to 

a snorer impacts 

your health 

Going down 

The 

wellbeing 

wrap 

Make ‘em laugh 

A study from Arizona 

State University found 

99% of science students 

appreciate a teacher 

with humour. Students 

reported that jokes reduce 

stress, and help improve 

their memory of 

lessons. Sounds like the 

formula for success. 

LOVE IS IN THE AIR 

Raising a dog together could be a great boost to 

couples, according to research from rover.com, 

where 60% of survey respondents said their romantic 

relationships grew ‘stronger and happier’ after 

getting their furry friend. The survey also revealed 

that 88% of people agreed that teamwork was a key 

factor in taking care of their new pet, and almost 

50% said their pooch gave them a great excuse to 

spend more time together. So it seems raising a pet 

together could be the best way to say “I ruff you”... 

DID YOU KNOW 

SEAWEED COULD 

SAVE THE PLANET? 

BY FEEDING A 

SPECIFIC STRAIN 

– ASPARAGOPSIS 

TAXIFORMIS – TO 

COWS, WE CAN 

DRAMATICALLY 

REDUCE THE METHANE 

PRODUCED BY THEIR 

FARTS AND BURPS! 

Climate change activism is 

boosting the wellbeing of 

youngsters, according to 

psychologists. While ecoanxiety 

may have become 

rife in recent years, taking a 

stand is helping overcome a 

sense of powerlessness, 

and in doing so, 

benefits people’s 

mental health! 

INNOVATION EXCELS 

The University Hospitals of Derby and Burton 

NHS Trust have become the first to introduce 

disposable headscarfs. Created by junior doctor 

Farah Roslan, the disposable hijabs allow Muslim 

staff to respect their faith, while avoiding passing 

on germs to patients. A brilliant idea, that’s just 

what the doctor ordered. 

KINDNESS 

OVERLOAD 

A six-year-old from Georgia, 

USA, might just have won the 

most heartwarming moment 

of the year already. Blake’s 

mum shared a snap of him 

wearing a homemade shirt 

saying ‘I’ll be your friend’, 

and revealed he requested 

the top to show all the kids 

who need friends that 

they’re not alone. 

#Give a Ruck 

A new campaign, 

by Tessa Beecroft from 

Holt Rugby Club, is tackling 

mental health stigma in rugby. 

Signposting support, and 

looking to secure a mental 

health first aider for every 

club, it’s a campaign 

well worth a try! 

Love don’t 

cost a thing 

It turns out JLo might have got 

that wrong, as a study reveals 

relationships cost people an 

average of £3,600 a year. New 

research from Lloyds Bank 

suggests singletons (though not 

single households) typically spend 

£300 less a month on living costs. 

But single or coupled up, being 

happy is priceless. 

Hot to trot 

You may be familiar 

with therapy dogs, but 

another four-legged 

friend has been 

supporting people’s 

wellbeing in Scotland. 

Elaine and John Sangster are 

the couple travelling around 

the country, taking their eight 

miniature Shetland ponies 

to care homes, hospitals, 

and hospices, to help people 

with dementia, brain injuries, 

disabilities, or special needs. 

And the reactions they’ve seen 

are truly moving, as people 

who’ve not spoken a word in 

years interact with the ponies. 

Animal therapy has been 

found to reduce anxiety and 

stress in people, so the guests 

are supporting the mental 

health needs of some of the 

most vulnerable people. What 

a heartwarming tail...

For many of us, going to the doctor can feel daunting 

and fill us with anxiety – but it doesn't have to be so 

overwhelming. Here are some tips to help overcome your 

fears, make you calmer, and lower your blood pressure 

? 

What is 

white coat syndrome 

Writing | Lindsay George 

Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

Does the mere thought of 

visiting your doctor fill 

you with dread? Despite 

telling yourself that 

you’ll be in safe hands 

and there’s absolutely nothing to 

worry about, you just can’t help 

feeling anxious? 

Well the good news is, you’re not 

alone! A recent study revealed that 

between 15% and 30% of people in 

the UK experience this. 

This phenomenon, known as 

white coat syndrome, white coat 

hypertension, or the white coat 

effect, occurs when an individual 

experiences higher than normal 

blood pressure when they are in a 

clinical setting. 

It’s believed to be a symptom of 

the fear of the unknown, and/or a 

negative association with hospitals 

and clinics. The problem here is 

that, for many people, taking that 

first step towards seeking help 

for their health is hard enough 

emotionally already, so addressing 

white coat syndrome is essential to 

make sure people aren’t deterred. 

Despite white coat syndrome 

causing a spike in the blood 

pressure of individuals who are 

normally deemed within the 

healthy range group, some doctors 

believe it might reveal people who 

may develop actual hypertension, 

therefore a thorough assessment is 

essential. 

Diagnosing someone with white 

coat syndrome can be challenging, 

as it’s often difficult to gain a 

precise reading. In real terms, this 

may mean your doctor comparing 

readings taken in the clinic with 

those at home. Talk to your doctor 

about this if you have any concerns. 

Meanwhile, there are several 

things you can do to help yourself 

overcome your fears. 

TRY RELAXATION TECHNIQUES 

Relaxation techniques, such as 

breath exercises and meditation, 

can be incredibly useful in teaching 

you how to calm down. They’re 

popular, easy to do, and the medical 

benefits are well-proven. 

14 • happiful.com • February 2020

DISTRACTION THERAPY 

Try focusing on something other 

than the blood pressure test itself. 

For example, try counting things 

in the room (three things you can 

see, two you can hear, one you can 

touch), or even wiggling your toes 

– the important thing is to take 

your mind off the task in hand. 

REDUCE THE CHAT 

Talking while getting your 

blood pressure taken can 

actually raise it a little, so 

maybe hold the chat until after 

the reading is done. 

TRY SOME DEEP 

BREATHING EXERCISES 

Simply breathe in through 

your nose for three seconds, hold 

your breath for five seconds, 

exhale through your mouth 

for seven seconds, and repeat 

that cycle four times. Not only 

will your mind be focused 

on something else, but 

you are also actively 

suppressing your 

body’s fight-or-flight 

response to stress. 

Try to complete this 

cycle before your 

blood pressure is 

taken, not during. 

TAKE A BRISK 

15–20 MINUTE WALK 

A short walk is enough to help you 

start rhythmic breathing, which 

actually decreases blood pressure by 

calming the body’s stress response. 

REQUEST A QUIET ROOM 

When you make an appointment, 

ask for a quieter examination room 

that’s out of the way of all of the 

hustle-and-bustle of the main area. 

DRINK A GLASS OF WATER 

Another simple tip is to drink a 

glass of water. Water has a calming 

effect on the nervous system, and 

it flushes out sodium, too (a risk 

factor in hypertension). 

Try counting things 

in the room, or even 

wiggling your toes – the 

important thing is to 

take your mind off the 

task in hand 

WATCH WHAT YOU EAT BEFORE 

YOUR DOCTOR’S VISIT 

You can’t undo a lifetime of diet 

choices in one afternoon, but you 

can try avoiding meals that are high 

in fat and sodium, ideally at least 

two days before your appointment. If 

you’re a smoker, try to refrain from 

smoking for at least one hour prior to 

your appointment. 

EAT A BANANA 

Did you know that potassium-rich 

foods could help control blood flow 

and heartbeat? You can take 

potassium supplements, but 

those can take weeks to have any 

significant effect, whereas eating 

a banana, a sweet potato, or 

some cooked spinach or broccoli, 

can show a positive effect in just 

one or two hours. 

MAKE YOUR APPOINTMENT 

FOR LATER IN THE DAY 

Blood pressure is likely 

to be higher in the 

morning. By scheduling 

an appointment in the 

afternoon, you may 

experience lower blood 

pressure without having to do 

anything else. 

COUNSELLING AND 

STRESS MANAGEMENT 

Stress and anxiety play a significant 

role in raising blood pressure. 

Therefore, it is essential to try to 

find better coping skills. Counselling 

provides a safe space for you to talk 

about issues that may be creating 

additional stress in your life. In 

addition, being able to offload 

bottled up emotions not only allows 

you to feel more relaxed, it promotes 

a healthier approach to dealing 

with life. 

Lindsay George is an integrative 

counsellor and trained nurse. 

She specialises in areas including 

depression, eating disorders, and 

relationships. Visit lindsaygeorge.co.uk 


Voice of a 

generation 

Rising to fame in 2014 as a global 

sensation empowering people to love 

their bodies, Meghan Trainor isn’t just a 

new judge on The Voice UK, but has a 

strong voice of her own, and 

she isn’t afraid to use it. 

Speaking out now about the crippling 

panic attacks and anxiety that 

overwhelmed her following two 

operations on her vocal cords, Meghan 

is shining an authentic and endearing 

light on how mental illness can affect 

anyone, no matter their situation... 

Interview | Gemma Calvert 

Photography | Paul Buller 

It’s a weekday afternoon in 

December, in the corner of a lowlit 

bar at London’s Langham Hotel, 

and against a background hubbub 

of festive celebrations, Meghan 

Trainor is pouring hot water on to a 

bag of herbal tea, while revealing that 

her new husband might just be the 

world’s most perfect man. 

“I am way too lucky. I got the best 

guy in the world and more,” she says, 

an ear-to-ear grin spreading across 

her face. >>>

“I didn’t know men could be so 

emotionally intelligent, and know 

how you’re feeling at all times.” 

Today, actor Daryl Sabara, known 

best for his role in the Spy Kids film 

series, has come up trumps. He’s 

accompanied Massachusetts-born 

singer Meghan on a three-day trip to 

London from Los Angeles to promote 

her new album, Treat Myself, and The 

Voice UK, her new TV gig alongside 

fellow mentors Olly Murs, will.i.am, 

and Sir Tom Jones. While he’s not here 

during our chat, he’s arranged for 

Throat Coat tea bags to be delivered 

to our table. It’s sweet, thoughtful 

and, from the look of Meghan, who 

is huddled up in an oversized coat, 

exactly what she needs. 

“I’m so tired, my body’s kind of 

crashing because of jet lag and 

exhaustion,” she confirms, leaning 

forward to inhale the fragrant steam 

from the tea, a blend favoured by 

singers for vocal TLC. “He knows I 

need to drink this.” 

I offer that being so cared for, 

especially in the midst of a relentless 

work schedule – today Meghan’s 

completed a photoshoot, another 

interview, is dashing to Radio 1 after 

we wrap before finishing the day in 

the Happiful studio – must make her 

feel safe. 

“I feel safe, protected, and loved 

super hard,” says Meghan of the 

man she wed in December 2018, on 

her 25th birthday, one year after he 

proposed. The couple met in July 

2016 on a blind date set up by their 

mutual friend, actress Chloë Grace 

Moretz, and are, Meghan insists, 

“soulmates”. Is there a secret to the 

strength of their bond? 

“There is something that Daryl 

and I do that I’ve never done with 

other people, and that’s complete 

100% honesty – talking to each 

other, communication – and that 

transparency is everything. We really 

care about each other as humans,” 

says Meghan, who has previously 

revealed she “never really felt sexy 

with guys before” meeting Daryl, 

who is “obsessed” with “every inch” 

of her body. And every day her new 

husband persuades her to feel her 

best. 

“He makes me go to the mirror and 

say, ‘My name’s Meghan Trainor and 

I’m beautiful, and I deserve to be 

loved’,” says Meghan, stifling a giggle. 

“He’ll catch me when I’m running out 

the door and be like ‘Hey! Look in the 

mirror!’ But it helps because I’m like: 

‘That’s right, I’m awesome! Let’s go!’” 

From the moment Meghan burst 

into public consciousness five 

years ago with ‘All About That Bass’, 

encouraging women to shake their 

butts and feel good while doing it, 

she became a global poster girl for 

body confidence and acceptance. 

The track shot to number one 

in 58 countries, and challenged 

stereotypes by celebrating men and 

women with fuller figures. 

Since then, she has left nothing of 

herself in the wings with her soulbaring 

lyrics, which commonly 

promote healthy self-confidence in 

her fans. So it’s intriguing to discover, 

from this mirror mantra story, that 

her self-esteem is still a work in 

progress. 

“That’s who I want to be,” she says. 

“I write my songs very much to 

myself. I hope I’m helping strangers 

too, but they’re to remind myself to 

take care of myself, to love myself, 

and to be kind to myself. Sometimes 

I’m feeling really hot, sometimes 

– once a month – I’m not. When I 

play those songs, I’m like ‘For these 

three minutes, I am a queen’, and I’m 

loving myself and it’s awesome.” 

I thought, ‘It’s over, 

I’m not going to 

sing ever again.’ I 

went full dive into 

the dark zone of 

deep thoughts 

The songs she references are 

from Treat Myself, which dropped in 

January 2020, almost four years after 

the release of her last album, and 

it’s some of her best work – raw and 

honest, yet still trademark Trainor 

fun. During the three-year writing 

process she “adopted two dogs, got 

married [and] had time for myself”, 

the latter being shorthand for a 

deeply personal journey of recovery 

after a second emergency vocal cord 

operation in December 2016, 10 

months after she won a Grammy for 

Best New Artist, left her so anxious 

about the future of her music career 

she sought therapy. 

“I thought, ‘It’s over, I’m not going to 

sing ever again,’” explains Meghan. 

“I went full dive into the dark zone of 

deep thoughts.” 

Shortly before the second 

procedure – 17 months after the 

first – she endured her first anxiety 

attack, backstage at America’s CBS 

This Morning show before appearing 

live to announce the 2017 Grammy 

nominations. 

“I was so tired and had vocal 

issues. I looked at my schedule and 

thought, ‘I’m not going to make it, 

I’m going to lose my voice.’ I started 

hyperventilating, crying hard, 

and shaking. I kept saying: ‘What’s 

happening?’ It rocked me,” she recalls. 


Red Blazer Dress | House of CB, Ring | Thomas Sabo, Earrings | Sif Jakobs 

A friend in Meghan’s dressing 

room, familiar with panic attacks, 

encouraged her to focus on 

surrounding objects and name them 

one-by-one. “It calmed me down,” 

she recalls. “When it finally settled 

after 20 minutes, I was like ‘So that’s 

what it is?’” 

Initially, Meghan struggled to deal 

with her reality. Even researching 

“anxiety attack” on the internet had 

the power to trigger an episode. 

“One night I looked up ‘explain 

what an anxiety attack is’ on TED 

Talks, and within four seconds I fell 

over and was like, ‘Oh God, shut it 

off!’ I couldn’t hear about it for a 

long time.” 

Meghan became a prisoner of her 

own thoughts, a problem worsened 

by weeks of enforced silence – 

firstly to heal her haemorrhaging 

vocal cords to avoid permanent 

damage and proceed with surgery, 

then for weeks during recovery. The 

isolation was crippling. 

“Imagine not being able to speak, 

or hum, or cough, or laugh – it 

numbs you,” explains Meghan. “You 

can’t get excited, you can’t get mad, 

and you can’t tell your favourite 

person in the world that you love 

them. [During] arguments or if I 

was frustrated, I’d just shake. A lot 

of time spent in your own head is 

such a terrible place to be.” 

Between operations one and two 

Meghan employed a therapist to 

help calm her “stress”. She also 

sought the help of a hypnotherapist 

to cure her of repeatedly picking the 

skin on her fingers. 

“I’ll pick them, then get really 

insecure if I have to do red carpet 

and have a bloody finger. It’s still an 

issue I’m working on,” she explains. 

It wasn’t until Carson Daly, host of 

America’s The Voice, spoke publicly >>> 


about his lifelong battle with 

generalised anxiety disorder that 

Meghan was able to articulate her 

own mental health experience. 

“He explained physically what 

[anxiety] does to you, and I was like 

‘That’s exactly it.’ I’ve never heard 

anyone explain it so well.” 

After finally opening up to 

Daryl and her family, Meghan 

retreated from the spotlight and 

overhauled her lifestyle. She began 

transcendental meditation, which 

Daryl does every day “religiously”, 

and noticed a “huge difference” by 

eating more healthily and upping 

her weekly quota of exercise. 

I’m starting to believe 

it. I’ve found beauty 

in my body 

“My brain is happier,” she 

smiles, adding that less frequent 

use of Instagram, which she says 

triggered problems when she 

compared herself to others, is 

helping too. She satisfies her phone 

“addiction” by watching YouTube 

videos, and using new video 

sharing app TikTok – her “saviour”. 

“Rather than only show how 

awesome your life is, TikTok is 

[about] ‘look how goofy I am’. I don’t 

have to have the perfect pose and 

the best makeup, this is how I am.” 

Choosing not to speak to herself 

negatively is another feel-good 

trick up Meghan’s sleeve. 

“I got this from my mother; she 

says all the time: ‘I look horrible 

and I’m so frumpy today’ and I’m 

like, ‘Ma! Shh! You’re training your 

brain to hate yourself.’ That’s what 

I grew up listening to, so I did that 

too. The more you say [negative 

comments] the more your brain 

believes it. Your brain is a sponge.” 

And so what’s her inner dialogue 

like now? 

“I look at pictures of myself and 

think ‘Isn’t she cute?’ Or I’ll give 

myself compliments out loud and it 

totally works, I’m starting to believe 

it. I’ve found beauty in my body.” 

Prescription medication, she 

admits, is also helping. Meghan, 

who initially tried beta blockers to 

calm pre-performance palpitations, 

now takes citalopram – a type of 

antidepressant sometimes used to 

treat panic attacks. 

“I need it. It saved my life in so 

many ways,” she says, though she 

does plan to come off it eventually. 

“It’s the lowest milligrammes. It’s 

probably placebo at this point, but 

[my doctor] says ‘if you’re happy, I 

wouldn’t mess with it, especially if 

you’re about to go into a lot of work.’” 

Right now Meghan’s schedule is 

hectic, but there are no complaints. 

Hard work is ingrained in Meghan, 

who started out as a songwriter 

signed to a country music label, not 

believing she had the ‘pop star look’ 

to make it as an artist. She resigned 

herself to writing music for others, 

but within two years penned ‘All 

About That Bass’ and laid down her 

vocals, which caught the attention 

of producer LA Reid, who instructed 

his team to “just sign her”. She’s 

evidently still grateful for that break. 

There’s also a renewed appreciation 

for her career since surgery 

threatened to derail it. 

“I show up to things and I’m like 

‘Thank you for letting me be here,’” 

says Meghan, who boasts 10.5 

million followers on Instagram 

alone, yet endearingly, struggles to 

comprehend the magnitude of her 

stardom. >>> 

>>> 


Top | Topshop, Earrings | Sif Jakobs

I feel accepted 

for who I am. 

That’s why I love 

doing TV because 

I don’t have 

to go up there 

and pretend I’m 

someone else 

Jumper | Sézane, Hair & Skincare | Rosalique and Paul Mitchell 

Styling | Krishan Parmar 

Hair | Charley McEwen 

Makeup | Karin Darnell

“Doing The Voice, I was like, ‘What 

if they don’t know me and my 

music?’ I told Olly Murs and he 

said ‘I know exactly how you feel. 

I felt the same way, but you’ll be 

surprised, everyone will know who 

you are.’ He was so good to me.” 

Becoming a mentor on ITV’s 

music talent show was a “bucketlist 

moment” for Meghan, who says 

the format – not being about “what 

you look like, what you’ve been 

through and who you are” but “the 

pure talent” – attracted her. She 

instantly felt part of the “family” 

and describes Olly as her “new best 

friend”, presenter Emma Willis like 

someone she has “known my whole 

life”, and will.i.am as childlike as 

she is. “He’ll be tapping a beat on 

his table and I’ll start writing a song 

with it, then we’ll be like ‘That’s 

a smash!’” says Meghan. “It’s fun 

moments like that where you don’t 

feel like you’re at work.” 

Meghan hasn’t had a panic attack 

for “probably more than a year”. 

Does she feel more resilient since 

finding light after darkness? 

“I feel like I conquered it,” she 

says. “It sucks in the moment when 

it’s happening, you think ‘this will 

never end and I’ll live with this for 

the rest of my life’, but you don’t 

have to. You ask for help, and I 

can say I’m so much better. I know 

what triggers me now. If I don’t get 

sleep, and my body’s exhausted, it 

confuses my brain with panic. I can 

listen to my body more now.” 

Meghan no longer has counselling, 

but is intent on finding an industry 

mentor, someone who’s “been 

through” what she has, to guide and 

advise. Someone like? 

“Kelly Clarkson,” replies Meghan. 

“Every time I see her she’s the 

nicest human I’ve ever met. I’m 

like ‘Ah man, I want to be a Kelly 

Clarkson!’” 

As for other plans for the future, 

motherhood is calling. Loudly. 

During a recent shopping trip, the 

elevator doors opened to reveal 

a floor-to-ceiling display of baby 

products. It sparked a surge of 

broodiness in Meghan. 

“I always say my ovaries are crying 

because they just want babies. 

My body is so ready for it. I’m not 

trying, but I’m learning new tips 

from my mum every day. I go on 

YouTube and I’ve been studying like 

I’m going to school. It’s so weird!” 

Family means everything to 

Meghan. Every song on her new 

album features appearances from 

the Trainor clan and Daryl, who 

pulled out all the stops for the 

couple’s first wedding anniversary 

before Christmas, a celebration 

at their home in Los Angeles – 

Meghan’s “happy place”. 

As my time with Meghan draws 

to a close, I question whether she’s 

finally found love for the person 

she’s struggled to value most over 

the years – herself. Meghan smiles. 

“I’m very proud of myself and, 

yes, I love myself,” she says. “I feel 

accepted for who I am. That’s why I 

love doing TV, because I don’t have 

to go up there and act, to pretend 

I’m someone else.” 

With a speciality in never taking 

her talent for granted, Meghan 

Trainor should buckle up. She’s 

destined for the long-haul. 

Meghan’s album ‘Treat Myself’ is out 

31 January. Follow her on Instagram 

@meghan_trainor, and watch her as 

a judge on ITV’s ‘The Voice’. 


How to build a 

healthy 

relationship 

We all seek friendship, love, and happiness with others, but it’s important 

to keep nourishing those relationships over time. Here are some expert 

pointers to help you create strong and lasting personal connections 

Writing | John Kenny Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

Every relationship needs a bit 

of work, no matter how long 

it’s lasted. One of the most 

common things that can 

affect a relationship in a negative 

way is what we learn to expect. 

We expect that they should know 

us, know how we feel, what we are 

thinking, and constantly be on our 

wavelength. We assume that we 

know them, what makes them tick, 

what kind of mood they are in, and 

how to make them feel better. But, 

the long and short of it is that, well, 

maybe we don’t. 

Here are four things that people 

in healthy relationships do: 

THEY KNOW THEMSELVES 

The first and, in my opinion, the 

most important thing you need 

to do is to understand you. The 

relationship that you have with 

yourself will reflect all others that 

you have. 

Whatever you bring to a 

relationship will determine how 

you are in a relationship, and 

how the other person is towards 

you. Knowing yourself, and what 

truly makes you happy, will help 

you to live in a positive space, 

and positively affect all of your 

relationships.

Be self-aware – get to know 

yourself and how you ‘tick’. By 

gaining this understanding, and 

knowing your triggers, means 

you can try to control them, and 

address what sets them off in your 

relationships. 

Understand your wants and 

needs – most people will be able 

to tell you what they don’t want, 

but hardly ever what they do want. 

Without this knowledge, or why 

you have specific needs, then you 

may struggle to feel fulfilled. 

Learn what your values and 

principles are. We have a tendency 

to live by the values we learn 

from others, and sometimes 

life can feel incongruent 

because of this. Living by 

your own values will enable 

you to live authentically, and 

align with people who live 

the same way. 

THEY DO IT BECAUSE 

THEY WANT TO 

When I first started working with 

clients, we spoke a lot about the 

importance of compromise. How 

we all need to give something for 

the relationship to be a success. 

However, this had a tendency to 

lead to animosity and a ‘you give, I 

give’ mentality in some people. 

Compromise has a negative 

connotation: ‘I am giving 

something up!’ Nobody really 

wants to think they are sacrificing 

in this way, as what they are giving 

is not being given freely. So now, 

nobody compromises. 

This will play out differently, 

depending on the type of 

relationship, but remind yourself 

what the best thing for you to do is. 

An example is when you really 

care about someone, you do 

something for them just because 

you care. Giving something 

because you want to is a great way 

to ensure a happy and healthy 

relationship. It needs to feel 

authentic to make it a ‘want to’ or a 

‘could do’, rather than a ‘should’. 

In a healthy relationship, this will 

be reciprocated. 

THEY’RE ALWAYS LEARNING 

ABOUT EACH OTHER 

When we embark on a 

relationship, we get to know one 

another, and then start to assume 

that we really know each other. 

What’s common, however, is that 

we get to know them from our own 

perspective, from what we need, 

and what makes us feel good. 

In his book The 5 Love Languages, 

author Gary Chapman says that 

“your emotional love language… 

may be as different as speaking 

Chinese and English”. 

What he means is if you feel 

loved by someone telling you they 

love you… and they feel loved by 

receiving affection, you can tell 

them you love them until the end 

of the earth, and they won’t feel it. 

And if they constantly cuddle you, 

then you won’t feel it, either. 

Take the time to understand what 

the other person really needs to 

feel cared for, and don’t forget to 

tell people what you need, too! 

THEY TALK ABOUT THE GOOD 

AND THE BAD 

How often, and how well, do 

we actually communicate with 

others? And how often, and how 

well, do we think we communicate 

with others? We have a tendency 

to communicate something 

when we ‘need’ to and when 

we ‘need’ to, it’s generally 

something negative. 

Take some time, 

on a regular basis, to 

communicate something 

positive to someone. And 

when you have something 

negative to say, remember to set 

up a time to discuss things when 

everyone is in the right frame of 

mind to talk. 

Relationships can be 

complicated, as we are all 

individuals with our own ways of 

doing and seeing things. 

For yours to be healthy, you need 

to take the time to understand 

yourself, reflect on what other 

people need, and then live the best 

relationships possible. 

John Kenny is the founder of 

Interpersonal Relationship Coaching 

(IRC), and author of ‘The P.E.O.P.L.E 

Programme’. Visit 

johnkennycoaching.com 

for more.

Photography | Thai An 

“ 

Self-compassion is simply giving 

the same kindness to ourselves 

that we would give to others 

– CHRISTOPHER GERMER

Spend some quality time… 

with yourself 

As Carrie Bradshaw said in 

Sex and The City, the most 

significant relationship in our 

lives is the one we have with 

ourselves. So why not spend 

some essential you-time 

with your truest soulmate? 

Writing | Kat Nicholls 

1 Head to a museum or art gallery 

Feed your curiosity with a trip to a 

museum or gallery. Visit somewhere 

you’ve never been to before, and go 

all out – use the audio tour, enjoy 

lunch in the cafe, pop into the gift 

shop before you leave. Soak up every 

piece of information, and follow 

whatever piques your interest. 

Need some museum inspo? Head 

to tripadvisor.co.uk. According to 

reviewers, the top museums in the 

UK include the National Railway 

Museum in York, the National 

Gallery in London, and the Roman 

Baths in Bath. 

2 Go for a coffee and reading date 

When you’re craving some quiet 

time, or even a little escapism, grab 

a book and take yourself off to your 

favourite cafe. Order a drink and 

settle into a comfy seat. 

Enjoy the bustling hum of the 

cafe in the background, or put your 

headphones on and listen to some 

soothing music. Get lost in the 

pages, and let everything else fall 

away for an hour or two. 

3 See something at the cinema 

How often have you missed a film 

you were excited about because no 

one else wanted to see it? Next time, 

We’d love to hear 

about your solo 

adventures! Tag 

@happiful_ 

magazine on 

Instagram 

head to the cinema solo. You won’t 

have to worry about sharing your 

popcorn (or deal with that friend 

who loves talking through the 

trailers), and you can go whenever 

suits you. 

4 Learn something new 

Developing a new skill can be 

incredibly fulfilling, and helps to 

keep our brains healthy. According 

to research, learning a second 

language can increase your grey 

matter and slow down brain ageing. 

Why not try a class in your local 

area? You could take a pasta-making 

course (and enjoy the finished 

product at home with a glass of 

wine), an art class, or grow your 

brain by learning a language. 

5 Go street combing 

A creativity technique devised 

by Dutch innovation consultant 

Richard Stomp, street combing 

involves walking up and down 

a street and taking pictures of 

anything and everything that 

interests you. It sounds simple, 

but it’s an amazing way to get 

your creative juices flowing while 

getting you out in the fresh air – 

and helping you see familiar streets 

with fresh eyes.

Tackling trauma… 

with Grace 

As a trainee counsellor, and having experienced trauma first-hand, 

Grace Victory opens up about what it’s really like to live with PTSD 

There are so many 

topics I want to 

confront and discuss 

concerning wellbeing 

and trauma – the list 

is literally endless. I have such a 

huge passion for dissecting these 

topics because, in the midst of 

life, everything always feels a bit 

better when you realise you’re 

not alone. 

I remember the very first time 

I spoke openly about depression 

and my eating disorder. It was 

way back in 2011, in a YouTube 

video, and it felt revolutionary, 

like something had been lifted 

and my eyes had been opened. I 

remember thinking “Wow... when 

you talk about your feelings, other 

people talk about theirs, too.” 

It was powerful. While talking 

may not be the only way to heal 

and recognise the difficult things 

within us, it really can be a good 

place to start. 

As a child, I always knew 

something was a bit off with me, 

but I could never pinpoint what 

it was exactly. I rarely felt angry, 

I always felt sad, and I never felt 

safe. Maybe some of you can 

relate? I felt like the black sheep 

who was shunned by others, so I 

isolated myself. 

My basic needs were met, but 

many other needs were not, which 

is still something I’m coming to 

terms with. For a long time, I didn’t 

realise I hadn’t experienced what 

other people would call a ‘normal’ 

childhood, but I guess it was normal 

for me. 

I remember the first time I sat 

down with a therapist and told 

them what my childhood was like. I 

reeled off things I’d heard, seen, and 

had happen to me. I was so used to 

trauma that I minimised it in my 

head. If it was small and locked in 

a cage then I didn’t have to feel or 

deal with it. I detached so much 

from myself that telling my story 

became matter-of-fact, as if it wasn’t 

my own story that I was telling. 

It wasn’t until I was 26 that I began 

to realise the effects that trauma 

had had on me, and in the summer 

of 2016 I received a diagnosis of 

post-traumatic stress disorder 

(PTSD). My initial reaction was 

“Well WTF is that? It sounds like 

some sort of weird disease that I 

definitely do not want.” I was that 

person. I had (still have) so much 

shame inside of me about my 

victimhood that I hated the fact I 

had ‘something’. 

For those of you who are unsure 

what PTSD is exactly, allow me to 

I am learning that 

being a victim 

doesn’t make me 

weak, feeling pain 

doesn’t make me 

a burden, and 

that what other 

people did, has 

never been my 

fault 

Photography | Paul Buller 


@GRACEFVICTORY 

First steps 

for support... 

If you feel ready to reach out 

for help, the best thing to do 

initially is speak to your GP. 

They can advise you on 

treatment options, and 

remember, you don’t have 

to go alone. A friend or 

family member can be 

there beside you. 

break it down for you. PTSD is a 

mental health condition triggered 

by an event, or a series of events, 

that the individual experiences as 

terrifying. This can be something 

happening to them, or watching it 

happen. PTSD causes your brain 

to remain in the danger zone due 

to increased stress levels. PTSD 

can then manifest as flashbacks, 

anxiety, and depression, when 

triggered by anything from scents 

to loud noises. Some catalysts for 

PTSD include war, rape, domestic 

violence, and severe sickness. 

My diagnosis meant that I 

needed to confront my issues head 

on, and I felt overwhelmed with 

dread. However, somewhere deep 

inside of me, I also felt relief. Like 

my inner child was saying: “Thank 

God I’m not making all of this up 

in my head.” 

It’s been three years since my 

diagnosis and honestly, most 

days I am surprised by how much 

trauma has affected my life. I 

don’t tend to talk about it much 

online because everything is 

pretty painful still. Isn’t it weird 

how much pain a person can feel, 

and still smile? I smile every day, 

but every day I feel confused and 

lost, and like everything I once 

knew was a lie. I am learning that 

being a victim doesn’t make 

me weak, feeling pain doesn’t 

make me a burden, and that 

what other people did, has 

never been my fault. 

PTSD keeps you in an almost 

constant state of “fight or 

flight” – like a ticking time 

bomb that’s about to explode 

into rage or erupt into tears. 

And for some people this could 

be disappearing (physically or 

emotionally) and not feeling 

anything at all. 

Now that I am working on my 

subconscious programming, 

and learning how to re-parent 

myself, I am so aware of my 

triggers and internal thoughts, 

so life is so much easier. Now I 

know why I’m angry, or why I’m 

sad, and I have the tools to sit 

with those feelings, or release 

them safely. Some days are 

battles that I lose, some days are 

battles I win, and some days no 

battles exist, and I am learning 

to be OK with all three. 

Love 

Grace 

x 


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30 • happiful.com • February 2020 

Helping you find the help you need.

The heart 

of health 

A regular face on our TV screens, 

Dr Rangan Chatterjee knows better 

than most what good health looks 

like. But in a time when the secrets 

to wellbeing seem more convoluted 

than ever, Dr Chatterjee is stripping 

things back. Here, we talk about 

the key to keeping up New Year’s 

resolutions, the importance of making 

connections, and his revolutionary 

new book: Feel Better in 5 


Hi Rangan! 2020 has just begun 

– what are your thoughts on New 

Year’s health trends? 

Now, here’s a thing that I’ve 

noticed in my practice: a lot of 

people are trying to cut back on 

sugar or alcohol, and for a week 

or two, they can do it. But then 

normally, by week two, week 

three, they’re starting to slip back 

into their existing behaviours. 

The reason why this is 

happening, in a lot of cases, is 

because that alcohol and sugar 

was serving a role. It was helping 

someone soothe the stress in 

their life. Maybe their work was 

too stressful, or they were lonely. 

Whatever the stressor, they were 

using sugar and/or alcohol to help 

them. So, they won’t reduce sugar 

or alcohol in the long term, unless 

you address the root cause of why 

they were using it in the first place. 

Does that make sense? 

It does, and that’s very much the 

theme of your new book? 

Absolutely. That’s why I couldn’t 

write a book just on food. In Feel 

Better in 5, I’ve made health super 

simple. Everything in the book 

takes five minutes, maximum. >>> 


If you look at all the behavioural 

science, you don’t create a new 

behaviour by making it difficult 

What do you mean by ‘heart’? 

When it comes to health, heart 

is something that doesn’t get 

spoken enough about – it’s our 

connection. Our connection with 

our self, our connection with our 

friends or our partners. When 

you miss one of these areas, it’s 

very hard to make changes stick 

because they all feed into one 

another. 

It sounds like a gimmick, but it’s 

really not, because if you look at 

all the behavioural science, this 

is the way that you create a new 

behaviour – you don’t create a new 

behaviour by making it difficult, 

you create a new behaviour by 

making it easy. 

How does Feel Better in 5 work? 

You have to choose one fiveminute 

intervention from mind, 

one for body, one for heart – and 

do them every day, five days a 

week. So, literally 15 minutes a 

day, five days a week, is all you 

have to do. By doing this, you’re 

covering the three important 

areas. 

You’re working on your mental 

health, which is the mind piece, 

body is actually a series of fiveminute 

workouts, whether it’s 

strength, HIIT, or yoga – none of it 

requires any equipment. The third 

section is heart. 

You often speak about loneliness 

and its effect on our physical 

health. How are they connected? 

Research suggests that the feeling 

of being lonely is as harmful as 

smoking 15 cigarettes a day… Just 

think about that for a moment. 

That is a staggering statistic. So, 

why could that be? 

Well, our stress response 

evolved a couple of million years 

ago. Two million years ago, we 

would have been in tightly knit, 

hunter-gatherer tribes that were 

communities, which kept us safe. 

If you don’t have your tribe around 

you, you might be attacked by a 

lion, by a predator. So, your very 

clever body prepares you for that. 

It ramps up your stress response. 

It ramps up your immune system. 

It makes your body inflamed. 

Why? Because that means that if 

you do get attacked, you will have 

your best chance of survival. 

So, if we think about what’s going 

on, if we’re feeling lonely, if all 


we’re having is that electronic 

communication or interaction 

with other human beings, we’re 

missing out on that real human 

connection. Our body thinks that 

we’re vulnerable to attack, so it 

prepares us for our attack; we 

become inflamed, we become 

stressed, our immune system 

goes on high alert. This is what is 

happening for many of us in 2020. 

Another study found 2.5 million 

men have no close friends, or 

believe they have none. Is that 

surprising? 

In a way. I’m very lucky that I’ve 

got a very tight group of friends. 

Now, I say I’m lucky, but none of 

them live near me. I don’t have 

It takes the 

pressure off that 

I know for the rest 

of the day, I’ve 

done something 

for myself 

any good friends who live near me. 

This appears to be a problem that 

affects men quite a lot. As I’ve got 

busier with work, marriage, kids, a 

mortgage, I don’t really find that I 

have time to make new friends. 

But maybe it’s not good enough 

anymore to say you’re too busy, 

you haven’t got time. There are 

things that I could do and I’m 

going to work on them. But 

I’m very lucky that I do have a 

very tight group of mates from 

university, who I meet up with 

two or three times a year for a 

weekend, and literally it nourishes 

me on a deep level. 

So, for someone who’s struggling, 

I’d say, well, what do you like? Do 

you like going to the gym? Maybe 

go to a class. Do you like reading? 

Maybe there’s a local book club. 

Find something nearby where 

people share similar interests, and 

that’s how you’re going to start 

creating these new friendships. 

From your perspective, how do 

you see the increase in mental 

health awareness playing out 

in your practice? 

Things are shifting in a really 

positive way, but we’re currently 

not where we need to be. We need 

to do much more because let’s 

not forget that actually, the male 

suicide rate in the age group of 

30 to 45 is really shocking, really 

worrying, and it seems to be 

climbing. 

The fact that more and more 

people are talking about this 

openly on social media, these 

things are really helping bring 

these topics into the public 

domain. 

I’m seeing patients coming in 

now, particularly men, who may 

not have had the courage to talk 

about their problems a few years 

ago, are now openly coming in and 

saying, “Hey, I heard this podcast,” 

or, “I saw this thing online and I 

thought that might be affecting 

me. I just want to talk to you about 

‘Feel Better in 5: Your Daily Plan 

to Feel Great for Life’ by Dr 

Rangan Chatterjee (Penguin 

Life, £16.99) is out now. 

it.” So, I think things are changing 

in a very positive way, because 

the first thing we have to do is be 

aware of the problem. 

What steps do you take to 

support your own wellbeing? 

As soon as I get up, before I do 

anything else, I’ll do five minutes 

of deep breathing or meditation. 

Just five minutes. Then, I do five 

minutes of movement. So, it’ll be 

one of the workouts in the book. 

Either a strength workout, or a 

yoga workout, or some stretches. 

Then, I do five minutes for my 

heart. I’ll write down things that 

I’m grateful for and the positive 

things in my life. 

It takes the pressure off that 

I know for the rest of the day, 

I’ve done something for myself. 

I prioritised myself, and I give 

myself that self-respect every 

morning, to do something for me. 


How to 

take care 

of your 

financial 

wellbeing 

The link between money worries and mental health problems 

is clear, but fortunately there are some simple steps you can 

follow to keep your cash concerns under control 

Writing | Fiona Thomas 

A 

single bead of sweat drips down my 

clammy back, even though it’s the 

middle of winter. My face is flushed, 

and I feel lightheaded as my thumb 

rests on the fingerprint button of my phone. 

I log in and wait an agonising few seconds 

for the figure to appear on the screen. The 

number that will dictate the tone of my day, 

the amount of cash I have to my name. As the 

figure appears in black and white, I breathe a 

gentle sigh of relief. Phew. My bank balance 

isn’t (currently) in the danger zone, so I can 

afford to get some groceries on the way home 

this evening. >>> 


Social media 

creates a warped 

reality that 

pressures people 

into spending 

money on the 

wrong things 

This is a process I go through 

almost every day. Habitually 

checking and rechecking my bank 

balance to make sure that I can 

afford to buy the things I need in 

life. Food, bills, travel costs, and 

of course the little extras that 

privilege provides, like a new 

lipstick or a fancy bottle of gin. 

Worrying about cash flow is a 

horrible, sinking feeling. But it’s 

one that constantly bubbles away 

under the surface for many of us. 

Two-thirds of those aged between 

22 and 38 say that money worries 

keep them up at night, with debt, 

bills, and mortgage payments 

ranking highly on the list. Another 

survey found that one in four Brits 

admitted they would struggle if 

faced with a long period of unpaid 

sick leave, and 23% would not be 

able to cope with the expense of a 

broken boiler. 

The link between money and 

mental wellbeing is clear, and it’s 

one that we can work to strengthen 

in a positive way. Money coach 

and mentor Emma Maslin says: 

“At its heart, financial wellbeing is 

about acknowledging our emotions 

around money, feeling in control of 

our finances, being able to withstand 

financial unpredictability and 

unexpected expenses.” 

With a quarter of people in the 

UK believing that poor financial 

wellbeing is a significant cause 

of stress within their workplace, 

it’s clear that many of us need 

to address our relationship with 

money. 

ROOTED IN CHILDHOOD 

The emotions we feel towards 

money are closely linked to the 

beliefs that have been instilled 

in us from a young age. For 

example, if you were brought up 

being repeatedly told you that 

you shouldn’t talk about money, 

then you may exhibit avoidance 

behaviours as an adult. If you were 

taught to be vigilant with money, 

then you may find it difficult to 

spend money as an adult, even if 

you are financially stable. 

To make things worse, social 

media creates a warped reality 

that pressures people into 

spending money on the wrong 

things. A poll commissioned by 

BBC Radio 5 recently found that 

more than a third of 20 to 29-yearolds 

agreed that social media posts 

by influencers made them spend 

money they otherwise would not 

have wanted to spend. 

I spoke to psychotherapist and 

Counselling Directory member 

Paula Coles, who has observed 

young people distracting 

themselves with small purchases 

as a way to self-medicate. “People 

might compulsively shop, or try 

to buy ‘the appearance ideal’,” 

says Paula. “Others may find 

themselves prioritising things 

such as escapist holidays over 

establishing an everyday home life 

that they enjoy.” This inevitably 

impacts future wellbeing, with 


FINANCIAL WELLBEING 

IMPROVEMENT CHECKLIST 

• Every month, record your 

expenses and income, then 

reflect on how you can make 

small changes. 

• Tackle any high-interest debt 

by finding lower interest ways 

to pay. Visit stepchange.org 

for free debt advice. 

• Open a savings account, and 

put a little aside each month – 

and look to increase this 

over time. 

• Set up a direct debit, so 

that savings come out 

automatically. 

• Contribute as much as 

you can to your workplace 

pension. 

• Set short- and long-term 

financial goals. 

• To learn the basics on a wide 

range of topics, including 

benefits, Brexit, redundancy, 

and insurance, visit 

moneyadviceservice.org.uk 

16 million people in the UK 

having less than £100 in savings, 

according to a Money Advice 

Service survey. 

DAZED AND CONFUSED 

Alongside unnecessary spending, 

debt worries, and mental blocks, 

perhaps the most frustrating threat 

to our financial wellbeing is a lack 

Creating a savings 

pot can help you 

control your spending 

by encouraging you 

to work towards a 

specific goal 

of understanding. With terms such 

as ‘effective annual rate’, ‘loan-tovalue’ 

and ‘compound interest’ it’s 

no wonder that 77% of UK adults 

are confused by financial jargon. 

Six million Brits have racked up 

late fees due to misunderstanding 

language, and others have seen 

a negative impact on their credit 

scores. 

This can lead to further 

difficulties, and general avoidance 

behaviour, because people don’t 

know how to make changes for the 

better. Paula says that education 

and awareness around financial 

matters can be hugely powerful 

for our wellbeing. 

“In psychotherapy, we talk about 

individuals flourishing when 

they have a positive internal 

locus of control, meaning that an 

individual feels they have personal 

power in their life and therefore 

they make positive choices,” she 

says. “By increasing awareness 

of complicated topics, such as 

pensions and taxes, a person 

might develop a stronger internal 

locus of control, be less avoidant, 

and more able to make informed 

choices about how to manage their 

finances.” 

So, here are some expert tips 

on how to improve your financial 

wellbeing… 

GET PRACTICAL 

“The best way I learned to manage 

my finances was to write down 

absolutely everything. I write down 

every penny I earn and spend. I use 

Google Docs to make spreadsheets 

to easily keep track of my income, 

outgoings, spending, and savings. 

You can also find plenty of free 

printable templates online. Writing 

everything down has made a huge 

difference to my spending habits 

and my financial wellbeing. I don’t 

tend to overspend so much and I 

have managed to keep my savings 

goals.” – Claire Roach, money 

saving blogger at Daily Deals UK. 

PLAN 

“Look at the long-term as well as 

the short-term – try to look ahead 

with your finances. Where do you 

want to be in five to 10 years? Are 

you thinking about your future 

with a pension, or spending on 

unnecessary things that are only 

bringing you temporary joy rather 

than long-term stability?” – Chloe 

Rowlands from TIC Finance. 

SET A GOAL 

“Creating a savings pot can help 

you control your spending by 

encouraging you to work towards 

a specific goal; this could be 

anything from a house deposit, 

to a holiday. By putting away 

a dedicated amount of money 

every month, you’ll become more 

mindful with your purchases, 

knowing that this self-control will 

be rewarded.” – John Ellmore from 

knowyourmoney.co.uk 

Fiona Thomas is a freelance writer 

and author, whose book, ‘Depression 

in a Digital Age’, is out now. Visit 

fionalikestoblog.com for more. 


Photography | Anna Baker 

“ 

Growth begins when we start 

to accept our own weakness 

– JEAN VANIER

TRUE LIFE 

I tore up the 

script of my life 

On the surface Kerry was living the dream, yet 

underneath she was empty, sad, and desperate. 

Personal setbacks threatened to be the final 

straw – but instead they gave her just the jolt 

she needed to change everything 

Writing | Kerry Lyons 

I’m Kerry Lyons. 

The creator of 

The Imperfect 

Life website and 

planner. And 

I live with depression, 

with pride. 

You see, day-to-day, my 

time is now filled with 

coaching women through 

the adventure of turning 

their daydreams into their 

day jobs; helping them 

create the businesses 

they were made for, and 

designing products that 

support them on their 

journeys. I can say, handon-heart, 

that I love what 

I do. But man, it wasn’t 

always this way. 

Let me take you back to 

2006. Justin Timberlake 

was bringing ‘SexyBack’. 

Gnarls Barkley was ‘Crazy’. 

And I didn’t have a clue 

whose life I was living. 

I was 25, and ripe for 

what I’d later learn was a 

quarter-life crisis. 

I’d always been a hyper, 

happy-go-lucky girl, and 

my life until that point had 

been filled by an almost 

manic pursuit to achieve 

big fat checks through the 

societal tick-boxes of life. 

Long-term relationship? 

Tick. High grade GCSEs, 

A-levels and degree? Tick. 

Dream career as a graphic 

designer straight out of 

uni? Tick. Owning my 

dream car three months 

into my first proper job? 

Tick. Owning my dream 

home? Tick. Regular, sunsoaked 

holidays? Tick. 

So why did I feel the most 

empty, the most sad, and 

the most confused that I’d 

ever felt? 

Well, I’d people-pleased 

myself into oblivion. On 

reflection, I can see now 

that I’d been a sponge; 

absorbing and responding 

to outer expectations, and 

finding myself in a life 

that society informed me 

I should have, without 

stopping for a minute to 

listen to what I actually 

wanted. 

But that wasn’t even the 

toughest bit. You see, I 

felt all this. I was aware 

of all this. But I wasn’t 

ready to face any of it. The 

truth hurt. And the idea 

of changing, outwardly 

‘failing’ or disappointing 

people, was so unbelievably 

crippling that it kept me 

exactly where I was. 

For two whole years. 

I remember my decisionmaking 

process at the time 

was to just ‘pretend I was 

fine’. If I just ignored this 

pull, this sadness, this 

emptiness, if I just painted 

on a smile and tried to 

be like everybody else, it 

would eventually – poof – 

go away. 

But, of course, it didn’t 

go away. In fact, it got 

way, way worse. Because, 

as it turns out, when you 

overrule and ignore your 

feelings, intuition, and 

instincts, your mind, body, 

and even the universe, will 

gather forces to find a way 

to get you to listen up. And 

boy, did they. 

Towards the close of 

2007, I sank into the 

darkest depression of 

my life. I could barely 

get myself out of bed. 

Washing and drying 

my hair physically hurt >>> 


every single follicle on 

my head. Getting dressed 

was a mammoth task. My 

favourite foods tasted of 

nothing, and everything I 

used to love doing just felt 

hollow. It was like I’d lost 

the ability to feel anything 

but pain. And worst of all, 

I felt like such a burden 

to those closest to me 

because I couldn’t explain 

what I was experiencing. 

The bleakest moment 

came when I was 

attempting to dry my hair 

Kerry in her element, coaching 

daydreamers to be action-takers 

Slowly, with each big 

decision I made, for myself, 

my life-cloak of solid-black 

darkness began to get shafts 

of light punching through 

one evening. I already felt 

defeated knowing I had 

to somehow get myself 

up and out to work in 

the morning, with tears 

streaming down my face 

as they so regularly did. 

And a voice inside me 

poked: ‘What are you 

doing Kerry? This isn’t 

living. Why are you even 

here?’ And my response 

to that was absolute 

agreement; there wasn’t 

any point in living the 

way I was. Things would 

be better for everyone if I 

wasn’t here. 

The thought of this being 

‘the end’ shocked me. And 

as horrific a headspace 

as that was to be in, I’m 

genuinely grateful that 

things got that dark. 

Because this is what 

brought the fighter out 

in me; my inner coach, 

who had been there all 

along, rooting for me. 

This is what jolted me into 

fighting for my life. 

And that’s when things 

started changing, slowly 

and painfully, but 

changing all the same. 

I realised that I couldn’t 

get better by myself 

anymore, so I finally 

started working with a 

psychotherapist who 

helped me pull out and 

work through so much 

‘life gumpf’ that I’d 

unknowingly buried. 

But as helpful and 

groundbreaking as that 

was, I was still filled with 

so much resistance to 

change. 

So, as ever, the universe 

swooped in and got me 

to pay attention in the 

most heartbreaking of 

ways. I lost my pet after 14 

gorgeous years together, 

my dad got unexpectedly 


Photography | Amy-Rose Photography 

sick and was rushed to 

hospital, my nan passed 

away, and I lost one of my 

closest friends to breast 

cancer at just 26 – all 

within the space of a few 

months. 

The trauma and acute 

awareness of my mortality 

jolted me into action like 

nothing before. Within 

weeks, I handed in my 

notice at my ‘dream’ job. 

I’d sold my ‘dream’ home. 

I’d ended my 12-year 

relationship. And I’d 

moved into my dad’s spare 

bedroom shortly before 

running away to the west 

coast of America and 

emigrating to Dublin soon 

afterwards! 

It was life-changing 

action. I tore up the script 

of my life. And slowly, 

with each big decision 

I made, for myself, my 

life-cloak of solid-black 

darkness began to get 

shafts of light punching 

through. 

Fast-forward 13-plus 

years and I’m out the 

other side, living the 

most insanely imperfectbut-gorgeous 

life with 

my husband David, 

and our daughter Lola, 

while building the most 

fulfilling business I ever 

could have dreamed of. 

I’ve spoken at big events, 

I’ve launched an online 

training academy, and I’ve 

single-handedly raised 

more than £21,000 on 

Kickstarter to bring the 

flagship edition of The 

Imperfect Life Planner 

to life. 

And this is why I live 

with depression with 

pride; not only because 

it was the catalyst that 

helped me step into the 

life I now have, but also 

because it continues 

to challenge me, help 

me grow, and help me 

deeply connect with my 

clients. I’m by no means 

‘fixed’, and life is far from 

perfect. But I now know I 

don’t want perfect. I just 

want a life that’s mine. 

If you’re reading 

this, feeling that you 

can relate and you’re 

wondering how you can 

begin to create change, 

too, please listen to 

yourself. Learning and 

seeking what you want 

and need is not selfish, 

nor is it self-serving. It’s 

self-love. And there’s no 

better gift you can give 

to those who care about 

you than a you that loves 

herself, and the life that 

she’s in. 

Kerry is running another 

crowdfunding campaign 

in early 2020 for the third 

edition of ‘The Imperfect 

Life Planner’, with 

some incredible rewards 

available for her loyal 

backers. Connect with 

Kerry on Instagram 

@kerrylyonsco, and visit 

theimperfectlife.co 

I’m by no means ‘fixed’, and 

life is far from perfect. But I 

now know I don’t want perfect. 

I just want a life that’s mine 

Who Kerry does it all for: her husband, David, and daughter, Lola 

OUR EXPERT SAYS 

Kerry’s story shows us that 

true happiness doesn’t 

come from the way 

others perceive us – or 

even the way we think 

others perceive us – it’s 

what is going on inside 

that really matters. We 

can have all the things 

we are ‘supposed’ to have 

on the ‘checklist of life’, 

but if there’s that nagging 

feeling that things aren’t 

right, we can’t brush those 

feelings aside and hope 

they go away – we need to 

step up and do something 

about it. 

Kerry sought professional 

help and that began her 

journey to finding a way 

out, and discovering who 

she really was inside. As 

Kerry says, if this message 

resonates with 

you, it could be 

time to create 

some positive 

changes for 

yourself, too! 

Rachel Coffey | BA MA NLP Mstr 

Life coach 


HAPPIFUL TOP 10 

February 

Make the month of romance about loving yourself, every day. Create an outside space 

you can enjoy, find the courage to open up about mental health by listening to others, 

and check-in with yourself on the app that helps you to take five 

1PAGE-TURNERS 

RHS Your Wellbeing Garden: 

How to Make Your Garden 

Good for You – Science, Design, 

Practice 

Are you curious about how the 

great outdoors can enhance 

your wellbeing? RHS Your 

Wellbeing Garden explores the 

secrets of design, plants, and 

gardening itself, to help you 

get the most out of your green 

space. 

(Out 6 February, DK, £16.99) 

OUT AND ABOUT 

Nottingham Festival of Science 

and Curiosity 

3 

PUT ON A SHOW 

4 

The National Wedding 

Show, London 

Are you planning the wedding 

of your dreams? Start your 

day with a glass of bubbly 

before you walk around with 

your wedding party to find 

everything you need for your 

special day. The show will also 

be held in Birmingham and 

Manchester in March, 

so don’t worry if you have 

other engagements. 

(15–16 February. Visit 

nationalweddingshow.co.uk 

to find out more) 

2 

A week-long festival that takes 

science out of the lab and into 

our everyday lives. This festival is a celebration of knowledge and 

curiosity, giving visitors a chance to ask questions as well as share 

what they know. Interactive, fun and free events will take place across 

Nottingham, with opportunities for people of all ages to get involved. 

(12–19 February, for more information head to nottsfosac.co.uk) 

PLUGGED-IN 

Norbert the dog 

Meet Norbert, the 

very small therapy 

dog with a very 

big heart. A quick 

glance at Norbert’s Instagram 

profile is enough to put a smile on 

anyone’s face, but our furry friend is 

also a registered therapy dog who 

volunteers at Children’s Hospital 

Los Angeles. 

(Follow 

@norbertthedog 

on Instagram) 

5 

TECH TIP-OFFS 

Stop, Breathe & Think 

How often do you take the 

time to check in on yourself? 

Stop, Breathe & Think helps 

you to do just that. Pause 

for 10 seconds of breathing 

before selecting how you’re 

feeling, on a scale of great 

to rough. You can also add 

in your emotions, and receive 

recommended breathing 

and meditation exercises based 

on how you’re feeling. 

(Download from the App Store 

and Google Play, find out more at 

stopbreathethink.com)

Images | Dolittle: Universal Pictures, Nottingham Festival: nottsfosac.co.uk, Nortbert the dog: Intagram @norbertthedog 

6 9 

LEND US YOUR EARS 

‘Open Mind with Frankie 

Bridge’ 

In her ‘Open Mind’ 

podcast, Frankie Bridge talks about 

the mental health challenges she 

has faced, and invites guests such 

as Giovanna Fletcher and Andrea 

McLean to share their experiences. 

Frankie’s new book Open is also out 

in February, where she shares her 

journey with mental health. 

(Listen to the podcast on iTunes 

and Spotify) 

7 

SQUARE EYES 

A reboot of the family 

favourite Doctor Dolittle will be 

coming to our screens in February! 

Featuring a star-studded cast, 

including Robert Downey Jr, Tom 

Holland, and Emma Thompson, 

the animal antics are set to have 

you smiling from ear to ear. 

Dolittle 

(In cinemas 7 February) 

THE CONVERSATION 

Time to Talk Day 

We can all help to change the way people think 

and act about mental health problems. Time 

to Talk Day encourages everyone to be more open about 

mental health, and this year it’s using the game ‘Would 

You Rather?’ to help 

break the ice and 

get the conversation 

flowing. 

(6 February, get 

involved at time-tochange.org.uk) 

8There’s nothing like a batch of warm home-made cookies… 

or so we thought! Doughlicious ready-to-bake cookie dough 

comes in a range of flavours, from classic chocolate chip to tasty 

peanut butter, along with vegan and gluten-free options. Enjoy the 

taste of freshly baked cookies without making a mess in the kitchen. 

TREAT YOURSELF 

Doughlicious 

(£3.99, visit doughlicious.co.uk for more) 

9 

10 

GET GOING 

Run Your Paws Off – Love Your Dog 

Run Your Paws Off are champions of 

‘canicross’ – it’s all about being outside 

and enjoying running with your dog. 

Their ‘Love Your Dog’ event includes a 

5K or 10K off-road course, so whether 

you’re a keen runner, or looking for a 

new way for you and your pet to get 

fit, this is pawfect for you! 

(16 February, find out more at 

runyourpawsoff.com) 

WIN! 

For your chance to win a selection of cookie dough from Doughlicious, 

simply send us a message (competitions@happiful.com) with your 

answer to the following question: 

What year were chocolate chip cookies invented? 

a)1938 b)1952 c)1966 

UK mainland only. Competition closes on 20 February 2020, good luck!

How to rekindle your creativity 

and get into creative writing 

We’ve all heard about the benefits of writing for pleasure, or as a 

therapeutic practice, yet getting started can feel daunting. We share five 

ways you can get into creative writing right now 

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford 

It’s an old adage, yet it’s one that 

many of us secretly harbour: 

we’ve all got a book inside of 

us. “If only I had more time.” 

“Work’s too stressful to think about 

starting a personal project.” “I’m 

just waiting for inspiration to 

strike.” Before you know it, weeks, 

months, years have passed, all with 

nothing to show but that untapped 

feeling of “I could be creating 

something, if only…” 

Whether you’re new to creative 

writing, or have just fallen out 

of practice, we share five simple 

tips to help spark your creativity, 

prioritise your passions, and 

start writing. 

1 EMBRACE COMMUNITY 

Writing communities are among 

some of the most welcoming and 

passionate places – you can make 

new friends, gain advice and 

guidance. Local writing groups 

often offer weekly, bi-weekly, or 

monthly sessions where you can 

write together, share your work, 

gain feedback, and even discover 

competitions worth entering. 

Some may even offer writing 

retreats or regular write-a-thons, 

where everyone can get together 

and write with no distractions – just 

a supportive environment filled with 

encouragement. 

If you don’t have a group near you, 

or your confidence is holding you 

back, there are plenty of online 

communities for writers of all 

genres, styles, and experience levels. 

Facebook has many writing groups 

(both private and public), as do sites 

such as Tumblr and Reddit. Signing 

up is free and easy. There’s no need 

to feel pressured to share your work 

before you’re ready, but you can 

still pick up great tips from reading 

others’ creative works-in-progress. 

2 TAKE UP A 30-DAY CHALLENGE 

You may not have heard of it, but 

each year thousands of writers 

around the world take on the 

National Novel Writing Month 

(NaNoWriMo) challenge. Based 

around the idea of writing 50,000 

words in just 30 days, the goal is to 

focus on getting a first draft done 

without getting caught up in editing, 

polishing, and restarting the bits that 

aren’t quite there yet, or that you’re 

struggling with. 

While the official NaNoWriMo 

takes place every November, many 

online writing groups and websites 

offer 30-day prompts to help 

get you started. A great way of 

challenging you to write outside 

of your comfort zone, a prompt 

may include writing in a different 

genre, including a set theme, item, 

or setting. Books such as The Five- 

Minute Writer or The Write Stuff are 

filled with prompts, exercises, and 

inspirations to get you writing now, 

rather than waiting for that elusive 

‘perfect idea’. 

3 REDISCOVER YOUR 

LOVE OF READING 

If you’re ever stuck for inspiration, 

going back and reading your 

favourite book can help you 

remember why you love writing. 

‘You can’t be a good writer without 

being a reader’ is something drilled 

into writing students throughout 

their time at uni, and it really holds 

true. How can you know what’s 

already been overdone within 

your preferred genre, if you don’t 

read? How can you keep pushing 

yourself to do your best, if you 

don’t have benchmarks to aim for? 

Reading can be an important part 

of the process – just make sure 

you don’t allow it to consume all of 

your precious time for creativity. 


‘If your confidence is holding you 

back, try online writing communities’ 

Try online book recommendation 

sites like GoodReads to find 

out what’s popular within your 

genre, or to discover entirely new 

subgenres of fiction you didn’t 

know were out there. 

4 CREATE A SCHEDULE 

Neil Gaiman once said: “To be a 

good writer… read a lot and write 

every day.” An ethos shared by 

many successful writers, the idea 

is that writing every day creates 

a positive habit that can help 

avoid common excuses that hold 

us back. Writer’s block may feel 

very real for us, but by creating 

writing habits that work with 

your schedule – even if that’s just 

sitting down for 15 minutes with 

your morning coffee and a blank 

notebook – you can train yourself 

to push through the parts of the 

creative process that you struggle 

with. With time and practice, you 

will start to find it easier to write. 

5 LET GO OF PERFECTION 

We’d all like to think that we could 

be the next JK Rowling or Stephen 

King, but the truth is, almost 

no authors get it right the first 

time. A first draft is meant to be 

just that – a draft. When we get 

overwhelmed with our need to 

create something that is perfect, 

we allow our worries and fears 

to rule. Soon the creative process 

can slow or even grind to a halt. 

Instead of aiming for perfection, 

challenge yourself to just get 

something done. It could be a 

set chapter or number of words, 

or even just a paragraph. Set 

yourself a goal, and start writing 

without re-reading or editing as 

you go. You may be surprised at 

just how freeing it can feel. 


“ 

Who looks outside, dreams; 

who looks inside, awakes 

– CARL JUNG 

Photography | Gerardo Rojas 


In it to 

QUIT it 

A smoking addiction can easily take over your life. But it doesn’t have to be 

that way. We speak with clinical hypnotherapy expert Andrew Major to get 

some tips for stubbing out this bad habit, for good 


According to the pressures,” Andrew explains. 

Office for National “So, making the decision to stop 

Statistics, 58.4% of smoking for good can seem like a 

people who smoke daunting task, as it involves letting 

cigarettes say that go of a crutch that smokers may 

they want to quit. believe helps them cope.” 

And yet 7.2 million people in the It’s true that smoking, on the 

UK are still smoking. 

surface, can feel like it’s benefiting 

So what’s the hold-up? 

our mental health – calming 

When it comes to addiction, the anxious minds and relaxing our 

answer is never straightforward. A bodies. Despite this, Andrew 

plethora of reasons, from genetics points to studies which suggest 

to the environment we live in, can that smoking can actually lead to 

affect the ways that we respond poor mental health in the long 

to stimulants, meaning that the term, as the cigarettes temporarily 

journey to giving up the habit increase the feel-good hormone 

can vary hugely from person to dopamine, encouraging the brain 

person. 

to switch off its own dopamine 

But, as Andrew Major – a clinical production. 

hypnotherapist – points out, 

“A lot of my clients say that they 

making the decision to quit in the smoke to help them deal with 

first place can be a big challenge stressful situations,” says Andrew. 

in itself. 

“But in fact, turning to chemical 

“Many people believe that 

substitutes to relieve stress when 

smoking helps them relax, relieves you’re having a bad day actually 

stress, and gives them time out increases the risks of depression 

away from daily work or family and anxiety, because smoking >>> 


CONTROL CRAVINGS 

According to the NHS, on 

average cravings last five 

minutes. If a craving hits, 

try one of these five-minute 

activities: 

• Go for a walk around 

the block 

• Play a mobile game 

• Tidy up your space 

• Listen to music 

• Do a quick workout 

• Make a round of tea or 

coffee 

• Suck on a hard sweet 

• Do a puzzle 

• Prepare some food 

• Read a book 

affects the hypothalamic-pituitaryadrenal 

axis (the system that 

controls our response to stress). 

This leads to the production of 

an overload of hormones like 

cortisol, which affects the way 

we regulate reactions to difficult 

situations and experiences.” 

Of course, as well as the mental 

health side-effects, smoking comes 

with serious physical health risks. 

According to the NHS, smoking is 

the cause of 70% of lung cancers, 

and can also cause cancer in other 

parts of the body including the 

mouth, throat, liver, stomach, and 

bowel. In addition, smoking can 

lead to heart and lung disease, and 

reduce fertility in both men and 

women. 

So, when you’re ready to stop 

smoking, what are the options? For 

some, switching to alternatives, 

It isn’t magic, 

but it does help you 

to use your mind in 

a fundamentally 

different way 

such as nicotine patches and gum 

can be a good way to gently move 

away from cigarettes. For others, 

going ‘cold turkey’ and cutting 

them out immediately, spending 

more time with non-smokers, or 

attending support groups, can help. 

In Andrew’s practice, he uses 

solution-focused hypnotherapy 

and neuro-linguistic programming 

(NLP) techniques to help his 

clients fundamentally understand 

why the addiction has formed, and 

ultimately kick the habit for good. 

“In a single two-hour session, 

we begin by talking to you about 

why and how you smoke,” Andrew 

explains. “Critically, we also talk 

about how the mind works in 

relation to smoking. This helps 

you develop a different mindset 

in relation to smoking, such as an 

understanding of how the internal 

conflict develops in your mind, 

so you can overcome the fear of 

stopping.” 

Another important part of the 

process, Andrew says, is reflecting 

on the impact that smoking is 

having on you. Are you having to 

keep to a tight budget to pay for 

cigarettes? Do you suffer from 

nasty colds in the winter? Are you 

losing out on time spent with your 

friends and family? 

A key ingredient for hypnotherapy 

is a positive, willing mindset. 

And so for Andrew, ensuring that 

clients are committed to the idea of 

quitting is essential. 

“We then consolidate the 

discussion with the use of 

hypnosis to reprogram your 

subconscious mind, remove any 

conflict and fears that have held 

you back,” Andrew continues. “It 

isn’t magic, but it does help you to 

use your mind in a fundamentally 

different way, taking away your 

desire to smoke so you will no 

longer see smoking as something 


Making the 

decision to stop 

smoking for good can 

seem like a daunting 

task, as it involves 

letting go of a crutch 

THREE TIPS TO TRY 

FROM DAY ONE 

Andrew says: 

• Understand how smoking 

affects your overall health 

Take the time to research the 

damage smoking causes, 

to boost your inner strength 

and determination. 

• Visualise the benefits 

How will your life be better 

once you have quit? Write 

down a list. 

• Practise positivity 

When we make a conscious 

effort to recognise the 

positive things in life, we 

build new, helpful thought 

patterns which help us move 

forward with a more positive 

mindset. 

you like – you will see it for the 

danger it really is.” 

Brighter things are on the 

horizon. Within just 20 minutes 

of quitting smoking, your heart 

rate and blood pressure drop 

back to normal. After 12 weeks, 

circulation and lung function 

increases. A year in, the risk of 

coronary heart disease drops by 

50%, 15 years down the line and it 

returns to that of a non-smoker. 

Breaking any kind of addiction is 

never an easy feat. And yet, with 

good support, and with the right 

goals in mind, you can take back 

control and kick the habit for good. 

Andrew Major is a solutionfocused 

clinical hypnotherapist 

who combines psychotherapy and 

clinical hypnotherapy techniques, 

based on the latest research from 

neuroscience. Find out more at 

andrewmajorhypnotherapy.co.uk 


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LET’S GET 

PHYSICAL 

We all know that our mental health can be impacted by 

physical illness, but have you ever thought about how that 

connection goes both ways? 

Writing | Katie Conibear 

A 

few years ago, I was notice a pattern, and that these poor mental health on physical 

ill with a bout of 

inner ear infections were somehow illnesses costs the NHS at least £8 

depression. I felt linked to my mental ill-health... billion a year. 

incredibly low, was 

But the best way to understand 

hardly sleeping, and HOW DOES MENTAL HEALTH the connection is on a personal 

felt a crushing lack of self-worth. 

I remember being at work when 

all of a sudden I felt incredibly 

dizzy and shaky. I was suffering 

with intense migraines and felt 

exhausted. 

My doctor diagnosed me 

with labyrinthitis, an inner ear 

infection, and I was signed off sick 

for three weeks. The only thing 

that made me feel remotely better 

was to lie in bed in the dark. I 

spent days in bed, unable to look 

at screens, or eat properly. All I 

could do was sleep. 

This kept happening to me. 

Every few months I would develop 

another ear infection. 

I live with bipolar disorder and 

have mania, which fills me with 

energy. I’m often ‘on the go’ for 

months on end, then when this 

feeling goes away, I crash and 

become depressed. I began to 

AFFECT US PHYSICALLY? 

Have you ever really thought about 

all the various physical symptoms 

we get with mental illness? Your 

stomach twisting in knots when 

anxious, migraines when stressed, 

insomnia, a racing heart, catching 

more colds and the flu… The list 

goes on and on. 

While the impact of physical 

illnesses on our mental health 

is more understood, the way 

our mental health can impact us 

physically seems less discussed – 

and yet research suggests they are 

intrinsically linked. 

On a societal scale, understanding 

this connection is important, as 

when mental health problems 

exacerbate physical illness, they 

can affect outcomes and the cost 

of treatment. In fact, The King’s 

Fund and Centre for Mental 

Health estimates that the effect of 

level. Take Liz, who lives with 

borderline personality disorder, 

mixed anxiety and depressive 

disorder. She believes her mental 

ill-health led her to develop 

irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). 

“It plays up when I go into crisis,” 

Liz says. “When my mental health 

is suffering, I also tend to get an 

extreme illness – or at least that’s 

how it feels. I generally feel aches 

and pains throughout my body.” 

Olivia, who has bipolar disorder, 

noticed an impact of her condition 

on her physical self as well. 

“When I experience depression, I 

feel it in my bones. I feel unstable 

when walking. My entire body 

feels cold and detached. When I 

experience hypomania, my heart 

races, my head spins. When I 

experience anxiety, my stomach 

literally knots, and it triggers IBS 

episodes. >>> 


to be associated with an increased 

risk of coronary heart disease. 

Hayden, who lives with anxiety 

and panic attacks, recalls being 

taken to hospital with chest pains. 

“It’s happened to me a fair few 

times. I now suffer with sleep 

anxiety, where I’m awake for three 

days straight at times, because 

I’m terrified to sleep in case 

something happens.” 

This lack of rest caused by her 

anxiety, as you can imagine, is 

affecting her physical health. 

“The only way I can explain it is 

the way some people have fear of 

food, I have a fear of sleep – which 

can mess up blood pressure and 

general health. Now I’m finding 

my hair is falling out, even walking 

can be difficult.” 

When I experience depression, I 

feel it in my bones. I feel unstable 

when walking. My entire body 

feels cold and detached. When I 

experience hypomania, my heart 

races, my head spins 

“Because of my psychosis, I take 

anti-psychotics that are known 

to cause weight gain and heart 

conditions. I’m constantly tested 

through ECG, blood tests, scans… 

It’s a difficult balance to maintain,” 

Olivia adds. “Mental illness has not 

just affected me psychologically, 

but I live with several physical 

health issues. It’s like your whole 

body is either completely shutting 

down or revved up.” 

WHAT’S THE EVIDENCE? 

While even short-term anxiety can 

show physical symptoms, such as 

headaches, increased heart rate, 

and difficulty breathing, it’s the 

long-term mental illnesses and 

their impact on our overall health 

that are the greatest concern. 

A study from the British 

Medical Journal reports that poor 

mental health can actually lead 

to an increased risk of some 

conditions. In a study examining 

mortality rates in cancer patients, 

researchers reported that people 

with the highest levels of self-rated 

distress (compared to lowest rates) 

were 32% more likely to have died. 

Depression has also been found 

Dr Natasha Bijlani, consultant 

psychiatrist at the Priory 

Hospital Roehampton, explains 

that optimal health involves 

maintaining a reasonable balance 

of many factors. 

“Mental and physical health are 

inextricably linked. When people 

become mentally unwell, they are 

also likely to experience various 

physical symptoms. Those with 

poor mental health are less likely 

to receive the physical health 

care they’re entitled to, partly 

because they are less likely to 

seek treatment for these issues, 


Top tips to support your mental 

and physical health: 

• Consistency is key, so try to 

develop and stick to routines 

that support your health, 

such as a set bedtime, eating 

healthily, and exercising 

regularly. 

• Keep a diary or record of your 

emotional state, alongside 

sickness. If you notice a pattern, 

you can start to think about 

how to address the issue. 

• Take time out to recharge when 

you spot early symptoms – the 

sooner you address things the 

better in the long-run. 

• Ask for help when you need it – 

whether from friends, family, or 

your workplace. 

but also because professionals 

tend to focus on alleviating their 

emotional distress, rather than 

screening for or treating physical 

symptoms that might also be 

present.” 

SO WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT? 

Knowing we often feel run down 

when our mental health is not in 

a good place, it’s important to look 

after our overall health. Having 

a sleep routine, eating healthily, 

taking regular exercise, and any 

prescribed medications will 

benefit general health. 

“Lifestyle factors are known to 

play a strong role in maintaining 

all-round health,” Dr Bijlani 

explains. “Those who become 

mentally unwell can sometimes 

either neglect such factors, or 

their symptoms prevent them 

from maintaining healthy habits. 

These can include disturbances 

in sleep and appetite, which can 

affect their energy levels and 

performance, as well as nutritional 

status. Oversleeping, or inability 

to get enough sleep, affects 

bodily functions, including blood 

pressure, risk of stroke, heart 

attacks, diabetes, forgetfulness, 

impaired judgement, and can lead 

to increased risk of accidents.” 

With mental illnesses, it’s 

important to understand why we 

become unwell in the first place. 

Looking out for warning signs, the 

early symptoms and triggers of 

mental illnesses, help us to seek 

help and make lifestyle changes. 

We can ask for support, or confide 

in friends and family how we’re 

feeling. The more we educate 

ourselves about mental health, the 

more we can look after our health 

overall. 

Katie Conibear is a freelance writer, 

focusing on mental health. She blogs 

at stumblingmind.com and has a 

podcast, ‘A Life Lived Vividly’, with 

a focus on hearing voices. 


Good 

vibrations 

A practice founded on the belief in a ‘life force energy’ that runs 

through us all, Reiki is a complementary therapy that’s thought 

to aid ailments from depression to chronic pain. So what can 

you expect from a session? Happiful’s Kathryn Wheeler finds 

out what makes this ancient technique relevant in 2020, and 

what really goes on behind the therapy room doors 


On a mid-week 

afternoon, the low 

winter sun was 

catching on the 

leaves of a long, 

tree-lined avenue leading to the 

Surrey and Hampshire Wellbeing 

Clinic, where I had come to try 

Reiki for the first time. 

Reiki is a holistic therapeutic 

practice that is centred on the 

belief in a ‘life force energy’. This 

‘energy’ is thought to flow through 

all of us, and the world around us, 

and followers of Reiki believe that 

the energies can be rebalanced by 

practitioners – the results being a 

calm, soothed, body and mind. 

I arrived at the centre and was 

led into a low-lit treatment room 

by Reiki master Jenny Douglas. 

Sitting on deep, comfortable 

chairs, each holding a mug of 

herbal tea, I admitted that I didn’t 

have a clue what to expect from 

the session. Although, in part, 

this was a deliberate choice – I 

didn’t want to obsess over other 

people’s experiences to the point 

where I created a mental checklist 

for my own. 

But what I did know before 

the session was that this was an 

unintrusive therapy, meaning 

that you remain fully clothed 

throughout, with little-to-no 

physical contact, depending on 

the therapist. And that over the 

course of the hour session, the 

therapist would move their hands 

over your body to rebalance and 

manipulate your energies. 

In the centre of the room was 

a massage table. I lay down on 

a soft pillow and was covered 

with a heavy wool blanket. As I 

closed my eyes and settled down, 

low ambient music played in the 

background, and I instantly started 

to feel relaxed. 

Jenny’s role in the Reiki session is 

to act as a mirror for my ‘energies’, 

able to pick up on the areas of 

my body where the energy is 

strongest, and where it needs to be 

rebalanced. Using her hands, she 

began by lightly touching my head. 

What happened next was 

unexpected. 

I felt as though my head was 

expanding, or perhaps more 

accurately, I suddenly couldn’t tell 

where my head stopped and Jenny’s 

hands began. It was unlike anything 

I had experienced before, and yet 

at no point did it feel alarming or 

uncomfortable. It was a kind of 

tingling, mixed with a sensation of 

heat, but all of it pleasant. 

Throughout the 

session, I was 

able to tune in 

to my body in an 

entirely new way 

Jenny moved down to my ears and 

neck, and then my chest, before 

holding her hands over my legs 

and feet. At points, the sensations 

felt more intense than others – 

especially around my ears, and 

later my ankles. And throughout 

the process, I felt as though I had 

slipped into the state of mind 

similar to when you are on the edge 

of falling asleep, where you feel 

warm, relaxed, and slow. 

As time went on, I was able to 

tune in to my body in an entirely 

new way. Feeling the sensations, 

TRY THIS AT HOME 

At the core of it, Reiki is about 

tuning in to ourselves and 

the world around us. Is there 

a place you’ve visited that 

feels special to you? Perhaps 

a historical site, or a natural 

spot that you feel especially 

drawn to? Make a solo trip 

and take a quiet moment to 

tune in to how that space 

makes you feel. Let whatever 

you are feeling wash over you, 

and allow your mind to be 

free to explore. 

whatever they may have been, 

moving down my body gave me 

the opportunity to check in with 

each part and realise where I was 

holding on to the most tension. 

When the session finished, 

Jenny gently touched me on the 

shoulder. I opened my eyes, and 

stood up feeling soothed and slow, 

as if I had just woken up from a 

long, nourishing sleep. 

Leaving the clinic, I went about 

the rest of my day. But I felt 

different. I felt lighter, as if my 

worries had melted away. I was 

refreshed and rejuvenated. 

For those already some way into 

their own spiritual journey, Reiki 

is said to tune in to everything, 

from stress and anxiety, through 

to bodily pain. But for people 

like me, for whom this is a whole 

new world, it’s an opportunity to 

understand how your body holds 

on to tension. And at the end of 

the day, however you choose to 

do it, we all stand to benefit from 

taking time to slow down, catch 

a quiet moment, and listen to our 

bodies. 


“ 

Strength lies in diff erences, 

not in similarities 

– STEPHEN R COVEY 

Photography | Joseph Greve

TRUE LIFE 

How being 

bipolar was a 

blessing for me 

After a dramatic breakdown in Italy, Dan stripped 

his life back to the basics. For six months he may 

have lost his sense of self, but gradually he found 

a new purpose – as a motivational speaker and 

mental health activist 

Writing | Dan Keeley 

Seven years ago, 

I was diagnosed 

with bipolar 

disorder. Now I 

consider it my blessing. 

Let’s be 100% clear, 

bipolar disorder can be a 

b*tch. On any given day it 

can wear you down, pump 

you up, play tricks on you, 

be all-consuming. It will 

take you down paths you 

could never imagine (some 

good, some bad), and it 

will make you ask yourself 

the biggest questions in 

life. And for that last part, 

I am truly grateful. 

Through the first half of 

2012, my mind took me 

on such a journey that I 

ended up preaching from 

the middle lane of a major 

motorway in northern 

Italy at rush hour – not to 

be recommended! 

After six months of 

escalating moods, and 

ignoring all the warning 

signs – the fast talking, 

the racing thoughts, the 

sleepless nights, the poor 

nutrition, the excessive 

spending – my mind took 

me from believing I was 

the next Steve Jobs, to 

believing in my core that I 

was The Chosen One. 

I was ‘the one’ who 

was put on this planet to 

show people how to ‘slow 

down and follow your 

heart’, which at the time I 

believed was the answer to 

all the world’s suffering. 

But there were two 

main issues as I stood on 

that motorway: firstly, 

my mind was going at 

200mph; and secondly, I 

wasn’t showing anyone 

how to slow down and 

follow their heart, I was 

trying to force them to. 

Combined, this was never 

going to end well. 

Soon I was being fasttracked 

to the closest 

psychiatric ward and being 

pumped full of drugs to 

make me slow down. Soon 

I was repatriated back to 

the UK, with two nurses 

who had to fly out to bring 

me home. I was in the 

Maudsley Hospital in south 

London in a crippling state 

of confusion, given that 

five minutes ago I thought 

we’d be setting up our new 

world headquarters at the 

Colosseum in Rome. Soon 

came the diagnoses. Then, 

now home, the worst six 

months of my life kicked 

in. Six months where, quite 

simply, I wanted to take my 

own life. 

If we go that high, we’re 

going to crash down 

with the biggest bang 

imaginable, right? This 

was it. And if I had to 

choose just two words to 

sum up this whole chapter, 

they would be… to endure. 

My mind had made me 

believe I was ‘the one’, 

100% convinced by my 

ideas, my thoughts, and 

every word that was 

leaving my lips. Now, here 

I was, completely numb, 

in limbo, emotionless, 

barely living, barely 

breathing, overwhelmed, 

crippled, debilitated, 

broken, bed-bound… 

done. Or was I? Not quite. 

With an incredible 

amount of love, patience, 

kindness, and warmth 

from those closest to me, 

plus my professional >>> 


Dan raised more than 

£15,000 for CALM with 

his Rome to Home project 

Whatever you may be going 

through right now, just 

remember this – that when 

suffering finds meaning, it 

ceases to be suffering 

counsellors who guided 

me through the rocky 

waters, I stripped it all 

back and started again. 

I mean I really stripped 

it all back! We’re talking 

ridding myself of physical 

possessions and clutter, 

the apps on my phone, 

email subscriptions, 

unimportant 

responsibilities, negative 

relationships… anything 

that was getting in the 

way of the five things that 

truly mattered most: my 

health (both mental and 

physical), relationships, 

passions, growth, and 

being in service to other 

people. 

See, this is the part where 

I was forced to ask myself 

the biggest questions in 

life, namely what truly 

matters most. And it really 

started working. 

Clearing away life’s 

excess, so I could 

concentrate as much of my 

time, energy, and focus on 

these five light bulb areas, 

really started to work 

for me. So much so that, 

by 2013, I was going out 

in public again, back in 

employment, socialising, 

and being open about my 

experiences to others, and 

I was being asked to share 

my story. 

And three incredible 

things started to happen. 

I felt lighter every time I 

shared my story. I started 

building an even greater 

support network around 

me. And on pretty much 

every occasion, sharing 

my story gave permission 

for others to share theirs. 

This was truly gamechanging. 

And I knew I 

had to do something more 

with this. 

So, what better way 

to give permission to 

hundreds of others to 

speak up about their 

experiences with their 

mental health than by 

creating a huge project 

and platform to do so? 

What if – five years on 

from the motorway 

incident – I were to take 

on a big running challenge 

to share my story on a 

national scale? What if I 

returned to Italy, but this 

time, instead of losing 

my sh*t, I were to run – 

solo and self-supported 

– 1,250 miles from the 

Colosseum in Rome back 

to the London Eye? In that 


Find out more about Dan at 

dankeeley.co, and follow him 

on Twitter @iamdankeeley 

I felt lighter every 

time I shared 

my story. And 

on pretty much 

every occasion, 

sharing my story 

gave permission 

for others to 

share theirs 

moment, my Rome To 

Home project was born! 

And we smashed it! 

‘We’ as in everyone who 

supported me on this 

mental adventure over the 

years, who were with me 

in spirit every step of the 

way – and without whom I 

could not have done it. 

This was majestic. This 

was an oil painting I was 

lucky enough to live in for 

65 days, waking up every 

day with an overwhelming 

sense of gratitude to be 

out there, five years on, 

having responded to those 

big questions I asked 

myself when I was pinned 

to my bed for six months. 

Having given myself the 

time to get my mental 

health in the best shape to 

take on this adventure. 

And this time, without 

knowing it (until someone 

whispered this in my ear 

when I finally arrived at 

the London Eye), I was 

now truly showing the 

world how we can slow 

down and follow our 

hearts, on a massive scale. 

Each step of the 

adventure lit up my five 

light bulbs: my health (I 

was in the best shape of 

my life), my relationships 

(imagine the people I met, 

and the support online), 

my passions (obviously), 

my growth (beyond 

words), and being in 

service to other people (I 

raised more than £15,000 

for the Campaign Against 

Living Miserably, who 

were absolute rock stars 

behind the scenes). This 

was life-affirming. 

I’ll say it again, bipolar 

disorder can be a 

b*tch. But without the 

experiences of 2012, would 

I have taken on such an 

adventure, one which 

kick-started my career as a 

professional speaker and 

mental health activist, one 

where I get to wake up 

every day and empower 

everyone across the UK 

to speak up when we’re 

suffering? No chance. 

What advice would I give 

to anyone going through 

a similar struggle? To 

hold on, to know that 

we’re all in this together, 

to know that every single 

one of us is suffering 

with something and that 

together – by speaking up 

– we truly can show future 

generations how it’s done. 

So, I’m telling you that 

whatever you may be 

going through right now, 

just remember this – that 

when suffering finds 

meaning, it ceases to be 

suffering. 

We’ve got this. 


Dan’s bipolar hit a 

crisis with his extreme 

changing moods, which 

took him from euphoric 

to despairing. With the 

support of professionals 

and his friends, he started 

his journey to recovery, 

slowly finding out what he 

needed, and focusing on 

what was core to him as a 

person. Through setting 

himself the challenge 

of running home from 

Rome, he revisited his 

recovery in an emotional 

way, which helped him 

to have purpose. So often 

finding meaning 

in our lives 

can help us to 

cope better with 

suffering. 

Graeme Orr | MBACP (Accred) UKRCP 

Reg Ind counsellor 


How to 

conquer your 

shopping 

£ 

addiction 

£ 

Compulsive spending can lead to psychological problems, relationship 

difficulties, and serious debt. If you find it hard to resist temptation, here are 

some strategies to help control your urge to splurge 

Writing | Wendy Gregory Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

Addiction is defined 

as a compulsive 

engagement in 

rewarding behaviour, 

despite adverse consequences. 

A bit of retail therapy might not 

be the first thing that springs to 

mind when you hear this, but 

thanks to apps, instant pay, and 

targeted advertising, shopping 

is easier than ever, and most of 

us occasionally make impulse 

buys – especially during the 

sales. Often, we regret it when 

we get home, realising we’ve 

wasted money on something we 

don’t need. But for an addict, 

shopping can be used to avoid 

feelings of depression, anxiety, 

low self-esteem, or boredom. 

The act of buying something, 

in a shop or online, produces 

a surge of adrenaline and 

dopamine, making it feel 

exciting and pleasurable. It can 

also relieve anxiety and stress, 

but only temporarily. Soon after, 

the shopping addict is likely to 

experience guilt and shame, 

leading to further low mood and 

anxiety. As with all addictions, 

it’s usually a secretive activity. 

There will be a progressive loss of 

control, and increasing compulsive 

buying, even though the addict 

knows it is causing them problems.

The adverse consequences are 

not limited to psychological and 

emotional difficulty, but can lead to 

relationship problems, and serious 

debt, as the addict continues to 

buy things that they don’t need, 

on credit. Because of the instant 

gratification it brings, making 

impulse purchases masks the true 

cause of the anxiety, and may 

prevent the addict from seeking 

more long-term solutions or 

treatment for their anxiety. 

Because so few people with a 

compulsive overspending problem 

report it or seek help, it’s very hard 

to know exactly how many people 

experience this. Some studies, 

however, estimate that between 

30% and 50% of Europeans suffer 

from at least mild to moderate lack 

of control when spending. 

Whether you feel you have a 

serious problem with shopping 

addiction, or whether you would 

just like to resist occasional impulse 

purchases, there are strategies to 

help you break that pattern. 

OUT AND ABOUT 

Give yourself time 

If you’re tempted to make an 

impulse purchase, tell yourself that 

you’ll wait a couple of days and if 

you still really want it and can afford 

it, then you’ll go back to get it. 

Make a list 

Even going to the supermarket for 

the weekly food shop can lead to 

overspending, so do the 

old-fashioned thing 

and make a shopping 

list before you go – and 

stick to it. There is 

also something 

quite satisfying 

about getting to 

cross things out 

on your list! 

Just take cash 

To avoid temptation when you are 

out shopping, just take the amount 

of cash you need. Leave cards at 

home. That way you can’t make an 

impulse buy. 

ONLINE SHOPPING 

It’s so easy to scroll through 

eBay or ASOS every evening, and 

many people find it extremely 

hard to break the pattern, in 

spite of escalating debts. Online 

sites exacerbate the problem 

by constantly coming up with 

suggestions for items you might 

also like, and it’s all too easy to 

click on them. So how can you get 

out of such addictive routines? 

Cold turkey 

The fastest way to treat any 

addiction is to go cold turkey, 

which means abruptly stopping 

completely. To do this you would 

need to delete those sites from 

your devices, and seek other ways 

to control the anxiety. 

Gradual withdrawal 

If that’s too difficult, it can be done 

more gradually. You could limit 

the time you spend browsing. For 

example, stick to 30 minutes at a 

set time every day, then browse 

every alternate day, gradually 

reducing it each week. Do 

something constructive with the 

time you’d normally spend online 

(exercise, cooking, writing, etc). 

Distraction 

If you can’t resist, then before you 

hit buy, get up and do something 

that distracts you for 10 minutes. 

Most cravings subside in that time. 

Or put it in your basket and resolve 

not to check out until the next day. 

You will probably find that your 

urge to splurge goes. 

Have a positive plan 

Add up the amount you’ve spent 

shopping online over the past 

month. Work out what this 

amounts to in a year and make a 

goal to save the money instead, to 

put it towards something you really 

want (a new car, dancing lessons, a 

deposit for a house, a holiday). 

Help and support 

If you’ve tried all of this and still 

feel you have a problem, contact 

Citizens Advice for support with 

debt management. Cognitive 

behavioural therapy (CBT) can 

really help to find alternative, more 

positive ways of managing anxiety 

and low self-esteem as well. 

Wendy Gregory is a counselling 

psychologist and writer, as well as a 

regular guest psychologist on 

BBC Talk Radio. 

0000 0000 0000 0000


Make it 

mindful 

Embrace the magic of mindfulness with these four easy exercises, utilising 

daily activities to blend seamlessly into your day 

EATING 

Something we do every day, but when 

was the last time you really savoured 

the moment while you ate? Drop the 

multitasking and step away from 

screens. Focus on the texture of your 

food – how does it feel in your mouth? 

What flavours can you dissect in each 

bite? How do you feel? 

CREATIVITY 

Whatever your craft – drawing, 

painting, writing, crochet – take 

the time to really be present in the 

creation, with less focus on the 

outcome. Listen to your needles brush 

against each other, or the pencil on 

paper. What are you feeling? Where do 

your thoughts go? 

EXERCISE 

Whether you’re going for a highintensity 

sweat-sesh, or a walk 

around the block, connect with your 

body and the sensations as you move. 

Can you feel your pulse quicken, or 

the breeze on your skin? 

REST 

A quiet moment to reconnect with 

your body. Simply sit, or lie, and focus 

on your breathing. What can you see, 

hear, feel, smell? A gentle hum of the 

heating, birds outside, a tap dripping? 

Let go of all the distractions and let 

your senses explore the moment. 

TOP TIPS 

Awareness: focus on the 

moment, acknowledging all 

your senses, and taking in the 

detail in everyday activities. 

Free your mind: allow your 

mind to roam – go with it! 

Return to the moment: bring 

yourself back by returning 

your attention to what’s 

happening, either through 

something you feel, your 

breathing, a sound… 

Embrace your emotions: open 

yourself up to your feelings, 

and become really aware of 

them. Allow them to be, with 

no judgement or expectations.

Smooth 

operator 

Three vitamin-boosting drinks to help you 

fight off the February flu 

Writing | Ellen Hoggard 

While the sight of 

a bright green 

smoothie can set 

your stomach 

churning, many of them do, 

in fact, taste very nice. The 

trick is to find flavours you like. 

Some people love the fresh 

taste of celery or cucumber, 

others may prefer to hide their 

greens among the overpowering 

flavours of pineapple or mango. 

Whatever works for you. 

Smoothies and juices are a good 

way to get some additional fruit 

and veg into your diet, and after 

trying a few different recipes, 

you can easily make your own. 

Experiment with fruits and 

vegetables, push yourself and 

test your bravery. Avocado in a 

smoothie may sound strange, but 

it’s actually delicious. 

It’s important to acknowledge 

that shop-bought smoothies 

often contain a lot of sugar, 

and can be quite expensive. 

Making your own at home can 

help to reduce sugar intake and 

are much more cost effective, 

especially if preparing in bulk. 

They are refreshing, quick to 

make and can be just what you 

need to kick-start your energy 

levels this February. 

Orange & Carrot Smoothie 

Serves 2 

Ingredients 

• 1 orange 

• 1 large carrot 

• 2 small sticks of celery 

• 50g mango 

• 200ml water 

• Handful of ice 

Method 

Peel the fruit. Roughly chop the 

orange, carrot and celery. Slice the 

mango. In a blender, add the fruit, 

veg and ice. Top up with water and 

blend until smooth. 

Berry Breakfast Smoothie 

Serves 2 

Ingredients 

• 225g frozen berries 

• 225g Greek yoghurt (or dairy-free 

alternative) 

• 50ml milk of choice 

• 2 tbsp porridge oats 

• 1 tsp honey or agave syrup 

Method 

Blend the berries, yoghurt and 

milk until smooth. Add the oats 

and pour into glasses. Taste. For 

extra sweetness, add a drizzle of 

honey or agave syrup. Enjoy.

OUR EXPERT SAYS… 

Orange & Carrot Smoothie 

This smoothie packs a ‘vitamin-C 

punch’ that will give your immune 

system a much-needed boost. The 

stand-out star is the beta-carotene, 

obtained from the bright orange 

of the mango, carrot, and orange. 

Beta-carotene is the precursor 

to vitamin A production, which 

is essential for skin, eye, and 

reproductive health. Adding celery 

will prevent it being too sweet, 

while boosting the fibre content. 

Berry Breakfast Smoothie 

Berries provide a high dose of 

numerous antioxidants, oats add 

a good source of soluble fibre, 

promoting bowel health and 

balanced blood sugar levels. 

Adding honey is a lovely 

sweetening agent – if possible, 

treat yourself to a raw and 

unprocessed brand that will 

contain both antimicrobial and 

antifungal properties. 

Find a nutritionist near you at 

nutritionist-resource.org.uk 

Zesty Green Smoothie 

Serves 2 

Ingredients 

• Half an avocado, sliced 

• Juice of half a lime 

• Large handful of frozen pineapple 

• 2 handfuls of kale 

• Fresh ginger 

• 1 tbsp cashew nuts 

Optional: 1 small banana 

Method 

Add all the ingredients into a 

blender. Add a handful of ice and 

blend. Add a splash of water and 

blend until smooth. Serve. 

Zesty Green Smoothie 

Avocados are not only a great 

source of healthy fats, but also 

provide more potassium than 

bananas. Potassium supports 

healthy blood sugar levels, while 

the lime, kale, and pineapple have 

immune-boosting properties. It 

also features an enzyme called 

bromelain, present in pineapple, 

that improves digestion. There’s a 

great balance of fruit to veg, while 

cashew nuts add a protein hit for a 

very satiating smoothie. 

Josephine (Beanie) Robinson 

is a nutritional therapist, 

yoga and meditation teacher, 

and co-founder of The Health 

Space. Find out more at 

thehealth-space.com

A menu 

for change 

Celebrity chef Tom Kerridge was nearing 40 when he noticed his weight had 

crept up too, and realised he had been using food and alcohol to escape the 

stresses of running his businesses. Now, six years later and fitter than ever, he has 

transformed his life, and wants to encourage others to do the same 

Writing | Gemma Calvert 

Tom Kerridge is full of 

apologies. He’s running 20 

minutes behind schedule 

after a morning in 

London marking the first birthday 

of Kerridge’s Bar and Grill, his 

Michelin-starred restaurant at the 

city’s Corinthia Hotel. 

“I’ve been all over the place,” 

says the TV chef, his cheerful West 

Country accent diluting any hint 

of lateness-fuelled panic. By the 

time we speak, he’s back in leafy 

Marlow, Buckinghamshire. Home. 

It’s also where Tom runs his pub, 

The Hand and Flowers – the only 

pub to ever win a pair of Michelin 

stars, and a place so popular, 

customers apparently wait up to 

six months for a table. 

For Marlow residents too 

ravenous for patience, there’s 

fortunately another Tom-owned 

boozer nearby, The Coach, which 

also boasts a Michelin star. In this 

pocket of South-east England, pub 

grub has never tasted so good. 

Lately, however, Tom has become 

better known for making healthy 

food taste extra good. Following 

his 2010 foray into television on 

BBC2’s Great British Menu, and 

landing his own telly series Tom 

Kerridge’s Proper Pub Food, in 

2012, he realised his lifestyle was 

putting his health at risk. 

Four months before turning 40, 

and weighing almost 30 stone, 

Tom realised he had been eating 

and drinking too much, to help 

him cope with the pressure of 

building the reputation of The 

Hand and Flowers. Overnight, he 

made drastic changes. Healthy 

protein-rich foods replaced 

high-fat, carb-heavy options, and 

exercise – swimming and bike 

riding – became a non-negotiable 

part of his routine. 

What’s been the greatest reward 

since transforming his health? 

“The ability to move, to feel that 

I’m quite active, to keep up with 

a four-year-old!” answers Tom, 

referring to his son, Acey. 

“In general life, feeling fitter is 

wonderful. I can now run a 5K, 

and as a 46-year-old that feels 

nice, because I never used to be 

able to.” 

Tom considers himself very lucky 

for not having experienced selfesteem 

issues or anxiety. 

“I’ve always been very 

comfortable in my own skin [and] 

communicating and talking to 

people on a professional basis. 

Even when I was at my biggest, and 

drinking and eating, professionally 

the business was succeeding.” 

Yet at the helm of a growing, 

thriving business where he 

felt huge pressure, Tom began 

playing as hard as he worked, in a 

misguided attempt to find balance. 

After last orders, he’d sink up to 

eight pints with his staff, before 

heading home in the wee hours to 

eat chilli sauce-topped cheese on 

toast. Just four hours of sleep later, 

he’d wake up, do a full day’s work 

and hit repeat. Alcohol, he admits 

now, was his ‘escape’ button. 

“I recognise that for some people, 

when they have low self-esteem, 

the comforting thing is to eat a 

packet of biscuits – and that is a 


For some people, 

when they have low 

self-esteem, the 

comforting thing is 

to eat a packet of 

biscuits – and that is 

a mental health issue. 

It’s the same with me 

and alcohol 

mental health issue. It’s the same 

with me and alcohol,” he says. 

“It was an escape and a release 

from reality. My escape from the 

pressure of running multiple 

businesses.” 

Tom has now been tee-total for 

six years. 

“I have an issue with it, and I 

wouldn’t be able to have just one, 

that doesn’t exist,” he says matterof-factly, 

adding that although he’s 

‘100%’ happier since knocking 

alcohol on the head, he has no 

regrets about the part drinking 

played in his life and career. 

“I wouldn’t go back and do 

something different, because 

without being that person, without 

that drive, I wouldn’t have achieved 

two Michelin stars,” he says. “You 

should never regret something that 

you’ve done. They’re all learning 

curves. Every negative can be a 

positive experience.” 

Did he ever have counselling to 

help him on his journey? 

“No, I just did it all on my own. 

I worked it out for myself,” says 

Tom, who wrote his new book, 

Lose Weight & Get Fit, to encourage 

others to be more active while 

eating more healthily. It’s packed 

with nutritious, home-cooked 

recipes that are both filling and 

flavour-packed. 

“For me, it wasn’t about reaching 

a target weight, but more about 

getting fitter and healthier. Setting 

fitness goals alongside weight-loss 

goals is a win-win formula for 

lasting success,” says Tom, adding 

that planning healthy meals helps 

him to feel more emotionally in 

control, especially when work is 

so busy and “things aren’t quite 

balanced enough”. >>> 


TUNA 

COBB 

SALAD 

BOWL 

This is a good example of the 

kind of salad that you can throw 

together using ingredients that 

might already be in the cupboard 

and fridge. Feel free to swap 

things around depending on 

what you have. The one thing I’d 

say you need to keep is the baby 

capers – they may be tiny but 

they add so much flavour. 

SERVES 4 

Tom’s 

recipe 

Extract taken from Lose Weight and Get Fit by Tom Kerridge / Photography © Cristian Barnett 

• 4 large free-range eggs 

• 400g tinned tuna in spring 

water (drained weight) 

• Juice of ½ lemon, plus an extra 

squeeze for the avocado 

• 1 tbsp baby capers, rinsed 

• 50ml light mayonnaise 

• 350g Iceberg lettuce, shredded 

• 150g carrots, grated 

• 8 cherry tomatoes, halved 

• ½ cucumber, halved lengthways 

and thickly sliced 

• 200g drained tinned sweetcorn 

• 8 radishes, quartered 

• 1 ripe avocado, peeled, 

quartered and stoned 

• Sea salt and freshly ground 

black pepper 

For the dressing 

• 3 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil 

• 1½ tbsp red wine vinegar 

• 1 tsp Dijon mustard 

• Place a small saucepan of water 

over a high heat and bring to 

the boil. Carefully add the eggs 

and cook for 7 minutes. Remove 

the eggs and immerse them 

in a bowl of cold water to cool 

quickly. 

• Flake the tuna and place in 

a bowl with the lemon juice, 

capers and mayonnaise. Season 

with salt and pepper to taste 

and mix well. 

• Lay out 4 containers and cover 

the base of each one with 

shredded lettuce and grated 

carrot. Top with the tuna mayo, 

cherry tomatoes, cucumber, 

sweetcorn and radishes. 

Squeeze some lemon juice over 

the avocado slices and add 

these to the containers. 

• For the dressing, whisk the 

ingredients together in a small 

bowl and season with salt and 

pepper to taste. Spoon over the 

salads. 

• Peel the cooled boiled eggs, 

then halve and season with a 

little salt and pepper. Add the 

eggs to your containers. Serve 

straight away or seal and keep 

in the fridge. Eat within 2 days. 


“My life is like other people’s – I 

have a young son, I have a job, 

some evenings I manage to get 

home on time, but not very many. 

I know how it feels to get through 

the door at 7pm. The last thing 

you want is to then spend three 

hours cooking dinner. It’s about 

organised structure, and getting 

your head in the right space,” he 

explains. 

So many parents worry about 

the quality of their children’s diet 

and, naturally, Tom is often asked 

by mums and dads for the secret 

to getting youngsters to consume 

more fruit and vegetables. 

“I’m not overly stressed about it, 

and I don’t think parents should 

be either. But parents should be 

making an effort for themselves to 

be eating the right stuff so they’re 

leading by example,” he says, 

pragmatically. 

“That’s the right way to do it. If 

[Acey] wants fish fingers and oven 

chips one day, that’s fine – but 

we aren’t going to sit there and 

eat fish fingers and oven chips 

with him. We’re going to have a 

lovely salad so it gets to be in his 

consciousness that he’s having 

something different.” 

What about making sure we’re 

always prepared in the kitchen to 

achieve maximum flavour with our 

cooking, to avoid getting stuck in 

a rut and feeling uninspired to eat 

healthily – is there one ingredient 

every kitchen should stock? 

“Honestly, it’s only one – smoked 

paprika!” laughs Tom. “That 

goes on everything and makes 

it taste amazing! Most people 

have their home repertoire of 

recipes that they cook for friends 

and family. You can get into 

routines. But you should restock 

your spice cupboard so your 

cooking repertoire becomes super 

exciting.” 

He’s wealthier than most of us 

dare to dream possible, but Tom’s 

relatability is rooted in his appeal 

as an average Joe, and the fact he 

doesn’t pretend to be perfect. And 

despite getting healthier in the 

glare of the public spotlight, Tom 

denies feeling under pressure from 

anyone but himself to continue 

making progress. 

“I do it for me. I did it for me in 

the first place,” he says. “I’m not 

doing it because it’s on television 

or it’s for commercial gain. I did 

it because it’s the right thing to be 

doing as a 46-year-old bloke who 

wants to try to be a bit fitter.” 

Before Tom departs, we talk 

about how he’s welcomed the 

public into his kitchen, but also 

his private life, by being so honest 

about his reasons for transforming 

his lifestyle and his subsequent 

journey towards better health. Has 

he always felt comfortable with 

that level of exposure? 

“From the moment I was asked to 

do TV, I promised myself I wasn’t 

going to be a caricature of me. 

That if I was going to do it, I was 

going to be honest,” replies Tom. 

“The biggest reward is helping 

people. One of the nicest things 

that happens is when I bump into 

people on a weekly basis, who I’ve 

never met in my life, and they say, 

‘thank you ever so much’. 

“It’s hard work putting a book 

together, but my life is about food 

so it’s enjoyable, and if it helps 

someone else out there, then that’s 

brilliant.” 

‘Lose Weight & Get Fit’ by 

Tom Kerridge (Bloomsbury 

Absolute, hardback £22) 

WIN! 

For your chance to win one of two 

signed copies of Tom Kerridge's 

new book, simply send your 

answer to the following question 

to competitions@happiful.com: 

In what year did Tom open his 

pub, The Hand and Flowers? 

a) 2000 b) 2005 c) 2009 

UK mainland only. Competition closes on 

20 February 2020 – good luck! 


Blending in 

Confined to a wheelchair, Tess Daly often felt self-conscious about her 

disability as she grew up. Now, the 31-year-old is proud to stand out, having 

made a name for herself as one of the UK’s leading beauty bloggers 

Writing | Suzanne Baum 

pplying makeup 

takes confidence, 

patience, and a 

steady hand – 

traits Tess Daly is 

the first to admit she doesn’t have in 

abundance. 

In fact, it’s only through using 

a robotic arm that the disabled 

beauty blogger has been able to 

fine-tune her online makeup posts 

and tutorials that have seen her 

amass more than 200,000 Instagram 

followers. 

Tess was born with spinal 

muscular atrophy – a 

neuromuscular disorder that 

means she has never been able to 

walk. Despite being in a wheelchair 

since the age of two, she grew up 

refusing to let her disability get in 

the way, having from an early age 

a determination to one day work in 

the creative world. 

“I was always interested in fashion 

and beauty,” Tess tells me as we 

chat in her Sheffield home, where 

she relies upon a team of carers to 

help her with everyday tasks. “I had 

my heart set on becoming a fashion 

designer. I studied art in school, With the use of what she 

and spent every spare minute nicknamed ‘the bionic arm’, 

drawing clothing and shoe designs. Tess was able to teach herself 

“Unfortunately, during my GCSEs, to do certain things again, 

I rather inexplicably lost the use including her own makeup. 

of my right hand, which meant “I found ways to make things 

I was unable to do lots of things, work, and I have always 

including my own makeup.” 

preferred to talk about the 

In a bid to feel as normal as 

things I can do, rather than 

possible, Tess began paying 

stuff I can’t do, as there’s no 

makeup artists to do her face for point thinking of negatives.” 

a night out almost every weekend When I suggest that Tess is an 

throughout her early 20s. “It was ‘influencer’, she’s quick to point 

an expensive affair, trust me! But out she’s not. “I’d much rather 

I always prided myself on looking be known as a ‘role-model’ – 

good on the outside to make myself standing up for people with 

feel better inwardly.” 

disabilities, who don’t often see 

However, things changed a few themselves represented in the 

years ago when a friend – who beauty industry.” 

also has spinal muscular atrophy Having perfected the use of 

– shared a video of her applying the bionic arm, Tess – who 

eyeliner with the help of a piece of never used social media much 

equipment called the ‘neater eater’. – began posting pictures of her 

It’s attached to the wheelchair progress on Instagram, tagging 

and functions as a bionic arm to the makeup brands she was 

manipulate the limb; although using. After a few months, she 

designed for helping to feed 

gained more than 10,000 new 

yourself, Tess found it worked just followers after her work was 

as well when applying makeup – shared by makeup guru to the 

and it changed her life. stars, Anastasia Beverly Hills. >>> 


Reading the comments 

made me realise how 

under-represented 

disabled people are 

within the beauty 

industry, and also how 

eager people were to 

see that change 


Tess (centre) as part of the 

Isle of Paradise’s Get Body 

Posi campaign 


Images | Isle of Paradise 

“The response that it got was 

nothing short of phenomenal,” 

Tess says. 

“Reading the comments 

made me realise how underrepresented 

disabled people are 

within the beauty industry, and 

also how eager people were to 

see that change. Up until this 

point, posting pictures of my 

makeup had just been a hobby. 

Seeing this reaction, however, 

really pushed me to try to fill the 

gap in the industry. Growing up, 

I had never seen anybody like 

myself within either the beauty 

or fashion industry, and I wanted 

to help change this. 

“I genuinely had no idea that 

my platform would escalate into 

what it is today. I never thought 

I would have the confidence to 

post photos, let alone videos. 

The way I think about myself 

has changed so drastically from 

when I first started, it’s strange to 

me now that I had such negative 

feelings in the beginning.” 

Despite her sudden fame on 

social media – which has led to 

Tess being the face of numerous 

skin and makeup campaigns – 

she remains down to earth. 

“I’m still blown away every 

single day by how kind and 

supportive my followers are. I 

have a community around me 

that motivates and encourages 

me to tackle my insecurities 

head on. It is down to my 

followers that I have not only 

posted videos of me applying my 

makeup, but I have posted bikini 

pictures. 

“Every time I overcome one 

of these insecurity obstacles, 

I’m met by such love and 

kindness from my followers 

that any negativity pales into 

insignificance.” 

By this, she means the online 

trolls who regularly post nasty 

comments about her appearance. 

“As somebody who has been 

heavily trolled, my advice 

would be to completely rise 

above it. It is easier said than 

done, but the saying ‘don’t feed 

the troll’ exists for a reason. 

Unfortunately, people like this 

live to get a rise from the people 

they are attacking. Ignoring 

them is single-handedly the 

most annoying thing you could 

possibly do to them.” 

When it comes to posting 

her makeup looks, it’s a long, 

incredibly tiring process, that 

can take up to four hours. 

But Tess says: “The effort is 

worth it as, to me, makeup is 

freedom. There isn’t much I 

can do ‘independently’, but my 

makeup is something I can call 

my own and feel proud of.” 

Unfortunately, Tess feels 

that there is still some stigma 

affecting disabled people within 

the beauty industry. 

“There are still so many 

stereotypes that surround us, 

all of which are simply not 

true. It is still heavily believed 

that we don’t take pride in our 

appearance, therefore why 

should beauty products be aimed 

at a disabled audience? 

“Fortunately, I am seeing a 

shift in how not only the wider 

community perceives disabled 

people but also how brands 

represent us. I was recently 

lucky enough to be selected to 

feature in Isle of Paradise’s selftan 

campaign, and the response 

was phenomenal. Having a huge 

Tess is currently fronting a body 

acceptance campaign for the 

Isle of Paradise’s launch of Get 

Body Posi – a free download 

written by Jules Von Hep, which is 

a global commitment to making 

body acceptance top of the 

beauty agenda. The campaign 

includes all shapes, sizes, skin 

tones, and abilities, and is the 

first tanning brand to do so. 

Follow Tess on 

Instagram @tess.daly 

brand feature me alongside so 

many other beautifully diverse 

models helps to normalise 

disabled people within the 

industry, which really does have 

a ripple effect on the rest of the 

world.” 

As for future projects, Tess 

is working with other brand 

campaigns in a bid to raise 

awareness of body positivity – 

something she believes strongly 

in, now more than ever. 

“I used to be stared at a lot, and 

feel so unconfident – but I’m 

in a wheelchair, that’s nothing 

new really, is it? And yep, I got 

comments, I still do, all over 

good old Instagram! But the 

difference is, now I don’t care. 

I’ve got one life and I intend to 

live it how I want, no matter 

what anybody else says, or how 

society thinks I should live it!” 


Ask the experts 

Counsellor Annabel Giles answers your questions on 

therapy and what to expert from professional support 

Read more about Annabel on counselling-directory.org.uk 

QI’m interested in counselling, but 

I’m nervous. What can I expect? 

When I first see a client, 

A I explain that we’re 

here to see if we want to 

work together, and that it’s 

OK to say no. I take a few 

details, such as date of birth 

and an emergency contact, 

and then we talk about 

what made them come to 

My family are struggling. Things have been 

said, and nobody can talk without arguing 

Q or getting upset. Can counselling help us? 

A 

Definitely. Often a family 

has become entrenched 

in relating to each other in 

a particular way, and as 

nothing stays the same for 

very long, relationships can 

change very quickly. The 

more people in the group, 

the more changeable the 

dynamic! Everyone has to be 

counselling. Most people 

have something they are 

very keen to talk about, but 

not always. At the end of the 

session (we use the full 50 

mins) we know if we’re going 

to get on, and (usually!) 

make an appointment for 

the following week. 

willing to do this, however. 

If not, sometimes it helps 

to see key individuals (e.g. 

sisters) as a couple, to work 

out what’s going wrong. 

Sometimes it’s just one 

person who needs to talk 

safely and privately. A good 

therapist will help you find 

the best approach. 

Q 

Can anyone 

benefit from 

counselling, 

even if you’re not 

in crisis? 

Yes! And yes again! 

A I believe it should 

be compulsory for 

everyone to sit and look 

at themselves and their 

behaviour on a weekly 

basis. This would bring 

clarity, understanding, 

and helps so much with 

decision-making. It makes 

sense to untangle stuff as 

you go along, rather than 

wait for a crisis. Where 

else can you talk about 

yourself and your life, in 

total confidentiality, without 

worrying about what the 

other person thinks, or 

having to listen to them? 

I’ve been in therapy for the 

past 32 years, and still find 

it really useful, even during 

the good times.

Counselling 

Q 

I don’t know 

who I am 

anymore. I’ve 

recently come out of 

a relationship and I’m 

unhappy in my job, but 

have no one to speak 

to. Will counselling 

help me? 

AIn many ways, this is 

exactly what counselling 

is for. People are so busy 

these days, it seems we’re 

just firefighting life as it 

happens, rather than taking 

considered decisions. I see 

many clients who feel they’ve 

lost their way and need 

to get back on track, but 

have no idea which path to 

choose. Together we look at 

how they got here, where 

they’d prefer to be, and the 

journey in between. I always 

say we’re walking through 

the woods together – I’m just 

holding the torch! 

Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you need

How to 

cope with 

first day 

anxiety 

B R E W 

So, you’re feeling apprehensive about a new job? Don’t let nervousness hold 

you back – here are some ways to help conquer those workplace worries 

Writing | Caroline Butterwick Illustrating | Rosan Magar 

Starting a new job 

can be exciting. 

It may be a 

wonderful chance 

to do something you 

enjoy, make new 

friends, develop your skills, and, at 

the very least, earn a living. 

But, for many of us, the build 

up to our first day can also come 

with increased anxiety. A new job 

means learning new routines, new 

places, new systems, and meeting 

new people. We may be nervous 

about this big change. But there are 

things we can do to ease that first 

day anxiety. 

PREPARE 

Make the first morning of your 

new job as stress-free as possible 

by preparing as much as you can 

in the days before. Little things, 

like choosing your outfit and 

deciding what you’ll have for 

breakfast, means these aren’t 

decisions you’ll have to worry 

about on the day. 

Most importantly, decide what 

time you’ll need to leave by 

planning your journey in advance, 

giving yourself extra time to suss 

out the route. As I use public 

transport to get to work, on my 

first day in my current job I got 

a train earlier than I technically 

needed to, so I wouldn’t be 

anxious about being late. When 

I arrived early, I went and got a 

coffee in a nearby café and read a 

book for half an hour – a calming 

start to the day. 


READ THE JOB DESCRIPTION 

One of the main anxieties I 

have before starting a new job 

is worrying what the day-to-day 

routine will be like. Have a read 

through the job description from 

when you first applied for the 

role to jog your memory about 

the specifics of the job. It can also 

be worth having a look online, 

and reading blogs and articles by 

people who work in similar roles, 

to get more of an insight, especially 

if you’re new to this area of work. 

It’s likely that on your first day 

you’ll meet your new line 

manager, so have a think 

in advance about any 

questions you might have 

for them about the role 

and the workplace. 

REALISE YOUR SKILLS 

Imposter syndrome is 

the feeling that you are a 

fraud in your success, and 

can crop up at times when 

we’re growing, like taking a 

step up the career ladder. 

Remember, though, that 

you went through a recruitment 

process to get here. Your new 

employer will have seen your 

potential to flourish in this job. 

Think of evidence that 

demonstrates to you that you’re 

capable – like past achievements 

and positive feedback you’ve 

received. If this job is stretching 

your skills, try turning your anxiety 

into excitement: this is a chance to 

grow professionally. Accept there 

will be things you need to learn in 

your new job, and know that it’s 

perfectly fine – and expected – that 

you will need to ask questions as 

you settle in. 

Make the first 

morning as 

stress-free as 

possible by 

preparing as much 

as you can in the 

days before 

MIXING WITH COLLEAGUES 

Most of us have been there, being 

paraded around the office as 

you’re introduced to a whole host 

of people while you try, and fail, 

to remember everyone’s names. 

Come prepared to be friendly and 

open, and accept that you will 

forget your new colleagues’ names 

and roles – don’t worry about 

asking for a reminder! 

It can take time to work out 

the office culture, so go with the 

flow a bit on your first day. Get to 

know people, asking about the 

workplace and their role. This 

will not only help you understand 

your new surroundings, it’ll help 

you get conversations started. 

If the opportunity for a team 

lunch or after-work drinks comes 

up, take it – it’ll be a perfect 

opportunity to get to know 

everyone better. 

DISCLOSING A MENTAL 

HEALTH CONDITION 

According to the charity Mind, 

one in six UK workers experience 

poor mental health. If you 

have a diagnosed mental 

health problem, starting 

a new job comes with 

additional worries about 

whether you should tell 

your employer. Most 

people with a longterm 

mental illness 

are protected under 

the Equality Act. This 

means your employer has 

a duty to make reasonable 

adjustments for you, which 

could include regular breaks, 

time off for medical appointments, 

or flexible working. 

I tend to bring up my mental 

health condition in an initial 

meeting with my line manager: 

“Just to make you aware, I have 

anxiety and depression.” This 

almost always prompts them to 

ask what will help me. 

In the run up to your first day, 

think about whether you want 

to disclose, and what support 

may help. We’re at work for so 

much of our time, it’s worth doing 

whatever we can to make it as 

comfortable and enjoyable as 

possible. 


Media partner 

Live Well London 

In 2020, our resolution at Happiful is to move beyond the pages of our 

magazine, and connect with our readers IRL. So, to start as we mean to go 

on, we’re partnering with the wonderful Live Well London Festival to get stuck 

in to discussions around authenticity in the industry, bust a move during disco 

yoga, and invest in intimate conversations with the best in wellbeing! 

Here, we chat to festival founder Sam Willoughby about the 

wellbeing weekend not to be missed… 

Hi Sam, what inspired you to 

start Live Well London? I’d been 

working in global events and 

exhibition companies for 19 years, 

starting my career in marketing 

and working my way up to event 

director. But as a mum of two, I 

was beginning to find the 50-hour 

weeks at a very corporate, top 

heavy organisation, a bit much. 

My motivation and passion for the 

job was waning, and I was starting 

to lose confidence in what I was 

doing. The work-life-balance, 

didn’t really exist! 

That sounds like quite a 

relatable scenario for many 

people… After seeing a personal 

coach, I realised that what I really 

love doing, and what I’m good at, 

is events, and building something 

up that culminated in a physical 

experience. So, I made the leap 

and left the company I’d worked 

at for 13 years to start my own 

events business – luckily with an 

investor. Given my own struggle 

for a work-life balance, combined 

with knowing how important 

it is to look after yourself both 

physically and mentally, Live Well 

Events was born. 

What do you love most about 

your work? Meeting some of the 

truly inspirational and genuinely 

lovely people in the wellbeing 

industry, who are so welcoming, 

so open with their advice, 

generous with their time, and 

genuine in their desire to spread 

the message of the importance of 

a balanced approach to wellbeing. 

What makes this festival so 

special? Live Well was founded 

on the ethos that a healthy mind 

is just as important as a healthy 

body, and focusing on emotional 

wellbeing as much as physical 

wellbeing is key. We believe that 

wellness is unique to each of us, 

and that’s why it’s important for 

people to be able to make their 

own informed wellbeing choices – 

based on trying out what works for 

them, and learning from credited 

experts and evidence-based 

brands. 

What makes the festival really 

special, is all the people who 

contribute – we’re passionate 

about a balanced approach 

to wellbeing, and have a 

special interest in creating a 

happy, welcoming, inclusive 

environment. 

‘Wellness’ can sometimes 

be seen as a privilege – how 

does Live Well London address 

that? We feel that wellbeing 

should be accessible to all, not 

a luxury. We’ve priced tickets

Event images | Live Well Events 

to be affordable, and there are 

no hidden costs or extras for 

booking on to classes. We have 

more than 130 classes across 

yoga, meditation, pilates, fitness, 

mindfulness, and the Boutique 

studio sessions, plus a packed 

programme of daily talks and 

workshops in the Knowledge Hub 

and Live Kitchen – all included in 

the ticket price. 

And you can absolutely come 

as you are! You don’t need to feel 

like you have all the latest kit, or 

be gym-ready and well-practised 

in the moves, to join us. If you’re 

not into classes, come along to 

the talks, have a mindful cocktail, 

relax and chill out in The Retreat, 

while trying something new like a 

Sound Gong Bath. There really is 

something for everyone. 

What has working on the festival 

taught you? Being so entrenched 

in this industry, you are constantly 

reading and hearing about new 

ways to look after yourself, both 

physically and mentally – but I 

think if I had to narrow it down 

to just one thing, it would be the 

importance of credibility in the 

wellness industry. There are so 

many new brands popping up, 

and new advice coming out, so it’s 

important to make sure you source 

your information from credible 

experts and brands. 

What principles will you be 

living well by in 2020? It’s 

important when looking at 

starting a new year that any 

Founder 

Sam Willoughby 

We’re passionate 

about a balanced 

approach to 

wellbeing, and have 

a special interest in 

creating a happy, 

welcoming, inclusive 

environment 

principles or personal pledges 

must be sustainable, achievable, 

and something that can be 

continued across the year. It 

can be something small, like 

remembering to step back and 

take a breath every now and again, 

or trying to commit to taking a 

small amount of physical activity 

every day to support mental 

health. 

I’ll also be taking more time 

to be kind to others, as well as 

remembering to be kind to myself 

– especially as we head into the 

last few busy weeks before the 

festival! 

Live Well London takes place 

from 28 February to 1 March 

at Old Billingsgate, London, 

with speakers including 

psychologist Kimberley Wilson, 

sportsperson Jonny Wilkinson 

CBE, and the unstoppable 

Dame Kelly Holmes. Visit 

livewelllondon.com and use 

the code Happy15 for 15% off 

tickets (excluding VIP).

Book 

Review 

Craving a 

creative career? 

From messy workspaces to unique challenges faced by 

creatives, in her latest book, author Sheila Chandra takes 

readers by the hand and helps put them on the path to success 

Writing | Bonnie Evie Gifford 

As a creative 

person, I’d 

be the first 

to admit 

that I’m not 

exactly great when it 

comes to organisation. 

Planning? Sure, that I 

can do, no problem. But 

my haphazard home 

and office desk spaces 

alone are enough to 

hint at just how chaotic 

things get when I’m in 

the zone with a writing 

or research binge. 

Like many creatives, 

I want to focus on the 

thing I’m passionate 

about – which can leave 

some of the important 

details parked in that 

precarious ‘I’ll get to 

it later’ pile that never 

seems to get done. 

From the best-selling 

author of Banish Clutter 

Forever, Sheila Chandra’s 

latest book, Organizing 

Your Creative Career, 

looks to challenge the 

idea that creatives need 

to be messy in order to 

create. Tackling all of the 

big challenges around 

being a creative who is 

looking to channel their 

passion into a career – 

from disorganisation to 

how to actually monetise 

what you do, personal 

branding, creative 

wellbeing, and support 

systems – Chandra 

talks readers through 

everything they need to 

know about launching, 

maintaining, and 

elevating their creative 

career. 

OWNING YOUR 

CREATIVE SPACE 

Having a home office 

sounds great in theory, 

but in practice? Our 

personal creative 

spaces can tend to 

get a little out of 

hand. While Chandra 

focuses specifically on 

artistic creative spaces, 

her advice is widely 

applicable for those 

from any creative field 

who struggle to tame 

their administrative 

tasks and create some 

form of order. 

If you’re looking for 

a prescriptive how-to, 

Organizing Your Creative 

Career offers some solid 

foundations across the 

board to help you get 

started, and elevate 

your career to the 

next level. While the 

advice shared is solid, 

if you have had an 

introduction to other 

organising self-help 

books or life coaching 

sessions, it can feel 

a little basic. Firmly 

focusing on a particular 

type of creative (one 

that often relies on 

visual reminders), if 

you don’t fit within this 

mould, the advice may 

not feel as relevant.

In many areas, the 

advice feels more 

tailored for those with 

a freelance creative 

career, rather than 

those following a 

creative career path 

within a business. 

Blending together 

work and life advice on 

managing things like 

your master to-do list, 

while this can be helpful 

for some, it can err on 

the side of too much 

detail in some places. 

BALANCING 

CREATIVITY AND 

WELLBEING 

Looking at both 

personal and career 

wellbeing, nearly two 

thirds of the book is 

dedicated to focusing 

on your headspace, over 

your physical creative 

space. Perfect for those 

who feel like they have 

a handle on the physical 

side of organisation, 

Chandra dives into the 

complexities that can 

cause confusion, or feel 

like they are weighing 

you down. 

Some generalisations, 

such as separating 

what works efficiently 

for creative people 

compared to ‘everyone 

else’, can feel a little 

frustrating, however if 

you do fit within this 

general ‘creative’ mould, 

the advice is sound. 

Offering advice on 

productivity, efficiency, 

balance, organisation, 

strategising, and more, 

sections are broken 

up neatly and cleanly, 

making it easy for 

readers to skim and find 

the sections that will 

most likely help them. 

One particularly useful 

section focuses on the 

importance of saying 

no. Something many 

of us struggle with, no 

matter what our role, 

the author delves into 

the personal cost that 

can come from our 

inability to put ourselves 

first, highlight when 

our skillset may not be 

the best fit for a task, 

and the benefits we 

can reap when we do 

allow ourselves to better 

police our time. 

SHOULD I BUY IT? 

If you’re a creative 

person who struggles 

to balance your 

workload outside of 

the creative process 

itself, Organizing Your 

Creative Career offers a 

great starting point. If 

you aren’t considering 

a more freelance form 

of career progression, 

or if you’ve already read 

other career-related 

organisation books, it 

may be worth trying 

something a little more 

personalised and indepth, 

such as working 

with a creative or career 

coach. 

Organizing Your 

Creative Career: How 

to Channel Your 

Creativity into Career 

Success 

By Sheila Chandra 

(Watkins) 

If you liked this, you’ll love... 

I’m the Boss of Me 

By Jeanne 

Beliveau-Dunn 

The must-read guide to 

owning your career. Sharing 

career-building lessons, 

strategies and tactics, with 

stories of courage, resistance, 

and persistence. 

What Color is Your 

Parachute? 2020 

By Richard N Bolles 

A practical manual for 

those looking to make a 

career change. Filled with 

support, encouragement, 

and advice on job-hunting 

strategies that work. 

Must 

Reads 

So Good They 

Can’t Ignore You 

By Cal Newport 

Focusing on why skills trump 

passion in your quest for 

work you love, Cal helps 

readers discover how to 

channel what they naturally 

excel at into a career. 

Great for… 

• Disorganised 

creatives looking 

for direction 

• Anyone 

experiencing a 

career slump 

• Those looking to 

launch their own 

creative brand or 

career

Remap: 

lightening the load 

When you really think about it, after our basic needs are taken care of, it’s 

the little things in life that make all the difference to our wellbeing. From 

mobility solutions to quick-fixes, Remap is the charity that pairs volunteer 

engineers with disabled people, to create solutions to obstacles both big 

and small, so they can continue to live life to the fullest 


I 

often think of us more like a 

dating agency than anything 

else,” says David Martin, CEO 

of Remap. 

But this isn’t a ‘try your luck 

on a swipe-right’ kind of deal, the 

matchmaking that David is talking 

about is between highly-skilled 

volunteer engineers and the 

people who need their help. 

Founded in 1964 by Pat Johnson, 

an engineer whose first project 

was an electric hoist to give his 

sister more independence in her 

home, Remap (Rehabilitation 

Engineering Movement Advisory 

Panel) is about pairing up skilled 

engineers with people who have 

needs that cannot be solved by 

commercially available products. 

Today, Remap covers the 

whole of the UK, completing 

an astonishing 3,500 projects 

every year with the help of 900 

volunteers. Here, David, along 

with a Remap volunteer and 

beneficiary, gives us the low-down 

on the ins and outs of the charity. 

“ 

THE BLUEPRINTS 

David continues. “The volunteer 

In practical terms, the way Remap gets the opportunity to meet the 

works is, firstly, people get in person who has this challenge, 

touch to explain what their need understand what they want, design 

is. The central office passes the something, take them a prototype, 

request on to local groups, that make it... They get to see the whole 

assign cases to volunteers whose cycle from designing something 

skills are best suited to the project. to seeing it used, and that’s hugely 

“Our only requirement is that satisfying for people.” 

you’ve checked to see if this is 

As David sees it, the process 

already out there,” David adds. is a partnership between the 

“Because we’re here to fill the volunteers and the beneficiary, 

gap where something isn’t 

often providing a place for 

commercially available.” 

collaboration where both can 

Beyond that, the projects Remap throw out ideas to solve problems 

takes on vary between mobility in innovative ways. 

solutions and electronics, to the 

simple things that enhance our AT YOUR SERVICE 

wellbeing in immeasurable ways. In his role as CEO, every week 

From wheelchair turntables in David sees what he describes as 

tight corridors, to customised endlessly interesting, challenging, 

stepladders and voice amplifiers, and remarkable stories. 

no job is too big, or too small. 

“As the challenges come in 

“What’s so nice about the process I’m left thinking, ‘I wonder how 

is that there are opportunities for they’re going to solve that one.’ 

different people to use their skills And then you see the photos or 

in different ways – because we a video and think, ‘Oh, that’s a 

get asked about so many things,” cracking solution!’” he says. >>> 


Linda’s piano 

Linda is an accomplished singing and piano teacher but, following treatment 

for breast cancer, she found that she was unable to support her left arm 

enough to play. With the help of a Remap volunteer, Linda had a rail fitted to 

the front of her piano to allow a wrist support to slide silently up and down. 

Immediately, Linda was able to enjoy her hobby and continue teaching. 


‘It in no way interferes 

in his enjoyment, but 

it gives them that 

reassurance’ 

Tom’s trike 

“Tom’s a lad who has a three-wheeled trike which he uses for exercise,” says David. 

“His parents got him this trike so he could burn up all the energy he’s got. But the 

problem was that he just sped away and they couldn’t keep up with him. What they 

needed was something that meant they could keep going with him, and also have an 

emergency brake. 

“So our volunteer built a kind-of buggy board that goes on the back. Mum or dad 

rides behind him – he does all the work, but they can help and they have a brake. It in 

no way interferes with his enjoyment, but it gives them that reassurance.” 

James’ vocal cord paralysis 

means he can only speak 

quietly. With his voice 

amplifier, he can now be 

heard loud and clear! 

Margaux’s dwarfism comes with 

challenges. But her custom step 

gives her the same independence 

as other children 


Brian is one such beneficiary of 

the simple fixes Remap creates. 

Having played bass guitar since 

2000, Brian’s deteriorating 

condition meant that it became 

increasingly difficult for him to 

continue enjoying his instrument. 

In order to keep up his much-loved 

hobby, Brian needed something 

that would take the weight of the 

guitar off of his spine. 

Brian had heard about the work 

that Remap do, and so he reached 

out with his problem. This is where 

Paul came in. 

A Remap volunteer for two years, 

Paul first got involved with the 

charity to give something back 

to his community. When Brian’s 

dilemma was presented to Paul’s 

Remap group, he knew it was 

something he could help with. 

“I went over to Brian, had a 

look at the problem, took some 

measurements, and then came up 

with a design,” Paul explains. Over 

a fortnight, he crafted a custom-fit 

guitar stand, that would support 

Brian’s bass while he played. 

“I went back, it all fitted perfectly 

and it worked first time – which 

doesn’t normally happen!” Paul 

adds. “Brian takes the armrests off 

the wheelchair. There’s a socket 

where the chair arms go in, and the 

guitar rest has brackets that fix into 

that slot – it’s all fully adjustable.” 

Brian was delighted with the 

bracket, which he says renewed his 

love for the instrument. 

“On the feel-good factor, it’s 

quite an important thing for me 

to be able to participate in, and 

play, music,” Brian explains. “This 

bracket has taken all the weight 

off my shoulders and I’m playing 

the guitar again – I’d even say it’s 

improved my playing.” 

Brian can now 

enjoy his hobby 

without limits 

LAYING FOUNDATIONS 

Brian knows all too well the 

impact that being physically 

limited can have on your 

mental health. 

“You have this little zone which 

you know you can do things in, 

and if things in that zone become 

incredibly difficult it’s even 

worse, because you feel as though 

you’re becoming more and more 

restricted,” he explains. 

For Brian, taking back control 

of something that brought him so 

much joy has had a huge impact 

on his wellbeing, in a way that he 

believes can often be overlooked. 

“Clinically, the NHS has supplied 

me a chair and that’s the big 

picture. But once you’ve got the 

big picture solved, to really feel 

the benefit, it’s the small things 

that matter.” 

This is something David sees 

regularly through Remap’s work. 

“With the medical professionals, 

someone will ask: ‘Can you get 

yourself in and out of bed?’, ‘Can 

you make a cup of tea?’ It’s a list 

of things to tick off and then on to 

the next person,” David explains. 

“But what gets missed is: ‘What’s 

your passion in life? What do you 

love doing? And can you do that?’ 

“For anybody, to not be able 

to do the thing that you’re in 

to is a big downer in your life. 

But if you already have a big 

restriction, it becomes even 

more important that you have 

some way to express yourself.” 

JOB DONE 

We all deserve to live in an 

accessible world where we 

can move and our enjoy our 

hobbies, unrestricted. There 

is so much joy to be found in 

the small things in life. From 

making music, like Brian, to 

the countless other remarkable 

fixes that engineers have 

created over the years – Remap 

is the charity that picks up on 

the things that can easily slip 

down the priority list, and 

bumps them to the top. 

Powered by the generosity and 

aptitude of volunteers, things 

that begin life as dreams are 

turned into reality, and so often 

it’s a life-enhancing process for 

all involved. 

To find out more and to donate, 

visit remap.org.uk 


Photography | Naitian Tony Wang 

“ 

When admiring other people's 

gardens, don't forget to tend to 

your own f lowers 

– SANOBER KHAN

TRUE LIFE 

From client 

to counsellor 

Creativity had always helped Nicola Vanlint to thrive, 

until panic attacks ground her world to a halt. But 

now she’s combining her experiences to live her best 

life, and support others on their journeys, too 

Writing | Nicola Vanlint 

I 

loved my career 

as a fashion 

stylist – being 

creative, meeting 

new people, and 

travelling the world – until 

one day I experienced 

the horror of a panic 

attack, and my whole life 

changed... 

Growing up, I enjoyed 

primary school as I 

had the freedom to be 

creative, but when things 

became more academic in 

secondary school, that all 

changed. At the time I was 

unaware of my dyslexia, 

and thought that I was just 

stupid. When I left school 

in 1990, I came away with 

no qualifications. 

I worked in retail and 

customer services for a 

few years, until I was made 

redundant. I didn’t know 

what to do next, until I 

saw a job advertised for a 

part-time window dresser. 

Even the interview was 

fun, as I got to go around 

the store and gather items 

for a window display. I was 

offered a full-time position 

in their flagship store in 

Marble Arch and was over 

the moon – I still look 

back at that job with fond 

memories. 

Through my colleagues 

in the press office and PR, 

I first heard about fashion 

styling. I was excited that 

you could have a career 

in dressing people rather 

than mannequins, so I 

contacted some fashion 

stylists and offered to 

be their assistant on 

weekends. 

From collecting and 

returning clothes to 

PR companies, I then 

began assisting on some 

photoshoots. On these 

shoots the photographers 

always had assistants, 

like myself, who wanted 

to build a portfolio of 

work – in those days 

a qualification wasn’t 

required but a portfolio 

was. I started to do ‘test 

shoots’ where assistant 

stylists, make-up artists, 

photographers and 

budding models got 

together to create images 

for their portfolios. 

There, in 1998, my career 

began; I thought I was set 

up for a dazzling life in 

fashion for the rest of my 

career. Until one day that 

all changed. 

I was shopping with my 

fiancé, which resulted in a 

minor disagreement about 

what to buy. Not only was 

my reaction to him totally 

disproportionate to the 

event, but suddenly I felt 

like I couldn’t breathe, 

the world was closing in 

on me, I was dizzy and 

couldn’t see properly – I 

was even foaming at the 

mouth. I managed to 

get back to the car and 

collapsed on the floor, 

completely terrified and 

confused. I knew I had 

to make an appointment 

with my doctor, who 

advised me to talk to 

someone at Mindline – a 

helpline in south east 

London. 

Like my initial 

unawareness of styling, 

counselling was a 

complete unknown to 

me. I didn’t know anyone 

who’d had counselling, 

and couldn’t understand 

how simply talking to 

someone was going to stop 

these horrendous attacks. >>> 


Find out more about Nicola by 

visiting nicolavanlint.co.uk 

I felt like I couldn’t breathe, 

the world was closing in on 

me, I was dizzy and couldn’t 

see properly 

Unlike now on the NHS, 

where you might wait 

months, this was 2002 and 

I was lucky that I only had 

to wait a couple of weeks 

for an appointment – 

although they were some 

of the hardest weeks of 

my life. The panic attacks 

continued, I became quite 

depressed, and had to 

cancel work as I didn’t 

want to leave the house. I 

was unable to live my dayto-day 

life through fear. 

I attended counselling 

once a week, which, 

despite my apprehension, 

actually started to help. 

I was able to discuss my 

fears and thoughts openly, 

without being judged. I 

started speaking about my 

childhood and past. How 

my dad neglected me, my 

nan, who had been my 

main carer at the time due 

to my mum having to work 

all hours, died suddenly 

when I was eight years old. 

My early teenage years 

involved physical and 

emotional bullying, and 

during my late teens I was 

in a violent relationship. 

I now know that these 

experiences are classed 

in psychological terms as 

small ‘t’ traumas, and an 

accumulation of these, 

especially in childhood, 

can lead to post traumatic 

stress disorder (PTSD), 

which can manifest in later 

life through panic attacks. 

Small ‘t’ traumas are 

highly distressing events 

that affect us on a personal 

level, causing disruption 

in emotional functioning, 

which we may not even be 

aware of until later in life. 

These distressing events 

are not inherently life 

threatening, but can cause 

an overwhelming amount 

of stess that exceeds our 

ability to cope, or integrate 

the emotions involved with 

that experience. 

I started to build my 

confidence back up 

through journalling and 

therapy, but I was still 

unable to go on jobs abroad, 

or be in large crowds. I had 

to give up my career as a 

stylist because I couldn’t 

attend the shoots, and took a 

local admin job instead. 

My counsellor suggested 

I go on a self-awareness 

counselling course, and 

that is where my journey to 

become a counsellor began. 

I was intrigued as to how 

my suppressed emotions 

had manifested and erupted 

at a time when I felt most 

settled in my life. 

I’ve always been interested 

in how the mind works, 

but never pursued it due 

to my struggles at school 


I was intrigued as to 

how my suppressed 

emotions had 

manifested and 

erupted at a time 

when I felt most 

settled in my life 

– it wasn’t until I actually 

attended college that my 

dyslexia was diagnosed, 

with help from a very 

supportive tutor. During 

the course I developed 

severe psoriasis all over 

my lower body and in 

my hair. The psoriasis, 

like the panic attacks, 

was a symptom of my 

suppressed emotions. 

To gain experience as 

a therapist, I returned 

to Mind as a volunteer. I 

went on to become a crisis 

counsellor with them, 

and then set up my own 

private practice in 2010. 

My personal experience 

has shaped my way of 

working as a therapist, 

and I still like to see my 

work as being creative – 

counselling is like fashion 

and one style of therapy 

may not suit all. 

Unknown to me at the 

time, my performance in 

my career was affected 

by the little ‘t’ traumas I 

experienced in childhood, 

and held on to in my 

body. I learnt that our 

mental health affects our 

performance in every 

aspect of our lives – 

including our career. 

In working this 

way, I came to notice 

that in addition to a 

client’s improvement 

in mental wellbeing, 

their performance and 

productivity at work 

increased. This has led 

me to offer performance 

therapy to sports people, 

and workshops within 

organisations on how 

to perform better in all 

aspects of life. 

Although counselling is a 

collaborative and creative 

process, I realised that 

when I stopped working 

as a stylist, that creative 

part of me had gone 

stagnant. I started to look 

at the psychology of the 

creative process, and how 

this affects our wellbeing, 

and found studies 

showing that artistic 

self-expression might 

contribute to maintenance 

or reconstruction of a 

positive identity. 

I have come to realise 

that for my own wellbeing 

I have needed, and still 

need, to be creative – 

whether it’s through 

changing my hair colour, 

my clothes, making 

greeting cards, taking 

photos, gardening or 

home interior projects. 

The latter creative 

activities also help my 

stress levels, as I am being 

mindful in the process. 

It’s been a journey to get 

to this point, and I will 

always be aware of how 

my past, the dyslexia, 

panic attacks, and 

counselling have formed 

my life to be what it is 

today. No matter what 

path my life takes in the 

future, I know that I need 

to continue to tap into 

my creativity, and selfexpression, 

for my mental 

health and wellbeing. 


Nicola’s inspiring journey 

highlights how our life 

experience is truly with 

us forever, and if we do 

not have opportunity to 

explore such difficulties 

that we have experienced, 

they can impact our lives 

negatively in the future – 

and in her case manifest 

as severe panic attacks. 

Nicola courageously 

explored what was 

happening for her, to 

understand and also 

grow, via the process of 

counselling. Thankfully, 

Nicola was able to navigate 

her way through her 

trauma to a place where 

she now draws upon 

her experience 

as a source 

of strength, 

determination 

and positive 

energy. 

Rav Sekhon | BA MA MBACP (Accred) 

Counsellor and psychotherapist 


Mental health 

matters 

Lucy Sheridan, the first and only comparison 

coach, knows what it’s like to feel to be crippled 

by self-doubt. Now, it’s her mission to help 

people all over the world to break free from the 

comparison trap. Here, she opens up about her 

own experience, and shares words of advice... 

Follow @lucysheridan 

on Instagram and Twitter 

Mental health matters to me 

because… it colours every part 

of my life. More and more, 

people are feeling safe to discuss 

their experiences, and realising 

that we don’t have to wait until 

things feel unbearable before 

recognising we need support. 

I’d like to see things progress 

to the point where we express 

our mental health as freely as we 

do with physical health, and are 

met with the same compassion, 

understanding, and empathy. 

When I need some self-care, I… 

take myself offline and retreat 

from the world for a few days. 

The best lesson I’ve learned in 

life is… the timing will always 

be perfect. Setting goals is great 

for our focus, but sometimes, 

no matter how committed we 

are, things don’t work out as 

planned. The tendency is to let 

self-doubt creep in, and yet often 

the progress we seek is unfolding 

as it needs to. Years ago, I was 

unhappy in my job, but expected 

that it might be a few years 

before I could leave. Suddenly big 

changes came in at the company, 

and I ended up leaving within 

a few months! Although I felt 

worried and unprepared, it was 

just the push I needed. 

Three things I would say to 

someone experiencing mental 

ill-health are… to share how 

you’re feeling with someone that 

you trust. It’s OK to seek therapy 

– we each deserve to heal. Take 

time out from the internet – the 

stimulus rarely helps when we 

are not feeling ourselves. 

The moment I felt most proud of 

myself was… a couple of months 

ago, when I created a new course 

– after too much time thinking 

about it – called The Good 

Gram, that taught social media 

confidence and strategy. Seeing 

it out in the world was a big 

moment that highlighted to me 

what I can do when I set my mind 

to it. It silenced the inner critic 

that had dominated my thoughts 

for too long. 

Being a comparison coach has 

taught me is... there is always 

more work to do, and I’ll continue 

to be a prime case study. 

‘The Comparison 

Cure’ by Lucy 

Sheridan is out 

now (Orion 

Spring, £14.99) 

The main thing I want people to 

know about the comparison trap 

is… it will take a while to free 

yourself, but if you stick at it you 

can and will. There isn’t a switch 

to flick, rather it’s a process we 

can tailor to our own needs. It’s 

so important to have an open 

mind and set new standards for 

yourself. I used to feel constantly 

in comparison, and it was like a 

dull ache that permeated my life. 

I still compare myself, but today 

those episodes are short-lived 

and spread out, which feels like 

great progress. 

When I’m lacking motivation I… 

check what day of my cycle I’m 

on... When I have PMT I know 

I need to listen to my body and 

rest rather than bully myself into 

being productive. At other times 

when I need a boost, I look at my 

vision board to remind myself 

what rewards are in store if I stay 

the course!

Photography | Christian Buehner 

“ 

By being yourself, you put 

something wonderful in the 

world that was not there before 

– EDWIN ELLIOT 

December 2018 • happiful • 91

We’ve helped more than 

1 Million 

people connect with a therapist 

using Counselling Directory 

You are not alone 

counselling-directory.org.uk

Happiful February 2020

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