MAN Magazine Winter 2019

HEALTHY LIVING
IT TAKES A LOT FOR
SOMEONE TO SAY
‘I NEED HELP’, BUT IT
DOESN’T HURT TO
RAISE THE SUBJECT
YOURSELF.
HOW TO HAVE YOUR MATE’S
BACK
It can be tough to see your mate
going through a tough time, but
you don’t need to be an expert
on mental health to offer support.
Often, it’s the small stuff that can
make a big difference. Here are
some tips from Time to Change;
whose In Your Corner campaign
gives advice about how to have
your mate’s back if you’re
worried about them:
Check in with them
It takes a lot for someone
to say “I need help”, but
it doesn’t hurt to raise
the subject yourself.
Sometimes you don’t
have to talk directly about
mental health to find out
how they are doing – it
can be as simple as texting
them to check in with
them, taking them to the
pub for ‘that drink you
owe them’.
Ask twice
Sometimes asking ‘How are you?’
just prompts the usual and expected
response of ‘Fine thanks’, but Time
to Change’s research shows that
asking again, with interest, can give
your mate the signal they need to
really open up. Simply adding ‘Are
you sure you’re okay?’ or ‘How are
you really?’ shows you’re asking for
real and ready to listen.
Take it seriously
It can feel embarrassing and
exposing to talk about your
thoughts and feelings, especially if
they’re disturbing. Don’t laugh or
treat it like a joke. However strange
it might seem to you, remember it’s
real to them.
Listen and reflect
You don’t have to have all the
answers – just listening can
make a big difference. Try and
show that you’re taking on
board what they’re saying. You
can do this by reflecting – that
is, saying something simple like
“that sounds really difficult”. You
could also say something like
“thanks for telling me”, to show
that you appreciate having the
conversation.
Ask questions
We worry about prying when it
comes to others’ mental health,
but it’s better to ask questions. It
can help them to get things off
their chest, and by keeping the
conversation going it shows that
you care.
Some of the questions you
might ask:
“What does it feel like?”
“What kind of thoughts are
you having?”
“How can I help?”
Don’t try and fix it
It’s human nature to want to fix
things, but expecting things to
change right away isn’t helpful. It’s
not your job to make their mental
health problem go away – it’s
often more helpful just to listen,
ask open questions and do things
you’d normally do together.
Build your knowledge
You might find it helpful to learn a
bit more about what they’re going
through. If they mention a specific
diagnosis, you could learn more
about it through online info pages
like Mind’s website mind.org.uk
sevenstarmedia.co.uk
For more ways to
support your mate see
time-to-change.org.
uk (run by Mind and
Rethink Mental Illness)
or call Mind’s Infoline
on 0300 123 3393 - lines
open Monday to Friday,
9.00am to 6.00pm.
MAN MAGAZINE WINTER 2019
61